Episode 64
Episode 64
Transcend in Peace
SUMMER
Jack was staring numbly at the image of Ellen and TJ on his laptop screen. He hadn’t spared a single word other than yes, no, and thank you to me or his private jet staff, starting from the time we’d arrived, taken off, to now as we made our descent into Oslo, Norway. It had been a harrowing experience from the moment he got the call. I’d never packed so quickly in my life, my mother and I tossing items into a suitcase while Jack made the plans to fly out immediately. Thankfully, the company jet had been stored in a Northen California airport the entire time we were there, making leaving far quicker.
The plane was now landing, and since the moment he got that horrible call, he hadn’t shared any of his feelings. The stoic businessman fa?ade was firmly in place. The man had passed out, phone in hand after being told Ellen was in a coma. He’d just dropped right where he stood mid-conversation. Thankfully, we were standing next to haybales that caught the brunt of his fall, preventing his head from hitting the ground. He came to pretty quickly after he fainted, but still, it scared the hell out of me.
I knew it was up to me to keep Jack standing. He was facing the worst possible scenario regarding someone he loved very dearly, and I was determined to be right by his side through whatever happened.
Jack sighed deeply as the plane landed, and I squeezed his hand. He clung to mine like we were glued together. I didn’t care if he held on so tightly I bruised, as long as I could give him some semblance of comfort to show he wasn’t alone.
My heart beat double-time as he slapped the laptop closed with his free hand the very second the plane stopped and the fasten seatbelt sign was turned off.
Jack released my hand and unlocked his seatbelt, then turned toward me and reached across my lap, unclicking mine as well. He didn’t speak as he grabbed my hand again and helped me stand.
The flight attendant met us at the front of the plane and opened the door as soon as the ground crew signaled the plane had been secured. The stairs locked into place as a cool evening breeze ruffled my hair.
“Your car is waiting.” The attendant pointed to the blacked-out SUV parked on the tarmac.
“Thank you,” Jack said flatly and started down the stairs.
By the time we made it to the car, my luggage had already been put in the trunk. Jack had left his belongings at my home since he could get whatever he needed here at his own house.
“LHL Hospital Gardermoen,” he clipped to the driver. “Fast as you can.”
The driver said something in Norwegian and stepped on the pedal.
It was only mere minutes until we were pulling up to the hospital. Jack opened his door before we’d even come to a complete stop.
“Jack! Hold on. You’re gonna get hurt!” I screeched as he turned around, grabbed my hand and dragged me at a quick clip into the hospital lobby.
He spoke rapid-fire Norwegian and then we were rushing to a bank of elevators. Everything was a blur as we approached the nurses station. Then Jack was letting my hand go as he power walked toward a man holding a toddler at the end of a white hall. I recognized TJ instantly as we both had been staring at his image for the past 15 hours of travel, stopping only to refuel in Canada.
“TJ!” Jack called.
The boy kicked his little feet and the man that must have been Emil set him down on the ground. The little one ran as fast as his small legs could take him screaming “Dada Yak! Dada Yak!” over and over again. I swallowed the sob that tore through my throat but couldn’t help the tears that streamed down my cheeks when I saw my big man fall to his knees, scoop up TJ into his arms and press his face into the boy’s neck. His entire body trembled as he held the child.
“Dada Yak, Mamma syk !” TJ shared.
I watched brokenhearted as Jack wiped his eyes with the back of his hand as he nodded. “ Ja, mamma er syk ,” Jack repeated and cupped the boy’s face tenderly. He kissed him on one cheek and then the other and spoke quietly to him.
Emil came up to me and held out his hand. “You must be Summer,” he said in heavily accented English.
I nodded. “How is she?”
He shook his head. “They’ve only told me her injuries are severe and she is currently in a coma.”
Jack stood, TJ snuggled against his chest with his thumb in his mouth.
“He’s really tired. He doesn’t know me that well and has been fighting sleep,” Emil explained.
TJ’s eyes were already closing, his cheeks hollowing as he sucked his thumb.
“Thank you for taking care of him all this time. I’m sorry it took so long to get here from California,” Jack offered.
“You got here remarkably fast for being that far away. I’ve also been in contact with Ellen’s other brother Erik Johansen. He and his wife are another few hours out minimum, but his parents should be here soon.”
“Yes, I know. I gave them your information in case they were somehow able to get here sooner. They are coming from Australia,” Jack said while rubbing TJ’s back. “Can you tell me what you know about her condition? I heard you explain she was in a coma, but why?”
“The doctors haven’t told me much as I’m not next of kin. They’ve only allowed me to wait here because I have her son and you were on the way. She has you listed as her emergency contact on her medical directive.” Emil lifted his hand and pointed at a woman in a white doctor’s coat. “That’s her doctor.”
“Summer, can you…” He gestured at TJ’s sleeping form.
“Of course.” I reached out and let Jack transfer the boy. TJ pressed his sweet little face to my neck and sighed, blessedly not waking up. I cuddled him in my arms and went over to the nearest chair and took a seat, allowing the boy to sleep as I watched Jack speak with the doctor.
It ripped me to shreds when he lifted his hand to his mouth as he gasped, shaking his head over and over. The doctor reached out and put a hand to his shoulder, her face a mask of care and professionalism. Jack’s hands went straight into his hair the way I’d seen him do when he was upset. He continued shaking his head over and over as the doctor talked gently to him. Eventually, he turned and pressed his hands to the nearest wall. His head fell forward as his body shook.
“She can’t die…” he said loud enough for both me and Emil to hear.
Emil slumped into the seat next to me, elbows propped on his knees, head in his hands. The tears fell, leaving translucent drops spiraling to the floor.
I wanted to go to Jack, but I had TJ. The doctor put a hand on Jack’s back, and I couldn’t help it anymore. Holding my precious cargo firmly against my chest, I went to my fiancé.
“Ellen’s not going to be okay, is she?” I asked the doctor.
The doctor shook her head.
“But you said when she got here, she was talking.” He wiped the tears and snot running from his nose across his sleeve. “What did she say?”
“She was mumbling when she arrived, but the severity of her injuries was too great and worsened, requiring intubation and medication to keep her alive. We’ve just completed some tests and confirmed that, unfortunately, your sister has no brain activity. I’m sorry to say she is now brain dead.”
Jack’s body swayed violently at the news. I used every ounce of strength within me to not break down right along with him. I was determined to be his rock.
“Mr. Larsen,” the doctor said gently. “I need to inform you that she’s a registered donor.”
“Yeah, I know. I helped her set up her medical directive when we lost her husband Troy.” His body trembled. “I can’t believe this is happening,” he croaked.
“We will have the agency that deals with organ donation come speak to you once you’ve had some time to visit with her. Again, my deepest apologies. You probably have many questions. I’m happy to answer them when you are ready.”
“What did she say?” Jack asked again, tears falling down his face.
“I’m sorry?” the doctor prompted, her brow furrowed.
“What did she say when she was brought in?” He swallowed.
“She mumbled, ‘TJ, call Jack’, and then nothing more.”
He brought his fist to his mouth as a sob tore from his lungs and he crumpled to his knees.
“ ? gud. Nei! ” he cried out in Norwegian, which I gathered meant Oh, God. No.
“Jack, I’m so sorry.” I crouched the best I could while holding TJ.
Emil came over and took TJ from me. The boy didn’t wake. Once I’d transferred him to Emil, I wrapped my arms around Jack. “I’m here. We’re going to get through this together.”
“She’s dying, they want…they want…” He couldn’t even say the words out loud as his body convulsed in another round of earth-shattering sobs.
“Mr. Larsen, I know this hurts. I’m deeply sorry for your loss. Again, I’ll have the agency come talk with you about fulfilling her medical directive as a donor.”
He shook his head. “Stop! I can’t…” His sorrow and grief seemed to swallow him whole.
I rubbed his back and with one hand urged him to stand. “Come here, let’s go over here and talk privately.” I glared at the doctor. “He just found out his sister is going to die. Please, give us a few minutes to process,” I hissed.
The woman clamped her lips shut and nodded before turning around and heading to the nurses’ station set in the center of the large area.
I led Jack over to a pair of chairs near a quiet corner and prodded him to sit. He immediately curled over himself. I knelt in front of him so that I could be at eye level when I cupped his jaw.
His eyes were tortured when I stared into them. I had to hold back my own emotional response when all I wanted to do was break down right alongside him. The pain pouring from him in such violent waves devastated me, but one of us had to be strong. For him, for Ellen, and for TJ.
“Jack…” I held his face, bringing mine so close he could only see, hear, feel and smell me. “I’m going to ask you to do the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do in your entire life.”
“Please,” he croaked, his wet lips trembling. “I can’t say goodbye. Don’t make me,” he whispered, the sound so guttural and raw it stole my breath.
“Honey, I know it’s hard, but I’ll be right there with you. And Ellen made her wishes clear in her medical directive, right?”
He nodded but didn’t speak.
“Okay, then. What you have to do now, in this moment, is make your peace with her, then talk to the agency about fulfilling her wishes. That’s it.” I wiped away the tears falling down his cheeks.
“I can’t.” He shuddered.
“Baby, you can,” I breathed, emotion coating every word as though ripped from my heart.
He shook his head. “No. No. Please…God…” He looked up at the ceiling, bargaining with his deity.
I, too, was mentally making deals with the goddesses for a safe transcendence for Ellen, for the healthy outcome of the other people in need of her organs, and for TJ and Emil.
“God can’t make this decision for you, Jack. You have to. Ellen is a donor; she wanted to save lives. Which means you have to do what you promised when you signed that document confirming her wishes,” I encouraged, trying my best to be the tiniest bit uplifting.
“She would want to save anyone she could,” he agreed and wept.
“Okay, then we should see her and speak to the agency about starting the process.”
He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to mine. “I don’t want to say goodbye. She’s one of the few people I have.”
I threaded my fingers through his hair. “I know. And you won’t be alone. You have me. You have TJ. Erik and Savannah are on their way.”
For a long few minutes, we stayed that way, forehead to forehead. Eventually he paired his breathing with mine, the trembling and tears slowed, and Jack finally sat up to full height. He looked ravaged by his grief, but he firmed his chin, inhaled a sharp breath, and nodded, a determined glint to his eyes.
“Get the doctor,” he instructed. “I want to see Ellen.”
I scrambled up, pecked him on the lips, then dashed to the nurses station.
“Is he ready?” The doctor looked almost as harried and broken as Jack. Cases like these had to take their toll. I couldn’t imagine having to tell a person that your family member wasn’t going to make it, but also expressing the need for their precious organs—talk about a mindfuck of epic proportions.
“Yes, he’d like to see her.”
The doctor nodded grimly. “I can take you now.”
I turned around to ask Emil to take care of TJ just a bit longer and found that an older woman was holding the small child while an older man was hugging Jack. Emil was gone.
The doctor followed me to the small group. Jack pulled back and gestured with his chin. “This is Henrik Johansen and that’s Irene. These are Erik’s parents.”
“Hi, I’m Summer, Jack’s fiancée, I’m so sorry,” I whispered.
Irene, the older woman, smiled as she rocked TJ back and forth and hummed a song I didn’t recognize.
“Thanks for taking care of our boy here,” Henrik patted my back as I clutched Jack’s hand. “We just heard the messages yesterday. We lost cell service while vacationing in England, then had to take a bullet train from London, transferring many times to get here as there weren’t any flights available right away. I’m not surprised you beat us.”
“Jack was determined,” I said and then let out a long breath. “It’s time to, um, say goodbye.” I gestured to the doctor waiting patiently for us.
“I wish Erik was here,” Jack rasped running a shaking hand through his hair.
“Me too, son. But we’re here. We’ve got TJ. Do you want to bring him in?” Henrik said.
“I’m sorry to say I wouldn’t recommend it,” the doctor instructed. “It can be a very frightening thing to see for a small child.”
“But he won’t get another chance,” Jack whispered.
“Son, TJ’s last memories of his mother do not need to be her leaving this world,” Irene clearly stated as the voice of reason, not to mention the matriarch of this small family.
Jack nodded and clung to my hand. “Don’t leave me,” he whispered into my ear, allowing me to share in this new side of him.
“Never.” I squeezed his hand and held his gaze.
Jack stared at the ground and put one foot in front of the other as the doctor led us into a small room. On the bed lay the woman I’d just seen yesterday on a video call looking vibrant and full of life. Now she was unrecognizable. Her face was swollen, half of it covered in thick bandages. A tube was taped over her mouth where a machine breathed on her behalf. The blankets were covering the rest of her body up to her shoulders so we couldn’t see what other damage she suffered.
Jack finally let my hand go and slumped into the chair next to the bed. He cupped her face. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here sooner. I’m sorry I can’t save you from this.” He burst into shoulder-wracking sobs.
I put my hand on his back in support but said nothing. There wasn’t anything I could say that would even put a dent into his sorrow.
“I promise I’ll take the best care of TJ. He’ll want for nothing. And he’ll know you and Troy. My memory is long, and I will fill his life with everything I know about you both. He will know how loved he was.” He cried for a few minutes as he said a bunch of things in Norwegian. He didn’t seem to realize he was switching back and forth. “ Jeg elsker deg ,” he finally said, which I knew meant I love you . Then he stood and bent to kiss her forehead.
Jack turned around and wrapped me in his arms and cried for a long time, tears sliding hotly along the skin of my neck. Then he pulled back, wiped his eyes and took a breath. “I’ll go get Henrik and Irene so they can say goodbye. Then I’ll tell the doctor we’re ready.”
He eased past me, and then it was just me and Ellen.
I went over to the bed and put my hand to her shoulder. “I’ll take care of him, Ellen. I promise. May the goddess Hel protect you on your journey. Transcend in peace.”