Episode 79
Episode 79
A Whisper in the Wind
JACK
Summer’s family arrived just after the Johansen’s, with two suitcases apiece and big smiles for everyone. Apparently, they were planning on staying a while.
The room was loud and filled with laughter, warm greetings, and welcoming hugs. I watched Summer introduce everyone while holding TJ on her hip. She was a natural with him. It was a side to her that I didn’t expect to see so soon but couldn’t deny made me happier than I should be at such a sorrow-filled time.
Ann instantly went to Summer and reached for TJ.
“He doesn’t usually take well to strangers…” I warned as TJ went willingly into Ann’s arms, making me look like an idiot.
“Oh, who is my sweet baby boy! Grandma is soooo happy to meet you!” she cooed.
Shockingly, TJ patted her face and smiled as though he’d known the woman all his life. Something he didn’t do with just anyone. It had taken some time for him to warm up to Erik and Savannah, and here he was, babbling at a perfect stranger in Norwegian.
Summer came over to me and looped her arm around my waist, tucking her head against my chest.
“Mom is really good with kids. They all love her. She says it’s her super power.” She sighed contentedly. “But it’s true. I’ve never met a little one that didn’t gravitate to her.”
She swung TJ back and forth, dipped him forward and kissed his neck the same way I noticed Summer did with him. He squealed with glee as the Johansens looked on, also in surprise. They’d been some of the only family in TJ’s life, so they were already well known in their grandparent role and understood that him being so comfortable with Ann was a true blessing.
“Summer, he’s sooooooo cute!” Autumn gushed and reached out for the boy.
Ann turned sideways, keeping TJ away from Autumn and shook her head. “I’ve waited my whole life for a grandchild. You can just move on.” She stretched her arm out and fluttered her fingers, dozens of bracelets tinkling as she did so. “Me and my grandson have some bonding to do.”
TJ reached out for Ann’s wild blonde hair. “Sum Sum,” he said, making the connection to Summer’s mother’s hair and her own.
Summer left my side and clapped her hands. “That’s right, TJ, Grandma and Sum Sum have the same hair.” She put her head next to her mother’s lifting up a lock to show him.
“ Ganske ,” TJ whispered with awe in his small voice.
“What does that mean?” Ann asked.
“He said pretty,” Summer answered instantly, filling me with pride. It seemed as though my fiancée had been paying attention when I translated words for her.
“Well, Grandma thinks you’re ganske ,” Ann repeated.
TJ laughed heartily, then looked around, just now realizing how many people were in the room. His eyes landed on the Johansens, and he reached his little hands out toward Irene. “ Momo !”
Irene went over and played with TJ’s fingers. “Hello, s?tnas .” Hello sweetie she fussed.
“ Momo !” he squealed and bodily reached for Irene again.
“ Momo means grandmother in Norwegian,” I said to Ann as she passed TJ to Irene.
“Aw, he loves his Momo .” Ann continued to interact, clearly very excited to meet him.
The adopted grandmothers took care of entertaining TJ as Henrik and Bernie approached me.
“How you holding up, son?” Henrik asked.
My shoulders automatically slumped. “I’m not going to lie. This is all very surreal. I never in a million years envisioned this scenario.” I looked down at my bare feet, not really seeing anything as another wave of grief plowed into me. “Losing Troy was hard enough, but now Ellen ,” I croaked.
Henrik reached out a hand and gripped my shoulder. “You’ve been through a lot. All of us have, and you’re going to go through even more raising TJ. Just know that we’re all here for you and Summer. You’re just as much our family as Erik. We’ve always tried to show you, Troy, and Ellen that we love you all like our very own.”
“I know…” My calm fa?ade started to crumble as Henrik pulled me into a fatherly hug. If I could show TJ half as much love as I’d received from Henrik over the years, he’d be fine. I held onto Henrik for a long few moments, then pulled away, wiping at the stray tears that kept falling whenever I got choked up.
Bernie then tugged me into a hug. “And the Belanger clan are all here to show our love and support too. Our families are uniting soon into one big happy family, and I couldn’t be happier to add you, TJ, Erik, Savannah, Henrik, and Irene to the crew,” he said with a couple manly claps to the back.
“Thank you for coming.”
Bernie shrugged. “Where else would we be? Family steps up during the hard times.”
I gave him a weak smile, but deep down, the wave of love and support for TJ, Summer and me was overwhelming.
Summer and Autumn approached where we were standing. “Hey, honey, I’m going to get started on dinner for everyone. Do you want to get drink requests?”
“Wine.” Ann called out.
“Oooh, I second that.” Irene agreed.
“I could do wine, but I wouldn’t be against trying some of that beer you brothers brew if you’ve got any,” Bernie added.
“Oh, Ellen has a full supply.” I smiled and then realized Ellen didn’t have anything anymore, because she was gone.
Nausea swirled in my stomach, and my mouth turned sour.
Suddenly, all I could see was Summer’s gorgeous face. She had her hands cupping my cheeks. “You okay, Jack?”
I swallowed down the grief and nodded.
She lifted up onto her toes and pressed her mouth to mine, obliterating the grief and discomfort with her soft lips and gentle caresses. As she pulled back, she tilted her head and ran the tips of her fingers down my nose to my lips. I pursed my lips to kiss her fingers.
“Stay with me, okay? One thing at a time. First, drinks. Then, dinner with family.”
“But Ellen…” I shivered at my own mention of her name. “I wish we were having this big family dinner and she and Troy were just out getting something from the store and would arrive at any minute.”
“I know. Me too.”
“But that’s never going to happen a…again.” I shuddered with the reality of it all.
She licked her lips as her eyes shimmered with unshed tears. “No, it’s not. But we are here now. All of us celebrating their memory and giving their son the love of a big family. Let’s focus on the good we can give their boy.”
“I’m falling in love with you. Real love. The forever kind,” I blurted, not being able to hold it in any longer. My admission incurred a few gasps coming from behind us. I did not give a shit who heard me. I needed Summer to know this was real. That my growing love for her wasn’t going to go away.
“I know, sweetheart. It was only a matter of time,” she said as if she’d always known.
I couldn’t help but laugh through my stupid leaky eyes as I grabbed her hips and pressed her closer. Leave it to Summer to already know my feelings and be unfazed by them. “Do you have anything you’d like to add to the conversation as I lay my heart out for all to hear?” I waved my hand, gesturing to all of the adults standing gawking at us.
“Honey, we’re fated. I was just waiting for you to catch up. I was born to love you,” she said as if it was written in stone somewhere by God himself. “And I do love you. And TJ. And the life we’re going to build together as husband and wife. And the babies we’re going to add to it.”
“Are you for real?” I pressed our foreheads together. “Sometimes I think you’re too good to be true.” I admitted one of my biggest fears when it came to giving my heart to her.
Her fingers wove through my hair. “It’s part of my charm. Just go with it.”
I chuckled. “Okay solskinn , I’ll just go with it.”
Her belly growled loudly. “So…dinner and drinks then?” She brought me back around to what started this entire conversation, before I spilled my soul and feelings out into the room in front of our families like a lovesick loon.
“I’ll get the drinks. You start dinner and let me know if you need help,” I said before kissing her silky lips one last time.
“As if she’s going to cook.” Ann scoffed and practically ran into the kitchen. “Autumn, get my spices!” She snapped her fingers.
“On it, Ma!” Autumn said, digging through one of the suitcases in the corner and pulling out a huge clear bag filled with a bunch of other small bags containing herbs and spices. “Huzzah!” she cried out.
“Huzzahhhh!” TJ screeched, copying her.
Everyone laughed as TJ toddled over to me. “Dada Yak! Huzzahhhhhh!” he squealed again.
I burst into laughter and picked up my boy. “That’s right. Huzzah!” I agreed.
He clapped his hands and kept repeating the cheer.
I was sad and immensely happy when looking into TJ’s beautiful smiling face. Summer was right. We needed to fill up on the good because the next few weeks would be trying ones, learning to be parents while navigating our grief. But if anyone could help me and TJ through, it was Summer and our new, large, family.
* * * *
Dinner went off without a hitch. Everyone pitched in, making it come together easily. Ann was completely Vegan so there were some interesting substitutes for what I would consider “normal” ingredients, but in the end, Irene had pan seared and baked some chicken breasts for us carnivores while Ann made a spaghetti squash pasta with an olive oil-based sauce that was out of this world. They put the large dishes right on the table along with salad and heated rolls.
We ate in the formal dining room. The same one we once used for holidays. During those times, I would bemoan the empty chairs that were now all filled. All but one.
Summer put her hand on my thigh. “You good?”
I placed my hand over hers and squeezed. “Yeah, I am. Just wishing Ellen could experience this.”
“Oh, she is. And she’s so grateful,” Autumn added, having heard what I said to Summer, who was sitting next her.
Summer nudged Autumn. “Not right now,” she growled under her breath.
Autumn dipped her head. “Well, she is happy,” she mumbled. “I thought you might want to hear that. But what do I know,” she rolled her eyes.
“Wait a minute. What are you saying, Autumn? Repeat that,” I asked.
Autumn looked up after shoving a bunch of veggie noodles into her mouth, a couple of the long strands hanging down her chin as she stared at me with big eyes. She shook her head, that wild red hair bouncing as she finished chewing, covering the bottom half of her face with her napkin.
“No, I want to hear what you just said.” My tone was firm.
“Honey, you know Autumn, it’s um…nothing.” Summer scrunched her nose, and I knew that meant she was flat-out lying. I had learned enough about Summer to catch some of her tells, and when she wasn’t being completely honest, she scrunched up her nose.
“Oh, it’s definitely not nothing,” Ann waved her fork. “My Autumn is gifted with sight,” she shared with the group proudly.
“Sight?” Savannah asked.
“She can speak to the spirits, has visions, can often see bits and pieces of the future,” Ann shared.
“Mom…” Summer warned.
“Really? You can talk to ghosts?” Savannah asked Autumn.
Autumn nodded but didn’t say anything, clearly worried she’d misspoke.
Erik cleared his voice. “Maybe we should just…”
“No!” I snapped. “Autumn, you heard me say I wished Ellen was here to experience this amazing dinner. And in reply, you said what?”
Autumn licked her lips, then looked at Summer as though she would get in trouble if she spoke.
Summer leaned back into her chair. “Go ahead. You might as well. The cat is already out of the bag, you can’t put the damn thing back in it.”
Autumn fiddled with her hands in her lap and sat up straight. “I just said that Ellen was experiencing this dinner, as she’s watching over us now. She keeps sending me waves of gratitude and love.”
“Well, I’ll be damned.” Bernie said and lifted his wine glass over the table. “To Ellen. You are loved and you will be dearly missed.”
One by one, each person lifted their glass.
I grabbed Summer’s hand and both of us lifted our free one, holding our wine in the air.
“To Ellen,” I whispered, grief coating my now dry throat.
“Mama!” TJ lifted his sippy cup. How he realized we were talking about his mother, I didn’t know, but the joy on his face couldn’t be denied.
As I looked at the boy I would father, my heart started to pound, everything becoming all too real. Then a cool gentle breeze slid along my skin. Along with it, a floral, woodsy, almost beach-inspired scent swept through the air, easing my fears.
“Do you smell that?” Summer asked. “It…smells kinda like the beach.”
I knew exactly what the smell was. It was Clinique My Happy, Ellen’s perfume.
“We’ll take good care of him, Ellen. I promise,” I said out loud to a now quiet room.
TJ broke the silence by screeching, “Huzzah!”
We all laughed and then cheered, “Huzzah!”
* * * *
Later that evening, Summer and I put a knocked-out TJ to bed. I covered him up with the quilt Irene had made him when he was born and tucked him in nice and tight. Then I stood and stared at the boy.
I’d always loved him with my whole heart, but this was different. I was now responsible for another human life. And as sad as I was, I was happy, too, because everything I ever wanted was coming to fruition.
Sadness and grief pressed into my subconscious as that realization hit me hard.
“What are you thinking?” Summer whispered.
“I was thinking that all I ever wanted was a family of my own. People that I could love unconditionally, who would love me the same in return.”
“And?”
“And I had no idea I would have to lose so much in order to achieve it.” I covered the sudden sob that tore from my throat.
Summer grabbed my hand and dragged me out of TJ’s room, into the guest room we were sharing. “Jack, Ellen did not die because you wanted to have a family. She was in an accident. Just like Troy. You didn’t manifest them losing their lives so you could have their son. You are gifting them the highest honor by raising TJ on their behalf. Don’t let grief twist your mind up. You and I were already on our own path toward being a family, remember? In a few days, we were supposed to get married on the farm.”
“And now we’ll be at a funeral.” I gulped, letting the nastiness out.
“Yes, you’re right. We’ll be sending Ellen to the afterlife while we’re still here, continuing our journey. Only this time, we have a little boy that will be coming on the journey with us. Who knows? Maybe this was always meant to be. Maybe this was also part of our destiny. The Universe has spoken. We’re going to be parents sooner than expected. So what? We have tons of support.” She pointed to the wall that led to the living space where I could hear the crew carrying on, downing bottle after bottle of wine and sharing memories of Troy and Ellen.
“You make it sound so easy while I’m second-guessing every decision I’ve ever made. Everything has to change for TJ.”
She shrugged. “That’s what you do when you raise kids.”
“Well, where are we gonna live? In California? In Norway? When are we going to get married? When does TJ need to be in school? Ellen had him in a daycare pre-school type thing. What about your business? What about Johansen Brewing? I’m the CEO. I can’t just neglect my commitments and neither can you.”
“Holy goddess, Jack! Slow the heck down. We have lots of time to figure every last one of these things out.”
“It will only get worse as the days go by.”
“How? Tell me how it will get worse,” she fired back, her tone heated.
“Because you could get up and leave me and TJ at any moment!” I slumped to the bed, my head in my hands, the truth a gaping open wound between us.
Summer approached, and I grabbed her hips and put my head against her stomach, needing her close.
She ran her fingers through my hair, her nails scratching down my scalp.
“There it is. That’s what’s really bothering you. Ellen left you. Your real parents abandoned you. All the moms you trusted in foster care ultimately left you. Troy passed on. Erik went off on his own for years and left you alone to handle it all.”
“Summer,” I rasped, my emotions gritty and raw as I dug my fingers into her hips.
“You’re worried I’m going to leave you. But Jack, that’s not going to happen.”
I lifted my head and stared into the prettiest eyes I’d ever seen. “You have no good reason to make this mess your life.”
“No reason? What about love? I love you, Jack. I love you. I’m not going to wake up one day and choose another life. Baby, I choose you, and I choose TJ.”
“Forever? Not just three years?”
“You really think I give a fuck about that marriage contract? It’s already a whisper in the wind. I’m marrying the man I’m in love with, and adopting his son. That’s the life I choose.”
I let her words sink in and finally…they did.
“I’m not falling in love with you anymore,” I admitted, my soul reaching for the only woman I’ve ever wanted to spend my entire life with.
“No?” Her lips twitched knowingly.
“I’m already in love .”
“Yeah, baby, I know you love me. You show me every time you look at me. Every time you kiss me. Now get up here and kiss me good enough for it to last through more wine and our family bonding time,” she instructed.
I couldn’t help but chuckle. “Do I even want to know what they are doing?”
“Mom’s doing everyone’s tarot cards. Autumn is reading their palms and telling them their futures. So yeah, kiss, then we gotta get in there.” She hooked a thumb toward the door.
I stood up, tunneled my hand through her glorious hair, and kissed her with all the love I had within me. When we were done, she was wobbly on her feet.
“I want to marry you.” I tightened my grip on her hair.
“Okay.”
I dipped my head and pecked her lips. “Soon.”
“Okay.”
“Let’s go get our cards and futures read.” I sighed and took her hand.
“No need.” She grinned. “My future is just like my name. Filled with sunshine.”
I knew then and there I’d never be alone again, because Summer blacked out all of my darkness, making everything shine bright.