3. Trace
TRACE
“K atie, we gotta go!”
“Coming!”
An immature snort escapes me as I think about how she did just that a few minutes ago. I get out of my truck behind her, then look around for the trucks I came with. Kyle’s truck is still parked next to mine, but I don’t see Ward’s. He must not be back yet. Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I call him, but it goes straight to voicemail.
Instead of putting my phone back in my pocket, I quickly tap out a message.
Trace: Ward, I hoped you’d be back, so I’m going to say all the things I can’t to your face. I still don’t know how to thank you for taking care of the family in a way I can’t. Maybe we’ll both be able to make our dreams come true. Although you’ve always been what people call the ‘spare’ in the family, we both know the truth. You’re better than I ever was and ever will be. Love you more than you know.
A small smile plays across my lips. My brother will do absolutely amazing things and I can’t wait to watch him.
As I’m about to go back into Billy's, a Willow County Sheriff’s Deputy pulls in. They flash their lights at me. Whoever is inside pulls slightly ahead of me and rolls down the window. Recognition washes over me. It’s my cousin, Cain, so I jog over to him.
“Hey man,” I wave. “What’s up? Did you decide to show up even though you’re working? You're a little late.”
Cain’s face is white, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen him look so uncomfortable. I’ve never felt as if I’m going to faint, but his face scares the fuck out of me. My palms sweat and my breath comes out in short puffs.
“I hate to do this to you.”
My stomach drops, and suddenly I’m hot as fuck. Sweat pours off me, and I sway on my feet. Reaching out, I put my hands on the front fender of the cop car.
“Do what to me?”
He gets out, walking to me. “There’s never an easy way to say this. It doesn’t get easier the longer I’m in this job, and I fucking hate having to notify you.”
Notify me? There’s only one thing he’d be notifying me about.
“Ward was in a wreck at Calder’s Curve. Looks like he swerved to miss a deer, hit a tree, and because he wasn’t wearing a seatbelt, he was thrown from the truck. He rolled five times, and he didn’t make it, Trace. I’m so sorry.”
“Take me to him,” the words are out of my mouth before I realize what I’m saying. “I don’t believe you. Take me to the scene.” I’ve never been the kind of person to take charge. I’ve always been relegated to the background while my dad, or someone else in my family took the reins.
For the first time in my life, I realize I’m going to have to take control. All that freedom I thought I had? It’s fuckin’ gone now.
“Are you sure?” Cain asks. “It’s not a pretty sight.”
My hands shake, but I know what I have to do. “I want to see him.”
Cain sighs, but hitches his thumb toward the squad car. “C’mon, I’m probably going to regret this later, but hop in.”
When I get in and buckle my seatbelt, I hit the dashboard with the palm of my hand. “Put those fuckin’ lights and sirens on. Get us there, now.”
In the back of my head, I firmly believe I’ll have a chance to tell him everything I’ve wanted to. As we drive, I convince myself he’s still clinging to life, no matter how small that string is. I’ll be able to tell him thank you for offering himself in my place, I’ll tell him how much I love him and how much he’s always meant to me. How in a life where hardly anything has gone how I hoped it would, he was a bright spot. When our parents didn’t care to ask us how we were handling our teenage years, or when our grandparents passed away; we were there for each other.
What am I going to do without him?
As we approach the curve, the lights from first responders bounce off the trees. Before we get there, I can see it’s a huge scene. Smoke is billowing from where the carcass of his truck is rolled over on its side.
Cain comes to a stop, but reaches out to grab my forearm. “I’m warning you, once you see this, you won’t be able to take it back. It’s possible you won’t be able to remember what he was like before this. You’ll see the face of the person you loved not as you remember them, but as what’s happened to them.”
“Don’t give me your fucking platitudes. I need to see my brother.”
He sighs. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Let’s go.”
We get out at the same time, and together we walk over to where the truck is. Beside it, there’s a gurney with a black bag on it. They’re zipping it up, but Cain stops them.
I don’t hear what he says to the people in front of us, but they step back, allowing me to look.
The face staring back at me is my brother; the one I’ve loved since he was a baby. I still have a picture of us when he came home from the hospital. He’s wearing a "little brother" shirt, and I’m wearing a "big brother" one. It’s one of the first memories I have—us posing for that picture.
All of a sudden, I don’t see my brother any longer. I see the face that’s really in front of me. The eyes are wide open, but they’re completely devoid of life in a way I’ve never seen before. There aren’t any scratches on his skin there, so my shaking hands rip at the zipper, pulling it down. There it is, all the blood I expected to see. His shirt is torn where they tried to work on him, little discs stuck to his chest, and a needle is still placed where they had an IV.
“He was pronounced dead after we attempted CPR for five minutes and shocked him,” one of the EMTs says as he stands beside me. “We knew him, Trace, and we tried like hell.”
I know they did. Everyone here knows who my family is, and none of them will want to face the wrath of my father, but that’s the least of my worries right now.
The life I thought I was going to live is gone, and now not only will I have to be the representative of the family, I’ll have to do it without my little brother and closest friend.
In the span of two minutes—everything I thought I knew? It’s all fucking changed, including me.
The Next Day
How many people can say they got married the afternoon after their brother died? Not only that, but they married the woman who was meant for them, then given to their brother, and now she’s theirs again. What kind of fucked up Jerry Springer bullshit is that?
Stupid me. I’d thought as soon as word came about Ward, everything would be called off. We’d figure out what to do as a family and then tackle the elephant in the room of the marriage.
I was wrong.
Which is why I find myself standing in front of a mirror, adjusting my tie. Behind me, the man I’ve hated my whole life puts a hand on my shoulder.
“Guess you thought you’d be getting rid of me, Trace.”
I hate the haughty tone of his voice. The way he’s never understood anything either of his kids wanted or needed. At least he’d loved Ward. He barely looked at me with disdain, he openly adored Ward in public.
“I’d hoped,” I look at him through the mirror, my mouth in a firm line.
“It was your mother who decided Ward could take your place. It was never what I wanted. My father didn’t allow me any concessions and I sure as hell didn’t want to allow any for you.”
The words he hisses track. He’s never been the type to offer warm platitudes or help when his sons need it. Which is why Ward and I were so close—when we needed support, we gave it to each other. Not only am I mourning my brother, but one of my best friends, and the only emotional support I’ve ever had. Mom showed us love in the way she could, but it’s never been enough; will never be enough.
“I can see it in your eyes,” he says. “You wanna walk out of this chapel and never speak to me again, but you won’t.”
“What’s stopping me?” I swallow roughly.
His sneer is like ice through my veins. I don’t think I’ve ever been as cold as I am right now. “The money, Trace. The money is all tied to me, and unless you do what I say—it’s gone.”
He’s right. I live off family money. We all do. Everything we have is tied to the Miller Ranch. All the money we make is invested back into it. I’ve never had my own bank account and right now he’s got me by the throat. When I knew Ward would be there in the background, I knew I’d have a place to land, no matter what. There is none of that now.
“What time is she going to be here?”
“The wedding starts in three minutes. Better head out to the main room.”
As soon as he says the words, he’s gone.
I silently rage.
For what I’ve lost and what I won’t be able to gain. For this woman who’s being thrown into this situation with me, and the brother who should be here.
Bowing my head, I walk toward the sanctuary and stand at the arbor. Locking my knees, I wait for the rest of my life to come down the aisle.