24. Katie
KATIE
O ur eyes lock before I saunter over toward him, but instead of going into his arms, I perform a perfect dive into the pool. Gliding against the glass smoothness of the pool, I feel more free than I have in a long time. When I finally lift my head up and tread water, he's staring at me as if he wants to devour me.
“C’mon,” I flirt. “The water’s perfect.”
Before I know it, he’s diving in, just like I did. When he pops up, he's slightly in front of me. The relaxed smile transforms his face. Instead of the stressed pinching of his eyes, he looks like the young guy he is. Smile lines creasing his cheeks, dimples popping slightly.
“You’re right, it is perfect water.”
We're staring at one another, his dark eyes showing more emotion than I’ve ever seen in them. Acting on impulse, I lean in and kiss him soundly. His arms wrap around my waist, holding me close. When we pull apart, his voice is deep.
“The only other person I ever felt like was a partner to me, was Ward. Thank you for agreeing to come out here with me today.”
“Thanks for inviting me,” I hold on tightly as he keeps us afloat. “No one’s ever asked me to do anything like this with them before.”
“I’m kind of glad,” he pulls us over to the side of the tank, holding me while he leans against the structure. “There are a lot of things in life we won’t be able to experience together, but I’d love it if there were some things that were only ours.”
The tone of his voice is enough to send me into a puddle of goo, wanting to melt at his feet. I wasn’t aware I’m the type of woman to get taken by a smooth voice and a whispered sweet nothing, but here I am.
“I’d like that too,” I say, doing my best to meet him in the middle, trying to show him that I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make this work. “If you could tell me one thing that’ll help you, what would it be?”
“What do you mean?” His forehead pulls in question.
“Like if there’s something I can do to help make things easier for you. What would it be?”
He seems to ponder what I’ve asked, the answer not coming as quickly as I imagined it would. “No one’s ever asked anything like this before,” he admits.
Hearing those words makes me sad. I worry that he wasn’t taken as seriously as his brother, or maybe he was taken too seriously. He was never allowed to be the type of person who had zero responsibilities. Always blamed when things went wrong, and was never able to make a mistake without having to answer for it. My heart breaks for him. Neither he nor Ward had a chance when it came to any of this.
I vow here and now—because I know we’ll have to end up having children; there’s no way we’ll get out of it—that my children will not live like this. They’ll know their parents love them, and that there aren’t stupid restrictions on caring about anyone. There shouldn’t be clauses on loving a child or the person you choose to spend the rest of your life with.
“They should’ve asked you that way before now,” I give him a smile. “Which is why I’m asking you.”
“The best thing you can do for me is to not question me in front of my family. If you have questions about what we’re doing and why, please save those for when we’re behind closed doors. I need someone on my side. It’s lonely being an island. It’ll help us appear to be growing closer too.”
There’s a part of me that sinks when he decides we should use this request I made to help our cause. I desperately wish he could want me in a way that isn’t connected to what we’ve been forced to do by our parents. I wish he really were starting to grow closer to me, like he looked to me to be his partner in our life together. This is a hard pill to swallow.
“Of course, anything that will help us appear to be closer and a cohesive unit will be amazing. I think we’re going to be able to pull this off.”
“We definitely will,” he grins. “I’m insanely attracted to you, and I think as long as we keep leaning into that, we’ll be fine.”
I’m attracted to him too, in ways I can’t even begin to explain.
“But I’m sick of talking about my family,” he whispers, leaning toward me, tilting his head at the same time. He’s coming in for a kiss, and I’ll be damned if there’s any way I’ll refuse him.
His lips capture mine and together we delve into a battle of wills and passion. There’s been no one else who excites me and frustrates me more than this man. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I lean fully against him, letting him take all of my weight. In my mind this is a show of trust, and I hope he takes it for what it is. I hope he trusts me as much as I’m trying to trust him. My fingers twist in his hair, pulling him closer to me. When he wrenches our lips from one another, we’re both breathing hard.
“I don’t know what kinda hold you have over me, Katie…”
“Same kinda hold you have over me,” I whisper. “It’s all encompassing and consuming, and with anyone else I’d be scared to death.”
Before I realize what’s happened, he’s behind me, leaning against the stock tank, and he’s pulled me in front of him. He’s surrounding me, his arms tightly wrapped around my waist. The smell that’s just his and the rasp of his shadowed beard is enough to send me into fucking orbit.
Tilting my head back against his chest, I give myself over to him, wordlessly ask him to take me.
“You’re gonna love this,” his tone is dark and hot. “Letting me have my way with you. You’re gonna see just how much chemistry the two of us have this afternoon.”
As if I don’t already know how much we have, I tell myself to close my eyes and hold on. If anyone can take me on a journey out of this world, Trace Miller can.