40. Katie
KATIE
I t's been three days since I last saw or spoke with Trace. I miss him, there's no doubt about it, but I also feel better because I've managed to stand on my own. Yes Kyle has given me help, but I've not sat around and waited for something to happen. I've been proactive.
I wasn't taught to be that way, but I've learned from Trace. If there's one thing he's taught me, it's to not second-guess myself. He's so confident in everything he does. I never realized that confidence has rubbed off on me until this moment.
"You fixing to leave?" Kyle asks, sitting at the counter, shoving bacon and eggs into his mouth.
"Yeah, I'm going to learn how to help unload trucks and stock today."
"You sound excited about it," he chuckles.
"I am, it gives me something to do, and this is the first day I get paid for what I've done. It'll be exciting to have some of my own money. I'll give you some for letting me stay here," I offer shyly.
"No you won't. I'm glad you're staying here with me, sometimes it gets lonely. It's been nice to have you here. Even if I know it's not going to be for long."
I'm suspicious as to why he's said this. "What do you mean?"
"There's only gonna be so long Trace is gonna let you stay here."
"He's not letting me do anything," I argue.
"Yes he is. When he decides he's sick of letting you make a point he's going to come back and get you. It takes him a while to get there, but once he does, he's going to wonder what the fuck he's been doing with his life. You're the best thing that ever happened to him, but he's slow on the uptake. Once he realizes what he's missing, he's going to be coming back with a vengeance," Kyle chuckles, before he finishes eating his breakfast.
I have a seat with my coffee, and think about what he said. Am I as stubborn as he is? Am I hurting myself because I'm waiting on him to prove something to me? I don't know the answer to these questions. Maybe it's just the fact I don't have experience with relationships and I'm trying to spread my wings. Trying to figure out what I want from my life, what I deserve from the man who promised to honor and cherish me.
I'm lost in thought, when Kyle gets up, clearing the counter from where he was eating. My brothers and parents never helped in the kitchen, so seeing him do this makes me feel good. I hope Trace ends up being the type of person who will clean up after himself. It hits me that I don't know these things about him, because we didn't know each other before we got married.
"I'm heading out, I hope you have a good day at work," Kyle gives me a smile before grabbing his stuff and heading out the front door.
I'm left to my own devices again, and I know more than anything I need to get my shit together and head toward work myself. There's a part of me that wishes Trace could see me now. Driving myself into town and figuring this all out. I have a feeling he thought that when I walked out, I wouldn't know what to do with myself. Honestly I'm surprising me, and that's the biggest gift I've been given thanks to what's happened between us.
When I get to town, I park quickly, and then grab my stuff before heading into the book store.
Walking inside, I have confidence I never imagined I would. In the few short days I've been working here, I've managed to get into a routine. Although I'm learning new things today, I still have a confidence in myself that I didn't have before. "Hey," I greet Marissa. "I wore comfortable clothes in case this was a long day."
She gives me a smile. "It's definitely going to be one, but I think you're ready for it. I have no doubt about it, actually. You're a hard worker, and I appreciate how much you've given us since you've been here."
"It's only been a couple of days," I laugh.
"A couple of days turns into a lifetime."
Those words hit me harder than I care to explain. They could be said for most things in life. Especially for what I've been dealing with. If Trace and I can make it through a couple of days, then there's really no reason we can't make it through a lifetime. Maybe that's the lesson we're supposed to be learning. "You're right, it does. Life is just a bunch of days turned into whatever I make it. In the end we can look back and see if those days were good or bad."
"Exactly, Katie. All my days haven't been good, but they haven't been bad either. It's more the sum of the total. You can't base the good off one good day, or the bad off the same. I know you're having a hard time, but it's not going to last forever. You're newly married, and even if you'd been dating for years, you still wouldn't know everything about him. The rest of your life is going to be about growing and adjusting. You're not always going to be the same people you are when you first meet. Just because things aren't what you thought they would be right now, doesn't mean they're always going to be that way."
She's given me even more to think about than Kyle did. "How long have you been married?"
She smiles, and her face lights up. "Thirteen years at the end of the month."
"Thirteen years? I bet you've seen and lived through some things."
"More than I ever knew would be possible, but I wouldn't change it for anything in the world. Cain has made my life better, and it took us a long time to get there. It wasn't like we knew each other immediately. I mean we did because we'd dated, but we had to learn other things about each other. Just like you grow and change as a person, your relationship will grow and change. You may know someone today and tomorrow they may change. Don't assume you'll finish the way you start. You'll always grow, and the important thing is to allow each other to do that, and you change with one another," he gives me a soft smile.
"Thank you," I smile back at her. "That's one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me. I've been down because of how I think Trace and I should be with one another. Thank you for giving me a different perspective."
"I had others to give me those different perspectives, and I'm happy to give to you, what others have given to me."
Unexpected tears clog my throat, and I'm more thankful for her than I ever thought possible. Not wanting the moment to get too emotional, I shake my head. "Okay, enough of that. What are we doing today?"
She doesn't make a big deal about it, and for that I'm thankful.
"What we're going to do is check the order they gave us. We still do things a little old school around here. Surprise, surprise. The order we received is printed out on this paper," she indicates a packet of stapled sheets. "As you put it on the shelf, count it and make sure it's the same as what is on these sheets. If it's different, make note of it, and I'll deal with it. Sound good? Everything is marked by these little stickers on the shelves."
"What about prices?" I question.
"They already have the barcodes on them. It's one of the things they do for us because we aren't as fully equipped as a chain store."
"Got it."
She pats me on the back, and leaves me almost as quickly as she showed up. I appreciate that she leaves me to my own devices, and doesn't seem to question if I'm capable of doing things. It helps to give me more confidence, which, even though I've only been here for a short time, is helping me more than I ever thought possible. A few hours into my shift, I'm finishing up with one of the last totes, when a hand lands on my hip.
At first I tense, I don't want anyone touching me, but then I recognize the touch.
It's Trace.
I'd know it anywhere. Immediately I'm assaulted by his smell and the need to sink back into him. Then I remember I left, and I felt the need to stand on my own two feet. Straightening my back up, I step away before turning to face him. Crossing my arms over my chest, I'm hoping to keep him as far away from me as I can. The closer he gets, the more I want to give in, and I know if I do, I won't be able to say no if he apologizes.
"Hey," he tries, a small smirk on his face.
"Hi," I lick my suddenly dry lips before sucking my bottom lip in between my teeth. "What are you doing here?"
"I could ask the same of you."
He looks good, better than I remember him looking. But when I focus in on him, I see the tell-tale signs of how badly he's taking this. There are dark bruises under his eyes, and the tiredness are heavy in the wrinkles on his face. I'm ready to argue with him, ready to stand my ground. Imagine my surprise when he collapses against one of the shelves, letting it take his weight, and the fight inside him.
"I had to get a job," I say stupidly.
"No you didn't, but I do realize you thought maybe you did after the argument we had. I'm sorry about that by the way. As far as why I'm here? I want you to come home."
My heart pounds, stomach aches with excitement and elation. This is exactly what I've wanted him to say. Now that I'm hearing it? I can't force the words out of my mouth.