42. Katie
KATIE
B eing wrapped in his arms is the most amazing feeling I've had since I walked out of our bedroom. It's the feeling of coming home, and I never thought I'd have it with anyone, much less Trace. Digging my forehead into the spot where neck and shoulder meet, I revel in the scent that's his and his only. I dreamed about this when I was at Kyle's. I hoped Trace would come back for me, prayed we'd be able to work this out and be able to find our way back to each other.
I never assumed we'd have this grand love that everyone else talks about, but I hoped we'd be able to figure out how to relate to one another, and it seems as if we're going to be able to try and be the type of couple who makes things work, instead of letting them go.
I've never been a quitter, and fucking didn't want to start now. "This is all I've wanted," I whisper, overtaken by emotions. "All I've wanted since I walked out of your house. I worried that I'd never be able to see you again, that you wouldn't care to come and try to make things better with me. I was afraid I'd pushed you away and you'd decide I wasn't worth the effort."
"Never," he swallows roughly. "I've cursed myself every which way and back since I let you walk away. I never should've let you. We're both obviously very hot headed people and I don't think anyone took that into account when they thought we'd be good for a marriage. We're also very passionate, so I think it'll be helpful to us in the long run. We've just got to get through these hiccups and growing pains. Most people would do this during the dating period, but we skipped that all to-fucking-gether, and here we are."
I giggle, although it's full of mirth and self-loathing. "You're right, we've fast-tracked everything and now we're both paying the price for it."
"Someone has to pay it, and too bad it's us who have to pay the price for what our parents thought was a good idea. I'm just sorry we've been the one's who've had to bear the brunt of this," he leans down, kissing me on the forehead.
I lean into him with everything I have, ready to give him a piece of myself I haven't ever given to anyone else. "I'll do it as long as you're with me," I promise. "I can do anything as long as the two of use are together. What I can't do is sit there and wonder if you're thinking of me, or you're out and about with someone else."
"Trust me, I wasn't out and about with anyone. I didn't do anything when you weren't here."
"You expect me to believe that?" I smirk. "You were one of the most sought-after bachelors in the county, hell in the state. You could've had anyone you wanted, and it's not like you chose me."
"I didn't choose you then, but I'd choose you now. In fact I do choose you, every day."
I melt into a puddle at his feet, ready to give him every part of me, because it's easier to give him the parts of me I want to, rather than hold myself away from him. "I'd choose you too, but I need you to meet me in the middle. Tell me what you need from me, and give me what I need from you."
"Are you going to tell me what you need from me? Otherwise we're going to be in trouble. We've got to have communication and be open with one another. The way we can fuck them over is if you're open with me and I'm open with you." He sets me away from him, and then leans against the SUV. Crossing his legs, one in front of the other, he looks like a fucking cover model, with a do not give a fuck attitude, and the type of man who can get you pregnant by just giving you a glance.
"I promise to let you know what I need. I wanna beat our parents at their own game, don't you?"
Even as the words come out of my mouth, I realize that none of this is a game and it shouldn't be treated as such. If we're playing a game, and they're playing a game there's going to be a loser. For the first time I'm scared to be that loser. Being a loser means I'm possibly going to get my heart broken, and if that happens, I'm not sure I'll be able to come back from it.
He whistles through his teeth. "I think we've both realized this isn't a game, and maybe it's time to stop playing. They may be, but we don't have to. We can do this the way we want to, and we can make our lives exactly how we want it.'
"What about the deal they made with one another?" I question, knowing that eventually my family is going to call upon his to pay up.
"That deal was between the four people who should've cared about us. They didn't. All they care about is the all-mighty dollar. I'm comfortable in saying we don't. That we much prefer being human with one another and forming real relationships."
"I do," I confirm. "I never thought that once I got married it wouldn't be for life. I still had the bright eyes of a young kid who watched all the romantic rom-com's and hoped that one day she'd find some man who would sweep her off her feet and make her feel like the most important person in the room. They took that away from us, but I'm willing to work to feel that way, to make our relationship what we want it to be. All I ask is that you work with me."
"I'll be there," he promises. "What goes on between us, is between us. They don't need to know what's going on. We keep our love ours."
The word love sends a shock through my body. Does this mean he's in love with me? That he's let his walls down enough to admit we're important to one another? "Love?" I repeat the word, hoping against everything I haven't gotten excited over nothing.
"I'm scared to say love, Katie, but there are a few things that are facts. I've missed you more than I've ever missed anyone else in my life. I've thought about you more than I've thought about anyone, and when I wasn't sure if you'd come back to me, I was more upset than I had a right to be. Because I knew the reason you left was equally because of me. If I can love anyone, it's going to be you. Is it going to be easy? Fuck no, nothing with me is ever easy. But I hope and pray it'll be worth it. I'm willing to give it my all. Are you?"
Looking up into his eyes, I want to believe him, I want to think he's being honest because he's afraid to lose me again, that he's not saying all the things I've wanted and hoped to hear. I give it up to the Universe and decide this is it. If I want this life, I have to reach out with both hands and take it. I have to hold on tight and dare it to be taken away from me. There's no way I'm going to go down without a fight. So much has already been taken away from us, I refuse to let this be, and I dare them to make us choose.
I believe we'll choose each other, and that's the best feeling in the world.
"I am, and I'll walk through everything to be with you. I'll hold your hand, hold you up, and make sure no one else gets in the way of what we have. Together they won't break us, and I'll be damned if they do."
He grins, the smile splitting his mouth. "Damn straight. Let's go home?"
Although I should stay and continue my shift, I also want to be with him. I've missed him, and the routine we had together. Turning back to Enchanted Pages I see Marissa. She smiles and waves at me. With her blessing, I hook my arm in Trace's, and let him take me to his truck.
Much like the day after our wedding, I hop in the passenger seat and let him take me home.