6
Elvira
THE TWO PROFESSORS WERE having a not-so-quiet conversation in Levi's office. Levi, shouting in a way I had never heard him before, and Francis whining like a little boy who was told he could not get on a rollercoaster.
Meanwhile, I had to pretend to work in my office like nothing was wrong. As if I couldn't hear the shouting match happening in the office across from mine. Writing a paper can betough when drama is a door away.
"What's so hard about marrying someone?" Francis shouted. "I can find a mail-order bride for you if you don't know how to date!"
"Easy for you to say. You're not the one having to look for someone to marry just so you can access your trust fund!"
"Boohoo, the trust fund baby is sad because he cannot get his precious billions without marrying someone!"
"Do you hear yourself!"
"What's going on in there?"
I was so distracted, I didn't see Jess walk in, leaving my door open.
The polka dot blue blouse and black-and-white striped pleated skirt she was wearing should not work, but it did on her.
Her eyes were bright with curiosity and practically popping out of her glasses.
"We can hear shouting from our side of the building. What's going on?"
"Levi and Francis are fighting. Well, passionately arguing."
"About?"
"The Scott-Elliot collection. Levi and Francis need Levi's money to buy the Scott-Elliot collection, but Levi can't get it because it's stuck in a trust and the only way to get it is to marry someone according to some archaic clause his father put in."
Jess's eyes nearly bulged out of her glasses. "Preferably a woman, I presume," Jess said.
I nodded. "Rich people problems."
I didn't get why Levi was dead set against it. If I were him, I would just bite the bullet. Find someone willing to do it for money, and that's that.
Jess shook her head and sighed. "Too bad I'm married. I could have offered myself up as tribute."
I chuckled. "Are you only here for the drama?"
"No, actually, I am here for you." She waltzed over to me, took my hand, and said, "How are you doing? I saw your text about your family shop closing."
"Oh, that." I had sent a frustrated text earlier today telling Jess that my sister had not gotten the loan approval she desperately wanted.
It was the last straw in a long fight to gain full ownership of her business.
Or at the very least, find a partner who wouldn't screw her over.
Her current partners wanted to sell the business, and because collectively they had a bigger stake in the company than her, they could.
"I hate to see her so stressed. And I can't help but think I'm partially to blame. "
"For what!"
"If I hadn't insisted on pursuing an academic career, this PhD, maybe my parents wouldn't have to give up so much of their business.
I should have gone into finance instead.
I might have been able to help Effie." My parents had sold part of the business to put me through college, and when they both died, the burden of the shop was left to Effie, my sister.
"Please. Your sister is the proudest person in the Bronx. I've never seen anyone tout her sibling's accomplishments as much as Effie does. And besides, you are awful with numbers."
I chuckled. "If only—"
The door to Levi's officeburst open, andFrancis flew past, his face beet red.
In his signature Scotch brown suit with a beige waistcoat, he looked like an offended Victorian gentleman.
Levi popped his head through the wide-open door, glanced at Francis marching away, and then at me.
His eyes narrowed when he saw Jess. "Miss Edwards, please have the paper ready when you're done gossiping. "
I glared at him. He shut his office door. Asshole. Jess looked more surprised than I. "What's with him?" She said in a loud whisper. "Did you two break up?"
I gently swatted her, snatching my hand from her. "If anyone hears you, they will only think it's true."
"What? It's a better story than being cheated on by that asshole."
"Is it? Now, everyone thinks we were cheating on each other after Wyatt spread that disgusting rumor. Dolly from the Languages was even saying I cheated on him. But that's not the only bad thing. What's worse, he," I gestured to Levi's office, "thinks I started the rumors."
Jess gritted her teeth. "If The Purge is ever legalized, you know whose place I am going to. Did you know that I saw them today in the hallway acting all lovey-dovey like they did nothing wrong?" She lowered her voice. "He was kissing her, for God's sake!" she whisper-shouted. "The lack of shame!"
The thought of Billie and Wyatt together only made me feel worse.
After that blow-up at Levi's place, I asked Jess to go to Wyatt's place and take my stuff, only for her to call me later, telling me he had thrown my stuff outside.
That should have been the last straw, but to rub it in, Wyatt 'accidentally' sent an email to the entire faculty telling me he didn't want me to come to his place again.
Making me look like I had been stalking him.
"I would love to not think about those two. Wyatt especially."
Jess immediately became sympathetic. "So sorry. You know what?"
Oh oh. Whenever Jess did a ‘you know what’, she was about to suggest we go on a bender.
"Jess."
"We should do a girls' night. Just us two. Fuck Billie."
It was Thursday, and while I don't drink on weekdays unless it's a Friday, I was feeling like a beer or two.
If only I could. I was supposed to be at a workshop right now, but Levi had given me a huge workload, which he needed done 'like yesterday', he said.
He was probably punishing me for thinking I spread rumors of us seeing each other.
"Can't. Professor Phantom needs this paper."
Jess clucked her tongue. "There's always work to do. Come on. You need to let off some steam."
"Fine. But only two beers and not a bender."
She clapped with glee. "Great. Pick you up after work."
A message popped up on my laptop. It was from Levi.
Levi: Tick tock Miss Edwards.
I made a middle finger gesture at my laptop.
"What is it?" Jess asked.
"That prick is demanding his paper. Let me get on with it."
Jess waved me goodbye, and I got back to work. Levi sent another message.
Levi: Your performance review is coming soon, and delays like this will reflect on your review.
I rolled my eyes and did the thing I usually do whenever he acts like this.
Me: You fucking asshole. I was working on your paper, but instead I had to endure your shouting match. A distraction that made it difficult not for me, but for the entire department. Fuck you and your PAPER!
I deleted that message before sending it and instead sent:
Me: Your paper will be ready in five minutes.
◆◆◆
THE PUB WAS NOT as full now that the semester was over.
Most of the patrons were adjunct professors like Jess, teaching assistants like me, and full-timePhD students.
Jess and I were in our favorite corner of the bar, four glasses of beer in.
Or was it six? I had lost count, my vision was getting blurry, and I was feeling buzzed.
A giggle burst out of me as Jess hit the punchline of her favorite joke.
She had told me more times than I could count, but it still made me laugh, especially when I was drunk.
The door to the pub opened, a couple walked in, and I froze.
The man and woman looked like Wyatt and Billie, but as they strolled down to a table diagonally opposite ours, I realized it wasn't them.
"Those two ingrates are never coming here.
They know how much we frequent this place.
I know Billie is embarrassed enough not to come. "
I settled comfortably on the bench and took a sip of my beer, the frothy drink fizzing down my throat. "I wasn't thinking of them," I said as nonchalantly as I could muster.
Jess burped. "What you need," she gestured at me with her beer mug, "is a good fuck."
I leaned back in surprise. "Is that potty mouth Jess I hear?"
She nodded. "And potty mouth Jess says you are in desperate need of a good fuck from a hot, handsome…man." She chuckled. "Or woman." Burp. "But I think a good, long dick is just the thing for you."
I sighed, glancing around the pub full of humanities nerds. "If only one could be found so easily."
It was Jess's turn to be surprised. "Says the person working a door away from the hottest professor in the department—no, the entire university."
I rolled my eyes. "Professor Hot-and-Cold can fuck off, honestly.
He went from a knight in shining armor one night to brushing me cold the next day.
" Technically not the next day, because he was still a perfect gentleman after he punched Wyatt in the face.
He made me breakfast, washed and dried my vomit-stained clothes, and then drove me to my sister's place after.
But Monday was a different matter. When I tried to give him a thank you cake, he flat out refused and claimed he was allergic to butter.
Which was a lie, because I know for a fact he's not allergic to butter.
He liked butter on his bread. I had seen him eat it plenty of times!
But that was not it. He then proceeded to give me an insane amount of work.
And when I asked to attend a workshop for history PhD students, he had refused, saying I needed to finish the workload he had given me.
Work that wasn't urgent, I might add. So fuck him.
"Yeah. I don't understand him sometimes when it comes to you. Are you sure he hates you?"
I gave her a look to say; Are you serious?
She raised her hands in surrender. "I mean, what you told me about that night makes me think otherwise."
I thanked myself for not telling her about the almost kiss. She would be shipping us if she knew that. "It was a fluke. Something was in the air."
She nodded. That must be it. She chugged the rest of her beer down and whistled to the waitress. "Two more." She waved her glass at her. The waitress nodded.
"I think I've had enough," I said.
"Come on," she whined. "Let's do another round. My husband's gone to a work conference, and I am alone at home."
"So that's why you wanted to do beers."
"And to cheer you up."
The waitress came with two full glasses of beer to replace our empty ones.
I grabbed mine, and so did Jess, who then raised hers, "Cheers.
One more for the road." When the waitress gave us a side eye, Jess added, "We're taking an Uber, darling.
Don't worry about us." The waitress shook her head and left.
Jess rolled her eyes. "Kids these days. A little judgmental, don't you think? "
"You're thirty. That's hardly old."
She snorted. "On a college campus, that's sixty-five."
We drank our last beer as I told Jess about the family pawnshop. When Effie called me this afternoon, she told me she was thinking of selling, like the partners wanted. When I told Jess this, she asked, "How much does she need to buy them out, anyway?"
"Eight hundred and sixty thousand dollars total." The number was drilled in my head. I could recite it in my sleep.
"That's a lot. I love your shop. I know you call it a pawnshop, but it's more of an antiques store to me.
It's like walking into a treasure cave." Jess stared blankly at her drink.
I thought she was lost in thought when she suddenly jerked up and said, "Lightbulb moment!
What if? Oh my God, yes. What if…" She trailed off, and for a moment, I thought she was just being drunk when she said again, "What did you say about Levi's trust fund? "
"What's that got to do with anything?"
"What did you say about the trust fund!"
"He was saying something about needing a wife so he can access it, I don't know."
Her eyes widened. "Bingo. You want eight hundred and…
"Eight hundred and sixty thousand dollars."
"You want that much. He wants access to his trust fund. So what if you marry him? He gets his money, and for your troubles, he pays you. Everyone's happy.I squared the circle, I am a motherfucking genius. What do you think?"
I burst out laughing.
"Come on! It's perfect."
"Yeah. And what? I just send him an email asking him to marry me?"
"Why not? You miss every shot you take."
"Every shot you don't take."
"What did I say?"
"Never mind."
"What do you say?"
"You want me to send an email to my boss asking him to marry me? For money?"
She shrugged as though that was the most reasonable suggestion in the world. And I, person six or was it seven, beers deep, thought, "Why not?"
I fished my phone out of my pocket and opened my email account.
"You miss every shot you don't take," I said, and drafted the email.
I showed it to Jess, who could hardly read, so I read it out loud.
We both laughed. I put my phone back into my pocket, positive I didn't hit send. Pretty sure I didn't hit that button.