25
Elvira
ONCE THE HAWTHORNES LET you in, they basically treat you like family.
Ivy, Thalia and Aire would chat with me on the phone regularly.
And Willow was looking forward to seeing me at her wedding.
Tyler and Sebastian would sometimes visit Levi and stay at his place.
And as much as Nolan was sure that our marriage was real, it still felt like a sham to me.
While Levi and I talked pretty much all the time, he would not divulge anything serious anymore.
It was as though he had retreated back into his shell.
Nothing major had occurred. He just became a different person after the brunch.
Or should I say, the same person I used to know?
Mr. Hot-and- Cold had gone back to being cold again.
Levi and I were basically living like a married couple now.
I had since moved my stuff into his bedroom and was sleeping with him every night.
But, not having sex. As the code became harder to decipher,the more uptight he became.
He refused to speak about it. But I could sense it in the tight sinews of his neck and back when I held him in the night.
He didn't want to talk about his stress, and whenever I tried to probe, he would change the subject.
I was getting closer to him while he was pushing me away.
And going to this wedding would only cement me in this family.
What would happen when Levi and I eventually break up?
I didn't want to think of that inevitability, so instead I focused on the present.
Willow and Raine's wedding, which was being hosted at Nolan and Aire's villa just outside Milan.
It was a grand home Nolan recently bought, according to Thalia, for Aire when they stayed there once.
"It's beautiful," I said when we arrived.
Awestruck by the frescos on the ceiling and the stuccoes that adorned the walls.
It was as though I had traveled back to the seventeenth century as we strolled through the airy villa.
There were signs of recent restoration. The paintings looked freshly restored, and there were no chipped walls that usually came with old buildings such as these.
Levi was just as awestruck as I, stopping every so often to observe a painting or a tapestry, his hand always in mine.
He loved public displays of affection and never missed a chance to hold my hand, waist or arm.
"You're acting as though you've never been here before," I said when we stopped at one Renaissance painting.
"I haven't," his eyes on the painting. "It's my first time. Nolan bought it recently and has been renovating it since."
"Is it true that he bought it after his wife said she liked it?"
Levi glanced down at me. He looked handsome in his white shirt and beige chinos.
The sun streaming in through the window above gave him a halo that made him look like the angels in the frescos.
"That's what legend says. My brother." He clucked.
"I never thought I would see him so whipped. " He squeezed my hand. "Let's go."
We followed the usher, who was a few steps ahead of us, dragging our luggage.
Our rooms had a view of the back garden, where the wedding was to occur.
Wooden chairs, adorned with white cloth and decorated with orange and white flowers, were set up along a white trail and in front of a white and orange floral arch.
The rooms themselves were a spacious suite with the same decorations as the rest of the villa plus plush carpets that made the otherwise cold room welcoming.
My gaze went to the large four-poster bed in the sleeping chamber we were in, and a memory of a similar bed flashed in my mind.
Levi glanced at me, and a look passed between us.
He seemed nervous, and when the usher left, he said,"I would like to talk to you. "
"You're talking to me now," I said casually, goading him.
"Later." He closed the space between us and encircled his hands around my waist. A thrill ran down my spine. "I have—we'll talk later."
"Okay." I wondered what he could be alluding to. I glanced at the beautiful garden outside. I was feeling restless after sitting in the same position during the flight and the drive here.
"Wanna go for a walk?" I said.
He smiled. "Sure."
The gardens were beautiful. They had been landscaped to perfection.
Along gravel pathways leading to fountains darting around the gardens were square shrubs darted in neat rows.
The lawn was green and cropped to an inch.
Levi and I strolled aimlessly as I listened to him tell me the tale of the bankers of Milan who used to run the city.
"I didn't know your knowledge extended to Italy," I said when he finished his story about a family that tried and failed to make their son pope only to end up losing all influence.
"I thought you were a medieval English history guy. "
"I was once obsessed with the Italian Renaissance for a while. There's so much to sink your teeth into that you can't help being a little too into the time period."
I sighed, lifting my face and letting my skin soak in the warm sun peeking through the gray clouds. "I get it. It's beautiful here."
"It's going to rain soon," Levi said, looking up at the sky. And as though to prove him right, thunder rumbled.
"Oh no. What's going to happen to Willow and Raine's garden wedding?"
"Hopefully, it won't rain tomorrow."
Thunder rumbled again, and this time, drops of rain followed it. Then soon a shower.
We had wandered away from the main house now and were close to a small cottage-looking house. "What's that?" I said, pointing to the charming hamlet. Levi's eyes brightened. His hand tightened around mine, and he dragged me towards the cottage.
Trees shrouded it, and when we got close, I realized it was bigger than I had thought.
It looked old, at least on the outside. The stone walls were beige and lined with algae.
Vines crept up the sides of the walls and on top of the flat, rippled roof.
Levi tested the wooden door, and it opened easily.
We rushed inside just as a downpour began.
I breathed a sigh of relief that he had escaped the rain, and as Levi secured the creaky door as I soaked in our surroundings.
The inside was just as pretty as outside, but much more modern.
White paint coated the walls that did not have the exposed stone brick.
Shiny red terracotta tiles lined the floor, and my sneakers squeaked as I walked.
And when I saw I was leaving mud prints, I removed them. Levi followed suit, removing his.
We were in the living room, where brick-red sofas surrounded a wooden table.
"We can stay here until the rain subsides," I said over the rumbling of the roof being pelted by water.
Levi nodded. It was most likely summer rain that will wither in an hour or two.
I ventured inside and into the bedroom a floor above the farmhouse kitchen and living room.
The room had a single double bed with crisp white linen.
"Pretty," Levi said, standing by the rustic door.
"It's lovely."
Suddenly the mood shifted. It was as though being in this room changed something between us.
In a moment Levi, cursed, closed the space between us, took my head in his hands and kissed me hard.
Full of yearning and need. Full of hunger.
Like every time he kissed me, I responded with vigor.
My tongue dancing with his. Embracing him as he devoured me.
His hands traveled all over my body. Groping, squeezing, and caressing every part he touched.
Like an insatiable beast driven wild with lust, he kissed me as though there were no tomorrow.
But something was wrong. We could not just do this again as if nothing happened.
I found the will within me to push him away.
He stepped back shocked, desire still heavy in his eyes.
"What?"
"You know what. You can't just kiss me like nothing happened. You refused to touch me for weeks only to kiss me again. What the fuck, Levi?"
"Is it so bad that I want you?"
"You didn't want me before. You acted like I was a ghost."
Levi sighed. His gaze went to the floor, arms akimbo, shoulders drooped. "I wanted to—when I saw you with my family. How well you blended in with them. How they took you in without fuss, something within me freaked out." Muttering to himself, he said, "Fuck it. Might as well get it out."
He gazed at me. His eyes were full of shifting emotions.
"I freaked out because it was exactly what I wanted.
What I have secretly hoped for. I've wanted you for a long time now and since we got married, or rather should I say, since we started being," he put air quotes, "fuck buddies.
I've wanted more than that." He marched over to me and took hold of my hand.
"I want us to be more. To be in a relationship and not… whatever we are doing."
I blinked. That is what I was afraid was going to happen. That one of us would want it to be real, but the other didn't. Only this time, it seemed I was wrong. He wanted a genuine relationship. He wanted to be with me for real."Then why were you so cold to me?"
"Because I was afraid. I was sure you'd reject me. You wanted a no strings attached relationship, remember?I couldn't exactly say I want more and end it all, but at some point, I knew if I did nothing, it would prolong our relationship."
"Oh Levi." My hand went to his face and kissed him gently. "I want us to be real. I want us to be real too."
A smile slowly appeared. "Really?"
I nodded.
"So, should we try this? The something real?"