31
Levi
"WHAT THE HELL ARE you doing here?" I said in a low voice.
My eyes darted to Elle, who had gone to the kitchen to prepare a drink for Mom.
A fizzy drink she had said when Elle asked her what she would like.
I don't think Mom has ever drunk a soda in her life.
Elle had immediately jumped into action, but not before making a surreptitious glance between my mom and me.
She had felt the tension that radiated between mother and son.
"Visiting my sick son," she said, reaching for my face only to snap back her hand when I flinched. "You look so pale. When Elle called me telling me what happened, I was shocked. I freaked out."
"You freaked out? You?"
"Of course, honey. I could not believe it happened again. You've always been diligent about your allergies."
I felt my eyes narrow. There was no way she was simply here because I was sick.
She has never cared about me that much. If at all.
Elle and I were having a fun time together.
I was finally feeling confident enough to tell her how I felt.
I hadn't planned it, far from it, but when she came to see me in hospital.
When she walked into that room, worry straining her face, I knew she was the one.
I've always known, but that moment solidified it.
Then she hugged me. And then she cried. For me.
No one has ever done that. It was a brand new experience for me.
To have someone care for you that much that they drop everything and come and be with you.
My father would never. My mother was only now pretending to do so.
"I am fine, so you can leave now."
Mom's face fell.
"Here's one Sprite coming up," Elle said with a crying glass of clear bubbling liquid in her hand. She drew a small coffee table next to Mom and placed the drink on it."Are you sure you don't want anything else?"
Mom picked up the glass and took a sip. Shaking her head, she said, "I ate on the plane." She placed the tumbler down and folded her hands in her lap. She had chosen the single chair, and Elle came to take her seat next to me.
"I had no idea you two had gotten married. I had to hear it from Tyler the other day."
"We're not—it's not—" Elle started, but I placed my hand on hers to stop her.
"I wanted to free up the trust fund. That's why we did it. She was more than happy to help me out."
"Good," Mom said. "At least now you're free to access your money. It's terrible what your father did. I had no idea that when he was asking me to sign those papers, it meant you three would be tied into an archaic trust."
I smiled tightly. "Whatever helps you sleep at night."
Elle pinched the hand that was holding hers. When I glanced at her, she was silent, but her face said, 'be nice.' I didn't want to, but Elle was right. Some civility would probably make Mom leave much sooner.
"Are you sure a Sprite is enough?" Elle said, trying to change the conversation in a lighter direction. "We have some wine if that's more to your taste."
"Oh no, darling, this is fine." She waved Elle off and raised the glass in her hand. "I am trying to reduce my alcohol intake. Preferably to zero, and this is helping a lot."
"Wow,'' Elle said. "How long have you been…"
"Sober? A month now. Thirty-two days and counting."
"Th-that's wonderful." Elle said and nudged my ribs.
I gave Mom a tight smile. "That's longer than last time."
It was meant to be a jab. She was always going on an alcohol cleanse or into rehab but getting back onto the bottle as soon as she got out.
But she did not take it as an insult. Instead, she nodded, her face bright.
She said, "It is! And trust me, I think about my bottle of sherry all the time, but I haven't touched it in a whole month!
" She rummaged through her purse and produced a red chip. "Got this on Friday at my AA meeting!"
Elle took it and examined the little chip with thirty in the center of a triangle and the words; unity, service, recovery on each side of the triangle. "One day at a time" was written on the other side.
"That's amazing!" Elle said.
As much as I wanted to scoff, my heart swelled with hope. Elle showed me the coin, but I dared not touch it or else trick myself into believing again. Noting my resistance, Elle returned the coin to its owner, who put it back in her purse.
We went to sitting in silence for a good awkward minute until Elle said, "I wanted to thank you for the antiques you sent to my sister."
"Oh, don't be silly. It was nothing. The stuff was sitting around gathering dust anyway. I hope it rejuvenates your family's business."
"She was really happy. Don't be surprised to see a thank-you letter in your mailbox soon."
Mom raised her glass. "I'll be waiting for it." She darted her eyes around the living room. "Nice place you have here."
"I could show you the rest," I said.
Her eyes brightened. "You will?"
Her enthusiasm made me feel like a cold-hearted bastard. She immediately got up, her eyes taking in her surroundings. "I love the whole academic slash industrial vibe you have going on."
We went upstairs, leaving Elle behind while I marched ahead. The soft footfalls of her high heels clicked onto the staircase as Mom followed, a step away. We had reached the guest bedroom and were away from Elle's ears. I stopped and turned to Mom. "You need to leave."
She took a tentative step forward and reached for my chest. "I wanted to see my baby and make sure he's doing okay."
"And you flew all the way from London? A video call would have been enough."
Her throat rippled as she swallowed hard. She snatched her hand back. "Is it so bad that a mother would want to see her son?"
"You've never cared. Why now? And please don't tell me it's because you're doing your steps and one of them is atoning for your past sins or whatever."
She was already shaking her head before I finished the sentence.
"It has absolutely nothing to do with that.
Except my being sober, of course. I don't think I could have dragged myself out of the house if I was drunk.
" She sighed, her gaze falling to the floor, when she raised her head again, her eyes shined with tears.
"I know I have been a bad mother to you all.
You especially. I wasn't there when you needed me.
I wasn't there to defend you. I was too weak to fight him—and that's not an excuse—I should have tried.
But I am here now. I want to be in your life, in a meaningful way. Not just at the edges."
My gut reaction was to shut her out. Drag her out of this place and make sure she never comes back. But the much more sentimental little boy who has always wanted this mother, was crying for her inside. He wanted her to stay. He wanted to see her try.
"What do you want exactly?"
A smile popped at the corners of her lips. "I want to be with you. For a day. Just today, I don't have to stay the night."
I nodded. She squealed like a little girl. I took a step forward and heard her follow and continued showing her the place. She was staying a day, that's it.
"It's really lovely," she said when we got back downstairs. "Very you."
Elle was anxiously waiting for us, standing in the middle of the living room, her hands flat against the sides of her jeans. A familiar suitcase was next to her. I turned to my mom.
"You said I am staying the day." Mom said. "The internet says there are some lovely hotels parents can stay in when they're visiting their kids if I can't sleep over."
"I can put this in the guest room?" Elle was asking, but it sounded more like a foregone conclusion.
There was only one guest room, which meant… Maybe there was an advantage to my mom staying here. "Fine," I said, putting on my best put-upon voice. "You can stay for the night."
Mom tapped my cheeks. "Thank you so much, darling." She strolled into the living room as Elle rolled the suitcase out and stood in front of the paused TV screen. "What were you watching? Oooh, is that Pride and Prejudice ? Matthew Macfadyen is quite a snack in this one."
"I don't think I want to hear how hot you think someone is, Mom."
She frowned as she found a chair to sit on. "Please tell me I didn't raise a prude."
Elle came back and sat down next to me. She brushed my thigh, smiling. Confused, I frowned at her. She took out her phone, and a few seconds later; I received a text.
Elvy: This is good. I love that you're giving your mom a chance.
Me: Were you eavesdropping?
Elvy: This house echoes
It was a lie, and she knew it. This place had almost zero echo.
Me: Sure.
I sat back and pressed play. Elle had opened a fresh packet of popcorn and placed a coffee table in the middle with the bowl of popcorn on top. As if she knew my mother was going to stay.