7. Etta #2
"It's all right," I said. "I rented a dress because I didn't own anything fine enough for the Hotel Grayson. When I got there Sven found me in the corridor first. He took both my hands and told me I was beautiful. He introduced me to three men as his wife."
Yolanda nodded. Waiting.
"Then somebody asked what I did," I said. "And Sven answered for me. He called my business Boone and Sons."
"Boone and Sons."
"That's what he said." I looked down at my hands. "Simone was standing right there. She called it that quaint little operation down the waterfront. And he agreed with her. In front of the whole room."
Yolanda's jaw tightened.
"He drove me home after," I said. "And I asked him about it in the car. He told me it was jealousy."
"Jealousy."
"That's what he said."
"Of her?"
"I guess."
"Did you tell him that wasn't it?"
"I tried," I said. "He didn't hear me."
Yolanda made a sound in the back of her throat.
I kept going.
I told her about the Sunday he'd cancelled. How I'd planned it for weeks. How I'd packed the Charlene the night before. How his message that morning had said he was flying north with Simone to close the volume and should be back late that night.
"He cancelled a whole day with you to fly with her," Yolanda said.
"To close the contract."
"With her."
I didn't answer.
"What did you do?" she asked.
"I packed a cooler," I said. "The next morning. Turkey and swiss. Coffee. Apples. Chips. Smoked oysters. I drove it up to his office at the airfield. I thought maybe if I just kept showing up he'd see me."
"And?"
"I walked in and found the two of them finishing breakfast together."
"Breakfast," Yolanda said. Her voice was flat.
"They weren't doing anything," I said quickly. "They were just sitting there. Talking. The contract was on the table between them."
"Etta—"
"I don't think he's sleeping with her."
Yolanda stared at me. "You don't think?—"
"I don't," I said. "I've been with him eight years. I know him. I don't think that's what this is."
"Then what is it?"
I looked down at my hands. There was a white line on my finger where my ring had been. The skin was pale underneath. I'd worn that ring every day for eight years.
"He just doesn't have time for me," I said quietly. "That's all it is. He has time for her. For the contracts. For the business. He has time for all of it. But he doesn't have time for me."
Yolanda was quiet for a moment.
"That's worse," she finally said.
I looked at her.
"If he was sleeping with her at least there'd be a reason," Yolanda said. "At least you could say he wanted something from her he wasn't getting from you. But this? He's just choosing not to come home. He's just choosing the work over you. Every single time."
I felt something tighten in my chest.
"He didn't used to be like this," I said.
"I know."
"When we first got married I used to bring him lunch at the airfield. Unannounced. Just show up. And he'd stop everything when I walked in." My voice cracked. "He used to stop everything."
"What changed?" Yolanda asked.
"I don't know." I wiped my eyes. "The company kept growing. The contracts got bigger. Simone came on two years ago and opened Scandinavia and after that he was just gone all the time."
"With her."
"With the work."
"She's part of the work, Etta."
"I know that," I said. "But it's not about her. It's about him. About the fact that he keeps saying yes to me and then he doesn't show up. Every single time."
Yolanda reached over and took my hand.
"I used to bring him lunch on the dock too," I said.
"Back when he still worked the boats himself.
Before he was running the whole operation.
He'd see me coming and his whole face would change.
He'd smile. He'd stop what he was doing and sit with me and we'd eat together and talk and it was just us. "
"When did that stop?"
"I don't know. It was gradual. One day he was there and the next he wasn't. One day he was mine and the next he belonged to the business."
"Etta." Yolanda's voice was soft.
"I just wanted him to spend time with me," I said. "That's all I wanted. That's all it's ever been. I don't care about the money or the house or any of it. I just wanted him to spend time with me."
I wiped my face.
"And he wouldn't," I said. "He kept saying yes and then he kept not coming. Every invitation I ever put out he'd take it and put it down somewhere and never pick it back up. The Sunday. The boat. The lunches. Eight years of them. And he just kept not coming."
Yolanda's hand tightened on mine.
"He loves you," she said.
"I know he does."
"Then why?—"
"I don't know," I said. "I don't think he knows how to see it. How to see what's happening. He thinks he's building something for us. For our life. But I don't want a bigger house or a bigger boat or any of it. I just want him."
My voice broke on the last word.
Yolanda pulled me into a hug and I let her.
"You did the right thing," she said quietly. "Leaving."
I nodded against her shoulder.
"You did," she said again. "I'm proud of you."
"I don't feel very proud."
"You will," she said. "Give it time."
"So I left," I said. "I took my ring off and I left and I went out on the water and I stayed out there until I knew what I was doing."
"And what are you doing?"
I looked at her. "I'm not going back."
Yolanda studied my face for a long moment. "Good."
"But I need you to do something for me."
"Anything."
"If he comes looking for me," I said carefully, "don't tell me."
She frowned. "Etta?—"
"I mean it. If he shows up at the waterfront asking where I am, don't tell me he was there. Don't tell me what he said. Don't tell me anything."
"Why not?"
"Because if I know he came I'll go back," I said quietly. "And it'll be the same. And I can't survive it a second time."
Yolanda was quiet for a long moment.
"All right," she finally said.
"Promise me."
"I promise."
I nodded. My throat was tight.
Across the room Daniella stirred in her chair. She was still asleep. The machine beside her was still running.
Yolanda looked over at her. Then she looked back at me.
"I have to take her to Norfolk next Tuesday," she said. "Specialist appointment. It's at nine."
"What time do you need to leave?"
"Seven-thirty."
"Take the whole day," I said. "I'll cover your shift. And I'll bring Daniella myself."
Yolanda blinked. "You don't have to do that."
"I know."
"Etta, you've got enough on your plate right now. You don't need to be taking on?—"
"It's three hours," I said. "I can give you three hours."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure."
She looked at me for a long moment. Her eyes were bright.
"Thank you," she finally said.
I nodded.