Chapter 23
BETH
Ikept getting glimpses of Chris. I saw him across the highway from the diner.
I saw him driving a rusty pickup truck through town.
And I saw him walking the downtown streets alone with his shoulders hunched as if he was lost or a heavy weight sat on his shoulders.
He’d left me alone, at least. And he’d stopped sending gifts and calling me.
So, why was he even here? What did he hope to accomplish if he didn’t even want to talk to me?
I couldn’t bring myself to approach him.
Even as days passed and the sightings continued, I didn’t do anything.
I had no idea if he noticed me, but I pretended to go about my day like he didn’t exist. If it was so easy for him to be here and ignore me, then I would do the same thing to him.
It might have been petty, but my life was pre-occupied with other matters these days.
“Okay, I saw Chris at the Post Office,” Lisa said as she came inside from the damp and cold. She had been picking up supplies in town. “I’ve never seen someone look so good and so miserable at the same time.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, unable to hide my curiosity.
She came over to the table, looking like she didn’t want to have the conversation as she shook water droplets out of her hair.
“He looks... I don’t know how to say it.
He looks buff, I guess. He never had muscles and now he’s got them, like he’s been working out.
But he looks so sad. He’s pale and there are deep purple bags under his eyes. It’s like he hasn’t been sleeping.”
It was impossible to imagine a muscled Chris.
Not when he had always been a creature of the office.
And he never cared for hard work, not with the way his shoulders and neck would ache after long hours at his desk.
What was he doing that had built such a physique?
“Maybe he’s running every day. It is a good way to stay healthy. ” That seemed more like Chris.
“If he was running every day, I don’t think he’d look so worn down. No, something is happening, I’m certain of it.”
None of this made sense. It was Chris. I wasn’t going crazy, even if I felt like I was at times. He was really here. I’d only caught glimpses of him, not enough to notice any physical changes. “Well, if he wants to pretend like he’s a ghost, let him. I’ve got better things to focus on, Lisa.”
I went back to counting inventory. The baby was growing, I could feel it.
My belly wasn’t noticeably larger to anyone else, but I could see it in how I fit my clothes and the way I had to be careful when reaching for things.
There was no more throwing myself into hard work like I used to, though I tried.
Now there was a limit I could see ahead, and it was approaching far quicker than I would like. And I needed to make decisions.
“Are you thinking about his presence more?” Lisa asked. She had gotten over her shock of seeing my estranged husband around town, but I hadn’t.
“I think about him. And I’ve seen him more. But I haven’t said anything to him.” It had become my own little game, spotting Chris, seeing him in places that would be unexpected to either of us, I was sure of it. “But there are more pressing matters.”
I glanced down at my belly before quickly looking back at the inventory list. The nausea still lingered, especially when I let myself think too much about things.
It was getting harder and harder to manage the symptoms of my pregnancy while working at the diner, but I refused to let go of the routine.
Lisa could handle most of the heavy lifting and physically demanding tasks.
But it wasn’t enough for me, and I felt more useless every day.
“Are you getting the feeling that he wants you to make the first move?” Lisa’s voice softened as she moved a little closer. “Because it certainly feels that way from my perspective.”
“I’m not making any moves. Not now, not with the way things have gone.”
Lisa sighed and moved closer to the door. “I’m going to run to the bank. You watch things for a moment, and don’t even think about doing anything strenuous.”
I smiled weakly as she left the diner, knowing she was looking for another way to force me to rest. But I couldn’t sit still.
I went around the dining room, clearing away the remaining dishes.
When I glanced up, my eyes caught movement across the highway.
Whatever Chris was up to, it seemed centered around that property.
It certainly wasn’t luxury condos, and Chris was smart enough not to build something high-end so close to the highway.
The building had gone up at what seemed like super-human speed.
It seemed like only days ago that it had been a rusted hulk, and since then, the old building had come down, the foundation removed and a new one poured, and now there was a new structure in its place.
Every day, I saw workers and equipment go into the new building.
“Is that a giant refrigerator?” I had asked myself one day, peering out the windows while I was supposed to be fetching the pot of coffee for a customer.
“Looks like it,” the customer responded, glancing out as well.
I never would have guessed there was a demand for something of that magnitude. The diner had a walk in freezer and a walk in refrigerator, but both together were not even half the size of the one that had been installed across the highway. What could this place need that kind of storage for?
My curiosity was getting the better of me, but Lisa had cautioned me to leave well enough alone.
It was none of my business what was being put up over there, and she reminded me every day that it would be a distraction I didn’t need.
I could see her point, but it still didn’t stop my eyes from drifting toward the building all hours of the day.
Maybe it was just my eyes playing tricks on me.
Or maybe this was some weird attempt by Chris to show me something I couldn’t comprehend.
When Lisa came back into the diner, I made an excuse to take out the recycling.
It wasn’t strictly my chore. We both took it on from time to time, but it was a good reason to step out into the day for a moment.
The clouds overhead threatened rain, so I quickened my steps around the side of the diner, opening the heavy metal lids on the dumpsters with a grunt, tossing the empty boxes inside.
With my hands on the side of the dumpster to hold myself steady, I peered around the corner.
The construction was busy today. And there seemed to be a lot of activity inside, meaning the exterior work was done for now.
But this angle gave me a different perspective.
The loading bays along the side of the building looked familiar, in an eerie way.
There was a canopy, as well. It covered the space between the loading bays and the building, keeping supplies dry no matter the weather conditions.
My mind suddenly flashed to my notebooks, the ones I had foolishly left behind when I left Seattle.
My focus had been on leaving, not really one what I needed from my past life.
But it was those notebooks, the sketches of what my dreams had once been, that were flashing before my eyes right now.
My head spun. This couldn’t be a coincidence.
There was no way someone could randomly build a building that so closely resembled what I had drawn all those years ago.
And then I saw Chris through one of the loading bay doors, his head bent low as he held up a tape measure against a shelf inside the building.
The same Chris who didn’t want to get his hands dirty doing anything at home.
But I knew without a doubt that it was him.
It was hard to miss my husband, especially in a place he had no reason to be.
I blinked hard and moved behind the dumpster, out of sight, as I felt my heart pounding in my chest. He was working.
Chris was the one behind all the construction. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.
“What are you doing back here? The recycling doesn’t take that long.” Lisa’s voice made me jump as she rounded the corner. “Are you spying on him?”
My shoulders sagged in relief for a moment. She knew, and yet her face was not scrunched up with concern. I could have hugged her. “He’s over there, working on that building.”
“Yeah, he’s been out here every day working with the crews. I don’t know what that means for you, but it looks like he’s not going anywhere anytime soon.” There was a hint of confusion in her voice, which I understood. “Are you okay?”
I shook my head, trying to sort through all the thoughts I had on this development. “No, I’m not sure that I am. Did you know about this?” I wanted to believe my sister would hide things from me for my own protection, but I also hoped she would just be honest with me.
She shrugged as if it didn’t matter much. “I figured it out a little after he showed up in town. I didn’t realize that was why he was here, but after you said you saw him that first time, it all kind of clicked into place for me.”
“You knew he was doing construction? Did he say anything to you?”
“No, I haven’t interacted with him since the last time I was in Seattle.”
I remembered how Lisa would come to visit us.
She would even shut down the diner for a few days to make the trip.
It had always felt strange to have her stay with us in the penthouse.
As my sister, there was no way I would make her get a hotel room, especially knowing she wouldn’t have been able to afford a Seattle hotel room, but she always made it known in an unconscious way that she didn’t belong there.
“So you’re telling me you’ve left me in the dark about Chris all this time?”
“I didn’t say that.” There was the same look in her eyes that I had given her.
It was all an unspoken communication, because we didn’t want the world to know what was going on in our private lives, especially not the town, who seemed to thrive on knowing everything about everybody.
“I just haven’t seen him around much and haven’t felt the need to bring up what he’s doing until he does it himself.
He doesn’t even know I’ve figured it out. ”
“So I’m the last one to know?” I asked.
She took my arm, leading me back towards the diner. “You’re the only one it matters to. It’s his story to tell. And yours, if you’re ever willing to hear him out.”
“This is just weird. What does he think he’s doing over there. I can’t tell if he’s acting like a construction foreman or an actual worker. Either way, it’s so unlike him that I can’t figure it out.”
“You have to talk to him eventually, Beth. But not because I’m telling you to. When you want answers, go get them from the man himself. Don’t hide behind the dumpster spying. Now come back inside before it starts raining again.”
I let my sister usher me inside. My body was exhausted and my mind was just about to give up trying to make sense of things.
What was I doing out here, spying on my estranged husband while my baby grew inside me and my future felt uncertain?
If I’d had the energy, I would have been embarrassed by how immature I was acting.
But I couldn’t summon the strength for that either.
“I think I need to take the afternoon off. I have so much swirling around in my head that I don’t think I can focus today.” It hurt to admit that. My hands trembled as I put down the coffee pot I was filling. I felt helpless.
“Do what you need to do.” Lisa kissed my cheek. “Just make sure you eat something today. And take care of that baby.”
“I will, I promise. Thank you for all your help.” I turned to head up to the apartment, but Lisa stopped me.
“No, Beth, I mean it. You’re not in this on your own, okay? You’re my family, and you’ll always have a place with me.”
My vision blurred as a lump grew in my throat. “I love you, Lisa.” She was the only person I wanted in my life right then, the one I needed, and she had never left my side, not since I came to town. Even with everything she was going through, she was still putting my needs first.
“I love you too. And we’ll figure this out.
” She released me so I could escape up the stairs, and I ran, trying to get out of sight before the tears came, not wanting her to see me break.
It was enough that she understood, that she accepted all that had happened.
But there were so many emotions still coursing through me that I didn’t know what to do with them. And at least alone I could fall apart.