Chapter Twelve
Donovan
Me: Help! Emergency meeting of the Jilted Exes’ Club needed!
I’m in the breakroom at work and haven’t stopped thinking about last night all day.
I feel secure in how Eric and I left things.
We were fine last night and this morning, and he was his normal self too.
We didn’t mention the incident, and he was goofy and my Eric.
Still, my mind is spinning because I’m trying to make sense of the fact that not only did we get hard, but that Eric said we could jerk off together.
But then I went to my bedroom alone and made myself come while thinking about him.
About Eric .
And the orgasm had been out of this fucking world.
I’m not surprised Hayes replies first. He’s always on top of things. Anthony works late at Lush, so he sleeps in sometimes.
Hayes: I’m free after work. Ant?
I smile at Hayes using the nickname for Anthony.
Hayes was the most closed off of the three of us.
He was nervous about being friends with Anthony and me.
When I first messaged them, asking if we could meet up, I didn’t think Hayes would come, and when he did, I thought he would bolt.
Clearly, he hadn’t, and we’re close now, but it’s still noticeable that he’s not as comfortable with us as we are with him.
Anthony: I’m down. Your place, Dono?
Me: No…Eric will be there.
Anthony: Finally fuck?
Hayes: Oh my God! I can’t believe you said that (but I was also thinking it).
My cheeks flush, and I shield my phone as if Eric can see it from home.
Me: What? No! We didn’t fuck. We’re best friends. Just…okay, fine. Something weird happened, and I need to talk about it.
Hayes: I’d say we could go to our place, but…well, you’ve met Ry. If we’re there, he’s going to know, so it depends if you want this just between us or not.
I chuckle. There’s no doubt in my mind he’s right.
In the grand scheme of things, it’s not a huge deal if Rylan knows, but I’m going back and forth about it.
I spent most of my life only having a connection to Eric—outside of my family, at least—but I’ve felt a strong one since the moment I met Hayes and Anthony.
I think I just want to share this with them for now.
The Jilted Exes. The guys who all dealt with a manipulative asshole and not only came out the other side relatively unscathed, but found lifelong friendship too.
Anthony: You can come to my place.
We’ve never been to Anthony’s before. I’m sure there’s no reason for that other than the fact that he lives in a small apartment in West Hollywood. There’s a lot more space at my house or Hayes and Rylan’s.
“ Trauma ER, five minutes. Trauma ER, five minutes, ” comes from overhead, and I curse.
Me: Sounds good. Gotta go. We have a trauma coming in.
Text the address, and thanks for being there!
You guys are the best. I add a heart emoji.
It feels good to have friends like them.
Before, the only person I would have had to talk to was Eric and, well, that might’ve been awkward this time.
Hey, so I’m totally confused about getting a boner with you, and did you happen to think of me too when you jerked it?
If so, can you tell me what that means, please?
Not gonna work. While I basically tell Eric everything, I need an outside opinion about this. My biggest fear is losing him, and I can’t ever do anything that would cause that.
*
I called Eric on my break earlier to let him know I wouldn’t be home right after work because I’m meeting with Anthony and Hayes.
He sounded confused, which made me feel guilty.
I know how bored he is right now—not being able to do much and not working—but I also feel like I’ll combust if I don’t talk to the guys.
It was a long-ass day at work. The trauma had been a single-car accident.
Luckily, the woman was okay. It’s hard for me not to bring my work home sometimes, especially when it has to do with a sick kid, but anything really.
Our health is the most important thing we have, and it’s not easy to see people suffering or witnessing when people can’t get the care they deserve.
It’s one of the reasons I was so insistent on finding a way to get Eric coverage.
Coincidentally, I happen to walk up to Anthony’s building at the same time as Hayes.
The place isn’t far from Hollywood and Sunset Boulevard, which I know can’t be cheap.
Even though Anthony’s complex isn’t anything fancy, it must cost an arm and a leg.
I’m glad he’s able to afford it with what he makes dancing at Lush.
Hayes greets me with a smile. “Hey.” He’s wearing slacks and a short-sleeved button-up, his brown hair neat and tidy as always.
“Hey, you. Thanks for coming.” I give him a hug. I’m an affectionate person with people I care about.
“No problem. I hope everything’s okay.” He pulls open the door to Ant’s building.
“Everything is…weird. I’ll tell you inside.”
We find Anthony’s apartment, and I knock. He pulls open the door a moment later, wearing a crop top and jeans. He’s not a small guy. Anthony is tall and slender, with lots of lean muscle I must admit looks sexy with his cutoff shirt. His eyes are green, his skin an olive tone.
“Hey, what’s up.” He kisses my cheek, then does the same to Hayes. “Does this meeting of the Jilted Exes call for something strong to drink, or is alcohol not needed?”
I chuckle. “Alcohol isn’t needed.”
His place is decorated very nice and modern, with lots of grays and blacks, but I notice there’s nothing super personal out for everyone to see. No photos of Anthony, family, or anything like that, which surprises me.
“I’m good too,” Hayes says.
“Have a seat. Want water?”
We both say yes, and Anthony goes into the kitchen and grabs two glasses, then comes back and sits cross-legged on the floor in front of the coffee table, moving fluidly.
We’ve talked about going to Lush at some point but unfortunately haven’t made it yet.
I’d really like to go see him dance, though.
“I’ve been on the edge of my seat all day,” Ant says, grinning. “We need an Eric update stat.”
I swallow half my water in a few gulps. Now that I’m here, I feel almost silly talking to them about it. I’m twenty-eight, and I needed to tell my friends I got hard and jerked off to Eric? It sounds absurd.
“I was playing with Eric’s hair while we were watching TV last night. He got a random boner. He asked me to look at it, and—”
“Was there something wrong with it?” Hayes interrupts.
“No. He didn’t ask me to examine his cock. He just sat up and pointed to his erection, which made me look, and then I got hard too.”
“As one does when looking at the bulge of a sexy man,” Anthony says.
Good point.
“Anyway, then he said we should take care of them, and I asked if he meant together because we’ve never done that before, and—”
“You haven’t?” Anthony interrupts.
“No. We’re best friends.”
“So? I must admit I haven’t had one of those, but isn’t that a thing that happens?”
I’m struck for a moment by him saying he never had a best friend.
We’ve talked about it before, how the three of us didn’t grow up with a lot of friendship, and how we were all loners for one reason or another, but I just can’t imagine that for Anthony.
He’s so sweet and outgoing. He seems up for anything, like an extrovert, and just… well, his looks don’t hurt him either.
How did Malcolm find us all? I might have had Eric, but if it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t have ever had anyone. From what they’ve said, Hayes and Anthony didn’t even have an Eric.
“You have a best friend now—two of us.” I nod to Hayes, including him. “When have we jerked off together?”
“I meant when you were younger, but I most definitely would if Hayes didn’t have a big hockey boyfriend, and you weren’t basically married to your best friend.”
I flush. Little does he know…
“We’re getting off track,” I say.
“Wait. You would want to jerk off with me if I didn’t have a super-hot hockey boyfriend?” Hayes asks.
“I said big, you added the super-hot—validly. But yes.”
“Wow…” Hayes leans back on the couch, looking very impressed with himself. “I can’t wait to tell Rylan.”
“He’s not going to want to beat me up, is he?” Ant asks.
Hayes rolls his eyes. “No. We don’t have sex with other people or anything, but he’ll be happy for me nonetheless. He always says I don’t see how desirable I am. Oh God. Not that you desire me.”
Anthony waves off his concern. “You’re hot, sweetheart. Your boyfriend is right.”
Hayes grins, blushes, and I add, “You are.”
“Huh. Go me,” Hayes says, and the three of us laugh. “Okay, back to Donovan and his sex story with Eric.”
“It’s not a sex story.” Though I guess it kinda is. “I can’t remember where I left off—him saying we should take care of our boners, I think. I asked if he meant together. He said no but that we could, and I said no.”
“Why did you say no?” Hayes asks.
“Did you not want to?” Anthony adds.
I think for a moment. There’s no denying I did want to, but wanting was confusing.
All this is confusing. “I did…and I never have before, so I’m not sure how to feel about it.
But I mostly said no because I don’t want to mess things up between us.
I’ve worked really hard to keep a firm friendship boundary between Eric and me.
I never wanted it to get blurry because I can’t imagine my life without him. I could never risk that.”
“Why are the two of you automatically not lasting in this scenario?” Anthony cocks a brow.
Because Eric has never been in a serious relationship.
He’s never even wanted one.
He’s said before he doesn’t get that spark. Sex? Yes. Relationship? No.
Because he’s straight.
Because I’m already amazed that Eric loves me as a best friend, and I figure it’s smart not to push my luck. I can’t get that lucky twice.
Oh, and I don’t see him like that. I really, really don’t.
“We’re just friends,” is what I settle on. The other stuff is too tangled in my head to let it out.
“Are you sure?” Hayes’s voice is soft, and maybe a little questioning.
“What? Yes. I would know if we were anything more than that. Plus, Eric is straight.”
“Is he sure?” Anthony asks. “Because he doesn’t give off hetero vibes.”
“What are hetero vibes? And yes, I would know if he’s queer!
And so would Eric. This is getting extremely convoluted when all I wanted to say is we went to our separate rooms to jack off, and I thought about him the whole time, and came so hard I nearly died.
Help me!” I cover my face with my hands.
They give me a moment before Hayes puts a hand on my thigh. “I don’t know if this is one of those situations where my lack of experience has me confused, but why are you so upset you thought about a hot guy when you masturbated?”
“Please don’t call it that.” I lower my arms. “And because it makes me feel like a terrible person. As though I’m taking advantage of him.
Like I said, I’ve worked hard to keep those boundaries in place.
I only see Eric as a friend, and as his friend, I shouldn’t be imagining him naked when I come…
or, you know, watching him wipe dried jizz off himself afterward. ”
“Wow. I think we missed a step. Are you sure we don’t need alcohol for this?” Anthony confirms.
“No, it’s fine.” I explain how after I cleaned up from my orgasm, I went to Eric’s room, that he was in nothing but shorts covering his junk, and the discussion we had about him thinking he was being a dickhead by being half naked or naked in front of me, and how I never wanted him to think I was hitting on him or taking advantage of our friendship.
“So…I have a question.” Anthony comes over and sits on the other side of me.
“Do you not see Eric like that because he’s your friend and you simply don’t have those kinds of feelings for him, or is it because you’ve never let yourself consider the fact that you could have feelings for him because you’re scared of losing him? ”
I…don’t know the answer to that. It should probably be pretty easy, but the truth is, it’s not. “I’m not sure, and really, I don’t think I want to find out.”
“Because of Malcolm?” Hayes asks.
Yes. Absolutely. The truth is, I don’t know how to trust someone, and I don’t ever want to feel that way about Eric. I shouldn’t. I know Eric isn’t Malcolm. He would never treat someone the way Malcolm did, but how do I risk that after the only relationship I’ve ever had ended the way it had?
But it’s not only the trust issue. It’s also because he’s Eric . The person who has seen me at my worst. The risk is just too big. “Partly because of Malcolm, yes.”
“You can’t let Malcolm win. I almost did that with Rylan. Don’t do the same,” Hayes says.
“The difference is Rylan is queer, and he clearly wanted you. Hayes, you got a hockey god to fall for you. I’m just me. I scored Eric as a best friend. I’m not pushing my luck trying for more.”
“Hey.” Anthony takes my hand. “Eric would be lucky to have you.”
“He does have me. We’re friends. I think we’re looking way too deeply into this. I don’t have romantic feelings for Eric, and he doesn’t have them for me. It was just a weird sex thing because we got married.”
I instantly realize my mistake. I pull my hand from Anthony’s and slap it over my mouth.
Fuuuuuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
“Excuse me, what?” The shock in Anthony’s voice is clear.
“It’s not what you think.”
“I’ll go get that whiskey now,” he says.
It’s gonna be a long night.