19. Chapter 19 - Rosalyn
Cade left so fast I barely had my coat off.
Standing in the middle of the small kitchenette, I spin in a slow circle, clueless which direction to move.
All I’ve ever known is life with my brothers. With them I have to constantly be on my toes, cleaning behind them and anticipating anything they need.
I don’t want to make Cade angry that I’m here, he’s the only chance I have to get away.
Twisting my lips, I chew on the inside of my cheek while my focus flits from the small handful of dishes in the sink to the scattered bits of mud by the door.
Nothing is dirty enough to really warrant focusing on, but I don’t want to be caught idle. There’s always been some sort of punishment if I am.
When the door blusters open, letting in a swirl of heavy snowflakes, Cade appears from the porch with a pile of papers tucked under his arm.
Then he freezes, scowling at my hands submerged in the soapy water. “What are you doing?” He kicks the cabin shut and stomps his boots against the frame.
“I thought I’d just make myself useful.” My brows furrow into a knot over my nose.
He shakes his head, dropping some wet snow onto the floor from the brim of his hat, then takes it off to reveal his dark hair plastered over his forehead. “You don’t have to do that, Ros.”
I’m not sure why that nickname makes my heart race a little faster. “I don’t mind.”
“That isn’t the kind of help I need,” he grumbles, dropping the stack of pages onto the small table.
I can feel my lower lip tremble. “I’m not sure what to do.” All I know is how to deal with my brothers.
Cade takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly while he toes off his Ariats and leaves them near the threshold. “You’re safe here. I swear. You ain’t gotta work it off.”
He tugs open the short dorm-sized fridge and pulls out two bottles, then holds one up to me. “Want a beer?”
I focus on the coffee cup in my grasp. “I don’t drink.”
With a grunt, he puts one back. “I shouldn’t either.” He twists the top off and tosses it into the garbage can. “But it helps numb the fuckery.” His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows, then he sets the half-empty drink on the table near the stack.
The heels of my hands find the edge of the sink as I pause to turn to him. “Why do you, though? After—” I wave my soapy fingers in a circle. “—everything.”
“Ros, I’ve got two titanium rods in my leg.
And this part of my face?” He jabs his thumb to the scars puckering his skin.
“Has more metal than bone. It aches when it’s cold.
” He sits, stretching out his socked foot to straighten his knee.
“It’s why I moved to Texas, to get away from these damn winters. ”
What?
A flicker of fear races through me. “Are you going to, um…” I chew on my bottom lip, washing the same fork over and over as the panic brings the sting of tears. “Leave?” I whisper.
He’s the only person who knows I exist. Without him, I think I really will die if I have to stay with my brothers much longer.
Either by their hand or my own.
It’s such a thin thread that I’m clinging to. And yet it feels as if it’s suffocating me.
“I’m staying until I get some answers.” Cade doesn’t look up, instead focusing his dark gaze on the shiny photos in front of him.
I’m done. “I need to go back then,” I say shakily.
“I can’t stay here. You’re the only path to escape I have.
” My arms wrap my waist in a failing effort to stop my body from shaking from the raw terror clawing through me.
“There’s still time. They might not even notice I was gone this long.
” Every word tumbles out faster as I rush towards the door.
He stands quicker than I realize, putting himself between me and my only exit. “I told you I’d keep you safe, even if it means I drive your ass to Texas to start again too.” His callused finger nearly pokes me in the chest.
Then his arm swings wide—I flinch, waiting for the strike.
“Jesus, Ros.” He raises it to run his palm down his face. “I ain’t ever gonna hit you. I was just gonna say, ol’ Pete will protect you if there’s ever a reason I can’t.” He steps backwards from me, pain pinching the corners of his eyes and thinning his lips before he slumps down into his chair.
“Damn it all,” he mutters, letting out a long breath. “I forget you’ve been locked up with monsters your whole life.”
Another shudder runs through me. But I’m frozen in place with adrenaline pumping through me, screaming at me to run…hide.
The idea of depending on a stranger for help turns into an imposing shadow lurking over me, crushing me beneath it.
“I can’t. He won’t. No one cares, Cade.” A knot forms in my throat.
“You don’t understand,” I whimper. “They’re the only ones who want me.
When my parents died so soon after Ava, they sent out a lady to check in on me.
John told me—” I bite the inside of my cheek hard enough to taste blood.
“—that I wasn’t even worth them putting me in foster care.
That I should be grateful that he was taking me on as a burden.
” I stumble towards the counter, holding myself up by the peeling formica top as the agony of abandonment fights to gain control.
“Ros—” When he looks up, his jaw tics as he clenches his teeth. “—he lied to you. It doesn’t work that way.”
“Explain that to eleven year old me?” My words barely croak out.
I can’t fight the tears any longer, they flow freely down my cheeks.
“Was it my fault that no one else came to my rescue? The only person who ever loved me was dead. I had nothing…I am nothing, don’t you get that?
” Covering my eyes, I feel myself slide down the cabinet to the floor.
This is the second time today I’ve been in this position, huddled on the tiles of a kitchen. It isn’t fear taking all the strength from my body, it’s the hole in my soul that has withered around its emptiness.
“Just take me back to the ranch,” I sob into my elbow. “It’s the only purpose I have.”