31. Chapter 31 - Rosalyn
Loud banging wakes me up in a cold sweat.
Is it my brothers?
Panic has me sliding quickly out of bed and racing to the closet.
Please no. Don’t be them.
They’ll kill Cade…and me.
My heart beats so loudly in my ears I can’t hear him answer the door.
But a strange voice drifts through, a man I’m not familiar with.
Slowly, I step out, wincing with every footfall after my rush to get away.
My fingers reach for the handle when I hear Cade yell.
No, more like a painful cry.
It makes me freeze.
“I’m sorry,” the strange man says, his voice carrying into the bedroom over Cade’s groans. “I’ll check back in a few hours when I know more.”
Another noise shakes the walls.
He must have left.
Cade’s muffled sounds drift in, tugging me in his direction.
He’s sprawled on the couch in only a pair of jeans. His scarred heaving chest is bare with one arm slung over his eyes as another sob wracks his body.
I feel as if I’m invading on something intimate.
“Cade? Who was here?” I keep my tone hushed, not even sure if I should be bothering him.
“That was Pete.” His elbow doesn’t move, but his voice cracks. “There was a fire.”
“I don’t understand.” I shuffle closer, ignoring the pain in my knee and side.
“At the ranch,” he exhales, then takes a shuddering breath. “My parents—” His arm raises to rub his palm across his face, then glances up at me with red-rimmed eyes. “—they died.”
A knot of grief seizes my stomach. I didn’t mourn the loss of my own, but I can appreciate that he loved them.
Seeing him in agony…hurts much more than I expected it to.
I’ve seen glimpses of the soft heart he carries. He doesn’t deserve this.
Before I realize what I’m doing, I’m perched on the edge of the cushion and flattening my palm over his puckered skin.
He’s so much like me being covered with scars inside and out. It brings my own sting of tears. “I’m so sorry,” I whisper.
His arm crosses my thighs to wrap around my hip while he rubs his eyes. “This is all so fucked,” he groans. “Pete said it was arson.”
An icy chill runs up my spine making me pull away my hand to thread my fingers together. “It’s my fault.”
His brow furrows, then he looks around the room dramatically before settling back down. “Show me the gas cans you used? The lighter? How is this your fault?”
“Eli demanded to know who I was with,” I stammer, staring at my thumbs that war with each other on my lap. “I couldn’t help it. I told him it was you.”
Cade’s mahogany irises shrink as he focuses on me.
“Fuck, Ros.” He reaches up and tugs on my shoulders, pulling me down gently to hold me against his chest. “It wasn’t you.” His hot breath ruffles my hair as his other arm wraps me. “It wasn’t you,” he repeats, choking on the words.
I’m supposed to be comforting him but I think it’s working both ways.
Pinned in his grip, the guilt melts out of me with the press of his hot skin. A new pang of shame writhes through me.
This shouldn’t feel so good.
My mother would be furious if she knew I liked being held by him.
But the strength in his arms, the heat from his body, it works into me to create a steaming ember deep inside of my belly.
Why is there a longing within me to touch more?
“You know I’m going to kill him.” Cade’s tone is flat even as his burning palms work up and down my back.
“I know.” My cheek presses the soft spot just under the jut of his collarbone where I can watch his Adam’s apple move as he talks.
An insane part of me wants to reach up and stroke it.
“Would you hate me if I did?” His touch pauses over my shoulders and his chin drops for him to look down at me.
His lips nearly brush my nose. Just the proximity makes my pulse hammer a rapid staccato.
“No.” Am I trading my own family for Cade’s peace?
I think so.
He drops his head back down to the pillow, resuming his slow strokes over my ribs.
I’m tempted to stretch like a cat into his hands.
“If you weren’t here, I’d go right now.” His words are more a vibration against my jaw than a sound in my ears.
I like how it feels.
Is this what it’s like to be with someone you care about?
“If it was them, they’re gone,” I sigh, making the short hairs tickle my nose. “They leave every now and then for a couple of weeks at a time.” I don’t want to, but push myself up. “I wonder if it would match some of those awful things you said happened?”
“Fuck,” he groans, covering his eyes again. “Do you know where they go?”
With a frown, I shake my head. “I think once was Wyoming. Another time they spent a few weeks in Texas.” My lips purse and I find a spot on the wall to fixate on. “Definitely Mexico a few times.”
“Damn it.” Both of his hands come up to rub over his face.
Shit. I’m disappointing him. I just want him to touch me again.
“Maybe we’ll end up in Paradise sooner than I expected.” He lets out a long breath. “My brothers think I had something to do with all the crap that happened. Mom was going to talk to Mason in the morning.” He winces as if he’s been stabbed, making me push up quickly.
“Did I hurt you?” I know some of my own scars can be sensitive. Did I pinch him somehow?
“What? God no. That was—” He swallows hard. “—nice,” he says hoarsely. “I just realized if they thought I did the other garbage, they might think I started the fire too.”
Shock rolls through me. “That’s crazy! I’ll tell them you were here with me the whole time!” Panic makes my pitch elevate into a shrill squeak.
“Ros, it’s okay.” He drops his hand to rest on my knee.
“There’s nothing we can do about it. I’m not going over there today, that’s for damn sure.
” Rolling his wrist, he squints at his watch.
“It’s four in the morning. Go get some rest, I’m going to go down and talk to Pete about taking care of the horses for us. ”
“What? Why? Are we leaving today?” I’m hesitant to get up.
It would mean I’d have to pull away from him.
“Not today, but soon. We’ll go to Helena and get all of your stuff taken care of. I just—” His chest twitches as he fights another heave. “—I can’t stay here now. I need to get away. You can stay or come with me, I ain’t gonna force you. Pete will make sure you’re taken care of.”
“I-I don’t know him.” My fingers curl over his forearm where it rests on my lap.
With my thumb, I trace one of the small lines indelibly marking his skin.
“I trust you more than anyone else.” I bite back the begging that quivers on the tip of my tongue.
“So if you want me to stay here with Pete, I will.”
When his hand stills and his narrowed eyes reappear, I know I messed up.
“Rosalyn,” he growls. “Just tell me what the fuck you want to do. Own it, remember?” He raises his arm to point at my chest. “Choose for yourself, not for what anyone else picks for you.”
I guess no matter what I’m screwing up, I might as well be honest. “Then I pick you. I don’t want to stay anywhere near my brothers.
I want to go wherever you go and…and…” I focus on the tiny hairs on his arm between the scars, smoothing them down with a light caress.
“I like being able to touch you.” Tears blur my vision when I finally look back up.
“I don’t remember the last time I had any contact with another person.
” Biting my lip brings the tang of blood when I break the scab.
“I didn’t know how badly I missed it. You make me feel like a human…
like for the first time someone actually wants me around. ”
Droplets tickle down my cheeks, stinging when they hit the freshly re-opened split in my mouth.
With a groan, he pulls me back down against his chest, squeezing me so tightly it almost hurts.
I hope he never stops.
His jaw rests on the top of my head and his throat moves against my cheek as he talks. “I was hoping you didn’t want to stay but I’d respect the hell out of your decision.” His warm, rough palm moves onto my bare elbow and pauses. “I missed this too,” he whispers.
I stay there, glued to his chest listening to the steady beat of his heart until I’m startled back awake by his phone ringing on the coffee table.
“Yea?” His arm over me doesn’t move. “Yes I did.”
I can barely hear the tinny sound of a voice at the other end but not the words.
“Yes.” He repeats, then clicks his call off.
“Apparently my credit card thought me buying women’s panties was fraud and wanted to double check.” He shakes under me with a chuckle. “I guess to them it’s more plausible I got hacked.”
“Did I get you in trouble?” My mouth almost brushes the stubble over the pulse in his neck.
Circling me with one last squeeze, he then pats my shoulder gently. “They’ll just have to get used to it.”