42. Chapter 42 - Cade
When I wake, my palm is flattened over the skin of her belly under her shirt while she sleeps peacefully on my arm.
I don’t want to move. It’s taken five days for her to get comfortable enough for this.
It may be just a small win but it’s also been almost a week of more laughs, more kissing, and a lot more honesty.
She’s put a permanent ache in my nuts but I don’t care.
Well, I do. It fucking hurts lying next to her when her fingers rest on my thigh close enough to brush the bulge in my jeans.
I have to wear the damn things or I’d poke my own eye out with as hard as she makes me.
The tease of her taut nipples through the thin fabric of her shirt is killing me too. Each time she inhales, they raise toward me as if they’re begging for me to taste them.
One day I’ll be able to lavish her with all of my pent up attention. I’ll get to taste her until she screams.
Shit. I can feel my dick leaking against the denim.
Rolling away from her, I have to readjust my cock to stand.
“Cade?” Her soft voice carries from the pillow just as I’m about to close the bathroom door.
“Yes, baby?” I glance back to see her sleepy eyes blink in the early light.
“Come back to bed?” She gives me a half-smile as she pats the spot I left.
“I’m just gonna jump in the shower.” I have to or I’ll explode.
One of her blue eyes squint as she covers the other with her palm. “Why do you take two a day? You don’t stink,” she giggles. “I like how you smell.”
“Mmm,” I groan. “I like how you do too, that’s why I have to shower twice a day.” As I toss her a wink and pull the door shut, her mouth opens into an ‘o’ and pink rushes into her cheeks.
Maybe this time I’ll make enough noise for her to hear me when I come down the drain?
Nope. I promised her no pressure. I don’t mind taking matters into my own hands if it means I’m gaining her trust.
Part of me hopes that one day she’ll get brave or curious and come in here with me.
Even if she doesn’t join me in the shower, she can watch and see what she does to me. Then I can make her bite those pretty lips as I meet her eyes and groan my way through another release with her name spilling out of me.
Fuck, the water was barely warm before I got off that time.
When I step back into the bedroom with wet hair and empty balls in nothing but a fresh pair of jeans and an unbuttoned white shirt, I’m surprised to see her still lying there awake. She usually goes back to sleep.
“Cade?” Her voice is low and her gaze averted.
That often means she’s anxious about something.
I toss my dirty clothes in the basket and crawl back over the mattress to cuddle her through the blanket. “Yes?”
“What does it feel like?” she whispers.
I’m not exactly sure what she’s asking. “There’s still plenty of hot water.”
“No…” She traces the vein in my arm with her nail. “The other part.”
My breath catches in my chest. I have an idea of what she’s hinting at but want no doubts. The last thing I want to do is give her wrong information. “You’ll have to elaborate, Ros. I’m not sure what you’re talking about?”
Her nose wrinkles, making her forehead furrow. “I don’t, um. I’m not sure.”
Propping my head on my palm, I can see the confusion and frustration rippling through her features.
With a sigh, she turns to face me. “What does it feel like when you…you know.” Her fingers make a little swirl in the air.
My lips purse, measuring my words as one brow raises. “Is that the technical term?”
“You’re making this hard.” She pouts, covering her eyes with her elbow.
That makes me snort and I almost drop a very bad joke. “Why don’t you just explain so I don’t fuck up the answer?” I’m struggling not to laugh as her intention gets clearer.
If she wants me to go into detail about sex—
“What does it feel like to orgasm?” She clamps her other arm over the first, completely hiding her face.
I’m glad she did, or she’d see the look of horror that crosses mine.
Ice rushes through me at the terrible truth.
She was probably punished.
That changes my entire mood.
“Rosalyn.” My throat is as dry as a desert. “You’ve never—”
Her head shakes under her arms. “Mama caught me once,” she whimpers.
“Even after she was gone, you didn’t…” I let my question trail off. I should know better.
Rosalyn spent her entire life fearful, even of a woman long dead.
I’m so glad today is the first appointment with the therapist.
“It feels really good, Ros. Like all the weight of the world is released from your body at once.” I’m suddenly very glad I’ve decided to move at a snail’s pace with her.
I’ve barely scratched the surface of how much trauma my poor woman is carrying.
“That sounds nice.” Her fingers twitch over her elbows.
“It is. And it’s normal, baby.” I fight the ache in my chest. “By yourself or with someone else, we’re hardwired to enjoy it.”
I want to prove it to her. My hands twitch with the desire to show her just how amazing it can be.
Instead, I flatten my palm on the blanket harboring her shoulder.
“It’s okay for you to touch yourself. Learn what you like and don’t like.
It’s your body, Ros, no one else should ever dictate what you can do with yourself. ”
Why am I the one telling her this?
It’s a basic human fucking right to autonomy.
The fact that she has been punished from herself makes bile rise in my throat.
Lets hope I end up in hell so I can find her parents and kill them again.
“Can you help me?” Her words hang like razors slicing the air between us.
Blood rushes to my cock, the last place I should be thinking about.
“Tell me what you want me to do.” Is it her hand or mine she wants to bring her to ecstasy?
I will gladly volunteer.
Her arm drops to splay her fingers on her belly and she peeks one eye out through the crook of her elbow. “Guide me?”
“Do you want me to touch you?” I barely get the question out before I see her face crease in panic.
“Not yet,” she whispers. But her knee rises, pushing the blanket back to free her legs.
“Ros,” I can’t keep my voice from dropping into a guttural grunt. “I’m going to sit in the chair, okay? So I’m not tempted to help.”
She nods from beneath her arm.
Yet again, I’m crawling out of this bed with a painful erection cutting off the flow of blood to my legs.
I didn’t realize that my leather chair was the perfect viewing location until I sit with a clear view of her fingers dancing around her belly button. “I’m going to tell you what to do but if there’s anything you want to linger on, remember you’re in control.”
“Okay,” she whimpers, her arms still firmly over her eyes.
“I love you and I’m proud of you, Ros.” I’m going to burn this moment into my memories.
A smile lifts the corner of her mouth. “Thank you.”
“Move your hand up under your shirt and find one of those tight nipples.” I’m fighting light headedness as my cock throbs when she obeys.
As she lifts the fabric, I catch glimpses of her pale skin and a flash of pink on the tip of her breast that almost makes me groan.
“Lightly pinch it, then run your fingertip in a circle over the top. Can you feel how sensitive it is?” I wish it was my tongue licking around the taut bud.
“Mmhmm.” Her breath starts to come faster as she switches.
“Good girl,” I growl. “I like to see you exploring. Are you ready for more?”
“Yes, please.” Her breathy reply makes my thighs quiver.
“I want you to run your nails up and down your belly so lightly you can barely feel it. Like you’re tickling a feather over your skin.” I swear I’m going to come in my jeans.
Her abs twitch, making her hips buck as she strokes. All I can imagine is her doing that against my face when I’m buried between her thighs.
“You should pull down your leggings so you can open up that pussy.” Fuck, did I go to far?
She freezes, chest heaving with her panting. “Help me take them off?”
This will be the first time she’s bared herself.
“As you wish.” In a single stride, I pause with my hands outstretched. “I’m going to touch your waistband.”
Her arm slips off her eyes to meet my fevered gaze. “Okay.”
Then she lifts her hips letting me tug them down in a steady pull, leaving only a scanty pair of black panties.
I can’t hide my gasp as the marks appear. “There’s my beautiful girl,” I murmur, freeing her feet from the spandex.
Everything in me wants to run my palms down her thighs but I force myself back into the chair. “I want to kiss every inch of you. Show me where you want my mouth.”
Her finger rises, pushing up her shirt to show me one of those perfect fucking nipples. “Here?”
“Mmm, yes. I’d flick one with my tongue and one with my thumb.” I can’t take much more. The heel of my hand presses with all my strength on my groin.
“Lower,” I grunt. “Pretend it’s me kissing down your belly.”
She traces the indent of her pelvis, flirting with the elastic of those dainty silk panties.
“Push your fingers down to where I want to taste you.” I need to find a pillow. I can’t reach my dresser.
I need something to block her view so I can free my agonizing cock from its prison.
The arm over her eyes falters, sliding down to reveal the fear and panic on her features.
I can tell she’s on the edge of spiraling. “You’re in control, Ros. You don’t have to do this. You’ve done such a good job.”
Her bottom lip rolls between her teeth. “I want to.” And she pushes beneath the lacy hem.
“Can you feel how wet you are?” I need her more than oxygen. “Use your middle finger and stroke slowly up and down.”
The outline of her hand moving beneath the black fabric should be hung in a museum. It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever witnessed.
Every time she reaches the top, her knees jerk.
“That part, baby. That firm little button that sends fire through your body? I want to taste you there. Show me how fast you can run your finger around it.” I’m salivating wanting to suck her tight clit between my teeth.
I’d flick it with my tongue until she ripped my ears off.
“Cade…I’m…so hot.” Her breathy pants move to a whine as her thighs fall wider.