Chapter 12
FREYA
“I’m right here. Quiet your mind and decide what we do next, little one.”
No. No. No.
It can’t be him.
This can’t be happening.
What do I do?
“Look at me,” he commands, his voice booming through the operating room as he continues compressions.
“I need to make more room for the brain swelling.”
“Good. Do it quickly. We’re running out of time to save this man.”
My breathing is too fast, my pulse hammering in my ears, drowning out everything but the sound of his voice.
I get to work, the bone saw in my hand as I cut away more of this man’s skull. It’s the only thing that could save him. Did I do something wrong? Dr. Harrison is saying I did everything right. Dr. Harrison. Daddy.
There’s no time to care about that right now. I have a patient’s life in my hands. “Mannitol.” I practically bark the dosage at the nurses, but they are cool, calm, and collected .
Just as I’m about to lose hope, Dr. Harrison says the words I’m desperate to hear.
“We’ve got a heartbeat. Sinus rhythm.”
“Thank God.” I take a gasping breath.
“No. Thank you , Dr. Perrington. Let’s continue, close him up and get him to the ICU.” He turns his attention to the rest of the room. “Great work, everyone.”
He’s always generous with his praise for nurses but rarely with residents.
I hold it together and take my time, giving my very best until the patient has been wheeled out of the operating room. I make short work of degloving and washing my hands. Dr. Harrison enters the scrub room, pulling his scrub cap and mask off. “We need to talk, Freya.”
“I can’t. Not here. Not now.” I reach for the doorhandle when he stops me dead in my tracks.
“Stop, little one.”
I look around as if other colleagues will appear out of thin air to witness my shame. “No. Goodnight, Dr. Harrison.” My heart is pounding so hard I’m about to go into cardiac arrest.
“ Freya .”
I spin to meet his gaze. “No. Do not talk to me right now. How long have you known?”
He crosses his arms over his chest, the corded muscles sending a jolt of electricity straight to my core.
“You either want an answer, or you want me to shut up. Which is it?”
“This…” I gesture between us, “… is done.”
“Like hell it is. You’re mine, little one.” He closes in on me, bracing his hands on either side of me as my back hits the door.
“Not anymore. Let me go.”
“Not until you address me properly.”
“Let me go, Sir.” I practically spit the words at him, disgusted by my traitorous body.
He leans in, his lips brushing the shell of my ear. “Wrong answer. ”
A shiver runs down my spine, my eyes on the floor. “Let me go… Daddy.”
“Good girl.”
He moves aside, letting me open the door, all the air sucked out of this room by his imposing figure. I walk out with my head held high, forcing myself not to look back, knowing his eyes are boring into me. It’s not until I reach the residents’ lounge that I collapse, dropping to my knees in defeat.
I almost lost my patient today. It took Daddy to stop me from spiraling. Tears fall unbidden down my cheeks as I hang my head. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I wanted no strings attached. To be anonymous. Somehow, I managed to find my way into my boss’s bed. His playroom, no less.
“ Fuck .”
Calming myself, I shove what’s going on with him down, knowing I need to get through the rest of my shift. I have notes to write up on the surgery and a patient to watch over. He deserves my very best and not this pathetic excuse for a woman I find myself to be at this moment.
Breathing deeply, I compose myself and get to my feet. I’ve fought too goddamn hard to get where I am. No man will stand in my way. I can find another Dom to train me. I can’t find another neurosurgeon of Daddy’s —Dr. Harrison’s—caliber. I value his surgical skills over his cock, no matter how much I reveled in his dominance.
All I need to do is get through the night, then I can go home and fall apart at how badly I’ve messed up.
I find sanctuary in the ICU, sitting at my patient’s bedside, monitoring him while I chart. Thankfully, Dr. Harrison only stops by once to check his vitals before heading home for the night. He doesn’t try to engage me in conversation, and I don’t even lift my eyes to meet his gaze.
My heart cracks at the gaping wound that festers in the air around us, and I breathe a sigh of relief when he leaves me to do my job.
The moment I see Celest sitting on the park bench at Strawberry Fields, I burst into tears, and she comes running.
“Oh my God, Frey, what’s wrong?” She pulls me into her arms, my whole body sagging against her.
“It’s over. It’s him. He’s Daddy.”
She pulls back, pushing the hair off my face, cupping my cheeks with such tenderness. “Slow down. I thought you didn’t know your Dad.”
“No. Him . My Dom. He’s my boss. Dr. Harrison.”
She takes my hand and drags me to the bench, entreating me to sit and catch my breath.
“Start from the beginning.”
“The Dom who has been teaching me is my boss, Dr. Harrison. Pierce Harrison.”
“ Master Harrison is your Dom?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, but you’ve been training with him for weeks. Why is it a problem now?”
“We kept the masks on. I wanted to keep it simple, and the exact opposite is now my reality.”
“Jesus, Frey.”
“I let him eat me out with spectators, Cel. I gave him my virginity. I’ve been calling him Daddy. He’s my attending. My new mentor I’ve been waxing lyrical about.”
“Shit.” Then, the penny drops. “You were a virgin? How is that even possible? You are smoking hot.”
I wipe my eyes, chuckling at her observation. Of course, that’s what she chooses to focus on. “I’ve always known I’m not vanilla. The longer I left it, the more it magnified. I dated guys who slut shamed me for asking for what I wanted when we started fooling around. In the end, I threw myself willingly into work. That’s what’s so hard about this. My mentor in the playroom is my mentor in the operating room. ”
“Fuck. He’s a ten. I’d let him do all kinds of shit in the playroom.”
My heart grinds to a halt. “Have you and he…”
“No. I didn’t need training when I became a member at Venom. He doesn’t sleep with established subs.”
“Yeah.” I can’t help the pang of sadness that takes root in the pit of my stomach. “Six months is all I was going to get.”
“He offered you a six-month contract?”
“Yes.”
She rests her hand on my leg. “He doesn’t do that, Frey. I can see you have feelings for him.”
“It doesn’t matter. I’m not going to be his submissive anymore.”
“Why the hell not? He is a respected Dominant, Freya. You’re lucky to be training with him.”
“The things I’ve let him do to me, Cel. My boss. ”
“You have a daddy kink? That’s hot.”
I shove her shoulder. “Stop.”
“You’re overreacting.”
“Am I?” I say with indignation. She can’t be serious.
“Yes. Venom is as discreet as they come. You can still separate work and the playroom. That’s the point of a playroom, Frey.”
“I don’t want to get surgeries because I’m sleeping with my attending. It’s tacky.”
“Why are you so adverse to taking what you want in the bedroom?”
“What?” I’m taken aback.
“You heard me.”
“Because I’m not normal, Cel. I want… pain. To be tied up and punished. I get off on it. I almost came when Daddy was caning me. Dr. Harrison. Pierce. Fuck. I’m so confused. This was supposed to be easy.”
“Since when have relationships been easy? Nothing worth having ever is.”
“ This was supposed to be separate. I didn’t want to know his name. I wanted pleasure and pain. Nothing more, nothing less. ”
“Then why the fuck are you sitting here crying to me about it? Tell him. So, you ditch the masks and know each other’s names. Big deal. Sex is empowering, Frey. Being a submissive is power . You have the upper hand here. He will fall at your feet and beg to be your Daddy if that’s what you want.” I could never see him doing that. He’s too masculine and dominant to beg for anything.
“Six months. That’s all we agreed to. No feelings. Maybe it could work. We’ll just go our separate ways after my training.”
“Exactly. Fuck ’em and chuck ’em. Training is about you . What you like and want from a Dom. Master Harrison is never going to be a forever Dom, Frey. Be his sub and enjoy the crap out of it. You get to walk away and still have your mentor at work. Don’t let yourself be reduced to getting surgeries for pussy. You’re better than that, and Master Harrison knows it. From what I’ve heard, he’s not the kind of guy to put someone’s life in danger to impress you. I’m sure you’re a fantastic lay, but he's a strong-willed Dominant. He doesn’t do anything on a whim.”
“I don’t know if I can separate the two. I’d always wonder. Last night, I flew solo in the OR. I thought I earned it before I knew he was my Dom. I was terrified. The patient flatlined, and I just froze. Only when he called me little one did I kick into gear and do what was necessary to keep my patient alive.”
“He called you little one in the OR? Fuck me, Frey, I think my ovaries just imploded. How are you not riding his face right now? I would be.” The thought makes me angry. I told him we’re done. I have no right to feel anything about who rides his gorgeous, impossibly handsome face. Who fists their hands in his dirty blond hair for purchase as they come on his lips.
Shit.
“Earth to Freya.”
“Sorry. What?”
“You’ve got it bad. You’re blushing, girl.”
“Shut up.”
“I can’t believe you’re a daddy’s girl.”
“Is that weird or just so cliché it’s pathetic?”
“Who cares? If that’s what you want, and he’s cool with it, everyone else can fuck off, Frey. You worry way too much about everyone else and not enough about yourself.” I know she’s right, and I’m self-aware enough to know why, but that doesn’t make it any easier.
“Let’s just go and drink. I want to drown my sorrows.”
“No. We can celebrate your accomplishments. You flew solo, and your patient is alive. That’s something to be proud of. The rest will take care of itself.”
“Where shall we go?”
“Venom.” She’s a pain in the ass.
“What if he’s there? I don’t want to see him.” I’m not ready.
“If he’s there, we can go to a private room or up to the voyeur floor. We have as much right to be there as him.”
“There are a million bars in Manhattan, Cel. Pick somewhere else.”
“The only place that even comes close to Venom is Viper. The owner is also a co-owner of Venom, so Master Harrison would find out if we were there. Doms are very territorial, Frey. You may as well get used to it. Sometimes, it’s easier to hide in plain sight. At Venom, your choices are respected above all else. If you don’t want to talk to Master Harrison, he won’t come near you.”
“This is a bad idea.”
“All the best memories start with a questionable idea and a couple of drinks. You only live once.”
I’m going to regret this in the morning. “Fine. Venom it is.”
Arm in arm, we head out of the park and hail a cab to take us to the club. On the ride there, I sneak a look at the phone Sir—Dr. Harrison—gave me and pull up the calendar. I breathe a sigh of relief, knowing he’s working tonight.
There’s a sadness that creeps over me with its frozen tendrils as we pull up outside Venom. Every time I come here, I still marvel at how innocuous it seems. How do they keep such a well-hidden secret in a city like Manhattan?
“You ready?” Celest says as we shuffle out of the back seat.
“He’s not here. I’ll be fine.”
“How do you know? ”
“We have a calendar we both keep our schedules on. He’s working tonight.”
“Wow. You guys are very involved in each other’s lives for people who wear masks to have sex.”
“Shut up, Cel. You love me for my quirks.”
As we enter, we smile at the security guard now that he knows my face.
“That’s not a quirk, girl. I’m just surprised.”
“Why?”
“Because Doms who train are notorious. They all act the same way, and Master Harrison was no exception before he met you.”
“In what way?” I’m suddenly worried that I’m not a proper submissive if things aren’t playing out the way it does for everyone else.
“It’s not a bad thing, Frey. Trainers don’t interact outside of the club. They keep it short and sweet. You’re trained to be someone else’s submissive, not theirs. You learn the ropes… literally,” she says with a smirk. “His kinks don’t matter. He’ll craft you into a good submissive. But the calendar and calling you by your pet name in a public setting… that’s not Master Harrison’s MO.”
“What about the phone?”
“What about your phone?”
“He gave me this.” I reach into my purse and hold out the cell he gave me as we take the elevator to the club lobby.
She snatches it from my hand. “You have a Dom phone? It’s like the bat signal but for kink! Holy shit.”
“Not normal?” I say with trepidation.
“No. How often do you talk or message?”
“Every day. He has me call him after his driver drops me off at night.”
“You have a driver?” she exclaims.
I grab the phone back and toss it in my purse. “Can I even call myself a submissive? Why isn’t he training me properly?”
“He is, Frey, but he’s not training you to be someone else’s submissive. He wants to make you his submissive. ”
“You’re wrong. You just said a minute ago that training is all he’ll ever see me as.”
She stares me down as the doors ping open. “Fuck what I said. Masters don’t call or text unless it’s an instruction. They don’t send drivers for a three-month sub. Heck, he’s already contracted you for six . You have all the power here, Frey. Whatever you want from him, he’ll do. You must’ve been one amazing virgin.”
“That’s not funny.”
“It wasn’t supposed to be. Frey, I know you’re new to the lifestyle, and I am so thrilled that you and I share this now, so I would never make fun of you for your lack of experience. I learned the hard way that vanilla wasn’t for me. I tried to shove that square peg into a round hole for years. You knew what you wanted and didn’t settle for anything less. I admire that about you, and I’m sure Master Harrison does too.”
“I need a drink.”
Celest takes my hand in hers, drags me into the dark, decadent bar, and sits me down on a stool.
“What can I get you ladies?” Even the bartenders here are hot. It’s insane. This guy could be a Calvin Klein underwear model.
“Hey, Eli. My friend here needs a celebratory drink. Give us two of your fanciest cocktails.”
He looks at me. “What are you celebrating? A birthday? New job?”
“I saved a patient’s life in surgery this week.”
“Wow!” He looks dumbstruck. I forget sometimes that it’s not part of most people’s job to save a life. “Two cocktails coming up.”
He busies himself behind the bar, and I turn my attention to the amazing décor surrounding us. “I haven’t been back in this part of the club since the night of the masquerade.”
“Why not? It’s awesome.”
“I was trying to remain anonymous, and I wasn’t about to come and sit in here with my mask on.”
“You worry way too much what other people think of you, Frey. You could walk in here wearing a flashing neon sign that says, ‘I love cock’ and you’d get nothing but high-fives. Honestly, let your hair down for once in your life.”
“You forget that the last time I did that, my boss was licking me out with I don’t know how many strangers watching.”
“Exactly! Only good things can come from letting your hair down and your legs spread.” Her timing is impeccable as always, the bartender serving our drinks as she references my spread legs.
“Cel. We don’t need to be talking about that in front of poor Eli here.”
A broad, panty-melting smile meets my gaze. “Trust me, I’ve heard worse in here.”
“I’m…” I turn to Celest. “I’ve got nothing. Help me out.”
“She’s a newbie. People openly discussing kinks gets her panties in a wad.”
“I get it. I think I spent my entire first shift blushing when I started here.” He gives me a conspiratorial wink.
I take a sip of my drink, then chug the rest down and request another.
“Pace yourself, Frey. We have all night to get up to all kinds of mischief.”
“Can we go up to the voyeur level?”
“There’s my bestie! You don’t have to ask me twice.”
Eli supplies us with another round before we head upstairs to where it all began. As we ascend the staircase and the room comes into view, it’s like a physical blow to my chest—the memory of seeing Dr. Harrison across the room. He made my knees weak as we danced and his lips felt as they pressed to mine in that first, soul-destroying kiss.
There are many couples, throuples, and more scattered throughout the space in various stages of undress, and my breath catches when I see a woman writhing on top of a table as one man feasts between her thighs and another is fucking her mouth.
“You okay, Frey?” Celest nudges my elbow, a little minx smile playing on her delicate features.
“They’re all so… free.” Excitement blooms in my chest as I take in the beauty of all I see around me. It truly is beautiful to me .
“That’s because they are. Free to embrace their sexual appetites and revel in the ecstasy of connecting with other souls.” Celest isn’t usually so insightful. She’s an amazing friend, and I love her to death, but this is new territory for us. She’s the only person—other than Daddy—I’ve shared my wants and desires with.
“Have you done this before?”
“Yes,” she says with a shy grin. Something I’ve never seen from her.
“How did it feel?”
“How did you feel when Master Harrison ate you out?”
“Dangerous. Thrilling. It was…”
“Powerful?”
“Yeah. But afterward, I felt an oppressive guilt settle over me.”
“That’s why you need to keep doing your training, Frey. There’s nothing for you to feel guilty about. Everyone in here consents to anything that happens.” She takes my hand in hers and walks us slowly around the room, moving between naked bodies in the throes of passion.
“She loves to have your eyes on her as she pleasures her Dom.” I follow her line of sight to a beautiful brunette on her knees, her legs spread as she takes her Dom’s cock in her mouth, moaning in delight as her eyes find mine. Holy shit. A jolt of desire strikes my core. “Beautiful, isn’t she?” Celest’s voice brings me back to the room.
“Gorgeous.”
“Does it turn you on?”
“I… well…”
“It’s safe to voice your desires here, with me. It doesn’t leave this club. I would never betray your trust. No one you meet here would ever divulge your secrets. That’s why this place exists.”
“Yes, it turns me on. It makes me want to try it, but I don’t know if Daddy would like it.”
“Master Harrison will give you a lesson in voyeurism, participation, and observation.”
A thrill courses through me. “Why do you refer to him as Master? He’s not your Dom.” The words come out cattier than I intended.
“Because I command respect from all submissives, little one.”
His voice douses the flame of my arousal like an ice bucket. He’s not supposed to be here.
“Daddy?” I turn to face him, looking impossibly handsome. It’s the first time I’ve seen him in this setting without a mask, and he is a thing of beauty. A Greek god.
“On your knees, eyes to the floor.”