Chapter 15
PIERCE
“I’m fucking trying to!” Freya is the most frustrating woman I’ve ever met.
“What?”
I stop in my tracks, naked as the day I was born, standing with my jeans in my hand.
“I’m trying to fucking know you, Freya. We tried it your way. Masks, distance, and nothing more than words in a contract. Where did it get us? Neither of us anticipated that we were already in each other’s lives, but here we are. If you can’t handle that, then walk away now because I can’t.”
“What do you mean you can’t? You don’t want to be the one to end it because you’re the mighty Dom and world-renowned Dr. Harrison.”
“Jesus Christ, woman. Are you even hearing me?” I drop my jeans to the floor and hold my arms out, vulnerable and completely out of my element. “Do I have to spell it out? This isn’t about my reputation in or out of the playroom. I have feelings for you, ” I exclaim.
She goes stock-still as if she’ll become invisible if she doesn’t move.
“I’m not a dinosaur, Freya. My vision isn’t based on movement. Do you have anything to say? I don’t exactly go around professing…” I stop myself before I say something to really spook her.
“What if I want you to be both? What if I want you to be my Daddy all the time? And I want that to come with you being my boyfriend?” My heart is hammering in my chest.
“Don’t fuck around, Freya.”
“I’m not.”
“To be your Daddy, you’re asking for something outside of training. Just so I understand, you have to clarify, little one.”
She takes a deep, steadying breath, her hand trembling as she rests it over my heart. “I still need training, but the thought of walking away after six months makes me feel sick to my stomach. I know I’m asking a lot. You don’t date.”
“It’s a rule for a reason, Freya. New submissives may think they want me to be more, but I disappoint people. You’re caught up in the excitement of exploring your kinks. I get it. But when the time comes, you’ll want a Dom who’s worthy of you.” I couldn’t even make my parents stay, and they were obliged to love me, though they never got the memo.
“Why do you think yourself unworthy?”
“We don’t need to talk about my tortured soul, Freya.”
“Will you stop for a minute? I didn’t mean what I said earlier. If you want to know me better, then this is it. I say dumb shit all the time, especially around people who intimidate me.”
“You’re intimidated by me? That’s not how this dynamic should work.”
“I’m not talking about when we’re in this room. I mean at the hospital. You are this amazing surgeon who I aspire to be like. You’re the youngest neurosurgery attending in the country. The most skilled. You don’t let your personal life interfere with work.”
“Until now.”
“I’m not fucking around, as you put it. I want you to be my Daddy, and when we’re at work, I don’t want to hide our relationship. I don’t know what that looks like. I’ve never dated a coworker.”
“Me either.”
“So how do we do this? ”
“We figure it out as we go along. I’ll let the Chief of Surgery know that we’re dating. It’s best practice in this instance. Then, we just go about our lives. People might see us eating lunch together or a stolen kiss in a quiet hallway. If you’re lucky, the on-call room might become your favorite place for me to bury my head between your legs.”
Fuck, I’m hard just thinking about it. I quickly slip into my jeans and wrestle my dick under control.
“We can’t do that at work.”
I lean in, pressing my lips to the nape of her neck. “If I tell you to spread your legs so I can feast on you, you will obey. I’m your Daddy, and you’ll be a good little girl and do as you’re told.”
“I can’t call you Daddy at work. People would be shocked.”
“You can still call me Dr. Harrison, but you and I both know I’m your Daddy no matter where we are or what’s going on around us.”
“Okay.” My heart takes flight, a thousand bats leaving behind the darkness and shadows of a cave, seeing the light for the first time in years.
“Are you sure, little one?”
She pushes herself up onto her tiptoes and plants a kiss on my lips, still clinging to the bedsheet wrapped around her beautiful body. As I dart my tongue out to meet hers, I tug on the sheet until it puddles at her feet before sweeping her into my arms and taking her back to bed.
I’m terrified that I won’t be enough, but a bigger part of me would die trying.
For her, I’ll try.
The first thing I did when I got to work this morning was set up a time to meet with the Chief of Surgery, my mentor, Joseph Milligan. We’ve been friends for many years, and he knows I wouldn’t haphazardly enter into a relationship with a resident. It’s not prohibited, so there’s not a damn thing the hospital could do about it anyway, but he wishes me well, and I go about my day .
Freya is on my service today, so I ask her to present during my patient rounds. I can already see the rumor mill churning in hushed whispers and sideways glances. It’s already getting to Freya. Every muscle in her body tenses as I ask her to scrub in on my glioblastoma case.
“I guess it pays to sleep with your attending,” I hear one of the residents mumble as we usher out into the hallway.
“Do you have something you’d like to share with the group, Dr. Kerr?” I’ve never liked this guy. He has the hands of a butcher, not a surgeon, and especially not neuro. It requires finesse and a level of skill he’ll never possess.
“No, Dr. Harrison.”
“That’s what I thought. Maybe you should spend some time in the skills lab. God knows you need it.”
“Not all of us have private tutelage.” He grumbles.
“You’re off my service. Who I date is none of your business, and Dr. Perrington doesn’t get special treatment in this hospital. When you show me something other than surgical skills I wouldn’t even trust in the morgue, then you can come back and speak your grievances to my face like a goddamn man. Get out of my sight.”
He scurries off with his tail between his legs like the cowardly little prick he is.
When we finish up rounds, Dr. Perrington waits behind with my charts clutched to her chest. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“I know. This isn’t about you, Freya. He disrespected me and suggested I would entrust you with surgery to get in your pants. I took an oath. What happens between you and me doesn’t change my ethical responsibility to my patients.”
“Are you sure? I froze in that first solo surgery. Was I truly ready for it, or were you looking at me through the eyes of the man I’m sleeping with? You knew who I was.”
She has got to be kidding. I almost expect it from doctors like Kerr. All bluster, no muster. But to have Freya question my judgment makes me downright angry.
“Give me the charts.”
“What?” Her brows rise, her eyes going wide .
“If I need to answer that question for you, then I’m not the person to be your mentor.” I take the charts from her, barely able to meet her gaze. “You’re off my service today. I don’t have time for this immature shit. I have lives that hinge on me being focused on nothing but their well-being. If you really think I’d risk a patient’s life to impress you, I…” I’m not sure how that sentence ends, but I know I need to calm myself before I step into the operating room today.
“I was just asking.”
“And I’m just telling you, I don’t need this bullshit in my day. When you realize how insulting your question was, then we can talk. Until then, you can take care of my post-ops. Don’t ever question my decisions as your attending again, Dr. Perrington.”
I turn on my heel and stride down the corridor, anger radiating off me in waves. This is why I’ve never mixed work with my personal life. Everything in me wants to take her to an on-call room right now, make her strip and get into position before spanking her.
That’s exactly what I’ll be doing the next time we’re in my playroom. Any disagreements in our personal lives will stay that—outside of this hospital. But if she challenges me, resident to attending, that’s where I have a problem.
I can’t believe she could even think for a second that I would be so shallow and callous with another human being’s life. It bothers me. I might not be a man worthy of her love, but I deserve her respect.
The rest of my day gets worse. The worst it can get. One of my patients didn’t make it through surgery, and even though her chance of survival was heavily tipped toward a bad outcome, I really wanted to beat the reaper on this one. I always do. But this hit me harder. Gloria was a single mom, doing her best to raise her son alone. Now, he’ll be raised by grieving grandparents, and my heart aches for all of them.
Surgeons are seen as cold and detached for the most part, and the job is easier when you don’t let personal feelings get involved. But I’m not a heartless asshole. Sometimes, I find myself too invested in the patients I operate on, and I know what it is to lose a mother at a young age. It plagues me to this day.
Telling her parents that their daughter is gone and their grandson is now their responsibility was devastating. No one should know what it is to bury a child.
By the end of the day, I need a stiff drink, and I head straight for Venom.
“Hey, brother. Haven’t seen you in a while. Where have you been?” Dalton nurses a whiskey sour at the bar.
I slump onto the stool beside him, giving the bartender the nod. Eli knows what I want and promptly sets a glass in front of me.
“In my private room for the most part. Work and play.”
“I heard you and your new sub put on quite the show last week.”
“Yeah,” I say with a wry smile. “She’s fucking amazing.”
“I don’t know how you do it.”
“What?”
“Let another man watch what’s yours.”
It makes me chuckle and heave a large sigh. “It’s different for you. Nad is your wife. I’m just a Master. Freya isn’t really mine, so who am I to deny what she wants to explore?”
“Are you asking or telling? You don’t seem too chipper.” He eyes me warily.
“Work was brutal today, and I’m sure you’ve heard about my new trainee.”
“One of your residents.”
“Gossip spreads like wildfire in here. Thank God everyone signs an NDA for outside these walls.”
“Is it an issue? Naddie could have been disbarred for being with me.”
“No. It’s fine. I’ve just never navigated waters like this before. In so many ways. ”
He signals Eli. “Another round of drinks. I think Pierce needs a steady stream tonight.”
“Coming up.”
“Talk to me, Pierce. What’s eating at you?”
“I lost a patient that I was too fond of. I threw Freya off the case this morning because she questioned my ethics as a doctor. You know I fucking pride myself on my work.”
“What did she say?”
“The day I told her who I was, we were in surgery. Her first solo.”
“Why would you tell her on a day like that?” he says as he sips his drink.
“She was choking in surgery when the patient’s heart stopped. It just came out. I told her to breathe, and I called her little one . Was it the smartest move? Probably not. Would I do it again? Yes. She needed to center herself, and as a submissive, she responds to dominance.”
“So, what did she say that got you riled up?”
“She questioned my motives for letting her fly solo in the OR. I would never jeopardize a patient’s life for pussy. How shallow does she think I am?”
“Why did you choose her?”
“Because she’s the best. Her hands are instruments, Dal. No other resident even comes close to her skill level. She has natural talent and a work ethic far beyond her peers.”
“Then, why do you care what anyone else says about it? You know you did it for the right reason.”
“I don’t give a shit about anyone else in the hospital, but Freya’s opinion matters to me. If she can’t trust my judgment at work when lives are on the line, then how can she trust me in the playroom?”
“Why is this even an issue? It’s a three-month contract.”
“We have a six-month agreement.”
“Hold the fucking phone,” he exclaims before slinging back the rest of his drink. “You’re falling for this woman.”
He says what I’ve been thinking for weeks. If I’m honest, I started falling for Freya the night of the masquerade ball. “There’s just something about her. It’s not just her submission I crave. She’s beautiful, but I’m attracted to more than her body. She’s smart and sweet, and fuck me, she’s a natural submissive. I’ve never wanted to keep a submissive until now.”
“Then tell her.”
“She spooks easily. Dalton, if I tell you something, it goes no further. Not even Flex.”
“Of course.”
I take a deep breath. “She was a virgin when we met.”
Dalton’s face reflects my reaction the night I found out I’d just deflowered Freya.
“What were you thinking?”
“I didn’t know. I only found out after I tied her to the cross, called her a slut, and hammered her into submission. It wasn’t until I pulled out with blood all over me that I realized.”
“Fuck,” he mumbles, rubbing his hand over the scruff of his jaw. “That’s a trust issue, Pierce.”
“I know. With anyone else, I’d send them packing for an omission of such epic proportion. Yet, I find myself so territorial over her. I fucking love that she’s only been with me. Is that archaic?”
“Yeah, but we all feel that way. I can’t tell you how much I hate that my wife slept with other guys in the fifteen years we were apart. It’s irrational, but we were each other’s first. We had the opportunity to be the only one for each other, and circumstances took that away. I get it, bro.”
“I feel like such a dick for thinking it. I get her, innocent and begging for more. What do I have to offer? A string of hookups and trainee subs… too many to count. I’d be ashamed to share my body count with her. The fact that I don’t know the exact number just enforces how inadequate I am when it comes to her. She deserves so much better.”
“Let me enlighten you, Pierce. My wife could definitely do better, but I’m a selfish man, and I need her more than my next breath. The way I see it, a man worthy of her could never satisfy her desires. I’m a lucky son of a bitch, and I will strive every goddamn day of my life to become a better man. To be worthy of her. If you have genuine feelings for Freya, then do what needs to be done. Earn your worth. ”
If I hadn’t seen this happen before, I’d run with it, but there’s a part of me—a niggling dread—that knows this could all be fake. Not that she’s lying to me, but that her body is ruling her head right now. “You know as well as I do that subs in training can believe they’re ‘in love.’ It’s a rush when you enter the lifestyle. I’m the guy teaching her how to wring every drop of pleasure from her body in ways she never imagined. If I fall in love with her, she could get to the end of our contract and walk into another Dom’s arms after she realizes I’m not the shiny forever guy.”
“You’re in denial, bro. You don’t have an option anymore. It’s not ‘if you fall in love with her.’ You’re already there. Fuck the shiny dudes. We’re dark, and that only makes our choice to love and trust a woman more impressive. Shiny won’t raze the world to the ground for the woman they love. They won’t push them to explore how fucking amazing pain and pleasure can be when wielded properly. Shiny is boring as fuck. You love her. Go tell her that and let the chips fall where they may.”
That sounds terrifying. “And if she walks away?”
“Then she wasn’t yours to begin with.”
“Fuck.”
“Yeah.” He slaps me on the back. “Manning up sucks, but you might get the woman of your dreams. I’d say it’s worth the risk.”
I contemplate his advice for a moment. “Would you have walked away from Nad if she didn’t feel the same?”
A wicked grin creeps at the corner of his lips. “That’s the beauty of being the dark guy. Defeat isn’t a word we accept. If Naddie had tried to walk away, I’d have done whatever it took to make her mine. I made my peace with that at the very beginning. Walking away was never an option. So, ask yourself the question… would you walk away?”
“No.” It’s that easy and that complicated.
“Welcome to the dark side, Pierce. Go get your girl.”
I know Freya is still at the hospital, so I pull out my phone and type out a quick message.
Me: Tomorrow morning. My apartment.
I nurse another drink while I await her reply, chatting with my friends as they come and go, retiring to their private rooms for some well-deserved kink after a long day. This is one of the problems dating a fellow surgeon. Our schedules will always be crazy and often conflicting. When she becomes an attending, it will only make it worse.
I realize as the thought crosses my mind—I want to be around when she reaches that stage in her career. I don’t care if we only have one hour a week to spend together. I’d rather have an hour with Freya than unfettered access to any other submissive. I love her .
When my phone finally beeps, it’s her.
Lavender: I don’t know where you live. Besides, I’m off your service, remember?
Me: Don’t pout. You deserved it at work. Don’t ever question my judgment again.
Lavender: Yes, Daddy.
Me: Good girl. My driver will be outside your apartment building at seven. I want to administer your punishment before your shift.
Lavender: Your wish is my command.
Lavender: Daddy.
Me: That’s my good little girl. Goodnight, little one.
Lavender: Goodnight, Daddy.
I stuff my phone back in my pocket, drop a tip on the table, and head home. I have a punishment to plan. Dalton is right—I may not be worthy of Freya’s love, but I’ll die trying to become the kind of man she deserves, and I’ll quash any obstacle that gets in my way.