Chapter 17
PIERCE
The nightmares won’t stop, no matter how hard I push back. I exhaust myself at work. Spend every spare hour at the club with Freya. Fall into my bed, alone, only to wake up in a cold sweat night after night.
Freya hasn’t forced any further conversation, and it’s exactly what I need. She relishes our lessons, and I’m going back to the list I had her complete at the beginning of her training. I want her to be sure of her choice when it comes to me. I need her to pick me because I’m what she wants rather than because she’s never tried anything else.
She’s such a good little girl for me, every night, on her knees or shackled to the St. Andrew’s cross. She takes it hard and fast or torturously slow, lapping up every ounce of pleasure and pain I can give.
It kills me not to have her sleep at my place because watching her give in to sleep after a long night in the club is as close to heaven as I think I’ll ever get. I’m enchanted by how angelic she is in slumber, but until I get these nightmares under control, I don’t want to risk hurting her or letting her see how fucked up I truly am. I can’t see her look at me the way she did that night. There was pity in her eyes and an understanding that terrified me to my core.
She saw me.
Today, I have Freya assisting with the surgery for one of my long-term patients, but we have an hour until we need to be in the OR. I paged her to the on-call room. We said—or she said—that we wouldn’t fall into our Dom/sub roles at work, but she sashays down the hallways of this hospital, looking too good in scrubs, and all I want to do is bring her to her knees.
She’s always had the confident swagger of a surgeon, but to see it translate to her role as my submissive is truly a thing of beauty.
The moment the door opens, I meet her hungry gaze, and before the door is locked, she’s tugging her clothes off. I quickly twist the lock into place before she reaches beneath the waistband of my scrubs and massages my cock.
“Whoa, slow down, little one.”
“I assume you called me here for sex, Sir.” Fuck, I miss her calling me Daddy, but after what I think she heard the last time we slept in the same bed, I can’t bring myself to ask for what I want.
“Have we dispelled with the pleasantries?”
“Yes.” Her statement is matter-of-fact, and I find it jarring. I know I’ve been taking more than I give lately, but it wasn’t my intention to turn Freya into a sex doll. She pushes up onto her tiptoes, capturing my lips with hers, pressing her warm, supple body against mine, reaching between us and back to my now rock-hard dick. “Where do you want to fuck me, Sir? My mouth or my pussy?” She’s so detached as she offers her body to me. It doesn’t sit well. I love that she and I have always shared more than just sex. Even that first night, I knew she was different, and we would mean more to each other.
“Freya, stop.”
“What?” She drops to her knees and frees my erection from my pants, fisting her hand around the base and flicking her tongue over the crest of my dick. Jesus, it feels so good it should be illegal, which makes it so much harder to pull away.
“Seriously, Freya, can we talk for a minute? ”
“You never want to talk, D… Sir.”
My dick aches as I shove it back in my pants and hold out my hand to help her up.
She simply grabs her clothes and slips them back on without another word. She’s hurt, and it’s my fault.
“Are you prepared for surgery this afternoon?”
“I’m always ready, Dr. Harrison.” The cool detachment with which she addresses me is like a dagger to my heart. I knew this would happen. I can’t do relationships. I do sex and dominance. I excel. Right now, I feel like a failure as Freya refuses to meet my gaze.
“Are you still planning to meet me at the club tonight?”
“Of course.”
“I’ve been thinking about your training.”
“Okay.” I wait for her to say more than two words, but they don’t come. She chews on her bottom lip the way she always does when she’s feeling vulnerable.
“Is there anything on your list you’d like to explore?” I’m trying to connect.
“I’d like to have another man watch us and possibly join in. I enjoyed Celest’s involvement.”
It’s like a punch to the gut. I’ve shared submissives before while they explored their kinks, but the thought of sharing Freya with another man makes me feel physically sick.
“Do you have someone in mind?” I force through gritted teeth.
“Flex.” Fuck. She’s put some thought into this. Her body stiffens as she raises her chin, and her eyes find mine. “If you’re okay with that. And if Flex would even be interested in me.”
“You don’t have to worry about Flex. You’re beautiful, and I know he’ll… relish the opportunity to share our bed.”
“Have you and he shared women before?” I don’t like where this is going, but I want to be honest with her. It’s the least she deserves.
“Yes.”
“And do you two have sex with each other or just me?”
“Freya.”
“Yes or no. ”
“No, we don’t have sex with each other.”
“Just me getting railed by two of you then. Sounds good. Do you need me for anything else right now? I want to do some last-minute prep for surgery.”
I reach for her hand, but she’s reluctant as I pull her into my arms. “I’m sorry things have been so impersonal lately. It’s nothing you’ve done.”
“I know. Everything is fine. I am here to be your submissive and learn from you.”
“Freya, stop, please. We need to talk about this. About us. Please look at me.”
She lets herself melt into my arms for a fraction of a second before she thinks better of it. “Everything’s fine. We set our boundaries, and that’s a good thing. Am I not a good submissive? Am I doing something that displeases you, Sir?”
“You could never displease me, little one. Go and do whatever you need to before surgery. We’ll talk at the club.”
She turns on her heel without another word, leaving me with a sour taste in my mouth at the way things are unfolding. I thought we were past the point of her contemplating another man in my playroom. In our playroom.
I told her I love her.
A war stirs to life in the pit of my stomach. My father has taken enough from me in this life. I’ll be damned if I’m going to let him take Freya. If she wants to bring someone else into our playroom, then I’ll do it, but I make no apology for what I’m willing to do to ensure it never happens again.
“You’re coming back to my place tonight, little one.” Freya is breathless and boneless, shackled to the new four-poster bed I had Carter bring in.
“Sir…”
“I’m in no mood for your bratty behavior. It’s not a request. You sleep with me in my bed. Just you and me. ”
“I wasn’t going to argue. I wanted to ask if it would be okay to stop by my apartment to pick up some clothes and pajamas?”
“Yes to the clothes. No to the pajamas.” I’m rewarded with a sly grin as I remove her restraints. She still wants to sleep with me. I heave a sigh of relief.
“As you wish, Sir.” That’s the first thing that we’re sorting out tonight. I’m done with this Sir crap. She’s tiptoeing around me like some fragile little bird about to break. I’m her fucking Dom. Her Daddy.
“In fact, why don’t we just sleep at your apartment? Then you can’t skip out on me in the middle of the night.”
Her expression sobers. “But you can skip out on me. If you want to sleep at my place, I only have one rule.”
“Name it.”
“You stay . I don’t want to wake up to an empty bed in the morning.” There it is—the vulnerability I fell in love with that she’s been hiding from me.
“Do you want to do your aftercare here or at your place?”
“My place,” she says as she shrugs into her jeans and Converse.
“Okay. Let me grab a few things, and we’ll go.”
I quickly dress and pull a bag from the chest of drawers. Throwing in a few items for aftercare, I slip a little something fun in there too.
The car ride to her place is longer than I expected as my driver navigates his way to the address she gave him. I know he’s driven her before, but I never thought much of it, having not been with her at the time.
Her neighborhood is a little sketchy as we pull up at her building. She opens the car door but stops to look back at me. “Are you coming?”
“Yeah.” I give my driver instructions to come and pick us up in the morning. Early.
I slide out of the back seat and take her hand in mine.
“You already hate it. We should just go to your apartment.” She chews on her bottom lip .
“I don’t hate it. Let me get in the door first before you decide how I feel about it.”
“I’m going to move soon.”
“I know.” As we head inside, it’s marginally better, but that’s not exactly an accolade.
“What?”
“You’re definitely moving out of here ASAP.”
“I know it’s not exactly the Upper East Side, but I have two hundred grand in student loans, and I’m a few years away from making the kind of money you do.” Fuck, I’ve offended her.
“You said you were moving. I’m just agreeing. I hate the thought of you walking alone at night in this part of town.”
“I’ve survived all these years by myself before you came along.”
“And I’m here now, and as your Dom, I want you safe and well cared for. I only agreed with your sentiment.”
“And in this ASAP scenario, when do I start shitting money to rent in an approved area?”
“You don’t. You move in with me.”
She stops outside what I assume is her apartment door and fumbles with her keys, her hands shaking. “Don’t be ridiculous. That’s absurd.” She hurries inside her tiny apartment, trying to put some distance between us. “I’ve slept at your place once, and you freaked out on me. My life isn’t a plaything for your whims.”
I grab her hands, standing in front of her, feeling more vulnerable than I have since I was that small little boy my dad tossed across the room like a ragdoll. “Look at me, Freya.”
I wait her out until she lifts her chin, staring up at me through hooded lashes, her eyes filled with unshed tears. “I can’t. I won’t survive when you’re done with me.”
My heart aches. Is this how nonchalant I’ve been lately that she believes my feelings for her are fleeting? I release her hands, sliding mine into her hair, my lips a hair’s breadth from hers. “I’ve been remiss if you think there will ever be a time I’ll be done with you, little one.” I dart my tongue out to lick the seam of her lips. “I am… unequivocally, madly in love with you. You’re everything I thought I’ d never want and everything I now crave. I need you, little one. I can’t imagine my life without you. I don’t want to, and I’ll spend until my dying breath trying to be a man worthy of your love in return.”
Her breath hitches before she closes the gap, her lips crashing down on mine. I’m intoxicated by her scent, the needy caress of her lips, and the way her curves press tight to my chest. It’s the first time I’ve truly melted into a kiss, not caring if it leads to sex. I just want to savor every second of this connection. I have never let anyone get this close to me—body, mind, and soul.
“Bedroom,” she says with a breathless rasp, full of sultry desire. She takes my hand and leads me to the door across the room, her eyes never leaving mine.
“Freya… we need to talk.” What the hell am I doing? My dick is screaming at me to ignore my pesky feelings and fuck her.
“What about, Sir?” she asks with a sly grin, reaching for the hem of her shirt.
“Stop!” She visibly startles at my command.
“What?”
“You know what. Stop calling me Sir.”
“Oh, you want to talk about this now? I’ve been here, every day for weeks, doing whatever you want while you distance yourself from me. You shut me down that night at your apartment. You can’t just come in here with your savior complex and tell me you’re in love with me. That you want to whisk me away to your penthouse, but you don’t want to indulge the very thing I came to you for in the first place.”
“This is about kink? You want to fuck Flex? Sure, I’ll set it up.” My heart drops into the pit of my stomach.
“This has nothing to do with kink and everything to do with you saying all these amazing things to me and acting the opposite. How do you go from not letting me sleep with you to having me move in with you?”
“I can’t win. What the hell do you want from me?”
“I want you! I want my Daddy back,” she exclaims.
“I… ”
“I know your nightmares are memories. You were shouting for your Daddy to stop. Did he hurt you?”
“I’m not doing this.” I turn to leave, but she runs in front of the bedroom door, slamming it shut.
“If you love me, you won’t walk out.”
“And if you love me… oh wait, you don’t.”
The furrow of her brow tells me I’m about to get a tongue-lashing. “Are you that clueless?”
“Clueless? I confess my undying love for the second time, ask you to move in with me, and it’s not enough.”
“When have I ever said you’re not enough? Never! Do you know why?”
“No. Enlighten me.”
“Because I love you too. I’ve never needed anyone before, and it terrifies me! I love you… Daddy .” With her back against the door, I step toward her, caging her in. “Daddy, I love you… more than my next breath.” Tears spill from her eyes. “So much it hurts.”
I hesitate—a plea for permission—an apology. Brushing my lips over hers, I can hardly breathe. “You love me, little one?” My voice cracks, a strange sensation spreading through every fiber of my being.
“Yes, Daddy. I love you.”
I ghost a kiss on her soft, pouty lips, my heart taking flight. “Move in with me, little one.” I continue to pepper her with kisses, cupping her face with my hands.
“Yes.” It’s the single, sweetest word I’ve ever heard. The last time someone told me they loved me was my mom, the day she killed my father.
“Let’s go home, little one.”
“Yes, Daddy.” I relinquish her lips long enough for her to pack a bag and get her out of this hellhole. If I’d known she lived in this rough neighborhood, I would’ve had her out after our first week together.
I wasn’t exactly planning on moving her into my place, but nothing with Freya has happened at a ‘normal’ pace or under ‘ normal’ circumstances. She’s extraordinary, and together we are breaking all the rules. She’s mine now.
Another thought flits in and out of my mind—the tendrils of darkness clawing at my happily ever after. I quash it, silencing the same voice that’s been in my ear for as long as I can remember. The devil on my shoulder that refuses to leave, no matter what I do.
It’s then that it dawns on me—the tightening in my chest—this neighborhood is all too familiar.
“Are you ready to go, little one? I’ll have the rest of your stuff packed and sent to my place tomorrow.”
“It’ll only take me a few hours to do it. You don’t have to go to any trouble.”
“I don’t want you coming back here. Grab your bag, and let’s get out of here.” My tone is more abrasive than I intended. Actually, it was harsh, and it’s exactly what I intended. My skin is crawling, and I hate that Freya’s present is bleeding into my past.
“You’re being unreasonable. This is my home. It’s not much, but it’s all I’ve got right now.” She pouts.
“Your home is with me. Get used to it. You’ve got a twenty-four-seven Daddy now, and I’m always going to act in your best interests, even if it pisses you off. Enough with the petulant hands on your hips. Get the bag and come home with me.”
I can tell by the switch in her demeanor that she’s annoyed, and I know why.
“I was born in this neighborhood, little one. Two blocks over. My memories aren’t homemade cookies and fun with my family. Can that be enough information for you, for now?” I know she wants more, but I don’t have it to give. This is more than I’ve ever told anyone in my life.
She drops her bag and rushes into my arms, wrapping them tight around my waist. “I’m sorry, Daddy. Thank you for telling me. I’m ready to go. The only thing I truly need is you.”
My heart aches, bursting with joy. An emotion that has been sorely lacking in my life until Freya bulldozed her way into my fucking heart and soul. I close my eyes, shutting out everything but the woman in my arms. There’s so much I want to say to her, but I’m terrified she’ll run if she understands the real me.
“I love you, little one.”
“I love you, too, Daddy.”
I pick up her bag and take her hand. She hesitates at the threshold. I’m sure she has some nice memories here. She made the apartment homey, but I can’t see past its location. Giving her a moment, I wait in the hallway, hearing her neighbors arguing so loud I now have intimate knowledge of the poor guy’s shortcomings in the bedroom. Pencil dick isn’t exactly a nickname you want getting out to the neighbors.
“I’m ready.” Freya slips her hand into mine, interlacing our fingers as we head for the elevator. This is really happening, and as I gaze down at her smiling face, I know I’m ready too.
“Daddy, no. Please.” Daddy grabs my favorite toy and throws it at the wall, making a dent. “I’ll be a good boy.”
“I told your mother to have an abortion. She should’ve listened.” I don’t know what that word means, but Daddy is so mad at me. I just wanted him to play cars with me. He doesn’t like to be with me. He gets mad when Mommy goes to work, and he has to stay home.
“I’ll be quiet, Daddy.”
“Stay out of my fucking sight.” He hits me hard, and my tummy hurts, knocking me to the floor.
“I’m sorry, Daddy.” He hits me again. “I’ll be good.”
A woman’s voice reaches me in the depths of my despair, offering this broken little boy a lifeline. “Wake up, Pierce. It’s me, your little one. I’m here, Daddy.”
I gasp a huge lungful of air as her touch anchors me to the present. “Fuck.” My breaths are labored as I grab her face and bring her lips to mine .
“Are you okay?”
“No.” I swallow her moaning reply, desperate to shut out my demons if only for tonight.
“Pierce.”
“Let me make love to you, little one.”
“You’re not okay.”
“No, I’m not, but I’ll still be broken tomorrow. And the day after that. And the day after that. Right now, I need you.” When I pull her in for another kiss, she softens, letting me roll her onto her back, her legs spreading as she whimpers against my lips.
“Yes…” She’s giving herself to me in such a gentle expression of submission, and I’ve never seen her look more beautiful than she is right now.