Chapter 17
Sebastian
I’m in hell.
That’s the only place I can be, considering the fire of emotions running wild in my body.
I’m ready to fucking snap, tell the guys to get lost, and have a word with Lily.
I’d probably have a lot more to say than a word.
She’s driving me fucking insane.
Turning up looking like a goddess.
Any other girl would probably feel overdressed in an outfit like that.
Lily loves being the centre of attention, and she is getting plenty of it.
The guys are fucking falling all over themselves, and Lily is all for it.
She’s her usual flirty self, but she’s adding a few light touches, making me feel muddled.
Whenever the boys joke, she’ll laugh, sometimes leaning in to touch their shoulder.
The touch is friendly, but all I feel is raging jealousy.
Because of course, the only person she’s not acting that way towards is me.
She’s not even looking at me.
And I only have myself to blame for that.
I knew I was a fucking coward for skipping our breakfast. I don’t know what I’ll do or say to her whenever we’re alone again.
I wanted to jump right back into where we were before Luke interrupted us yesterday, but part of me knew that wasn’t a good idea.
Therefore, I avoided it altogether, saying I couldn’t make it.
Now, Lily is making me pay for my actions.
It’s her turn to deal the cards, and when she handles the deck like it’s made for her, doing tricks no one before her has been able to, I look up at the ceiling.
She’s so fucking sexy, and she knows it.
The guys are practically drooling while looking at her, and I can’t really blame them, considering my own thoughts.
“Should we make this interesting, boys? Play a round of strip-poker?”
As soon as she says it, I speak.
“No.”
But of course, the other fuckers are all for it.
I grumble under my breath, but they all agree that we live in a democracy and four against one win.
Lily deals the cards, wearing a smug expression on her face.
Soon enough, that expression is a full-on grin when she’s kicking all our asses.
No wonder she wanted to play poker; she’s outstanding at it.
We’ve all lost our socks and shirts, and Dean is down to his boxers, which is where I’m going to draw the fucking line.
Lily, on the other hand, hasn’t taken off a single clothing item, which I’m thanking the heavens for.
It’s bad enough having her gushing over the guys and their muscles.
Again, everyone except me, of course.
When Dean loses another round, I’m done.
“We’ll stop right here,” I say, not giving room for discussion.
Lily rolls her eyes at me.
Dean lifts his hands.
“I have no problem taking it all off,” he says, winking at Lily.
She starts laughing, and I breathe hard, trying to control my temper.
Then she looks at me.
“Calm down, Sebastian. We’re done. No reason to go all-out dragon over there.”
I get up, needing some space, and storm into my bedroom.
I drag a hand through my hair and down my face.
I’m tempted to pick up the phone and call Luke right here and now.
Tell him about my feelings.
Get it out of the way so I can tell Lily how I really feel.
I’m dialing his number, but when it goes to voicemail, I’m feeling just as frustrated and lost as before.
I’m the host for Christ’s sake, and here I am hiding away in my room like a moron over my feelings for a woman.
Not just any woman, though.
This is Lily.
The freaking girl of my dreams for as long as I can remember.
Eventually, I make my way out of the bedroom.
I don’t realise just how much time has passed, but all the guys have left, and Lily is cleaning up the kitchen for me.
God, I really am the worst friend to all of them.
Storming off because I’m a mess and not saying bye to them. Lily is cleaning up the kitchen when I’ve done nothing to deserve her kindness tonight.
She doesn’t say a word; just goes around tidying up, putting the leftovers in the fridge, wiping over the counter.
I stand here, observing her, wanting to say something but not knowing what.
When she can’t take the silence anymore, she speaks.
“You know what, Sebastian? I get that this is hard for you, but so is it for me,” she says, frustration evident in her tone.
“You think this is hard, Lily? I’m going fucking crazy, and I don’t know what to do. What if I end up fucking all of this up, and it leads me to lose both you and Luke? Then what?”
She drops the cloth on the counter before looking at me.
“And what if you don’t?” she asks, and again I’m left with the same feeling as when Dean told me to talk to Luke.
It all sounds so simple.
But this feels as far from simple as you can get.
I’m freaking terrified.
I swallow.
“I don’t know, Lily,” I mumble.
She takes a moment to look at me before something clicks in her expression.
I fucking hate it.
“Okay, then. Thank you for providing that clarity. I’ll be going now. Goodnight, Sebastian.”
She storms towards the door, and I’m left standing here, feeling like I just missed out on something great.
～
The next day, I have an early-morning practice, which means no breakfast with Lily.
I don’t think I’m welcome in her apartment anyway. I tossed and turned all night, frustrated by the situation.
I really need to talk with Luke.
I can’t go on like this.
I owe it to her, and to myself, to be honest with him.
If not, I’m going to lose my sanity.
When I’m in the elevator, on my way back to my apartment, my phone beeps.
Lily: Can you come over?
I haven’t talked to her all day. I let her know I had an early practice, and she just said she would stay at home today. After that, it’s been silent.
I’ve missed talking with her, even by text.
I’ve gotten accustomed to our routine, including texts throughout the day.
Small updates about what we’re doing and making plans for the evening.
It’s been less of that after my behaviour these past few days.
I get off the elevator on her floor and make my way to the door.
When she opens, I can tell something is wrong right away.
She’s pale, and her eyes are glossy. She’s wearing a big sweatshirt and some shorts, looking like something she’d wear to bed.
“Thank you for coming. I’m not feeling the best,” she mumbles.
Then she falls into my arms, fainting.
I catch her, and when I feel her body temperature, I curse.
She’s burning up, obviously running a high fever.
She’s probably been sick all day, and she didn’t even tell me.
I lay her on her side, checking that she’s breathing normally as I call up Harriet.
She should be at my apartment.
“Hi, Harriet. Can you please come down to Lily’s apartment? She just fainted, and she’s burning up. Probably a fever,” I tell her, and just a few seconds later, I hear the elevator doors opening.
When Lily stirs, I lay her across my legs, her head in my lap as I trail my fingers down her cheek. It takes a few seconds before her eyes open, and she looks a little hazy.
“Christ, Lily. Why didn’t you tell me you’re sick?” I ask her, feeling my heart pound in my chest.
What if I hadn’t gotten here in time?
She could have hit her head when she fainted.
Harriet comes rushing out of the elevator, and I realise I didn’t even get to close the front door before Lily fell into my arms.
“Oh, dear. How are you?” Harriet bends down to us, feeling her temperature as Lily mumbles something about being fine.
I shake my head at the beauty in my lap.
So stubborn and independent.
Fine my ass.
I hoist her up into my arms, bridal style, before I lay her down on the couch.
“Can you get some toiletries for her? I’ll look for some clothes, then we’ll bring her to my apartment,” I tell Harriet.
When I’ve made sure Lily is okay on the couch, we get straight to work.
When I roam through Lily’s wardrobe, I don’t find anything that looks remotely comfortable.
Dresses, skirts, and jeans don’t make for the comfiest fit when you’re sick.
She’ll have to borrow something from me.
When we have what we need, we make our way up to my apartment.
It may not be the wisest choice to move her, given her current state, but it will be easier to care for her from my space.
I have several bedrooms in my apartment, but I don’t hesitate to bring her to my room.
I lay her carefully down in the bed before stroking some hair away from her face.
“I’m so hot, but I’m also freezing,” she mumbles, her eyes half-open.
I help her under the duvet.
“It’s your fever, Lily. I’ll have someone come and examine you,” I murmur.
“That’s not necessary. It’s probably just a cold, and I don’t want to be even more of a hassle,” she insists, but I don’t bother arguing with her.
I can’t believe she would say something like that.
She could never be a bother, and I’m angry at her for not telling me sooner that she was sick.
She fucking fainted in my arms.
She’s already falling asleep; her body is tired from the infection.
As soon as she’s asleep again, I’m calling a doctor.
“You’re not a hassle. You’re the light of my fucking day,” I tell her, but she’s already fast asleep.
I stay with her for a while, making sure she’s okay, before I make my way out of the room and call a doctor.
Harriet is already cooking up chicken soup, which smells delicious.
“What happened?” she asks me when I enter the kitchen.
“She texted me, asked me to come to her apartment, and when I got there, she fainted in my arms. I haven’t seen her all day, as I had an early morning practice, and she just said she was staying home.”
I’m angry at myself for the distance between us. If things had been different between us, I would have known sooner.
Over the last few weeks, we’ve been texting throughout the day, but after the fiasco this weekend, it was the first day I hadn’t talked to her much.
Now, I’m livid knowing she is sick, and she didn’t even tell me before it got so bad.
“Something happened between you two? I thought she usually went with you to the stadium.”
Harriet doesn’t miss anything.