Chapter 33
I dropped Evie off at her apartment after a completely silent drive home where I acted like a brooding jerk. It wasn’t intentional, and now that I’ve had a minute to myself I completely regret the way I treated her. But after everything that took place in that house, I couldn’t get a handle on my emotions. It was like every single one of my fears was boiling to the surface of my skin and I just wanted to claw it off.
As I’m driving home in the dark, I still can’t quite pinpoint the moment it all went south. One minute, Evie and I were united and I was happy to be her shoulder to lean on during a difficult night, and the next thing I knew I needed a stretcher to carry me off the field of a game I epically lost.
I pull up in front of my house and cut the engine but don’t get out of the truck. I sit here numbly, thinking over everything that just happened. My hands scrape over my face and hair and then I groan as a sinking feeling fills my stomach.
I played right into those people’s hands and then self-sabotaged.
Away from Tyler’s haughty smirk, I can see it all clearly. They said exactly what they needed to push my buttons and hit me in all my sore spots. How they knew what my sore spots were is a little frightening, but I guess that people with as much money as them can accomplish just about anything they want to. Tonight being evidence of that.
Why did I listen to them? Deep down, I know that Evie doesn’t want their life. She doesn’t fit into that manipulative elitist world any more than I would fit into one of Sam’s training bras. And yet . . . I let them get into my head.
I’m still raw from Natalie. And hearing them confirm my biggest fears that I’m not good enough for Evie and she’ll leave me and Sam just like Natalie did, well, it undid me. I wanted to run away with my heart clutched in my hand to keep it safe.
But I was wrong. I overreacted. And I pushed Evie away.
My only hope now is that Evie will forgive me and forget all the accusations I tossed at her. I slam my palm firmly on the steering wheel once, replaying every awful thing I said to her. There was so much hurt in her eyes. Betrayal. I sided with those people over her, and now I’m fearful she won’t forgive me. I wouldn’t blame her either.
I’m getting ready to put my truck in reverse so I can drop at Evie’s feet and grovel for forgiveness when a movement on my porch catches my eye. I forgot to turn on the porch lights before I left the house, so I can’t see who it is. For a split second, hope soars in my chest, and I think that it’s Evie. But then I remember she can’t drive, and there is no way she could have called an Uber and beat me here.
Maybe I should be worried that it’s a robber. But I haven’t heard of many criminals who like to leisurely swing on porches before breaking and entering, so I think I’m safe in that regard. Curiosity has me putting the truck in park once again before I step out of it.
Only after I approach the porch do I remember the old saying curiosity killed the cat.
“What the hell are you doing here?”
“Not exactly the welcome home I was hoping for, but hello to you too.” Natalie, my ex-wife, is smiling and swinging on my porch like she never left me. Like she has spent every day of the past few years caring for our daughter beside me. Like she belongs here.
She doesn’t.
“This is not your home. We’re not friends. And I sure as hell am not going to banter with you. Now, tell me what you’re doing here.”
Her smile fades, and she stands up to walk closer to me. I take a step back because every cell in my body is attuned to how angry I am at her and is acting like an opposing magnet. I don’t want her anywhere near me.
“I thought it was obvious. I’m here to see you and Sam.” She looks over my shoulder like maybe I carry Sam in a backpack or something. “Where is she, by the way?”
I so badly want to say something snarky like Maybe you’d know if you had cared enough to stick around and be a part of our life. But I don’t because I’ve already been a jerk once tonight, and I don’t feel like being one again.
“She’s spending the night with June.”
Natalie makes a disgusted face. “With June? I hope you’re not letting your sister rub off on Sam.”
I bite the side of my cheek so hard that I taste blood. In an attempt to not lose my cool with Natalie, I turn around and unlock my front door. “You lost the right to make parenting decisions when you left and stopped coming back. And if you have any hope of talking to me about whatever it is you’re doing here, you’ll want to talk nicer about my sister, who has sacrificed an enormous amount of her life to help me raise my daughter.”
I go inside the house and Natalie is practically biting my heels, she’s walking so close to me. She slips in behind me before I can stop her.
“You’re right; I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” Natalie looks around the house. She’s wide-eyed as I turn on the lights. Oh, right. This is the first time she’s been in here. I was in the process of building this house when she left, so she never got a chance to enjoy it. It’s a good thing too. It gave me and Sam a clean start. A place where we could move on and not have to be plagued with memories of what our life was like before in that old house.
“Wow, Jake. This house is gorgeous.” She smiles at me, and I try to squint to see the woman I used to love. But nope. She’s not there anymore. Natalie is as beautiful as she always was, but there’s a distance now behind her eyes. Layers and layers of a new person I know nothing about. And don’t really care to know anymore either. If it weren’t for our daughter, I wouldn’t even be engaging with her now.
“So, you’re here to see Sam?” Finding an end to this conversation would be nice.
Her shoulders slump. “You don’t have to be so gruff with me. I know I messed up, okay? I’ve been too distant . . . and I know it’s not fair to Sam.”
I cross my arms. I’ve fallen for her wounded-bird act before. It ended with Natalie splitting in the middle of the night once again and me holding my daughter while she cried the next morning, trying to convince her that her mom’s leaving had nothing to do with her.
“Are you implying that you want to be part of Sam’s life again?”
She tips a shoulder and gives a light grin that I realize is supposed to be flirtatious. She starts advancing toward me. “And yours.”
Not even if hell freezes over.
I shake my head and give Natalie a sharp look that tells her not to take another step in my direction. “First of all, you can’t just do this, Natalie. You can’t leave us with barely any contact for two years, then surprise me on my front porch late at night, hoping to play house whenever you want to. You needed to call, give us some notice, and I would have arranged for you and Sam to spend some time together. I’ve never kept you from her; you’re the one who abandoned her, and I don’t know if she will even want to see you. Second, you and I are done for good, so let’s get that out of the way now.”
“Arrange a time for me and my daughter to spend together? You’ve got to be kidding me, Jake. Sam is just as much my daughter as she is yours, and I have a right to come and see her whenever I want to.”
“Really? Because it seems to me that if she was just as much your daughter as she is mine, you would have known when she had the flu . . . or when she won first place in her school talent show . . . or been there when she was diagnosed with epilepsy. I don’t remember seeing you sleeping beside me on the floor in her room.” I’m fighting hard to keep my voice from raising, but I don’t know how much longer I can stand in front of Natalie and keep it even.
I’m pissed the hell off.
Natalie doesn’t seem to sense that every muscle in my body is flexed with anger, because she steps closer and tries to press her hand to my chest. I shrug her hand off and take a retreating step back.
Her brows furrow. “Jake, I know that I haven’t been the mom that I should be for Sam. I’m so sorry. It’s just that auditions have been demanding and I didn’t want to miss out on any opportunities. But I’m sorry I left you to deal with this all alone. I’m here now, though, and I’ve changed. I’m ready to be a family again.”
I laugh, but it doesn’t sound nice. “Just when did this change take place? On your flight back from Hawaii? And what did your boyfriend have to say about you wanting to become a family woman again?”
The long lashes I used to think were so beautiful drop down to my chest. “He and I broke up this week.”
“I see. So, you think you can just use us as stand-ins until better options come along?”
Her eyes shoot back up to me. “Jake! What a mean thing to say. I’m here because I want to be with you and Sam.” For now. But it won’t last.
This is all so eerily similar to how things played out during her last “I want to be a better mom” trip, I bet I can quote word for word what she says next. Except this time I will not be inviting her to stay with us, and ignorantly pretending to be a family again until she decides to split at two A.M. with another bogus excuse.
“I want to be a mom to our daughter again. To parent with you and share the responsibility!”
“Are you planning to move back from Hollywood?”
“No. But I can make it work in both places.”
I wish I could believe her. I really do.
I force a deep breath and relax my muscles. “Tell you what, Natalie. You rent a hotel room and stick around here for one whole week, and I want you to call and talk to Sam every single one of those days. If you can do that, I’ll think about letting you spend more time with her. But what I won’t do is let you jump in and out of her life whenever you want and crush her little heart more than you already have.”
I haven’t gone to court to fight for full custody of Sam yet—but I will if I need to. So far, Natalie has never seemed interested enough to warrant it.
“But, Jake! It’s late. You really want me to go get a hotel room right now?” She tries to grab my arm as I pass her, but I pull it out of reach. “Surely I can stay here with you. I mean . . . we were married, for God’s sake.”
Is she actually implying we could sleep together tonight if we want to? I can’t begin to understand what has happened with Natalie, but I know for sure that she is completely unrecognizable to me now.
I head toward my room to pack a bag. “You can stay here tonight since Sam is with June,” I yell while quickly tossing a few pieces of clothing in a duffel bag.
When I return to the living room, I see that Natalie is already lounging on my couch with a glass of my wine in her hand, looking like she owns this place.
She sees my bag and frowns. “Wait. You’re leaving?”
I nod and go to the front door because I’m not falling for any more traps tonight. “Yep. I told you, Natalie, we’re over. I’m not staying under the same roof as you.”
She shoots to her feet, looking angry, and crosses her arms. “Who is she?”
I sigh and pause only long enough to turn the thermostat up to eighty degrees. If she’s going to stay here, I don’t want her to be comfortable. I know it’s petty, but I allow myself this one little shitty indulgence. “She is none of your business.”
“So, there is someone?”
“Sure is.” I’m not about to tell Natalie that I’m really going to my parents’ house to sleep tonight. I want her to know I have moved on and there is no hope for us. “Check-out time is at ten A.M. If you’re not out by then, I’ll send June over.”
“You’re going to sic your sister on me?”
I smile. “Definitely.” Maybe I’m being a little too much of a jerk now, but I’m so over this day that I don’t even care anymore. I’ll deal with Natalie more like an adult tomorrow when the sun is up and I’m not fresh out of the emotional wringer from Evie’s family. “I mean it—stick around for a full week and you can see Sam if she wants. But not before then.”
Natalie shakes her head and starts to spit a rude comment at me, but I don’t fully hear it because I shut the door and walk toward my truck.
Once I’m down the road a little way, I let out a full breath, feeling like I just dodged a semi that had every intention of running me over. My heart is raw. Emotions twisted up into a confusing knot. But if anything, this encounter with Natalie has only confirmed how I feel about Evie. I can trust myself to spot someone who isn’t going to be good for me and my daughter now. I can trust myself enough to move on. And I can definitely trust Evie—she’s never given me a reason not to. Her word has been as solid as gold and her heart as soft and warm as her skin.
She’s nothing like my ex-wife, and I’m ready to stop letting my hurt get in the way of what I know will be a very good thing between us.
But then her face flashes in my mind, and I remember how badly I left things with her. It’s me who has to be better for her. Damn, I hope it’s not too late to fix this.
I try to call her on my way to my parents’ house, but she doesn’t answer. After two attempts and after I park my truck in their driveway, I get a text from Evie: I don’t want to talk tonight. I’ll call you when I’m ready.