15. Sterling
15
STERLING
Hallie smiles as I look at her over the top of my book.
“You have a home cinema, and you’d rather read poetry?”
I lean back into the giant sofa of the cinema room as she leans her head against the cushion, her eyes on mine.
It’s two years to the day since I lost my wife and son. A day that’s so filled with hurt, anger, and pain. I don’t even know how I functioned. We all went to their graves together just as we did the day we buried them after flying them home from Cape Town.
It rained. Like it did that day.
Sinclair broke down. Like she did that day.
Sullivan held her. Like he did that day. Only this time, he had Molly crushed to his chest in one arm too.
Mal came to stand by my side. Like he did that day.
And Denver stood to one side, along with Killian and Jenson who flew back yesterday, their hunt in Cape Town bringing up nothing to explain how the yacht exploded out of nowhere.
And I’m still left without answers.
Like I was that day.
But this year when we all came back to Seasons to have lunch together, a soft hand with caring fingers wrapped around mine tightly beneath the table and didn’t let go.
I swear I almost kissed her again for being there waiting for us. Not the frantic kiss in my office where I barely controlled myself. A slow kiss. One conveying just how damn grateful I was for her being there.
For making me feel that little bit less alone.
“I happen to like poetry.”
Her giggle makes my lips curl into a smile, and she darts her eyes around the rarely used room. She spotted it when I gave her a tour of my penthouse, doing everything I could to delay her from leaving. She’d walked inside in wonder, then made herself comfy on the couch, patting the cushion. Inviting me to sit beside her.
That was hours ago.
We started off talking about Jenny. About her funeral. All the love songs Hallie made her parents play because it’s what Jenny would have wanted. How they all wore different colored socks in bright colors. How there were smiles as well as tears, and how Hallie felt love filling the church like Jenny was there with them.
Then I told her about my son. How he was an adrenaline junkie. How he loved to jump out of airplanes, white water raft, bungee jump. Anything that most sane people would balk at. How Sullivan called him a ‘risk taker’, the complete opposite of himself. I admitted that I worry for my remaining son. How losing them has hardened him. How if it weren’t for Molly I don’t know what kind of state he’d be in.
Hallie listened to every word, as they spilled from my lips like water from a faucet.
She shared her pain with me, and I shared mine with her.
And each extra word we shared was like a balm to my cracked soul as I let myself remember him, and Hallie let herself remember her.
If Jenny was pure love like Hallie says, then my son was pure life. Living it on the edge every day.
Until he wasn’t.
“Read me something,” she murmurs, attempting to stifle a yawn.
It’s late. Far too late for her to still be here. But I know she’s reluctant to leave me today. If I ask her to stay all night, she probably will. But I can’t ask that of her. I won’t.
“Okay.” I thumb through the worn book.
Hallie places a finger between the pages. “Let the universe pick.”
“As you wish.” I look at the page she stopped me on and read.
“When you’re in love with a woman, you see the world in her eyes, and you see her eyes everywhere in the world.”
She picks at some lint on her skirt, averting her eyes from my face. “So is this what you do when you invite women back to your place? Woo them with romantic poetry? Read to them in that voice?”
“What voice?”
She rolls her eyes, and a soft chuckle escapes me.
“There have been some women. But none have ever come here. And I’ve never read poetry to anyone in my life.”
“Oh.”
“I’ll always be honest with you, Hallie,” I promise, noting the way she’s chewing her lower lip.
I place the book on the cushion beside me and lift her feet into my lap, my hand encasing one slender ankle.
“After what happened with Lavinia, I thought maybe I was broken. So I went out with other women. Took them to bed even. But I couldn’t ever…” I run my free hand around my jaw with a quiet curse. “The thought of looking into their eyes and letting go just… I couldn’t ever get that far.”
“You don’t have to explain.”
I look into her open, trusting gaze. Admitting that I’ve had sex with beautiful women but been unable to finish isn’t as hard to admit as I thought it would be. Maybe it’s a deep-rooted issue from Elaina cheating on me. I have no problem getting hard. No problem fucking… just a problem getting over that finish line, unless I’m alone.
“In the end, I stopped trying to date altogether. Until Sinclair told me she bought me a gift.”
“Me.” Hallie smiles weakly as I skate my hand over her ankle, caressing her skin.
“You.”
I press my thumb deeper, massaging the arch of her foot. Her lips part with a contented sigh and she shifts position, giving me easier access.
“I should go soon,” she breathes.
I rub deeper, committing the way her lashes flutter with pleasure to my memory.
A deep chime over the built-in speaker system rings out, announcing a visitor. Whoever it is, the doorman must have recognized and let in, because the chime is the one for the penthouse door.
Hallie tugs her feet from my lap and straightens.
“Are you going to get that?”
“I’ll be back in a minute.”
I make my way down the hallway to the door. It’s eleven o’clock. Not wildly late. But late enough that my heart races and my thoughts jump to Sinclair, Sullivan, and Molly.
Sullivan took Molly home after dinner. And Sinclair went to sleep over at Zoey’s place. They both insisted that’s what they wanted after we all finished dinner. Sullivan would have called if Molly was ill. And Denver took Sinclair to Zoey’s. He would have told me if there was a problem.
I check the spyhole before opening the door.
“Lavinia?” I frown.
“Hi Sterling. I was just thinking about things, and I thought maybe you’d like someone to talk to tonight?” She holds up a bottle of wine.
I stare at her in her tightly wrapped coat, her nose pink on the end from the evening air.
“You thought I’d like company?”
She pouts, heat swimming in her gaze. “Mm-hm. Can I come in?”
My frown deepens. “I… was about to go to bed. It’s late.”
I realize my mistake the moment Lavinia’s brows rise like I’ve issued an invitation.
“I knew you wanted more,” she gushes, stepping forward and reaching for me.
She curls her hand around the back of my neck in an attempt to guide my mouth to hers.
“Lavinia,” I snap with a little too much force, bracketing her upper arms and taking hold of her.
I ease her back, and her mouth falls open in shock.
“Lavinia, this isn’t right. You and me… we’re friends,” I say, softening my voice.
She pats the back of her hair, flustered.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me. I just thought you needed time. Last year, that incredible night together...”
She looks at me hopefully, but I can’t hide the regret on my face. Regret at hurting her. Regret that that night even happened in the first place.
She takes a step back. “I should go. I’ve clearly remembered events differently than you have.”
“I’m sorry. We should talk about this,” I say, hating myself for the embarrassment taking over her face.
“Another time perhaps. Like you said, it’s late.” She pretends to check her watch and then spins away, striding to the elevators without looking back.
She gets straight inside a waiting one and the doors slide closed.
I contemplate going after her. But what would I say? And anyway, it’s not a conversation for today of all days.
I close the door with a deep sigh.
“I can leave.”
I turn.
Hallie stands behind me with her coat in her hand.
“Excuse me?”
“You can call Lavinia back if that’s the company you need. The distraction. The—” She swallows, looking uneasy. “If that’s what you need tonight.”
“It isn’t.”
She nods but won’t meet my eyes.
“Hallie?”
She still won’t look at me, so I reach for her hand and pull her to my chest. Her coat slips through her fingers and drops to the floor, landing in a heap.
“You know damn well it isn’t,” I growl. “It will never be what I need. She will never be what I want.”
We stare at each other, the air growing thick.
Hallie’s eyes drop to my fingers, curled around hers. I loosen my grip but don’t let go.
“Do you want to leave?”
“No,” she whispers.
“Then why were you holding your coat like you want to walk out of here?” I say it like an accusation, unable to hide the undercurrent of hurt in my voice. “Why are you trying to walk out of the door when we both know that you’re exactly where you belong? Here. With me .”
I let her hand go with a muttered curse. I’m crossing the line between us that she’s trying so hard to maintain.
And I don’t just want to cross it. I want to scrub the damn thing away until no trace of it remains.
“Jesus, Hallie,” I hiss, fisting my hands so I don’t sink them into her hair and pull her lips to mine.
She bites her lip and places her palm on my chest, resting it over my thundering heart.
“I don’t… I don’t want to go anywhere.”
My jaw clenches, but I say nothing.
“Sterling? Will you… will you kiss me again?” she breathes.
The air leaves my lungs.
“No.”
Her eyes widen like I’ve slapped her before her expression closes off.
She tries to step away. But I wrap one arm around her waist and yank her to me, pinning her against my body.
I’ve waited. And I’ve hoped. And now she’s on the verge of finally succumbing, admitting what I’ve known since I met her… I have to know she means it.
I dip my mouth to her ear, my lips tucking inside the silky blonde strands.
“Baby girl,” I rasp.
My blood heats at her responding shiver.
“You want it? This time, you need to take it.”
She snaps her eyes to mine.
“It’s your choice,” I say, remaining close, towering over her, but not quite sealing the gap between us.
“My choice?”
Seconds stretch between us as we stare at one another, both fighting our internal battles.
Her eyes drop to my mouth and back up again, and her chest rises between us, her pebbled nipples screaming at me in invitation.
But I wait.
This is her choice.
“Sterling,” she murmurs.
“Hall—”
She rises on her toes and crashes her lips against mine, cutting her name from my tongue, and sending heat ravaging through my veins like a fireball.
I lift her into my arms, turning and slamming us back against the closed front door.
“Oh god,” she moans, sinking her fingers into my hair and tugging at the roots as she kisses me hard, inviting my tongue inside her mouth to meet hers.
I might explode at any moment. She’s everywhere. Her breathy moans against my lips, her hands grabbing at me, her body, hot and needy in my arms.
My mouth slides all over her like it’s got a mind of its own.
Nipping, kissing, tasting.
I plant my forearms against the wall on either side of her head and she crosses her ankles behind my back, clinging to me. She’s suspended between me and the wall, pinned in place by my hips. I’m pressed so tightly against her that her writhing makes me choke out her name like a strained plea.
“Hallie.”
I kiss her swollen lips, sliding my teeth over the lower one, making her tremble.
“Baby girl, I can feel your wetness soaking through my pants,” I say with a tortured groan.
She gasps, but I swallow the sound with another searing kiss and take each of her hands from my hair, pinning them against the wall above her head.
“Take what you need,” I coax as I slide my tongue inside her mouth again.
She doesn’t hesitate, and the whimper from her throat as she rotates her hips is like a goddamn invitation for my dick to get as hard as steel.
“That’s my good girl,” I groan, pulling back to admire her flushed face. “Grind on it. Use it to make you feel good.”
She wiggles, but I don’t give her any more space. I hold her against the door as she squirms, dragging her damp panties in circles over the head of my aching dick.
“Sterling,” she pleads.
“I love the way you moan my name. Like you’re desperate for me to sink inside you and make you mine.”
“Oh my god.” She shudders in my arms.
I reposition myself before she allows doubt over what we’re doing to creep in. When I move again, the length of my cock is forced against the hot apex of her thighs.
Her eyes pop wide.
“Now, make yourself come.”
I capture her lips with a guttural growl.
“Make yourself come over my cock, Baby girl.”
All civility leaves me when she pauses and stares at me like she’s overthinking.
Now isn’t the time for her to let her thoughts about us worry her.
I can’t lose her again. Can’t watch her walk away like she did in my office. Not until she sees how good we could be together.
I grind my rock-hard dick against her, making her eyes roll.
“I’m not getting any younger here, Hallie. Use my cock. And damn well show me what you look like when you come!” I bark.
She mewls, jumping back into life like my words have breathed life back into her, and gives over to her pleasure, digging her heels into my back, urging me to move with her.
“That’s it, good girl.”
I roll my hips in time with her a mere fraction, wanting her to do the work. To take what she wants. To accept that as much as she’s going to wreck me if she leaves after this, that maybe a part of her will be broken too.
I place my forehead against hers, staring at her as her movements grow more urgent, more desperate.
“Please,” she moans, moving as much as the position I have her in allows her to.
“Look at me.”
Her eyelids shutter as she looks at me, teetering dangerously close to the edge.
My breath stalls in my throat as she whimpers out my name and rolls her hips, coating my pants in warm, slick heat. It seeps through the fabric, making every muscle in my body coil tight.
I let go of her wrists and grab two handfuls of her ass, unable to stop myself from thrusting my hips. It’s like instinct has taken over, insisting that I do whatever it takes to show her she’s supposed to be mine.
Like driving my aching cock over her in punishing strokes.
“Damn it, Baby girl,” I choke, unable to rip my eyes from hers. “You’ve got me so damn hard. My cock’s leaking at the thought of being buried inside you.”
She grips my shoulders, sinking her nails into my skin.
“That what you want? For me to stretch you wide to take me? Have you filled with me so that when you come it’s my cock your body squeezes?”
“Oh, fuck, Sterling. Fuck, fuck, fuck!”
I push my forehead harder against hers.
“You want to come with my cock inside you, don’t you, Baby girl? You want to come for me. Again and again and again.”
She whimpers. Her pupils dilate, and I witness the perfect moment she shatters, coming in a rush inside my arms.
I hold her eyes through all of it. My name on her lips. My eyes on her face.
Her cum soaking through onto my cock.
“Baby girl… Jesus…”
My hips speed up of their own accord, thrusting erratically. My breath comes out as gasps against her mouth as I kiss her fiercely.
All my blood rushes south.
Her beautiful eyes hold mine as she grabs my face and holds it against hers.
Every cell in my body is on fire.
I don’t speak, I don’t blink, I don’t breathe.
A surge overtakes me, rushing all my senses at once.
And everything inside me comes back to life.
“Hallie!” I roar.
My legs buckle.
I struggle to keep standing.
But my eyes remain locked on hers, the one part of my body that remains strong.
The rest crumbles to ash and a choked groan leaves me.
“Hallie!”
I stiffen as my cock explodes and I finish inside my pants like a teenage boy.
“Jesus…” I screw my eyes shut, snapping them back open immediately so I don’t lose her gaze. “Jesus…”
My head swims and bliss pumps through my veins as I keep grinding into the heat between her thighs.
I ride out every wave, every tremor… until the final drops leave my body.
Our hearts pound against one another’s, our foreheads pressed together.
I flex my fingers, squeezing the handfuls of her ass that are filling my palms. The weight of her there feels so goddamn right. She clenches her thighs around my hips and the wet fabric drags over my spent cock making it twitch.
I pant. “That was?—”
“It was,” she breathes, running her fingertips along my jaw.
I incline my face to one side, catching her wrist in a kiss.
“You can’t deny we have something.” I kiss her skin over and over. “You can’t, Hallie.”
“I—”
“Stay.”
The word doesn’t slip free. It fires from me like a bullet from a gun. Straight to target. It’s intent crystal clear.
I want her where she belongs.
“Stay?” she echoes.
“Yes. Stay. Not just for tonight. Don’t go back to England. Live here. With me.”
She laughs, then her eyes widen, as she sees I’m deadly serious.
“I… If people knew about us, it could ruin my business. The charity?—”
“I’ll cover that,” I growl. “All of it. However much you want.”
I let my pathetic heart lift at her intense gaze.
“I’ve never felt like this about anyone, Hallie. Never in my life. I gave up hoping for it a long time ago. Stay,” I repeat softly, pressing a gentle kiss to her puffy lips.
She kisses me back, and my heart swells with hope.
The cell in my back pocket chooses now to ring out with piercing precision, slicing through the moment. It’s the ring tone I set for Denver.
“Answer it. It might be important,” Hallie says.
I take one hand from her ass. I have to push my hips forward to keep her held up. The small whimper that leaves her lips almost has me tossing my phone to the floor so I can get my hand back on her silky flesh again.
“Denver?” I answer, keeping my eyes on hers.
“Boss. I’m sorry to call. Especially tonight. But?—”
“What is it?”
“The club in LA. There’s been a fire.”
Hallie’s eyes widen as she listens.
“Was anyone hurt?”
“No. But there’s been some damage.”
I blow out a breath. Things can be replaced if they’re burned. People can’t.
“Get the jet ready. I’ll call you when I’m in the car.”
I end the call.
Hallie’s worried eyes search mine. “You need to go.”
“Come with me. We can talk on the flight.” I press a kiss to her lips, my heart clenching when this time she doesn’t return it.
“I can’t.”
“Can’t come to LA with me, or can’t be with me?”
Her eyes dart between mine like she’s searching for reasons… for excuses .
“Say it,” I utter, trying to rein in the devastation that’s seeping through my body.
Her eyes drop from mine and they’re shining when she lifts them.
It’s the moment I realize I’ve lost her.
“My parents need me home. They’ve already lost one daughter. I can’t move over here. It would destroy them. You’re an amazing man.” Her breathing quickens and for a goddamn awful minute I know she’s about to cry. “If things were diff?—”
“Ssh, it’s okay.” I can’t stand a second of seeing her like this.
I lower her to the ground. I can fund her charity if she’d let me. But this is more. It’s about her being her own person. Doing what speaks to her heart after losing her sister. It’s about the people for Hallie. That much has been clear since the day I met her. She thinks of other people before herself, looks after their happiness before her own.
I wish she could see that I could take care of her without her giving any of that up. But she’s convinced it could all be jeopardized.
The thought that there’s more to it that she’s not telling me makes my throat tighten.
“Give me one thing?” I tilt her chin up with my pointer finger.
She nods, tears pooling along her lower lashes. “Anything.”
I stroke her cheek with the pad of my thumb. “A date.”
“A date?”
I give her a bittersweet smile.
“With the only woman I’ve ever wanted since the day I met her. Give me one date, Hallie. Just one.”
A lone tear slips free, and I brush it away.
“I’ll be in LA a day, maybe two. When I come back?—”
She dusts her fingertips over my lips.
“Okay,” she whispers. “When you come back, we’ll have our date.”