Chapter 6 #2
“I was lucky, I know,” Caroline said quietly.
“Lucky to have parents who brought me up away from the confines of this society that prizes indolence and indulgence over inquiry and initiative. And even luckier to have a father who let me be part of his work, and to carry it on when he died. I am a naturalist, Fitz. Specifically, I study birds—their life cycles and nesting grounds and mating habits. I started by drawing the birds we observed, illustrating my father’s findings.
And now—my greatest desire is to return to the Scottish Highlands where I can carry out my father’s research into the avian life of the Hebridean Islands.
When it is finished, I intend to publish my findings. ”
Fitz blinked. “But. But you’re a—”
“A woman? Yes. Nevertheless.”
He sank back against the pillows, unable to take his eyes off the moonlit curves of her face. “You are extraordinary. Truly, unique among all my acquaintance, and I know a great many people.”
He intended to compliment her, but she scoffed.
“Please. Unique. Why? Because I have goals outside of going to balls and producing heirs? Let me impart to you a small secret: I am by no means the only girl you’ve ever met who wants more than marriage and children.
If they haven’t mentioned as much to you, it’s because you either made it clear you wouldn’t be receptive to such a revelation, or more likely, you never bothered to ask. ”
Fitz stared, struck by the knowledge that Caroline was completely in the right. “You’re right. I suppose I never questioned it because…well. I wasn’t exactly brought up to question things.”
“Well, you should. Questions are what make life interesting! There is so much to be learned, wherever one looks. Nature teaches us there is an infinity of variation, both subtle and obvious, among any supposedly homogeneous group. You merely have to know how to see it—and be willing to observe with patience and acceptance.”
That was what she’d done with him, he realized, warmth suffusing his insides.
She’d picked him out of a sea of identically dressed gentlemen all making the same polite small talk and dancing with the same correct posture, and she’d seen him.
The knowledge was more intoxicating than the finest brandy. “I could listen to you talk all night.”
For the first time since she turned up to his private chambers in her dressing gown, a flush darkened Caroline’s cheeks. She looked both pleased and uncertain. “Oh. It is very late. I suppose…you would like to go to sleep? I’m sorry. We can decide how to proceed tomorrow.”
He lunged to catch her arm as she began to clamber down from the ridiculously high bed.
“I meant every word! And do not apologize, I’m the one who is sorry.
I should have paid more attention tonight.
I wanted so badly for you to have a good time, and instead I let my anger with my father run away with me.
I’m afraid I was thinking more about getting rid of him, after he gave me that set down, than I was about our plan. Forgive me?”
Her chest rose and fell quickly. “I forgive you.”
The silence of the night enveloped them, soft and secret.
“Stay.” Fitz let his voice go deep and a little rough. “Sleep is for people who don’t have a beautiful ornithologist in their bed.”
Caroline gave him wide, startled eyes, but she returned his smile readily enough.
She settled at his side upon the covers, but lightly, like one of her birds poised to take flight at the first hint of danger.
“Perhaps just for a bit. I’ve had an idea about tomorrow.
I think we ought to suggest a walk out to Swinley Forest.”
“Please tell me you are not intending to strand your mother in the woods or roll her down a hill or some such.”
An interested look came into her eyes. “Do you think that would work?”
“Your poor mother,” Fitz laughed. “No, let us instead suggest a picnic excursion to the old Roman fort. That is just improving enough to ensure most of the other guests will give it a miss, while still leaving plenty of room to maneuver the older generation into a romantic situation. There should be no need to risk injuring Lady Quick unduly.”
“That’s good thinking about the picnic. I confess, my desire for a walk through Swinley was less strategic, more that I know I would not be able to bear sitting indoors all day when we are so close to the natural habitat of both the Dartford Warbler and the Woodlark!”
Warm amusement wrapped about Fitz’s heart at the same time as the passionate sparkle of her gaze made his unflagging erection throb. The combination was a novel one for him, and something of a surprise.
Fitz had felt desire. He had lusted. He had felt himself consumed by wanting a woman, especially when he was younger and it was all so new and exciting. Before he realized that nothing lasted, and nothing meant anything, so nothing mattered.
But he had never felt anything like this.
Not only did he desire Caroline Quick with a searing intensity he hadn’t experienced in years—he also liked her.
He wanted more of her, more laughter and more secrets and more lectures on everything from birds’ nests to the sorry state of society.
But more than anything else in this moment, in the hushed quiet of the moonlit bedroom, he wanted to kiss her again.
So he did.
* * *
When Caroline snuck through the darkened hallways of Thornecliff to find Fitz’s room, her mind had been full of the indignant things she planned to say to him, the evidence she would put forth to make him understand how unhappy he’d made her.
But then he’d listened, with his usual air of intent interest. And he’d apologized so handsomely, admitting he’d let his father’s disapprobation get the better of his temper, which she certainly understood since she’d been upset by Lord Alfred’s comments as well. And that should’ve been the end of it.
Yet she lingered.
When he lifted a hand to her cheek and slid his long, strong fingers onto the curve of her skull where the thick braid of her hair pulled tight, and Caroline was forced to confront the truth of her own intentions.
This was what she’d come for. This was why she’d stayed. All along, this was what she’d wanted.
It wasn’t wise but it was undeniable.
She was turning her mouth up to his before he’d even come close enough to brush his lips against her skin.
The kiss ignited along her nerve endings and seared rational thought from her brain. She opened to him at once, too hungry for it. Fitz’s tongue curled hotly against hers, stroking deep and making Caroline forget to breathe under the sudden, crashing wave of need.
Wanting to achieve a better angle, Caroline pushed mindlessly closer still, closer, until she had slid fully onto Fitz’s lap with her thighs straddling his lean hips.
She gasped at the feeling of being open and vulnerable, her most private place pulsing against the heat and hardness of Fitz beneath the bed covers.
Unsure what to do, she writhed a bit, grinding down.
They both groaned, Fitz’s hands tightening in her hair and pulling in a way that made pleasurable pain sing through Caroline.
His voracious mouth fell to her throat, nipping and licking and sucking at the sensitive skin there, sending shivers all through her.
Caroline’s thighs quivered and clenched as he bucked up, nudging the spot where so much of her desire had accumulated and centered.
The layers of linens between them muffled the sensation but not enough to keep Caroline from moaning. She could not make her hips be still.
A tiny needle of fear pierced the veil of pleasure. She had never felt such a loss of control, such an oblivion of heat and hunger and aching towards something she couldn’t even name.
“Fitz,” she gasped as his broad palms swept over her shoulders and around to her back, “What are you doing to me?“
“I’m learning you.” He dropped the words along her collar bone. “I confess I’ve never been a great student, but no subject has ever inspired me so much. Shall I keep going?”
“Yes,” she cried, unable to put a stop to this just yet, “but—”
“I know. Don’t worry. I won’t go too far. Do you trust me?”
Too far. Caroline was confused for a moment before she remembered, hazily, oh yes. He doesn’t wish to get married. And neither do I. So we mustn’t…
“I trust you,” she told him, looking deep into his gray eyes and finding him looking back at her, into her. Seeing her.
Learning her.
Caroline squirmed helplessly, arousal simmering all over again.
Fitz’s hands found her breasts, his clever fingers lifting, shaping, strumming, teasing until she didn’t know whether to scream or sob or simply expire of sheer pleasure.
His body below hers was like sun-warmed rock, smooth muscles bunching with the effort of holding himself back. For her.
She wished he didn’t have to, that they could simply follow the thread of this intensity and desire all the way to the end. It was more than her usual curiosity, her need to solve the mysteries and discover the secrets of the world around her—no. This was even more primal.
They were so close, sharing breath, sharing touch, sharing passion. But they could be closer still, and Caroline wanted it with a ferocity that shocked her.
Driven by that need, she threw her arms around his neck and clutched him to her, the broad planes of his chest against her softness and the tantalizing hardness thrusting up between them making her writhe in frustration. She shoved at the bedclothes, wanting no barriers between them.
Fitz clenched his teeth, squeezing his eyes shut, and grabbed her wrist to stop her.
Freezing for an instant, Caroline read the tension in his big, rangy frame. The damp lock of hair clinging to his furrowed brow. The working of his lungs like a bellows as he fought to master himself.