Chapter 28
KIMBERLY
In the background, I heard Declan's booming but calm voice. "We can continue the mediation meeting here, but in my experience, it's better if we do it in a neutral place. The room we were supposed to be in is still reserved for two hours. We can go back."
I put Michael on the single bed next to his crib. Then I moved to the vanity table and opened the top drawer, searching for a clean diaper.
I heard voices rise from the living room.
"Please don't fight. Michael can hear you," Drake said.
Michael started fussing even more. I changed his diaper quickly, and that seemed to soothe him. My stomach began to rumble even though I'd eaten. But I kept a pack of cookies in my bag just for that. Thank goodness I’d brought it with me into the room.
I took it out, opening it and quickly munching three. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to settle my stomach. Then I put the packet in my bag and took Michael in my arms.
He was fussing again, so I walked around the room with him, trying to soothe him. Then he laid his head on my chest. A few seconds later, a wheezing came from him. To my horror, he was blue in the face.
"Oh my God. No, no, no.”
"What the hell happened?" That was Lawrence's voice. Looking over my shoulder, I realized everyone had burst into the room.
"I think he’s choking."
Suze immediately took him from me, tilting him slightly so his head was lower than the rest of his body.
She kept one arm under his belly, opening his mouth wide with her fingers, and patted his back rather forcefully with the other hand.
I counted five blows, and then Michael spat out a tiny bit of something.
The wheezing stopped, and he began crying instead. Suze turned him face-up, holding him in an upright position. He seemed to be breathing normally.
Lawrence bent down, picking up what Michael had spit out. “This is a cookie. Who the fuck gave him that?”
I stilled completely. “I ate some cookies earlier. I probably had crumbles on my chest. I didn’t realize it. Oh my God.”
Suze was sobbing softly, keeping him close to her chest. She kissed him lightly. "He’s fine now. I’m going to call my best friend real quick. She’s a pediatrician. She’ll tell me if I should have him checked out at the hospital. It happened once before, and it was much worse."
That would explain how she knew exactly what to do.
"What the fuck?" Lawrence shouted, and I swear to God, my breath got stuck in my throat. His tone gave me a terrible sense of foreboding. "What do you mean, this happened before? And now you leave this inept woman in charge of him?"
“Don’t you fucking dare,” Drake spat.
"Lawrence," Suze exclaimed, "accidents happen."
"Not to my son. If you think I'm going to agree to some bogus mediation meeting, you have another think coming," Lawrence seethed. "I’m going to file for custody, and then you'll get to pay support. How about that?"
“You moron," Drake said. He transformed right in front of my eyes, grabbing the guy by the collar. "You walked out on my sister and left her to fend for herself when she was at her most vulnerable, and now you think you can come and make a request and threaten her?"
Declan cleared his throat. "Drake, let go of him."
We gave my cousin shit for always thinking about the worst-case scenario, but for the first time, I understood why he did that. It was good to be prepared and to keep calm in a crisis. Not like what Drake was doing right now.
Suze was crying silently, shaking.
"I'm sorry," I said.
She gave me a reassuring nod. She already had her phone on her ear. Oh, right, she’d called the doctor.
"Get the hell out of here," Drake said, letting go of Lawrence.
"You just wait. I've got plenty of proof about what happened here today. I don't want my kid anywhere near that woman." He pointed at me right before he stomped out of the room.
Drake made to go after him, but Declan held a hand up. "Don't engage him."
"You're supposed to mediate."
"Yes, things escalated," Declan said. "Now I'm doing damage control. Let him walk out, and we'll resume this another day. Right now, the best thing you can do is not engage him."
On an intellectual level, I knew Declan was right.
But on an emotional level, I was right there with Drake.
I wanted to throttle Lawrence. He'd never cared about his son before, and then he came in here and threatened to take him away?
Who did that? He didn't even want to touch him.
Though maybe that was his gameplan all along, and with Michael choking, it fell right into his hands.
My heart was hurting for the baby, who was inconsolable in Suze's arms.
She winced when the front door slammed shut. "He's gone," she said, relief obvious on her face.
“Suze, what did your friend say?" Drake asked.
"She’ll pay us a visit. I’m so lucky she’s a pediatrician. Last time I went to the ER, and it was madness.”
Drake frowned. "Why didn't you tell me this?"
"I didn't want to worry you. You three, go to the living room. I'll calm him down and wait for my friend, okay? Declan, thank you so much for, well, everything you did today.”
Declan nodded. "It wasn't that much, but stay in touch, okay?"
"I'll let you know when I hear from that asshole. He can't take him away from me, can he?"
Declan hesitated for a split second, and my heart clenched. "I won't let anything like that happen, trust me. He has no claims. He walked out."
I could tell he wanted to go into lawyer mode, but Declan had mellowed since he met Liz. He could probably sense Suze wasn't in the right mind for that.
"We'll be in the living room," Drake said. "Call me for anything you need."
She nodded, and all three of us left her with Michael.
Once we reached the living room, Drake spun around, looking straight at Declan. "What was that back there?" He'd obviously sensed Declan's hesitation as well.
"He can try fighting for custody. There's nothing stopping him. Doesn’t mean he stands a chance of winning." Declan looked at me apologetically. "He actually could use the incident to try and prove that Suze can't properly care for him, but all odds are against him."
"Fucking hell," Drake exclaimed.
My chest constricted. I could barely breathe.
"Declan, you're serious?" I asked, now feeling totally responsible.
"Accidents are accidents. A judge would know that. I'm just laying out all possibilities."
I wasn't sure if this was helpful or not.
"Look," Declan continued, "I need to make a few phone calls to my office in case we hear from Lawrence's lawyer. I'm going to have to ask her to prepare some statutes so I'm ready."
“Thank you,” Drake said.
Declan went outside to make the phone call. I realized he probably wanted to give me and Drake some privacy.
"I'm so sorry," I said.
“Kimberly, it's not your fault. I think that asshole came here looking for a reason to fight my sister. I can't believe it. And she was so hopeful on the phone."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
Drake shook his head. “She thought that maybe he'd come to his senses when he saw the baby and would want to come back home.”
I felt as if someone punched me in the stomach. Poor Suze. She was holding on to that hope, which was no doubt making everything that much worse.
“But what if he was? You never know. Then he saw me unable to take care of his kid and went ballistic.”
“Nothing could be further from the truth.” He came in front of me, grabbing my face.
My eyes watered. "I'm really sorry. I didn't want to cause trouble.”
“We'll work everything out together, okay? God, Kimberly. I love you for caring so much. I love you."
I smiled even through my tears. "And I love you. That's what I was thinking about earlier,” I confessed. “Before everything imploded. That I love you.”
"See?" he said, pressing his forehead to mine. "We'll get through this, okay?"
A knot tightened in my stomach. "But what if we don't and she loses custody?
And then she only gets visitation rights and sees him once in a while?
Growing up without a mom is hard. What if he can use what happened against your sister?
I mean, it would look bad, wouldn't it? That someone who wasn't able to take care of Michael is a constant presence around him? "
I was beside myself. The more I spoke, the more I realized that this was really, really bad.
"Babe, you're entering some sort of spiral. We’ll deal with this. Declan will fix it, and if he can't, I'll get my sister the best lawyers."
"But I don't want her to have to fight or go to court because of me. I think it would help the odds if I wasn't in the picture anymore."
Drake frowned. "If you weren't…? What are you even talking about?"
"Well… what if she tells a judge or something that we’re not together anymore? That the stupid lady who caused Michael to choke is no longer with her brother?"
"Kimberly, stop. Why would she tell him that? You're not making sense."
"I don't know. I mean, if it would help her win, then I’d stay away."
Drake jerked his head back. "What are you saying?"
I put my hands over my face, shaking my head. "I just don't want her to lose custody of the baby because of me."
"So you'd break up with me for that?"
I bit my lower lip. “No, no… I just…. Maybe. For a while. I don’t want him to lose his mom.” I realized this wasn't making any sense. Why had I even said it?
“Kimberly, you just admitted you loved me. Talk to me. I need to understand what’s going on in your mind.”
“I don’t even understand what I’m thinking.”
Declan stepped back inside. “I think the doctor’s out there. Someone parked in front of the house.” He looked between Drake and me with alarm.
“What’s going on here?" he asked sharply. I realized I'd teared up even more. My eyes were probably red. "Tell me you're not giving my cousin shit for what happened."
"I’m not," Drake said categorically.
"He really isn't." I pressed my lips together. "I'm not in a good headspace."
"Then I suggest you and I go and let Suze rest. It won't do Suze any good to see you out of sorts," Declan said.
Biting my lip, I glanced at Drake. “I'm going to go with Declan. Tell me what the doctor says, okay?”
“Kimberly—”
"Declan's right. I'm in this insane negative spiral. I don't think she needs any of that right now. You were right before. She needs you."
Drake frowned. “If that’s what you want. Declan, you'll let us know want to do next?"
"Yes. I'm prepared for every scenario. Tell Suze not to worry too much. She's got a very strong claim."
"I will."
"Kimberly, are you here with your car?" Declan asked.
"No."
"Then I'll give you a lift. Come on, let's go."
I wanted to give Drake a goodbye kiss, but he couldn't even make eye contact. I’d pissed him off, and I didn't blame him. I was mad at myself for just spouting every unfiltered thought and fear. I'd told him I loved him and then that I would leave; I’d be livid if the situation were reversed.
Declan put an arm around my shoulders, guiding me outside. We passed the doctor walking up the front steps on the way to the car.
A few minutes into our drive, Declan asked, "Kimberly, what's on your mind? You're not usually this quiet."
"I messed up."
"Look, it's not ideal, but honestly, that could happen to anyone. I don't want to tell you how many times I almost had this happen with our nieces."
"It's not just that. I basically told Drake that if it would help his sister's custody battle, I’d break up with him."
"Why in the hell would you even think that?" Declan exclaimed. "That's complete nonsense."
"I know. I just created all these scenarios in my mind where a judge would see me as a danger, and I don't even know where it came from," I said, leaning my head on the window. It was cool, and it did me good. “I just thought, 'Michael can’t grow up without a mom.'”
“Then maybe we do know where it came from.” Declan put his hand over mine.
“And the thought that because of me, somehow that could happen—" I choked up, then tried to take deep breaths.
"Calm down, Kimberly," Declan said. "I think I know where you're coming from."
I looked up at him because his voice was unusually gentle. I’d never heard him speak to me this way.
"Look, I grew up with you, and I know how much you missed your mom. And I love you very much, I do. But that train of thought is batshit crazy, okay? I think you should talk to Drake."
"Yeah, I think so too," I said, feeling a little better now. "I just need to gather my wits first."
“Drake seems like a very good guy."
"Who are you, and what have you done with my cousin? First, you didn't warn me not to date him since Drake and I work together. I thought for sure that would put a bee in your bonnet."
He shrugged with a chuckle. "We've had two similar situations in the family before. Nothing went wrong. I assume we're lucky in that department. But more importantly, Drake seems to care about you. Don't push him away," he said just as the car stopped, and I noticed we'd reached my place.
I took in a deep breath, leaning against the headrest and looking straight ahead. "I won't. I don't want to." I sighed heavily, my eyes watering. "God, I hope I haven't done it already."