Chapter 14
A brOWN SPARROW FLITTED ONTO a wood plank of her back deck while Julia sat out there, the pregnancy test in her shaking hand.
She was willing it to turn positive, while also simultaneously terrified that it would finally, actually turn positive again.
After two miscarriages in the last two years, she was not yet sure whether a third pregnancy now would be the charm, or another emotional disaster.
Then the sparrow flew up and landed on the patio table, sitting just across from her, staring at her. And she had the brief, ridiculous, hopeful thought that it was Grandma Vera. That she had come to tell Julia that everything was going to be okay.
A plus sign suddenly appeared in the tiny test window, Julia let out a little squeal, and then the sparrow promptly flew away. But Julia knew it in her heart: Vera had come to her just now for a reason. This time the pregnancy would stick. She was going to have another baby!
Still, she took a deep breath and tried to caution herself that it was too early to feel this hopeful.
Or to call her sisters and let them know the news.
She hadn’t had a chance to let them know about the pregnancy before she’d started bleeding, almost two years ago.
And then, pregnant again last year, she had felt superstitious enough not to tell anyone except for Ted.
She’d made it all the way to ten weeks last time, only for it to fall apart the first week in May, the week Nate was supposed to get married.
But this time it was going to be different, and she felt an urge to tell someone, right now.
Or else she might burst. She ran inside the house, her hands still shaking, and picked up the phone in the kitchen to dial Ted at work.
After a few rings, it popped to his assistant, Jane.
“Oh, hi there, Mrs. Gilbert. Ted isn’t at his desk. Can I help you with something?”
Julia cleared her throat. She hated it when people who should know better willfully ignored her choice to keep her own last name. It felt like an insult wrapped inside some veil of stupid politeness. But all she said was, “Can you page him for me, Jane? I really need to talk to him.”
“Is everything all right?” Jane asked.
Julia was not about to share this news with Ted’s assistant when she hadn’t even told her sisters! “Jane, please,” she said. “Can you page him?”
Jane hesitated for a moment, like maybe Ted had asked her never to page him, but then she told Julia to hold on.
“Julia?” Ted’s voice came through sounding breathless a few moments later. “What’s wrong? Are you hurt? Is Veronica okay?”
“Yes, oh my gosh, V is fine. I’m fine. I just…
” Julia hesitated for a second, realizing the moment she said the words out loud they would be real again.
And once this was real, it was, also, tenuous.
“We’re pregnant,” she finally blurted out.
Then she tried to tell him about the sparrow that suddenly appeared on the back patio when she was taking the test.
“A what? A sparrow?” Ted interrupted, sounding confused. Of course, the bird thing was between her and her sisters. She’d told Ted once, and he’d laughed her off. Now it seemed he didn’t even remember.
“Never mind,” she said. “Just a good omen, that’s all.”
“Julia, that’s great. I’m so happy. But can we talk later when I get home? I was in the middle of a—”
“Of course,” she cut him off. Her heart suddenly felt like it was in free fall, and she gripped the edge of the kitchen counter, a little dizzy.
It was too early for these symptoms to be pregnancy related.
This was something else. Maybe she shouldn’t have called Ted after all.
Maybe she should’ve just waited until later tonight, when he was home, in front of her, when she could see on his face that he was just as excited or nervous as she was.
“I didn’t mean to bother you,” she said.
“I just thought you’d want to know right away. The second I did.”
“I did,” Ted said gently. “I do. We’ll talk more tonight at dinner, okay? I promise.”
Julia nodded. “I’ll go to the grocery store and get some chicken breasts to make that marsala recipe you like. Before the morning sickness kicks in, and I can’t stomach the smell of chicken—”
“Sounds good,” Ted said quickly. “I really have to go. Love you.”
“Love you too,” she said. But he’d already hung up.
Julia held the dead phone in her hand for a moment and focused on her breathing.
Ted’s career was thriving, and he was busy all the time.
She understood that. She had the vaguest longing for what it felt like to be so consumed with work that everything else rushed and swirled around you in a haze.
We’re pregnant, she’d told him. But the truth was, the we felt sort of like a joke.
She was pregnant. And this time, no matter what, she was going to make sure it stuck.
Right, Vera? she whispered, glancing out toward the back deck, wishing for just one more look of the sparrow.
Emily had gone out of her comfort zone in her final semester of grad school and was taking a class called Museums and Oceans.
Not because she had any particular interest in oceans, but because it was being taught by a visiting professor, Dr. Daniels, who was also the director of America’s biggest aquatic museum in Tampa.
Her advisor had suggested it might help Emily stand out to have the personal connection and to learn from someone with real-world experience before graduating.
And as it turned out, it was one of the best decisions Emily had made.
Dr. Daniels was young to have her PhD (maybe just a few years older than Emily?), well-spoken, and already established in her field.
Still, Emily had no interest in oceans, and so she couldn’t quite explain why she found herself in Dr. Daniels’s office during her Thursday morning office hours every week, discussing marine life.
Okay, maybe she could explain it.
Dr. Daniels was gorgeous. She had smooth, honey-colored skin; beautiful thick, black, curly hair; and hazel eyes that always seemed to be infused with laughter.
When Emily sat in the chair across from her in her office, she felt like she was in the presence of a star, and she couldn’t keep herself from smiling.
Every time Dr. Daniels laughed, which was pretty often, Emily felt like she was a part of some special inside joke.
Dr. Daniels was the kind of person whom her father would refer to as magnetic. Or Julia would call dazzling.
When Dr. Daniels invited Emily for coffee at the end of the semester, the week before Emily’s graduation, it didn’t feel all that strange.
It wasn’t something any of her other professors had done, but after all the hours they’d spent together in her office, grabbing coffee before Dr. Daniels moved back to Tampa felt only natural.
It didn’t actually strike Emily as odd, until she showed up at Starbucks and suddenly found her stomach coiling with nerves.
She ordered a decaf latte and found a table by the window. It was ridiculous, to feel nervous before meeting her professor.
But then Dr. Daniels walked in, and the air inside the Starbucks shifted, as if everyone in the room noticed this tall, confident, beautiful woman walking inside, lifting her sunglasses up, laughing that relaxed laugh as she ordered and joked around with the barista.
She got her drink, walked over, and sat across from Emily.
“Okay,” she said with a smile as she sat down. “So I hope this isn’t wildly inappropriate. But I had an ulterior motive in asking you to coffee today.”
“Oh?” Emily gulped down a small sip of her decaf latte, wishing it was infused with something stronger that could calm her.
She put her coffee down on the table and suddenly had to resist the urge to reach across, to tuck back a curl that had fallen out of her professor’s hair clip and in front of her eyes.
Emily’s fingers twitched and she clasped her hands together.
“Well, I was wondering…” Dr. Daniels said slowly.
And Emily thought, Yes, I want to kiss you too.
And then she said, “I was wondering how you might feel about coming to work for me?”
Work for her? An aquatic museum wasn’t at all what Emily had in mind for her career, but working alongside Dr. Daniels each day suddenly felt like a dream job. “I’d love to,” Emily heard herself saying.
Nora was opening in her first show in New York City in the middle of May. A one-week run as Juliet in an off-off-Broadway musical adaptation of Romeo and Juliet. When she found out she’d gotten the role, she’d immediately called both her sisters and invited them to come to opening night.
“I’m sorry, I can’t this time,” Emily said. “I’m going to start a new job in Tampa, and I need to move before we go to Coronado.”
“Sorry,” Julia said flatly. “You know I can’t leave Veronica twice in May.”
“Bring Veronica,” Nora suggested. “She loved Beauty and the Beast.”
“But is this show really kid-appropriate?”
Nora didn’t like the way Julia sounded, like she was chastising her. But she was also probably right. A show ending in double teen suicide likely wasn’t kid-appropriate at all.
“It’s just a short train ride for you, Julia,” Nora wheedled. “If you can’t make it for opening night, then at least come for the Saturday matinee when Ted can watch Veronica.”
“Ted works most Saturdays, and I just… I really can’t right now, Nora.” Julia breathed the words softly across the line. “I have a lot going on. I’ll catch your next one.”