Chapter 22 #2
The next night, Emily was still drowning in that conversation, repeating it over and over again in her head as she sat out on the back patio drinking wine with Nora. Had she done the right or wrong thing? What if she had just said to Cecile: I love you too. Why hadn’t she said that?
But Nora seemed fixated on her own thoughts and didn’t notice or comment on Emily being unusually quiet.
She finished off her second glass of cheap grocery store rosé and set the empty goblet down on the bricks.
Emily poured the remains of the bottle into her own glass and set the empty bottle on the bricks too.
Nora sat up to warm her hands over the firepit.
The night air in Coronado never failed to surprise her, even after all these years.
The chill that cut across the water after dark always felt weirdly unexpected, and for some reason she thought about how cold she was last year, running after Dev on Ocean Boulevard before sunrise.
Even with the warmth of the fire now, she shivered.
“No body fat,” Emily said.
“What?” Nora asked, rubbing her hands close to the fire.
“You have no body fat, Nora. You look like you lost some weight since Christmas. You should eat more.”
“I eat plenty,” Nora protested, though it was true she had lost a little weight in the last month.
They’d had to take her costume in just before she’d left.
“It’s all the dance rehearsals for Hera.
I’m burning so many calories.” Maybe it was that, or maybe it was that she was filled with this overwhelming joy that kept threatening to burst every time she even thought about the role.
It was happening! It was really happening!
Nora had been burning up with nervous energy.
She had, in fact, until now not even thought about Dev for months.
“You do look a little thin,” Julia agreed, walking back out from the kitchen, where she must’ve been listening as she’d loaded the dishwasher.
They often got takeout pizza the first night, but she’d arrived early enough this year that she’d gone and bought crabs at the bayside market and cooked them for dinner.
Julia picked up the bottle of wine now and frowned upon seeing it empty.
“There’s more wine in the fridge,” Nora said, brushing off her sisters’ comments about her weight.
Maybe they’d needed to mother her when she was five, but they did not need to now that she was in her thirties.
She, in fact, had a very healthy diet! “And I can take care of myself. I don’t need either of you to be my mother! ”
Julia frowned again, sat down on the ledge by the firepit. She crossed her legs and wrung her hands. “You’re right. I’m sorry, Nora. And anyway, don’t listen to me, I’m a terrible mother.”
“Bullshit,” Emily said. And she thought again about Cecile, and how Emily had said that she should stay married, for her boys’ sake. Is that what good mothers did? That felt all wrong. Why had she said that?
“You are like the world’s best mother to Veronica,” Nora affirmed—not that she would have any real way to judge such a thing.
But in the glimpses she got at holidays and over texts and email, Julia seemed super involved in Veronica’s life.
Isn’t that what a good mother was? “I just was trying to remind you that I don’t need you to do that for me. ”
Julia shook her head. “Veronica truly hates me right now. She’ll barely even talk to me. And then Ted recently bought her a phone—without asking me, of course. And now I think she just blocked me over text. Either that or she’s been ignoring my messages.”
Emily suddenly chuckled. “Don’t you remember what I was like at her age?”
Julia made a face and Nora nodded. “Yeah, you were such a bitch, Em. I mean, you still are.” Nora giggled. Emily poked her hard on the shoulder. “Ow!” Nora exclaimed.
“Takes one to know one,” Emily said.
“Veronica is so different from us,” Julia sighed. “She’s an only child. Ted spoils her way too much.” She was quiet for a moment while she nervously chewed on the skin around her thumbnail. “My biggest regret is that we were never able to give her a sister.”
Nora didn’t say anything, but she stood, walked into the kitchen, and returned a moment later with a third glass and another bottle of wine. She unscrewed the cap, did a large pour into the glass, and held it out to Julia.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Nora asked gently. She didn’t know why Veronica was an only child, but she’d always assumed it was because Julia and Ted both worked a lot. And that Julia’s career was important to her too. It made sense.
Julia shook her head, accepted the wine, and took a large sip.
“Jul, you’re a great mother,” Emily said emphatically. “Preteens are just assholes. It’s like a requirement at that age or something.”
“Total assholes,” Nora agreed.
Julia took another sip of wine. “We all grew up without a mother,” she finally said in a quiet voice. “What if I don’t know how to do this right? What if I can’t ever get through to her and she hates me forever?”
“Mommy died,” Nora said. “You’re here and you’re healthy, and Veronica is just in some weird adolescent phase. You’ll figure it out. History won’t repeat like that.”
Julia stared very hard into her wineglass, and Emily took a very large sip from hers.
“I don’t believe history repeats,” Julia finally said when she looked back up. “It rhymes.”