Chapter 25 #2
“And Dad left behind wishes that he wanted to be buried here, near Grandma and Grandpa May.” Nora realized Julia was still talking.
Nora nodded. “Where is Mommy now?” she asked.
“Like Julia said,” Emily said sharply. “She was cremated.”
“But where are her ashes?” Nora asked.
“Lake Michigan,” Julia said. “Dad scattered her ashes in the lake the summer after she died.”
“How do you even know that?” Emily asked.
Julia shrugged as if to say, how didn’t she know that?
Nora sighed. Julia always knew everything. A function of being the oldest, or maybe just of being Julia.
Then Nora thought about that time on the sailboat in Coronado when they’d scattered Grandma Vera’s ashes in the Pacific, how it had felt healing, in a way, to know she was being left in a place she was most at peace.
And how the frozen tundra of Chicago felt like the worst possible place to leave Dad now.
“We can’t leave Daddy here like this. He hated being cold.
” Tears sprung up in Nora’s eyes and stung as they rolled down her frozen cheeks.
She might not remember exactly what had happened after her mother died, but she did remember a lifetime of Daddy wearing two pairs of socks and a wool cap in the house in the winter.
The way he still worried if she had a heavy enough coat and the right boots when it snowed in New York, even when she was in her thirties, because he’d wanted her to be warm too.
“Nora,” Julia said gently. “This is what he wanted.”
As if on cue, the funeral director walked over to talk to Julia to ask if they were ready to begin.
Emily let go of Cecile’s hand and walked with Julia and the director to the edge of the tent.
But Nora remained firmly in place, crying.
They wouldn’t start without her. They couldn’t put him in the ground without her.
She suddenly felt a hand on her shoulder, and she turned. Cecile, Emily’s girlfriend, was standing behind her. “It’s hard to lose a parent,” she said gently, rubbing Nora’s shoulder. “I know it is.”
“They still think I’m the baby,” Nora sniffled. “But I’m right. Dad hated being cold.”
Cecile nodded and offered Nora a sympathetic smile.
It struck Nora how opposite she was to Emily.
Warm where Emily was cold, bright where Emily was dark.
Kind where Emily was snarky. She thought about two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that appeared to be vastly different shapes and colors, but somehow still fit together seamlessly to build something whole.
“Come on.” Cecile put her arm around Nora’s shoulders, offering her physical support. “Let’s walk out there together and stand with your sisters. I think you’ll regret it if you stay back now. If you don’t take this chance to say goodbye to him…” Her voice was soft, sweet, like a lullaby.
As much as she wanted to resist, rebel, she also knew, deep down, that Cecile was right. Julia wasn’t going to budge, and she would regret it if she refused to participate.
“Em is really lucky to have you,” Nora said with a slight smile. Then she added, “Just make sure you don’t ever put up with any of her shit.”
Three months later, Emily was up before dawn for her flight to San Diego, trying to sneak out of bed quietly so she wouldn’t wake Cecile.
“Em.” Cecile’s voice cut into the darkness and Emily froze.
“I was trying so hard not to wake you,” she whispered. “Go back to sleep.”
“You should tell them the truth in Coronado this week,” Cecile said into the darkness. “Nora and Julia, I mean. They both deserve to know what you saw.”
Emily grabbed her roller bag from the end of the bed, where she’d left it after she’d packed last night. “There’s yogurt and fruit in the fridge for you for breakfast,” she said. “I’ll see you next weekend.”
“Em!” Cecile called after her as she wheeled her bag into the hallway, toward the front door. “Imagine how much better you’ll feel if you tell them, after all this time.”
In Coronado, the ocean roared on as it always had.
The sea churned and rushed. High tide, low tide.
The sound of it, the blue-green sight of it from the porch, reminded all three May sisters that life went on.
Over the years, the gray stone seawall across the street from them had been built up higher and higher, but the ocean itself remained this perfect, beautiful force, unchanging.
Mallory wore her hair in pigtails this year and was missing both front teeth, which she proudly showed all three May sisters, bragging about how the tooth fairy had brought her ten dollars for each one. “Twenty whole dollars!” she exclaimed.
Julia raised her eyebrows. “Oh my, you have a very wealthy tooth fairy in Coronado. Veronica only got one dollar a tooth!”
Emily wondered how much Cecile had left for the boys, and before now, that thought had never occurred to her.
They’d lost teeth. She’d seen them in pictures with their adorable toothless grins, but she didn’t understand this kind of minutiae.
This nitty-gritty of parenting. She never would.
It was why she’d recently broken down and told Cecile her deepest secret.
Because she’d needed Cecile to understand why she could never be a mother.
Yet, Cecile had, in response, simply handed Emily her therapist’s card.
“When I had to get braces in eighth grade,” Nora was saying now, “I had to get four adult teeth pulled. And the tooth fairy left me a hundred-dollar bill.”
Mallory’s eyes widened, and Nora’s suddenly welled with tears.
“Inflation,” Julia said. “I got like fifty cents a tooth or something ridiculous.”
“You’re aging yourself, Jul,” Nora said, wiping her eyes.
Nate scooped Mallory up, gave her a giant kiss, and told her it was time to get ready for bed. She ran next door, and then Julia whispered, “Seriously, Nate. Twenty dollars?”
He shrugged. “I didn’t know the going rate.”
Nora laughed and swatted him on the arm. “Pushover.”
“Guilty as charged.” Nate laughed. “Anyway, it’s late. I should go read Mal a book. I’ll catch you later in the week?”
“Dinner on Friday!” Julia called after him. “It’s on the schedule.” He waved and nodded as he walked away. “He’s such a good dad,” Julia said, turning to her sisters as they watched him.
Nora nodded and sighed thinking about how much she missed her own dad, how it felt almost impossible now that he had been here with them just a year earlier. “Mal is really lucky,” she said. “She failed out in the mom department but Nate more than makes up for that.”
Opening night of Hera is June 30th, Julia texted Emily a week after they got back from Coronado. I’m buying tickets now so we can go and surprise Nora. Do you want a seat with us too?
Yeah… I need to check flights but I’ll figure something out. Her fucking Broadway debut! I’m going.
One ticket or two?
Let me think about it… Actually, hold on. I’ll go ask Cee.
Okay. I have them in my cart…
Two. Cee says she wouldn’t miss it. Tell me how much I owe you and I’ll Venmo you after work.
Don’t worry about it. Excited you’re coming and we can get to know Cee better too. Just buy us dinner before the show and we’ll call it good.
Okay, loser. But joke’s on you because dinner is… Mickey D’s. No, wait… Taco Bell!
Lol. Awesome. V loves their nachos.
Yeah, but Ted doesn’t strike me as a Taco Bell guy…
All good. Ted can’t make it.