Chapter 8
As usual the girls’ meet-up managed to be just off-season, and consequently their Valentine’s night out was on 7 th February, when you could get a table at a restaurant without having the food hurled at you by stressed-out staff. The restaurant was discreetly festooned with red swags of netting and garlands of hearts. Slightly off-season they might be, but the girls had taken the opportunity to dress up for their night off from mama duties. They were eagerly sharing their plans for the following week, starting with Celine, whose baby had flipped from his enviable sleep cycle and was now waking on the dot of 4.40 every morning. Cassie found herself fixated on the top she was wearing, with the complicated system of straps, until it dawned on her that Celine appeared to have her head through the wrong hole.
‘I said to Robbie, I don’t care where we go, all I want is for the floor to stop spinning,’ she proclaimed.
Norah, in a black dress which she referred to as her camouflage, was her usual practical self. ‘Nothing fancy, I said to Declan. It’s a taxi, the two-course special and a ride when we get home. He’s grand with that. Once he knows what to expect.’
Cassie marvelled at Norah’s candour, but it just showed, relationships were all about finding the right person. Bryony, of course, was wearing a gorgeous crossover pink dress and shared that they were going on a three-night break in Paris while the children would be looked after by her parents.
‘Freedom. It’s all ahead of you, girls.’ She smiled magnanimously.
‘And only about a thousand broken nights’ sleep in between,’ lamented Celine.
Louise shared that she and Mike were going out but that she’d be on the no-secco.
‘What about you, Cass, got a hot date?’ boomed Bryony, not known for her discretion.
‘Actually, I’ve met someone.’
Bryony actually gasped.
‘Where?’
She shared the story to hoots of laughter and realised the girls were genuinely delighted for her. This was genuine, bona fide New News.
‘It’s like a romcom.’ Louise clapped her hands.
‘Come on, come on, girl, show us a photo,’ said Norah
She and Celine zoomed in on the photo on Cassie’s phone, which they were examining in forensic detail.
‘He’s got very long eyelashes,’ observed Bryony.
‘You do know there’s some poor woman going round with bald eyes to compensate for that?’ said Celine, just before a distracted expression crossed her face. She reached down her cleavage and rummaged around, before pulling out a large rubbery spider.
‘Oh, that’s where it went,’ she muttered and shoved it in her handbag without missing a beat.
‘So, what’s he like?’ said Norah.
‘He’s lovely. He’s fun and he’s a great dancer.’
‘Dancer? God, girls, do you remember that?’ said Norah with a detectable edge to her voice.
‘Oh, look, here he is on Facebook,’ announced Bryony.
They went very quiet as she and Celine scrolled through a few photos.
‘Are those his kids?’
‘Er, yes, he’s separated.’ Josie had advised her to come straight out with it.
‘Right.’
After a few seconds of growing discomfort, where Cassie was picking up distinctly judgy vibes, she decided to get all the details out in one go.
‘OK, to be honest he didn’t actually tell me about his ex or the kids until .?.?. actually the middle of our first date,’ she confessed.
‘God, that is scurrilous!’ burst out Norah. ‘I’d hate to be still out there in that shark pool – sorry, but I don’t know how you face it.’
‘Now, now, less of the smug married, Nor,’ broke in Bryony. ‘Anyway, we shouldn’t discount the power of the earth-shattering bonk.’
That shut her up.
‘Oh, for God’s sake, girls,’ said Louise. ‘These things happen all the time. It’s hardly surprising that a man in his forties has children. I mean, if he hadn’t, you might be wondering.’
Norah looked a bit more tight-lipped and started searching on her phone.
‘I think Declan might know him if he works in engineering,’ she said. Cassie squirmed; the last thing she wanted was her new relationship stuck under the microscope of public scrutiny but, as Mam had opined, ‘Sure, what can you do in a place this size? In a week they’ll be on to someone else.’
God, in London nobody would’ve thought twice about it, let alone actually known him. There was only one effective strategy in a situation like this: distract, deflect .?.?.
She turned to Louise and beamed. ‘So, how far on are you now?’
Louise lit up. ‘Nearly sixteen weeks. My morning sickness is about three per cent better. I finally managed to eat toast and a banana this morning.’
Bingo. Within seconds the girls were competing with morning-sickness stories and vying with each other for their most outrageous cravings.
‘For the first sixteen weeks with Sam all I could eat was tinned lentil soup,’ said Celine. ‘Robbie had to escape to the spare room, the farts were so bad.’
Everyone roared laughing.
‘I was in hospital with hyperemesis gravidarum,’ announced Norah. ‘Same as Kate Middleton. I lost two stone.’
As nobody seemed to have anything to top that, the conversation began to drift back to Cassie.
‘And have you met the kids yet?’ Bryony enquired. ‘Could be tricky.’
‘Oh, for God’s sake, she’s only just met him – of course she hasn’t met the kids,’ said Louise.
‘Right,’ persisted Bryony. ‘And the youngest is how old?’
‘Almost six.’
Cassie was conscious that this was uncomfortably close to one of Bryony’s children, as she passed Cassie’s phone back with a wry expression on her face.
‘Brave girl.’ Said in a way which portended trouble ahead that Cassie hadn’t even dreamed of.
They made their way outside into the bitter early February night. As usual, the reliable Pete was waiting in the Lexus with the engine purring as the girls piled into the back.
‘Need a lift, Cass? Luckily, I’m on the dry,’ said Louise.
Cassie gratefully settled into the passenger seat of the Dacia Duster and relaxed for the first time that evening.
‘Don’t mind them. People can be a bit weird if someone breaks out of the ordinary. What matters is that you’re happy. Truth be told, we’re all a teeny bit envious.’
Cassie looked at her in disbelief.
‘What could you possibly have to feel envious about? You’ve all got your lives totally sorted. I’m the odd one out.’
‘I don’t think anybody’s got it all sorted.’
There was something about the way Louise spoke that felt more loaded than a general remark.
‘Is everything OK?’ she asked.
There was a pause.
‘I feel so guilty saying this because I’m so lucky. Everyone keeps reminding me how lucky I am and how delighted they are for me. But I don’t know if I can trust Mike anymore. I haven’t said that to anybody else. They all seem to have a version of how my life is going and I can’t bear to wreck their illusions.’
‘Sorry, Louise, I’d no idea .?.?.’
‘I mean, don’t mind me, I’m probably imagining that he’s out chatting up girls.’
‘In my experience, you’re probably not. Look, I know I’m not one to set myself up as a shining example of anything, but feeling like you have to squash your life into a particular shape to match other people’s version of things doesn’t work. It’ll always break out in the end.’
‘Everyone in my family is so happy for me. Especially my mum, it’s her first grandchild and they’ve waited so long. But I didn’t even see Mike before I left this evening. He sent me a text to say: b late from work. C you later . When the girls are all sharing stories, all I can do is smile and hope they don’t see through me.’
‘You and me both. OK, well, let’s make a pact. No hiding. I’m here for you,’ said Cassie.
‘So, what about you? I know the girls were all laughing but it’s not exactly simple, is it?’
‘I’m off the map,’ Cassie confessed. ‘I don’t know the rules of going out with a parent. I mean, what’s reasonable to expect? How d’you find the balance between being a clueless, demanding diva and a complete doormat with no needs of their own?’
They were stopped at the lights of a busy junction, so Louise had time to look at Cassie for a moment, her face tinted slightly green in the orange streetlights.
‘I suppose all you can go with is what feels OK. One step at a time.’
That all sounded really sensible. Except that not all steps were equal, Cassie mused – it all depended where they were taking you.