Chapter 4
BABE?” HAL CALLED FROM THE BEDROOM WHEN I WALKED THROUGH the door. The way he said it, it sounded more like “Baaaabe.” I guessed I should have been ready for another mating call, given the “yum” text he’d misfired. He was never horny for me in the evening. But he now had to pretend he was to cover his tracks. Otherwise, I’d know for sure that he had meant to send that intimate photo to the sexy closet organizer down the hall.
“Baaaabe?” Hal repeated.
I tiptoed toward our room and found Hal on top of the covers, wearing boxers and a navy pocket T-shirt. “Come here.” He reached his arms out. The magazine he’d been reading fell to the ground. I relented and let him pull me down and roll on top of me. The weight of his body made me feel safe, and then he whispered in my ear what he was about to do to me which made me forget my rage and feel... other things.
Here was the problem: no matter what horrible thing Hal did, no matter how neglected I felt, I couldn’t not be attracted to him. Hal was more tender and passionate than usual. Afterward, I snuggled against his chest and tried to collect my thoughts.
“Wow,” I said. “That was—”
He tousled my hair and grinned.
I rolled onto my back, awash in pleasure. Maybe I could stop asking questions and enjoy the parts of my life that were working.
“Watch out, class of 2007. The heat is going to be radiating off us this weekend,” I said, then immediately felt like an idiot. The heat? Really? But the overall point still held up. I closed my eyes and imagined entering the welcome dinner with Hal at my side. Eat your heart out, fellow grads. You here may be the SVP of some global bank, and you over there may drive a car that can also fly, but I’ve gotthis living god and I make the world’s best olive focaccia from scratch. And I can sing.
Hal cleared his throat. “This weekend?”
“Are you kidding me?” I looked up at him. “My college reunion.”
I could feel his body stiffen beside me. “I forgot. Or maybe I blocked it out.”
“You’re coming,” I told him, but it came out more as a question.
“I have a lot of work.” Hal folded his hands behind his head.
“You said you would.” I pushed the pillow into his face. “It’s on the weekend. You don’t work on weekends.” He barely worked during the week.
“I have work on Fridays.”
“For just four hours,” I reminded him. “That’s your half day. I’m sure somebody else can cover for you.”
“It’s not that easy.”
“What do you guys do on Friday anyway, besides talk about your weekend plans?”
“What the hell, Jenny?” Hal flung the pillow to the floor. “Way to be condescending. And my job isn’t my only work. I’m writing a book, as you might recall.”
“You’ve been writing a book for seven years!”
He changed his tack. “You didn’t come to my reunion.”
“You didn’t go to your reunion!”
Hal scoffed. “I won’t even know anyone there.”
“You know Geeta and Leigh.”
“Oh yeah, the illuminati! Your famous friends who you constantly complain about.”
“Everyone complains about their friends,” I said. “And I don’t complain about them. It’s just that their success can be... challenging for me. Which is even more reason it would be really nice if you joined me, for moral support if nothing else.” I stared up at the ceiling. If only I could turn back time. Only a year ago, when we’d first moved here, things had been better. Hal and I would go on hours-long urban hikes, exploring the parks, gorgeous bridges, and abandoned steel lots. It had felt like a renewal of our relationship, and, for a second, a renewal of my life.
We lay there in silence. Something had shifted. The space between our bodies felt bigger than an ocean.
“Hey, you know that picture you texted me yesterday?” I finally asked, blinking back tears. “Was it even meant for me?”
“Of course,” Hal said too quickly. I glanced at him. His eyes told me everything. Now the tears were spilling down my cheeks.
“Is this even about the reunion?” he asked. “If it’s so important to you, I’ll come.”
“If it’s so important to me?”
“It is so important to you?” He sounded pathetic.
“Well, I didn’t go to the last one because we weren’t getting along, and I would have been the only single person there,” I said.
“By now, half the class will be divorced, so you won’t have that problem.” I wasn’t in the mood for his jokes.
“You know how I get social anxiety in these situations. I thought the least you could do was come and be my body man, give me some support.”
“You don’t really want me to be there,” he said. “You just want people to see me there, so that they don’t think you’re alone.”
“Is that so bad?” I was burning up with anger. “I... I love you. I said I’d marry you when you asked!”
“Oh now you’re going to bring that up. How is that relevant?”
“I know you said you needed more time and it had nothing to do with me,” I said, backpedaling. “I believed you.”
“And I was telling the truth—unlike you with this reunion. You don’t need me there! If I go, you’ll barely even talk to me, and I’ll be stuck making chitchat with Geeta’s conspiracy-theorist husband.”
“When was making chitchat ever difficult for you? You’re the king of chitchat!” I was tired of convincing him. “Forget it!” I stormed out of bed and threw on my robe. “You know what? After so much togetherness, maybe we could use some time apart. I’ll tell Geeta I have space in my bedroom in case she wants to use it to rehearse her next TED talk.”
I grabbed my bag off the floor and pulled out my phone. There was a new text from 000–000.
Don’t worry about him. Just come and get your Memo.
I shrieked.
“Jesus, you don’t have to be so dramatic,” Hal said.
“I have every reason to be dramatic,” I said.
At last. Somebody out there in the universe understood. My fingers were practically flying as I typed in my reply:
Fine. Tell me how.