Chapter 32
PITTSBURGH
JUNE 16, 2022, 8:10 A.M.
AGE: 35
I’D MADE MYSELF A CUP OF PEPPERMINT TEA TO CALM MY NERVES. BUT there was more banging on the door. It had to be Alice again, back to toss out another absurd demand that she had previously forgotten to mention. When I slid the latch to the side and opened the door, I saw Desiree, looking super pissed off.
“Who’s there?” Hal called from the shower.
“Just Alice again,” I shouted back quickly. “She forgot her bag!”
“You’re coming with me,” Desiree said.
I could tell I was in big trouble. This time, though, I really didn’t know what I had done. Or rather, I didn’t know which of my mistakes had set her off. There were too many to count.
“Is this about Geeta?” I asked.
Desiree waited until we were on the elevator to reply. “Among many other things. You can’t just start having opinions at the eleventh hour. Why are you challenging Alice about her foundation’s philosophy? Why are you interfering with other people’s choices? I told you not to make waves here.”
“Are you kidding?” I said, breathing hard. “I saved somebody’s life. Do you even care about that?”
“What I care about is you. More than I think you grasp.” She almost sounded hurt. “You don’t bring information from one realm into the next, do you understand? You must maintain the space between your two worlds. You do things over in your do-over life. Not here. There are bigger needs at play than your own.”
“Whose needs are you talking about now?” I asked as we emerged from the elevator and exited my apartment complex.
“God, you really can be so self-absorbed.” Desiree clenched her jaw. “No more disjunctions before the ceremony. You need to suspend all action, full stop.”
“Wait—but what about Sophie?” I asked. “I still need to make things right for her.” I realized I still didn’t have the solution, but I could try to talk to Alice again once she calmed down. “That has nothing to do with what I learned from your Memo.”
“How is Sophie your problem? Why are you so hung up on somebody you hardly know?”
“I do know her!” I insisted. “She’s not just some random person from work. She’s my friend. And she deserves a chance to figure out her life on her own. That’s not going to be easy if she’s clinging to some guy who makes her feel small and sad.”
“I fail to see how any of this is relevant to your trajectory,” Desiree said as she continued her brisk walk past our apartment complex’s garden. Chubby bumblebees buzzed through the air and a couple of residents, women in their twenties, were enjoying a breakfast picnic on a blanket laid out on the grass. They were laughing; they looked so happy and unburdened. I wanted to run over and tell them to appreciate what they had, to warn them to never let anything come between them.
“Do you recall what happened toward the end of February 2020?” Desiree said.
“When a deadly virus began making its way around the world?”
“Something else. More personal.”
I tried to think of what else had transpired around that time. It was all a bit of a blur, our retreat into full-time domesticity. I supposed I’d been sinking deeper into codependency with Hal, struggling to help the radio station in New York raise money for its investigative reporting unit.
“Where’s your phone?” Desiree said impatiently. “February 21, 2020. Don’t just stand there.”
I found my Memo app and opened the Pathetic tab, my reliable all-you-can-eat buffet of jealousy and rage. This time, I was treated to a montage of Leigh dancing at a party with a couple of matinee idols who were clutching gleaming Oscar statuettes, followed by Geeta and Levi on a tropical island. Their faces were coming together for a kiss. Panic and disgust ripped through me. I needed to find her on the other side.
“You ready, Jenny Green?” Desiree asked.
I was too worked up to give her an answer.