Chapter Sixteen
ERABELLA - NOW
Tears spilled down my face as he finished his story, seeing his brokenness—the guilt in his features.
“I’ve been so terrible to her, Era,” he whispered, wiping his eyes. “Even though all she’s ever done is love me. Even when she was crying into my arms, when she needed comfort after such a traumatic experience, I shoved her away.”
“Merrick,” I began, pressing my palm to his chest to ground him. “You were hurting too.”
“I will always be broken,” he whispered in grief.
“You don’t understand. That day I had reached for my mother, when I read her…
It changed me, Era.” He wiped his nose, shaking his head.
“I hate being this person. I hate being detached from those around me. I hate pretending like I don’t care when I do. I hate…”
I was patient, letting him say what he needed to, his bright eyes darting along the floor.
He sniffed. “I hate who I am. Who I have become. I don’t know myself outside of the trauma. Out of the bitterness.”
“Merrick…” I wrapped my arms around him, sorrow nestling between my ribs as I felt his quiet sobs against my chest.
“But what I really hate…the truth I haven’t been able to accept…” he choked, his cries morphing into an anguished rasp. “Is that a part of me still loved him!”
A soft breath escaped me, every piece of my heart constricting from his confession.
His words came out in breathless cries. “I hate that I watched my father die and did nothing. I hate that in his last moments of life, his eyes locked on mine—” He paused, weeping harder.
“—and in my own bitterness, I kept my expression neutral. I didn’t let him see that his death hurt me, but it did! Gods, it did…it did…”
I cradled him against me, my fingers threading through his hair, giving him the touch and comfort he'd always deserved…but never received. Giving him the kind of love a boy should've been raised in, not taught to live without.
“And I thought it victorious,” he continued, almost bitterly.
“That this man who’d caused me so much suffering didn’t get the privilege of seeing me care for him—see in my eyes that I had a sliver of love for him still, despite it all.
And it kills me, Era. It kills me that I did that to him.
” He pulled back, the whites of his eyes a bright red, a stark contrast to his pale blue pupils.
“Don’t you see?” he whispered, face crumpling.
“Both of my parents died believing I hadn’t loved them. ”
I held his face, wishing so badly I could take every ounce of pain, of guilt, and fill him with relief instead.
“Merrick.” I shook my head. “Your parents hurt you first. You can’t hold guilt for how you dealt the hand given to you.
Any pain they felt regarding you was due to their own shortcoming, their own failures, NOT because of anything you’ve done. ”
Merrick’s lips trembled, his eyes swirling dark, undoubtedly feeling the truth to my statement.
“Your heart is so beautiful,” I whispered. “Despite how many times the universe tried to tear you down, despite those that have wronged you, you are still this deeply caring, empathetic, loving man.”
He snapped his head in refusal. “I was closed off for so long,” he objected, his eyes softening as he took me in.
“But in your presence, I began to feel again. You…” His fingers cupped my cheek.
“You are everything I’ve ever wanted. A dream I’d kept myself from wishing for, because I never thought it would be possible that someone would hold my soul with care.
That someone wouldn’t be repulsed by it. ”
Gods, I adored his soul. Treasured it. If only he knew just how deeply I related to that feeling. But the truth was, I feared that if he knew all of me, all the secrets I harbored, it would be him who was repulsed by mine.
My own shame ate at me, and I was grateful that Merrick wasn’t reading me right now.
Could he still love me if he knew what I had done? I had kept myself from telling him, hoping with every fiber of being that this illusion wouldn’t force me to…that my confession wasn’t what was needed for the final key.
I buried my history and those awful words from my past, an eerie blanket of background noise.
“You fail everyone who loves you, Erabella.”
I leaned in and kissed his lips softly before drawing away just enough so our tearful eyes could meet. “I’ve dreamt of you, too,” I whispered. “All my life.”
Merrick ran his fingers through my hair, dragging me into a passionate kiss. Our tongues danced, that ache between my thighs growing, despite the soreness I had from how many times we’d been intimate.
After pulling away to catch our breaths, the silence on the other side of the door demanded our attention.
No, not silence.
The chirping of birds.
We exchanged a shocked glance before we stumbled to our feet, and Merrick pulled open the bathroom door. Immediately, my focus shifted to the windows—to the unbroken glass, the bright blue sky, and the lush greenery behind it.
The snow was gone, and there, lying on our made-up bedding, was the final key.
I sprinted to it, breathless as I observed the pentagram etched into the bow.
We’re free!
We shot each other wide grins, and we sped to the door. I worked swiftly, shaking in trepidation as I inserted the key into the final lock.
Click.
I twisted the knob and ran, the vibrant grass tickling my feet. I cried out in joy, tilting my face up to feel the heat of the sun. “We made it!” I celebrated.
And then I heard him cry.
My head spun, and as I followed Merrick’s line of sight, I, too, was overcome with emotion. Hundreds of flowers in the distance, bursts of magenta swaying in the summertime wind, took my breath away.
Zinnias.
DAY THIRTY-THREE
Eight days ago, Merrick and I had finally escaped the cabin, only to be met with another locked door.
“Not free just yet,” he had murmured, eyeing the single keyhole in the only other door here—a metal one, perhaps steel, buried within stone.
The final symbol appeared to be a decagram, a ten-point star.
We’d explored the perimeter of the space and found nothing but sedimentary rock locking us in. I hadn’t been as upset as I should’ve been, but I suppose it was because we still had access to the tiny home we’d lived in for several weeks.
And the waterfall. Gods, was it beautiful. We’d dipped our hands into the lukewarm, clear water after accepting that we were, once again, due for another challenge. We’d had fun swimming in it every day, searching for hints of what secret remained between us.
I refrained from telling mine.
Merrick would kiss my temple immediately upon waking, just as he had every morning since our bodies joined.
We’d been away from our friends for over a month now, and anytime that dread threatened to grasp me in its clutches, Merrick was there to comfort me.
Based on everything I’d read inside our cabin, time behaved differently here.
We had no way of knowing how days translated to the real world.
If we’d ever make it out.
I’d prayed to Tithara for guidance, even though I hadn’t been a believer until our travels. I’d plead for wisdom while also begging not be forced to tell Merrick the truth, to tell him about that day.
Was it selfish of me? He’d bared his soul to me, told me of his darkest moments. The difference was, he’d been the victim in his stories.
I was not.
I never noticed any symbolism—no more rocks shattering windows, no mysterious flowers or broken vases appearing. Nothing changed, except my love for him, which grew with every passing moment.
We were swimming in the pond on our thirty-third day, my gaze locked on Merrick as he rinsed his long hair under the stream, the muscles in his arms, his torso, shifting with the movement.
He was so unbelievably handsome. So unique in his self-expression, so true to himself.
I tried to focus on my love and attraction to him, not allowing my awful feelings to linger for too long out of fear of him pressing me on the matter.
He certainly loved meeting my stare, his lips curving as I took in the view of him. And then he swam toward me, one strong arm snaking around my body to pull me close. My lips crashed into his, my arms wrapping around his neck.
His grip lowered, grasping my ass. “Need you, Era,” he murmured, pressing his erection against my sex.
I grinned, sliding my tongue over his lip ring. “Need you, Merrick.”
When I went to leave the water, attempting to pull away, he gently tugged me back, shaking his head.
My eyes widened. “Out here?”
“I think I’ve taken you in every possible location in that house,” he whispered, his lip twitching. “Besides, it’s not like anyone’s here to see us.”
I buried my smile before it could surface, shaking my head. Merrick braced his hands on the ground behind me, pushing his body into mine until my back pressed against the edge of the pond.
My legs wrapped around his torso, and I dipped my hand low, stroking his manhood.
Merrick’s eyes sealed shut as my palm rotated over those piercings, tugging at his skin.
I angled him toward my entrance, slowly sitting on his length, moaning as he stretched me so perfectly.
Water didn’t make the best lubricant, but I still reveled in the feeling of those metal barbells brushing against my inner walls with every thrust. My body contracted as his hips rolled, squeezing his cock tightly in desperate flutters, his responding moans guttural and erotic.
My lips went to his neck, licking and sucking on the sensitive flesh, and Merrick slowed his movements. “Gods, it feels too good,” he uttered breathlessly. He let go of the pond’s edge, then kissed the tip of my nose. “Hop out, beautiful. I can fuck you better on the grass.”