5. People
CHAPTER 5
PEOPLE
Zayn
2 years later
M y closest co-worker stands across from me in a relatively quiet corner of his massive manicured backyard and nurses his beer, a warm smile brightening his serene face. “I’m glad you guys decided to join us today.” The contact of his hand on my skin is so unlike him that it startles me. Somchai Tulyakorndolpak—who insists we call him Sully after his favorite hero, Jack Sully from Avatar —is the least demonstrative person I’ve met. No wonder we hit it off from day one.
Back in high school, my English teacher claimed that only people born and raised in the States could manage an all-American smile; Sully proves him wrong. Between his flawless accent and perfect smile that I have yet to master, his reserved manners and looks are the only characteristics that betray his Thai background.
Lowering his trendy sunglasses, his dark eyes scan the happy thirty-something guests and their well-behaved offspring, then he pushes his shades up, and I do the same. A short silent conversation unfolds. We and a few others are a stark contrast to our American colleagues. I’ve worked with many of them for nearly ten years. It’s a demanding yet awesome company with minimal turnover and people from all over the world, on and off-site. The place is busy 24/7, and I’ve seen people sleep there while others prefer the comfort of their own homes, like I usually do.
“Thanks for having the three of us.” Accepting his invitation was the right move. After discussing the Memorial Day pool party with Dante, he stunned me by saying it wasn’t fair that his so-called fame made me his dirty little secret. Not that I had any intention of confiding in Sully or anyone else before.
It took all of my strength to stop obsessing over the fact that some guests would recognize Dante. His latest album, which featured a few songs with Brea, was released early last year. Their first single together quickly went viral, and they’re about to release a duet album.
Most of all, I was wary because we walked in holding hands with Jeremy balanced on my boyfriend’s hip. Look at me! I’m not running for the hills yet. How could I complain? Dante and Jeremy look like they’re having a blast in the pool. I’m doing okay so far, although I can’t deny I’m preoccupied.
I pause and register the foreign feeling. I’m a thirty-one-year-old gay man. I’m in a relationship with an almost famous male artist. I’m enjoying my life as a family man. I never dreamed that’d be in the cards for me. And no one here is judging. With my confidence boosted, I grin and inhale the scents of taco seasoning and grilled meat. I exhale, wiggling my nose.
He steers me to the shade of the patio. “It’s an intimidating crowd for introverts like us, huh?”
This afternoon is also a balm for the romance rumors about my boyfriend and Brea that spread like wildfire. Who the hell leaked the stupid photo of them hugging a little too cozily for my taste? For everyone’s taste, actually. Must be why their embrace hit the gossip websites before Dante’s flight from Seattle landed. My overanalyzing and reluctance to confront Dante, who swore it wasn’t a big deal, almost had me back out of today’s plans.
I know Dante loves me, but I’m acutely aware that Dante was attracted to women in the first place and still is. I know Dante loves me, but parenthood’s taken priority over our sex life. I know Dante loves me, but sometimes I wonder if he’ll ever think I’m worth coming out to his fans for… When we started dating, I told him that he had to come out on his own terms. To his family. To his friends. To his fans. I meant it, and I still do. My relationship with Dante is so much more than sex, and yet, it used to be such a vital part of our lives. Being deprived of it makes me question everything, and I hate myself for it. Today’s the first day that we’ve interacted like a regular couple with a young kid in front of an audience… And most attendees treat us as just another couple.
Sully squeezes my bicep, yanking me from my musings. His eyebrow spikes up. “You okay there, Zayn?”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m good.” I rub the back of my neck. “Huge crowd…” As if that explains my zoning out. “I’m just beat… It’s been a stressful week.” Understatement of the year, but my job is definitely thrilling. Then again, his job description resembles mine. I shake my head, willing myself to chase the ruminations away.
“Stop beating yourself up; peopling isn’t normally my forte either.” Threading his fingers through his neatly styled jet-black hair, Sully’s head swivels towards Dante, who’s sitting on the other side of the pool with Jeremy on his lap. My man’s in deep conversation with Sonia while he bounces the boy on his knee, which Jeremy must find amusing if his giggles and wide smile are anything to go by. Mindlessly peeling the label from my beer bottle, I sigh as I spy on our significant others’ interaction. “Despite your telltale poker face, you can’t deny that you’re having fun, can you?”
“Of course, I am…” I take a swig of my fresh IPA. “This is a great party. Great people, great food… Can you believe I’ve almost talked to everyone?” I chuckle, inwardly congratulating myself. In truth, I love people-watching; I can’t turn off my analytical brain, which unconsciously dissects similarities and differences. Adulting has never felt so good. That is, until his words sink in. I frown. “My telltale poker face, huh?”
“We’re so used to confidentiality at work that it spills over into our relationships…” He glances at his very lovely, very pregnant, and very tall wife and flashes her an endearing grin that she returns before his dark eyes cage mine. “You, my friend, have perfected the look.”
I concentrate on the poker face comment rather than the homelife one and find myself apologizing for being standoffish. He shakes his head dismissively, almost amused by my quirks. In turn, I end up disclosing more than I ever have. “Maybe it’s more of a defense mechanism than a lack of interest or emotion. It probably stems from concealing my sexual orientation for years, although I never doubted it. Can you believe that I only came out to my parents a few years ago?”
“About men in general or Dante too?” The fact that he’s remained unfazed by our pairing flusters me.
Shifting my weight from one foot to the other, I quaff what’s left of my beer, then my hand instinctively rubs the back of my neck. “Both, actually. They had no idea I was living with a man until after Jeremy showed up.” Sully’s Adam’s apple bobs up and down as he acknowledges my confession. “They’ve never met my family and have no interest in doing so.” I shrug, recalling how sad I was at first. Considering what I have on my plate, this isn’t a battle worth fighting; I’ve learned to deal with their decision.
Sully doesn’t pry, but his comforting gaze encourages me to divulge more—I’ll blame it on the booze later when my DD takes us home. In clipped words, I mention how close I am to my twin sister and how Dante’s always been it for me. The conversation flows effortlessly, and I briefly recount the tragic event that led to this wonderful baby barging into our lives. “I’m sorry to hear that. His gorgeous hair color made me wrongly assume you guys hired a surrogate… Does Jeremy have any memories of his mom?”
“The shrink we saw told us it’s unlikely.” Why am I so chatty? Is it because I feel guilty for the barriers I erected to keep Sully and other co-workers at bay? I can’t seem to shut up; it’s so uncharacteristic of me. “But she’ll always be part of his life… our lives… We mention her as much as possible. She trusted us to raise her son and she’ll always be part of our lives, you know?”
He nods. “That’s a lot to deal with, though. You probably shouldn’t have kept it bottled up for so long. Anyway, the point isn’t how you hurt my feelings by not trusting me, but damn, you did hurt my feelings, dude!” Studying his feet, he shakes his head, then stares at me again. “You didn’t have to carry your burden on your own, or only with your man. What are friends for?”
Friends… I don’t have many of those. He’s right; opening up would do me good. I could use a friend for sure, yet I shrug it off. “Old habits die hard. I didn’t mean to hurt you; you are a friend and the best work wife I could dream of.”
He slaps my back, muttering, “Ass…” No doubt at the moniker I used, but it makes him chuckle, nonetheless. “I wouldn’t dream of making Dante jealous, man. You two look so happy together.”
My cheeks redden. “Thank you.” Because I am the jealous one here… My voice raises a notch, as if I’m trying to convince myself. “We are happy…” And yet, my mind drifts back to Brea and Dante. Concerning. Disconcerting. Bewildering…
When he assumed he was straight, he couldn’t keep it in his pants and enjoyed one-night stands. Once he explored his attraction to me, he understood he was actually bi and couldn’t wait to get naked, eager to discover what gay sex entailed. I was thrilled to share the ride with him. I’m not the most adventurous or kinky guy around, but together, we explored what made the other tick, and being so in sync helped our feelings grow. Needless to say that I was stunned when he suggested adding toys to our fun. Nowadays, he’s obsessed with Jeremy sleeping in the next room and is afraid to make too much noise and wake him… Hence, our sex life has basically become nonexistent.
Realizing I spaced out again, I look up and eventually say, “I really appreciate your invitation today, and I’m sorry I’ve been—” I clear my throat to consider how to phrase my sentence, and sheepishly offer, “—We’ve been shying away from interacting with people whenever you suggested we go out.”
“What? I’m not people . We’ve been working together for how long?” His tone doesn’t carry an ounce of reproach, only regret. “Six years…” I stare at my feet, then glance at him from beneath my eyelashes. “It’s kinda rude of me. Blame it on me being French!”
This earns me a roar of laughter. “How could I have forgotten about that?” I don’t miss his teasing tone. My friend juts his chin, then waves in front of him. “Seriously, though, they’re not just people either. I’m not the type to pretend that co-workers are family members, but we’re your friends, dumbass.” A slap on the shoulder punctuates his words. “You thought we’d judge you?” And just when I believe he’s going to bring up my orientation, he surprises me yet again.
“Your man’s a rock star. I get it, but why live like recluses? It’s not like we’re going to fangirl and drool in front of him… Well, Courtney, Mel, and Avery might.” He snickers, remembering how their jaws dropped when Dante and I walked in. I had no idea that Dante’s rising fame would hit so close to home. “If you’d told me who your boyfriend was, I could have warned you… and had them sign another NDA!” he teases. “But then again, I had no idea you were in a committed relationship, and with a kid to boot.”
I shrug, embarrassed by my own reluctance to mix my family and work life. Instead of dwelling on it, I instinctively grab him by the elbow. “Come on! I finally stopped making things awkward… It’s about time we capture the memory of this kiss-ass party by snapping a shit ton of pics!”
My amazing friend pats me on the back. “Let’s do it.”
So we go on a grand tour of the party, taking silly selfies with everyone, and save the best for last. Out of breath from running through the crowd, Sully and I barge in on our families. Carelessly interrupting their conversation, we kneel between them and the lounge chairs in an awkward embrace, grasping the arms of the chairs for balance. In a swift move, Sully extends his arm and angles the phone.
“You guys are insane,” Sonia chuckles before Dante and Jeremy burst out laughing.
Blatant happiness washes over us. I mindlessly intertwine my fingers with Dante’s. We’ve always avoided PDA. When my action registers, I shoot a bewildered look his way. My boyfriend tightens his grip. Soon after, Sully shows us a selection of pics on his iPhone, full of smiling guests.
True happiness!