Chapter 11 #2
Conversation is easy as we skirt the edges of anything personal with small talk and feigned interest on my part. When the night ends, he offers to drop me home, but as always, I prefer to walk.
“I’ll see you soon, love.”
“See you soon, Paul, and thank you for a lovely evening.”
Tonight, I need the walk home to clear my head. Ever since Ryder and I had sex on the kitchen counter, I can’t think of anything else. The only time my brain switches off from being a sex pot is when I’m cooking, and even then, I’m with Ryder.
I pull out my phone as my heels click-clack on the sidewalk, a winter chill setting in.
Me: I was just thinking about you. Thought I’d say hi.
Within seconds, I can see the pulsing three dots that let me know he’s typing a reply.
Ryder: What were you thinking? Something dirty I hope.
Me: I’m just walking home.
Ryder: Where are you? I’ll come pick you up.
Me: Aren’t you working at Rooftop tonight?
Ryder: Yeah, but I don’t like the thought of you walking around by yourself at this time of night. Shoot me your location and I’ll come get you.
Me: I’m fine. I was just wondering if you’re ever going to give me that tour of Venom?
Ryder: Disobedient girls don’t get tours. Where are you?
I consider whether or not I want to see him after the night I’ve had.
Me: I’m almost home. By the time you get here, I’d already be in my apartment.
Ryder: No tour for you. Text me when you’re home.
Me: Don’t be mad. You can’t lift and lay me everywhere I go.
Ryder: Text me.
Should I have let him come to meet me? He’d have questions as to why I was dressed up. Questions I can’t answer. I walk the rest of the way with a weight on my chest. I feel guilty. Ryder and I haven’t defined what we are to each other. We fucked one day—many times.
When I get home, I jump straight in the shower before slipping on my sweats and a hoodie, curling up in bed with my phone.
Me: I’m home.
My phone starts ringing. It’s Ryder.
“Hey, baby girl.” My heart skips a beat at the sound of his low, rasping voice.
“Hey. Are you still at Rooftop?”
“I’m down in the club right now.” A sinking feeling drops my stomach to my feet.
“Oh.”
“Not like that.”
“You don’t owe me an explanation.”
“So, you think I’m down here fucking other women?” His tone is irate.
“We slept together. We haven’t spoken about it since, so I just assumed that you’re free to do whatever you want. I’m not like those other women.”
“I didn’t think discussing it in front of people was something you’d be up for. Was I wrong? Should I tell everyone tomorrow?”
“No.”
“You better not be fucking another guy. And what do you mean by ‘those other women?’ Enlighten me.”
“Submissives.”
“You’re not a sub.”
“I know. That’s the problem, right?”
“Did I ask you to be one?” My heart grinds to a halt.
“No. Then you wonder why I assume you’re with a submissive right now.”
“What happens in Venom has nothing to do with us.”
“There’s an us? I can’t give you what you need. You won’t even let me see the club.”
“Because it doesn’t matter. I don’t need you to change who you are for me.”
“But I should expect you to give up what makes you happy?” I know I’m being belligerent at this point, but I’m scared.
“Is this how it’s going to be dating you? Defiance at every turn?”
“Is that what we’re doing?”
“Yes.”
“I didn’t get the memo.”
“I thought the multiple orgasms and you screaming my name were confirmation enough.” God, just hearing the word orgasm coming from him is hot. I roll onto my back, staring at the ceiling.
“Do you date? You know… doing what you do at the club.”
“Stop doing this to yourself. Should I assume how you’re going to treat me based on your previous relationships?”
“No.”
“Then why should it be any different for me? I’m not asking anything of you other than this.” The line goes quiet.
“What?”
“Give me a chance to date you or whatever you want to call it.” My heart is hammering so hard I feel like it’s going to break free of my chest.
“Okay,” I whisper.
“You’re going to have to say it a little louder, baby girl. Tell me you want to be mine.”
“I want to be yours.”
“Fucking right you are. Rule one…”
“There are rules?” Suddenly, I’m nervous.
“Two actually.”
“Shoot.”
“One, no more walking around Manhattan by yourself late at night. If you’re out somewhere without me, I’ll send a driver to pick you up, or I’ll come myself.”
“That’s really not feasible, Ry.”
“Already trying to skirt the rules. You’re going to bust my balls, aren’t you?”
“I’m not a yes woman if that’s what you’re looking for.”
“I have ways to persuade you.” I can imagine the wicked grin on his face right now. With his head buried between my legs, I’d agree to just about anything.
“And rule number two?”
“I’m the only man who gives you pleasure.”
“Are women fair game then?” I giggle.
“I’m not fucking around here, Aspen.”
“It was a joke. Let me ask you this. Does it work the other direction? Am I going to be the only person sating your needs?”
“Of course.”
“Then I can live with rule two. I’ll let you ‘persuade’ me on rule one.”
“You’re a little firecracker, aren’t you?”
“Maybe.”
“Oh, this is going to be fun.”
“Goodnight, Ryder.”
“Sleep well, baby girl. You’re going to need it.” A thrill courses through me as I end the call and set my phone on the nightstand.
I mull over our conversation, thinking and overthinking Ryder’s word choices. Tell me you want to be mine. I wonder what that means in his world. Am I a possession to own? And if so, why the hell does it turn me on?
I’m not sure if I should be relieved or concerned that he has no desire to make me his submissive.
I don’t know how many relationships, if any, he’s had with regular women.
I don’t want to go into this only to find out he needs me to be something I’m not, but I already know I’m a lost cause when it comes to Ryder.
I want him, no matter the cost, and it scares the shit out of me.
After that conversation, there’s no way I’m getting to sleep anytime soon, so I grab my phone and start searching the internet for more information on Dominant/submissive relationships.