Chapter 16
RYDER
A fucking escort! I sure know how to pick them. I toss my keys at the valet and wait with Aspen still cradled in my arms.
“You can put me down now.” I set her on her feet, satisfied that I know my cum is spilling down her thighs.
“When were you going to tell me that you date other men for money?”
“I’m a grown woman. I don’t need your permission.” Fucking hell. She’s lucky I haven’t collared her because she would be spending the rest of the night being punished for her lie of omission. It’s not like having a regular job on the side.
“Don’t I pay you enough? You could have come to me if you needed money.”
“I don’t need your money, although you just lost me five grand.”
“Why are you doing this?” I don’t understand why every woman I get close to feels the need to lie to my face.
“Because I want to own a restaurant, and I don’t have Daddy’s money to help me out. My parents are both high school teachers. I make my own way in the world, and I’m fine with it.”
The valet arrives with my car, and I hold the door open for Aspen before getting behind the wheel. “How long have you been doing this?”
“Two years.”
“Years!”
“I don’t judge you for wanting to choke me out, and that’s a way bigger problem than me spending an evening with a gentleman who just wants a pretty woman on his arm for a black-tie event.”
She’s right. I didn’t even ask permission to engage in breath play with her tonight. It’s not the same as tying her hands or giving her a light spank. I know better than to do this without a contract. It’s time to walk away. She said it herself, it’s a ‘problem.’
“I apologize for subjecting you to breath play. It won’t happen again. None of it will.”
“You’re right because whatever we’ve been doing lately is over.”
“Agreed.”
We ride the rest of the way to her apartment in silence. There’s nothing more to say. When I pull up, she doesn’t move to get out of the car.
“I think we’ve said enough, Aspen. Goodnight.”
“I’ve never slept with a man for money, Ryder.”
“You made it very clear it’s not my place. You don’t owe me an explanation.”
“I know, but I need you to know that I’ve never sold the intimacy we shared.”
“Is that what we had?”
“I don’t know. This is all too much for me.
You never want to talk about your lifestyle, and when I try to bring it up, you fob me off.
I don’t know if I’m not good enough for you, or if I should even want to be that woman for you.
I… I was so turned on tonight. Before tonight, you could have asked me about choking, and I would’ve said a hard no. ”
“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.” My heart sinks. I broke the most important rule as a Dominant.
“Let me finish. I… enjoyed it. I’ve never come so hard or felt so alive. I don’t know what that means.”
“It means nothing. We agreed that we can’t go on like this, and I won’t jeopardize your job at Venom for my own selfish desires. I promise that when you come to work tomorrow… if you want to come to work tomorrow… that I will be professional, and I’ll get you ready to take over Rooftop.”
“Ryder…”
“Good night, baby girl.” It’s the last time I’ll utter those words to her. She deserves so much better than me.
I get out and round the car, opening her door to let her escape me.
“Goodnight, Sir.” She disappears inside before I have a chance to respond, and it takes everything inside me not to follow her in and make her mine.
God, I want her to be mine.
As I’m about to pull away from the curb, my phone beeps.
Dalton: Where the hell did you go?
Me: Long story.
Dalton: You won the award.
Me: What?
Dalton: I just had to give an acceptance speech on your behalf. What the fuck, bro?
Me: Thanks. I’ll explain tomorrow. I’m heading home.
Dalton: Are you okay? Want to meet me at the club? I can head over there now.
Me: No. You and Nadia enjoy the rest of your evening. My problems will still be here tomorrow.
Dalton: Want to go for a jog in the morning? Always clears my head.
Me: Sure. 6.30 Strawberry Fields.
Dalton: See you then.
I speed through the streets of Manhattan, wondering how the fuck I got here. When did I let myself fall for Aspen?
“How many miles do we need to run before you open up? We’ve been doing this for two weeks now, and you’ve not said a word about whatever went down at The Met.”
Dalton and I have been running five miles a day, and I still have no words to describe how dark I feel. Running. Work. They chase it away for a few hours, but when Aspen is in the kitchen, it’s as if all the air has been sucked out of the room.
All I want is to march her down to my private room and fuck her until she submits, but that ship has sailed. Even if she gave me another shot after the way I treated her at The Met, I’d have to give it up for her, and I’m not sure I can do that.
I had Nadia’s friend, Jenna, find out what escort service Aspen has been working for, together with a list of her regulars.
I know it’s a huge invasion of privacy, but I’m telling myself it’s for her protection.
I came to an arrangement with her agent, and as yet, Aspen hasn’t asked to work since that night.
“It’s Aspen,” I say, not breaking stride, my eyes firmly forward.
“No shit. That was a given.”
“What?” I come to a grinding halt.
“Anyone with eyes can see you’ve fallen for her.”
“Fuck. I messed up, Dal. Something I can’t take back.”
“What happened?”
“We were sleeping together, but nothing more than some light bondage and ice, but that night at The Met, she was with another guy. A client.”
“Client?”
“She’s an escort.”
“Fuck.”
“She assured me that she’s never crossed the line with anyone, but I saw fucking red before I knew what was going on. We were shouting at each other in the restroom, and then we were fucking.” I have the good sense to feel shame as I continue, “She goaded me to be a Dominant, and I…”
“You what?” His voice is harsh. Unyielding.
“I choked her until she came so fucking hard it made me shoot my load. I’ve never come so hard with such intensity in my life.”
I know my unease was warranted when I see the horror on Dalton’s face. “What the fuck were you thinking? Breath play is…”
“Serious. I know. I’ve never done it without a contract until Aspen. I don’t know what came over me. I’ve never even entered into a contract with a sub who listed breath play as a soft limit. I fucked up, and I don’t know what to do.”
“Fucked up is the tame end of what you did. What did she have to say about it?” He runs his hands through his sweat-soaked hair as we fall into a slow walk.
“She said it turned her on and made her feel alive. That was after she told me whatever we were doing was done. Then she called me Sir.”
“Not the answer I was expecting.”
“I can’t stop thinking about it. About her.
She was so fucking beautiful as she came, and the way her body fits mine.
What I feel with Aspen… I can’t describe it.
I wanted to fucking murder the guy she was with at The Met.
It was like a goddamn red mist of rage. I carried her out the door with my cum dripping down her thighs. I’ve never felt so…”
“Primal. Animalistic.”
“Yeah.” I scrub my hand over the scruff of my jaw, the gaping hole in my chest getting bigger the more I talk about it.
“I hate to tell you, brother, but you’re fucked. You’re in love with this woman.”
“Don’t say that. Those words have been rattling around my head for weeks, and every time I see her, I fight not to blurt them out. I’m not good for her. She called my lifestyle a ‘problem.’ She’s a good girl, Dal. Sweet. Kind. Na?ve when it comes to our world.”
“Have you given her a chance to see the lifestyle in a real way? I’m not talking about using her panties to tie her wrists above her head when you fuck her.”
“No. She said she’s vanilla. Her words, not mine.”
“A woman can be kind, sweet, and really fucking headstrong, and still want to be a submissive. Did you ask her if she wanted to learn about it?”
“She said it’s fucked up that I want to control women. Is she wrong?”
“Yes, she is. I’m sorry, Ry, but I’m going to be honest with you.
She’s wrong. Why are you forgetting this?
You know a submissive has complete control of what she will and won’t allow.
It’s a mutual relationship. If this woman can’t give you what you need, and make no mistake, you need the lifestyle, then you need to move on. ”
“I’m trying.”
“Do you love her? Bear in mind, I already know the answer to this question.”
“I’m in love with Aspen.” It’s the first time I’ve let myself say it out loud. “That’s why I can’t force the lifestyle on her. I’d hate myself for it, and so would she.”
“You’re not giving her a chance. At least present her with the options. Let her decide what she wants for her life.”
“When did you get so wise?”
“It’s all Naddie. She made me get my head out of my ass. I almost lost her because I wanted to shield her from the darker parts of me after my mom died. If I’d lost her… I can’t even think about it.”
“She was already a submissive.”
“What about Pierce? Him and Freya…”
“Freya wanted to be a part of the lifestyle. She came to Venom to learn. That’s completely different from my situation with Aspen.”
“Is it? She knows you’re a Dominant. Haven’t you ever considered that maybe she thinks she could learn to love that part of you?
At any point, did she say, ‘Ryder, I want you to stop being a Dominant for me?’ She doesn’t strike me as a woman who is shy about asserting herself.
I’d go as far as to say she’s a bit of a ball buster. ”
“It never crossed my mind to ask her. I was too busy trying not to be dominant. I failed miserably, but I tried.”
“You have some stuff to figure out, my friend.”