CHAPTER TWENTY
CHAPTER TWENTY
CASSIE
I haven’t seen Damien in four days. It’s been surprisingly peaceful, simple.
But a part of me can’t deny that I miss him. All I want is for him to hold me in his arms. For him to call me, bella , mi vida , or any of his sexy Italian nicknames.
My friends have been helping to dull the edges of the turmoil of emotions within me. They’ve kept me busy, occupied and they’ve been trying to help me make the best decision for myself.
“Let’s make a pros and cons list,” Chloe suggests.
We’re in the living room after we’ve just finished watching a movie about a girl in a similar position as me forced to make a choice between married to a life of crime and choosing herself. To be honest, it did nothing for me. It just seemed too easy for her to choose love.
The end and then they kiss.
Fiction is nothing if not uninspiring. Meanwhile I have a whole husband waiting for me and I’m not sure if I want to go back to him or not.
Maxine rolls her eyes, “If you have to make a pros and cons list about a man then he’s probably not worth it.”
Those words feel like a shard of glass to my chest. Damien’s worth it. I just don’t know if I’m worthy or capable of being a part of his life.
“I like the pros and cons list idea actually,” I say joining Chloe on the floor. “Let’s do it.”
She’s quick to pull out a pen and paper, ready to take notes.
“The obvious first pro,” Chloe starts, “Is that the man is gorgeous. I mean he’s in his late forties and he still looks like that. Think about how beautiful your babies will be.”
A shocked laugh escapes me, “Woah, Chlo. I’m still deciding if I want to be with him in the first place, let’s keep the baby talk on the back burner, alright?”
Although that does have me thinking. Do I want kids? With Damien? The thought of that isn’t as scary as I thought it would be. It’s almost nice actually.
If we had children, I know he’d fight for them. Die for them. He’d do anything to protect them. I know without a doubt he’d love them unconditionally.
Isn’t that my answer? Doesn’t that mean I know he’s capable of love?
“Another pro is how good he is in bed,” I add, deciding to play along with Chloe. It seems fun. “The sex was off the charts, guys.”
Maxine lets out a groan, “How about we put down on the cons list that he’s a psychotic bastard? Doesn’t that trump good looks and sex? He killed his mother and he might be responsible for your father’s death.”
“He’s not,” I say with conviction.
I looked into his eyes and saw how hurt he was by the accusation. I have no idea what happened with my dad, I’m definitely going to get to the bottom of it. But I know for a fact Damien had nothing to do with it. Apart of me feels guilty for accusing him in the first place.
“That’s a lot of trust you’re putting in him,” Maxine points out.
“I know,” I sigh. “It sucks so bad. But he genuinely cares about me. That’s a pro. He hasn’t faked anything with me from the first moment I met him. He’s been completely real and honest about his feelings. That’s another pro, Damien’s always honest.”
“You never know though. He could switch up on you at any moment. If you allow yourself to fall for him completely, you’ll have no defenses.”
And we’re back to the crux of the matter. The biggest conundrum. Maxine and Chloe understand, that at the end of the day, it’s not just going back to Damien that’s the problem. It’s giving him complete power over me that scares me.
And it’s not just about him. Some part of me has always been scared to love someone completely. To give all of myself.
“I say we take a break, eat and reconvene in thirty minutes?” Chloe suggests making me laugh.
“Okay,” I agree.
She stands, heading to her happy place, the kitchen. I should introduce her to Renata sometime, I’m sure they’ll bond. Maxine stays seated, watching me with a critical expression.
“What is it, Maxy?” I ask, looking over the list Chloe put down.
“Nothing,” she shakes her head. “It’s just amusing watching you continue to be in denial when we both know you’ve already made a decision in your heart.”
I avoid her gaze so she won’t know she’s clocked me. And I’m saved from having to say anything further when my phone starts to ring. I get to my feet to grab it from the dining table, surprised to see Sofia’s name flashing across the screen.
She’s the last person I’d been expecting a call from. Sure we’ve developed some sort of camaraderie, but we’re not besties yet and I doubt she’s been missing me.
“Sofia?” I say upon answering the call. “Is something wrong?”
Her agitated voice, fills my ear immediately causing my heartbeat to skyrocket, “Cassie, oh God. you need to get over here. Damien he’s… he’s-”
My heart skips a beat, “He’s what?” I question terrified. “What happened to Damien?”
“He was stabbed. He’s bleeding all over. You need to get here, please,” she says hysterically.
“Oh my God. I-I’m on my way,” I tell her, rushing to my feet.
I look around wildly for a second. I think I’m in shock. My nerve endings are wired and all I can think about is Damien and how our last conversation went. If he dies….
The thought makes me want to throw up.
Maxine stands in front of me, placing her hand on my shoulders.
“Cassie, breathe. Tell me what’s wrong,” she prompts.
I look into her eyes, my pulse racing, “Damien was stabbed. He’s in danger. I need to get over there,” I say in a rush.
“Okay. I’ll go and inform the bodyguard with the ponytail. Get your jacket and I’m sure he can get you to the house. Just calm down, okay?”
I inhale and exhale a soft breath in a bid to do that, but I can’t. I’m too riled up. Still, I listen to Maxine, I grab my jacket and by the time I step out of the building, the car’s already waiting and ready to take me home.
“Rafael, what have you heard?”
He’s clearly worried if the look in his eyes is any inclination.
“Nothing ma’am. I’ve been trying to reach Luca but he’s not picking up.”
“Damien isn’t’ picking up either,” I breathe.
He doesn’t say anything else. Just opens the car door for me and then we’re off. I practically count down the minutes until we get to the compound. The car’s barely stopped before I’m rushing out and running into the house.
I’m sure I must have a crazed look on my face as I look around wildly, spotting Lila.
“Where’s Damien?” I burst out.
“Mrs. Luciano?” Lila says confused. “Is something wrong?”
“Where the hell is Damien?”
“He’s in his office,” she says gesturing towards the hallway to the side.
I immediately rush in the direction of the office, opening the door without a second thought.
The sight that meets me has my eyes widening.
Not only is Damien completely and perfectly fine.
But he’s in a meeting, with two men I don’t recognize sitting across from him.
Luca’s standing behind his chair. All their eyes swing in my direction.
I stand there, rooted to the spot in confusion. Damien immediately rises, his gaze assessing me.
“ Mi vida, what’s wrong?” he asks.
I scan his entire body, double checking to make sure he’s fine and then I feel my cheeks heat. God, this is so embarrassing.
“You didn’t pick up your phone,” I murmur.
He looks to the side where his phone is resting on the table, “Sorry, sweetheart. This is a pretty important meeting.”
“Okay. I’ll let you get back to it.”
I turn around, wishing for the ground to swallow me up and needing to get away from their inquisitive gazes. I step away from the doorway, hearing footsteps approaching. Damien whirls me back around before I can get too far.
“Not so fast, Cassie. Why are you here? And have you been crying? What’s going on?”
I huff out an annoyed breath, “Your sister’s a con artist.”
“Sofia?” he asks amused.
“She called me earlier and said you were hurt. I was worried.”
“So you rushed over here because you thought I was hurt?” he questions, his expression smug.
“Of course,” I mutter, crossing my arms over my chest. “You’re my husband after all. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go and kill your sister.”
I start to walk away, but he grips my wrist, keeping me in place.
“Not so fast, sweetheart. I haven’t seen you in days,” he states. “Does this mean you’re back for good?”
The hope in his voice is impossible to ignore. I slowly turn back to look at him and I can see it in his eyes. All the feelings I’d been trying to keep buried. It’s like looking into a mirror, filled with longing and desperation.
“I’m still mad at you,” I start feeling my chest ache. “But I missed you like crazy over the past few days so I guess I am back.”
I watch as he exhales a breath of relief before tugging me closer and into his arms.
“I missed you too, sweetheart,” he murmurs into my hair.
I let him hold me, inhaling his scent as relief floods through me. He’s okay, he’s safe. I don’t think I’ve ever been as scared as I was on the way here. It really made me realize the gravity of my feelings.
The truth is, I don’t just like Damien. I might be in love with him. And I was terrified I would never get the chance to say it. I should say it now, but something’s holding me back.
Maybe the thought that he doesn’t feel the same way. The truth is, I’m a coward. I just hope I’ll be brave enough to tell him eventually.
“Oh thank God,” someone interrupts, groaning softly
I step out of Damien’s arms, armed with a glare directed at Sofia.
“Not cool, cognata ,” I state. “I was really scared he got hurt.”
She smiles, clearly happy with herself, “What else was I supposed to do? I got tired of seeing him mope about the house the past couple of days so I decided I might as well provide you with some incentive to return. You’re welcome.”
“I was not moping,” Damien argues lowly.
“Whatever. The two of you have sorted through your issues, yes?” she asks.
I look up at him, knowing the onus is on me to answer that question.
“Yeah,” I say. “We’ll be fine.”
Or at least I hope we will be.