Chapter Fifteen Love is in the Air
As we reach closing time on Saturday, we’re given a preview of tonight’s date outfit. Charlie has decided on a new slate blue shirt and designer jeans (told you so).
‘I think this says casual but classy.’ We nod as if this combo was not entirely predictable from the start.
‘I’m almost sick with nerves,’ he tells us.
A tad melodramatic but Charlie does look terrified.
‘You needn’t worry, your stars are fantastic.’ Josie reassures him by reading out today’s words of wisdom from the Metro: ‘Although you’ll feel uncomfortable at first, your surest route to success is to put yourself out there with confidence and courage.’
They nod sagely at the advice of the oracle — most things work out better if you approach them with confidence, but I don’t like to point this out. I’m the one with the life coach after all.
‘Think about something else,’ I advise. ‘Do you want to see more on the travel-club idea?’
The ploy works and both Charlie and Josie are instantly animated. We sit down together and I pull out the scrapbook I’ve been doodling in.
‘The Mercury Travel Club — Global Adventures, Local Service’ reads the front cover.
I’ve taken all of the ideas we developed and I’ve drawn a calendar of trips. If you join our club, you become a Mercurian member and you’ll be going somewhere new each month. There are plenty of book weekends to keep Caroline happy and I’ve combined bigger holidays with weekend trips. Each one supports a local business, so there’s a wine safari with a tasting at local wine merchants before we go and the chance to win a case of wine when you get back, and a trip to Belgium with prizes from the local chocolatier, as well as all the ideas we came up with on the BIN. Over time, my thinking is that you get to know people (although I do realize that many people can’t wait to get rid of anyone they’ve met on holiday, despite the promises to keep in touch). I guess that even in a small town like this you can avoid them if you want to. I’ve been very creative with the scrapbook: each month has a picture of the destination and the ideal prize to give at the end. The pretty pictures seem to have Josie enthralled.
‘Oh I love February’s trip to the home of Aphrodite,’ she enthuses.
‘I thought it was a bit less obvious than Paris and, of course, there’s a Greek restaurant over the road that might donate a meal for a prize.’
‘It’s gorgeous,’ adds Charlie. ‘Can I take it with me tonight? To see what people think?’
And, of course, it gives Charlie something easy to talk about. My mind wanders to the Local Business of the Year award speech where I tell the audience that of course I tested the idea with local people before going ahead. ‘After all,’ I’d say, ‘customer feedback is essential to entrepreneurs.’
My scrapbook method will probably be taught in all the top universities.
‘Brilliant idea,’ I answer, ‘and see if you can get any of them to book a trip.’
With Charlie despatched to get ready for his date, Josie and I get ready for ours. I decided to start doing something, after all I did put it on my plan and so far it’s the only area of my life I’ve neglected. Last week I mentioned that I might start internet dating and it sent Josie into a frenzy of excitement.
‘Oh, you have to let me choose someone,’ she said.
‘You have to be able to read between the lines,’ she told me. ‘Stocky build means short and fat while masculine appearance means bald with tattoos.’
‘Rubbish,’ I exclaim.
‘I’m telling you. And you have to check out the hobbies, like this one — “enjoys watching TV” aka “has no life at all and is extremely dull”.’
‘I like watching TV,’ I protest.
‘But that wouldn’t be the highlight of your profile, would it? You’d say — “successful businesswoman” or “mature lady who loves to travel”.’
‘Less of the mature, that’s not how most people describe me.’
‘You’re right — mature in a woman’s profile means forty and in a man’s means seventy.’
‘You’ve done this before, then?’ I ask and she nods.
‘Oh yes, a couple of years ago. No one is what they claim to be. I started writing a glossary to help people navigate the BS,’ she tells me.
‘You should publish it.’
‘It makes you look too cynical: “Hi, I published a book about the crap men say” isn’t a good conversation starter,’ she sighs.
‘So what should I do?’ I ask.
‘Speed dating,’ she asserts and that’s why we’re now both getting glammed up in the toilets at work, nervous as hell but on our way to a wine-tasting event organized by Love in the Fast Lane.