The Midnight Bakery

Chapter 33

33

Frankie

The three of them sat in the coffee shop for some while after Robert left, William beside her and Beth sitting opposite. They must have made quite a spectacle, hugging and laughing the way they had, but Frankie didn’t care. Robert had told her she had made out he was a monster and she realised that’s exactly what he was. Not the scaly monster with saliva-dripping teeth of horror films, but, instead, the type which lay under the beds of children the world over – a monster who, at night, seemed so scary, casting such fear deep into their hearts, but who, in the light of a new day, turned out to be an old, discarded teddy bear that was no longer played with. Robert held no power over her now.

And if Beth had been loud and exuberant, pulling Frankie into a fierce hug and then releasing her only to do it all over again, then William had been her opposite, quiet and calm. But the way he enfolded Frankie in his arms and pulled her head into his shoulder before kissing the top of it left her in no doubt as to the way he was feeling. He didn’t need any words at all to tell her that.

‘I am so proud of you,’ said Beth. ‘What a slimy, snivelling creep Robert turned out to be. But you were amazing. You held your ground, and said all the things we’d rehearsed, even when he tried turning to his old tricks again.’ Her expression suddenly sobered. ‘But what he did to you was awful, Frankie. I can’t imagine the life you must have had. And I’m so sorry I didn’t know you then – I like to think I’d have helped.’

Frankie squeezed her hand. ‘I’m sure you would have, but perhaps it’s better that you came into my life when you did. Without you, and William, and Tam too, I’d never have found the courage to face up to Robert.’

‘It’s funny how we all came together, in different ways and at different times,’ said Beth. ‘I was thinking that the other day. Do you ever get the feeling it was meant to be? Or does that sound silly?’

‘Not at all,’ said Frankie. ‘I’m convinced of it. I have been since the first day we met, when you slipped outside the bakery and scraped your knee.’

Beth nodded, smiling at the memory. ‘It wasn’t even that long ago, but so much seems to have happened since then. I’m certainly in a very different place to the one I was in before.’

‘I think we all are,’ said William. ‘And if Tam were here, I know he’d say the same.’

‘Speaking of whom, where has he gone?’ asked Beth. ‘He was all set to come today and then had to dash off at the last minute. He was most mysterious when I asked him about it.’

More than likely gone for a job interview , thought Frankie, shaking her head in response, but Tam had asked that she keep news of his unemployed status from Beth, and so that’s what she would do. It seemed a shame, though. Was she the only one who could see what a huge benefit there was to having Tam at the farm? As if reading her thoughts, Beth sighed.

‘He’s been with us four days now,’ she said, smiling at the thought. ‘I don’t know why I didn’t think of inviting him to stay before. I feel rather ashamed I didn’t, but’ – Frankie looked up at the concern in Beth’s voice – ‘although it’s fantastic having him there, it worries me. He says he’s taken a few days’ holiday which was owed to him and, grateful though I am, he’s been putting in some very long hours. I don’t want him spending all his hard-earned break with us.’

‘Perhaps he wants to,’ countered Frankie.

‘It certainly seems as if he does, but I’m worried Jack will come to rely on him too much. I know my job is safe now, but we don’t have anything left at the end of the month, so there’s still no way we can pay Tam. Especially not now we might need any extra money we do have for getting the farm back up and running. I feel we’re taking advantage of him, and Tam doesn’t deserve that. He’s been let down enough in the past as it is.’

Beth’s phone rang before Frankie could reply and she pulled a face. ‘Sorry, it’s the hospital, I need to take this.’ She excused herself and hurried outside to take the call in the relative quiet of the street.

William took the opportunity to slip his hand into hers.

‘How are you feeling?’ he asked.

A rush of thoughts flooded Frankie’s head. How was she feeling? The word ‘elated’ took up space front and centre and she considered it for a moment. It wasn’t a word which she would ever have used to describe herself in the past, but yes, today, that would do very nicely. Elated and grateful, proud – of herself – happy and…giddy as a schoolgirl. She leaned her head into William’s shoulder. ‘Very good,’ she replied. ‘And most definitely not a Frances.’

He drew back slightly so he could look at her, an amused smile on his face. ‘Not a Frances?’ he said. ‘I noticed that’s what Robert called you, but what’s that all about?’

‘Frances is the woman I used to be,’ replied Frankie. ‘I didn’t really like the name even when I was a child. There was something too fussy about it, too prim, and the way my mother used to say it when I’d done something naughty…As I got older, I grew to hate it even more, mainly because of the way Robert said it, which made my teeth clench and my stomach churn. It’s a name for someone subservient, compliant, far too meek and with no thoughts of their own. In short, a person Robert owned…So, when I got away and came here, I decided that Frankie could be someone I liked. A free spirit. The kind of someone I think I could have been. And so I determined that she would be me , but I rather had to grow into her first. I wasn’t sure if I could.’

William held her look, the corners of his mouth curving slightly as he studied her face. ‘Well, in the nicest possible way, I think Frances is well and truly dead,’ he said. ‘I don’t think you need to worry about her any more.’

They were still smiling at one another when Beth returned to their table and Frankie was horrified to see tears on her friend’s face.

‘Beth, whatever’s wrong? It’s not Jack, is it?’

Beth might have been crying, but she was angry now. She shook her head furiously. ‘No, thank goodness. But I can’t believe it, Frankie. They’ve changed my shifts for this new job. After all this, and they go and do something like that. They know I can’t work days, it’s impossible.’

‘Come and sit down,’ said Frankie, hating to see Beth so distraught. ‘I’ll get us another drink.’

But Beth shook her head. ‘I have to get home…’ A look of horror crossed her face. ‘What am I going to say to Jack? He’ll be devastated.’ Her hand flew to her face and Frankie could see her eyes welling with tears again. ‘It’s so bloody unfair! Just when everything was going so well. And I’m supposed to be ecstatic because I’ve even got a slight promotion, which is a joke in itself – it’s only enough to pay for an extra packet of chocolate biscuits a week. It’s nowhere near enough to pay?—’

‘Can’t you ask them to look at the shifts again?’

Beth shook her head. ‘I have, but it doesn’t work like that. This is a new position. It’s what the hospital does to get around various employment laws. Basically they sack us all and then rehire some of us, but on new contracts, with new hours and new rates of pay. From the beginning of next month my current job will no longer exist. I couldn’t carry on doing it however much I might want to.’

‘Oh, Beth…’ It was a particularly bitter blow after this morning’s celebration. ‘Saying I’m sure everything will work out sounds a bit pathetic,’ added Frankie, silently admonishing the universe for being so bloody awkward. ‘But I do hope you can get it sorted. If anyone deserves a break it’s you and Jack.’

Beth nodded, weary now. Life was an uphill battle at times, and it showed. ‘I’d better get home,’ she said. ‘Not that I’ll sleep now, but I probably ought to get some rest…and try to work out what the hell we’re going to do.’ She blinked hard before giving Frankie a wan smile. ‘I’ve ruined your day of victory now, too.’

‘No, you haven’t,’ admonished Frankie. ‘I couldn’t have faced Robert today without you, and I wouldn’t have even considered doing so a couple of months ago. I’d have turned tail and run, just like I have in the past. You’ve made a big difference to my life, Beth, and don’t you forget it. There’ll be a way through this, I know there will.’

‘I hope so…’ Beth dashed a hand against her face, but even as she did so more tears began to fall. Frankie got one last look at her anguished face before she rushed away.

William was still holding Frankie’s hand, albeit under the table, and he gave it a silent squeeze. Neither of them knew what to say. Eventually, Frankie loosened her hand, pulling it reluctantly away.

‘I guess I’d better get home too,’ she said. ‘Although I don’t much feel like sleeping either.’ She made to stand but then sat back in her seat, feeling the pull of William’s presence. There was so much she needed to say to him. To thank him for being there for her today. For all the days he had been there for her. Her wrist was already feeling a lot better, and it wouldn’t be long before she could fully resume her duties at the bakery. What would happen if she told him how much she would miss having him there? What would happen when the bakery sold and the only job she could find meant she had to work during the day? Would she even see him at all? But mostly what she wanted to say was how easily William had become a part of her life, and the thought of that changing was…She drew her thoughts to a close and leaned against his shoulder.

‘Is your head as full as mine?’ she asked. ‘I feel as if it’s about to explode.’

‘Probably,’ he replied. ‘Nothing’s simple, is it?’

She closed her eyes. ‘And yet it should be,’ she said. ‘I feel like it wants to be, but somehow we’re all still…I don’t know, stuck? Is that the word I’m looking for?’

‘It’s one word, certainly. And I’m not sure I have a better one.’ He smiled and took her hand. ‘Come on, I’ll walk you home.’

The sun had appeared since they’d been in the coffee shop, bathing the street ahead in a gentle glow, warming the mellow stone of the buildings and bringing the faded winter colours to life. It was how she felt – as if some part of her had been reawakened. It was the first time she had walked through this town without any thoughts of Robert in her head, and she realised that to some degree or other he had always been there. Like a shadow – sometimes in front of her, sometimes behind, but always present no matter where she stood. Now he was gone it was as if she could see the world differently.

The bakery and her flat wasn’t far now; it would take perhaps a minute more to reach it.

‘William, don’t go…’ She met his eyes. ‘Sorry. This is going to sound really stupid, but I don’t want to be on my own, I don’t know why. Normally when my head feels this way, I crave solitude, but today…And I’m not very good at this…’ She held up the hand which was still attached to William’s. ‘It’s been a long time since I thought myself a part of anything.’

‘Me too,’ said William. ‘I’ve been in prison for the last nine years, remember?’ The edges of his eyes were crinkling. ‘Don’t underestimate what you did this morning,’ he said, his head tipped to one side. ‘You’ve said goodbye to a big part of your life, and while that might feel good, it’s also left behind an empty space, which is what you’re feeling now. It won’t take long for it to fill back up again though, and this time it will be with good stuff.’

He stopped to study her face, but whereas she had always hidden herself from Robert’s gaze, hating the cloying, claustrophobic weight of it, William’s look was warm summer sun and the touch of a light, refreshing breeze. There was room to grow beneath it.

‘Then will you come in with me?’ she asked. ‘Say if you’d rather go home.’

But William shook his head. ‘I don’t want to be on my own either,’ he said. ‘I don’t think I can possibly drink any more coffee, but a cup of tea would be nice. As would several of your pastries…What would be really nice, though, is several more hours of your company. No expectations, just…’

‘Breathing in and out…getting used to being with someone.’

He nodded, a slow smile working its way up his face. ‘Breathing in and out…I can do that.’

Frankie watched as a shaft of sunlight travelled the wall in her living room. She and William were shoulder to shoulder on the sofa, feet up on the coffee table, comfortable and safe, yet still her brain would not cease its endless chatter. They had talked for almost two hours. She had told him some more about her life with Robert, and he had told her about Louise and the dreams he once had as a much younger man. But mostly they talked about their present, about Beth, and Tam, and the situation they were all in. The past was behind them, feeling more and more distant with every passing day, and yet the future was still such an uncertain place, it was hard to see a way into it.

‘I can hear your thoughts whirring from here,’ muttered William. He nudged her elbow and Frankie smiled.

‘Sorry, I shall ask them to keep the noise down.’ The sun was almost halfway across the wall now. ‘I was just wondering what you’re going to do,’ she added.

William squinted across at her. ‘I wasn’t planning on doing anything much. Your sofa’s way more comfortable than mine.’

‘I meant about your job. About Stuart, and your son.’ He had some difficult decisions to make, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to hear the outcome.

‘Ah…’ William let out a long, slow breath. ‘About my job – try to find a new one, I think. Apart from how much I’m enjoying being a baker, I’m going to find it almost impossible to stay on at the club. And about Stuart…nothing.’

Frankie craned her neck to look at him. ‘Nothing?’ She looked back at the golden light on the wall. Might they be able to face the future together?

William looked up at her. ‘I’ve thought about this every which way I can, and I can’t risk it, Frankie. Not now. You don’t mind throwing things away when you’ve got very little to lose but…I don’t want to lose the things I have now.’ He paused. ‘I don’t want to lose you.’ He had the warmest brown eyes.

‘I don’t want to be lost .’ She laid her head on his shoulder. ‘But surely if you went to the police and explained, they would listen. Just because you have a criminal record doesn’t mean they won’t take you seriously. Or am I just being incredibly naive?’

‘I was done for possessing stolen goods, Frankie. And I served nine years. I’ve been out less than one. I should be as far away from anything illegal as I can be.’ He paused a moment, looking down at his hands. ‘I haven’t told you this but a few weeks back Stuart offered me cash in hand to help him out at a mate’s party. To help the guests have a good time, was how he put it. And I’m pretty certain the mate wasn’t actually a friend in the traditional sense, more like someone Stuart was keen to oblige…for financial gain. My guess is that he’s been holding illegal poker games, or something very similar. I should have mentioned it before, but it’s linked in with all the rest of it and…’ He held up a hand in a helpless gesture. ‘I refused, but as you can imagine that didn’t go down all that well. Stuart doesn’t like people who say no to him and he can cause a lot of trouble for me. One word in Danny’s ear and I’ll be out of a job. So, doing what I have been – checking out the score with Stuart – has been a kind of insurance policy, so that I have something on Stuart, if he decides to invent something about me …What I don’t know, however, is if Danny has any knowledge of the things Stuart has been up to. My first impression is that he doesn’t, but what if he does? I don’t like the idea of Stuart getting away with what he’s been doing, but I have to face an unassailable fact – either my son is mixed up in something illegal, or he’s innocent. Either way, my taking action could cause me irreparable harm.’

‘Caught between a rock and a hard place,’ she said, lifting her head to look at him. ‘I know you want the best outcome for your son, but isn’t there some way you can speak to Danny? Let him know what you’ve found out, at least give him the chance to prove himself innocent, if that’s what he is? Then at least you’d know. Maybe now’s the time to let him know who you are.’

William’s response was instant. ‘No,’ he said, shaking his head. ‘When I came back here I never imagined for one minute I’d get a job working at Danny’s club, but when the opportunity came up I thought it was like a sign, or something, that I was in the right place to finally come good on my promise. But you were right, Frankie, I was acting out of guilt because I thought putting something right in his life would make up for all the wrong I’d done to him. I’ve been using that promise as a crutch for all these years. I’ve been allowing it to feed my guilt, keeping it nice and fresh and kidding myself that I needed it to give my life a purpose, a reason to carry on. But if I let go of my guilt, and give my life new purpose, then I no longer have need of the crutch that used to prop it up.’ He swallowed, his fingers sliding into hers. ‘I don’t deserve to be a part of Danny’s life, and I simply have to accept that. After all, he’s never made any attempt to find me, has he?’

Frankie thought about his words for a moment, feeling the sorrow behind them but knowing that they also held the truth. ‘But then he’ll never know the sacrifice you made for him.’

‘I shouldn’t need him to. I’d only be telling him to make myself feel better, and that’s never the right reason for doing anything.’

‘I think that’s incredibly brave, and selfless.’

William gave a wry smile. ‘Not that brave. I’m also terrified of telling him who I am because at best he’ll find out he has me for a father, someone with a very dodgy past who deserted him as a baby, and at worst, I’ll find out that he’s up to his eyeballs in illegal activities and I’ll lose my job and probably a lot more besides.’

Frankie squeezed his hand. ‘There must be a way around all this. We’ll think of something,’ she said, shuffling her feet across so that she could nestle them against his.

‘Are you playing footsie with me?’ asked William, his voice warm with amusement.

‘Blimey, is that still a thing?’ she asked.

‘I’ve no idea,’ replied William. ‘But your feet are cold.’

She was still smiling ten minutes later, time during which neither of them had spoken. The shaft of sunlight was now playing across the edge of the coffee table and pretty soon it would reach them. She felt blessed by its presence.

She felt blessed by so many things and yet, in many ways, her existence was as precarious now as it had been when she first fled from Robert over eighteen months ago – more so, in fact. She had no idea what she would do if there was no job for her when the bakery sold – find another one, obviously – but the bakery was far more than just a place where she worked and lived. It had brought more kindness, and in such a short space of time, than her life had known before, and it had given her hope and peace, too. It had become her sanctuary, transforming the long, dark hours of the night, and within it she had found everything she thought was lost forever. She had found herself. And now William. And the thought of leaving was unbearable.

She thought about their circle of friendship, too, with Beth and Tam. It was a circle which bound them together, the type of bond which made you feel courageous, as if you could do anything because they would always have your back. And yet, none of them were settled. Beth might have kept her job, she and Jack might have found new ways to live the life they’d always wanted, but their problems were far from over. Tam might have found a way back to doing the things he loved, but he’d still lost his job, was still homeless and had now been betrayed not once but twice. All four of them had made tentative steps towards a new future, but each of them still bore the weight of chains which were holding them back, chains which were seemingly impossible to throw off, and yet…

A thought drifted into Frankie’s head, and then another and another. She was convinced that things could work out, for all of them, so if fate hadn’t yet had time to bestow all her gifts upon them, then perhaps it was time for Frankie to give her a helping hand.

She nestled deeper into William’s warmth beside her, his breathing now deep and rhythmic, and she felt her eyes begin to close. There was work to do first, but tomorrow was another day. First thing in the morning, she would…