Chapter Twenty-Eight
JAYNE
20 April 1931
Lochaline
Old Fin had brought his accordion and sat on the stool, playing it beside the fireplace in Ma Peg and Mad Annie’s front room. There was scarcely room for Mhairi to swing her long red hair, but the children were all playing upstairs, and most of the men had spilled into the garden to smoke their pipes and take in the sunset.
Food was set out on trestle tables – pies and sliced roast beef and a colourful custard trifle that had got everyone excited – as the women sipped on sherry. Most of them were wearing their Sunday best dresses, cut in colourful florals with lace collars, and had styled their hair with set curls. Jayne took in the scene from beneath lowered lashes as she carried through a plate of bacon roll-ups. The guests of honour hadn’t even arrived yet, but the party was in full swing, a buoyancy to the villagers’ collective mood that she hadn’t seen since their waulking the tweed ceilidh almost eighteen months earlier.
So much had changed since then. They had left their homeland and made new lives here. There had been much sorrow along the way – Lorna’s death was still a bitter shock to everyone, in spite of the betrayal of her actions; Effie (though she put on a brave face) was still numb from her split with Sholto; and Mhairi, although blooming, bitterly missed Donald. But tonight they were celebrating their small successes. Archie MacQueen was finally off his crutches, Mad Annie had been made captain of the local bowls club, and more important than anything, one of their own was finally returning.
‘Just put it down beside the gammon there, Jayne,’ Ma Peg said, leaning back to inspect the edible offerings, one arm clasped below her bosom as she nodded with pride. The party had been her idea.
‘When do you think they’ll get here?’ Jayne asked, rubbing her hands nervously. She felt unaccountably chilled for such a warm evening, a growing heaviness in her arms from carrying all the plates through, but she preferred to help with the setting up rather than stand around talking with the others. Although everyone smiled and behaved as normal, she knew what they must be thinking after the fracas a few days earlier. David had been right; she was weak and pathetic. They must pity Norman, being burdened with such a wretched and pitiful wife.
‘Any minute n—’ Ma Peg began, glancing at the clock on the mantlepiece, just as a cheer outside rose up and the children began stampeding down the stairs. ‘Well, talk of the devil herself,’ she laughed, clapping her hands together gleefully.
Through the windows, Jayne could see the high shine of a glossy black motor car, the men immediately gathering around to admire it as Christina and Archie MacQueen climbed out first. They had gone to the guesthouse where the Callaghans were staying earlier this afternoon; they had wanted to see their daughter privately, before the rest of the village.
Jayne smiled, startling slightly, as she caught sight of Flora’s beautiful face again through the glass. It was easy to forget just how very lovely she was – those appled cheekbones, perfectly tilted eyebrows – and of course those flashing green eyes so like her brother’s. Her glossy black hair had been cut into a fashionable bob back in the autumn, when she had made that fateful journey into Glasgow, but now it was growing out and fell more softly around her face – more like the island girl they had all known so well.
There was still no baby in her arms that Jayne could see from here. And in her eyes there was an ancient tiredness, as if her soul had become as old as the mountains.
Behind Flora, James was shaking hands with the men and accepting compliments on the car. Motor cars had become a source of intense fascination and admiration among the village men since their relocation here.
Jayne watched as David stepped forward from the mass to hug the sister he adored. They had both changed since their last meeting. Flora was thinner, and David...Jayne caught the quizzical frown that crossed Flora’s face as she looked into his eyes. She asked him something and he nodded, but Flora looked sceptical, although the moment quickly passed.
Jayne turned back towards the table and stared down at the feast. It was all everyone had to offer. There were no riches here, but they had community, support, love and friendship. They would continue to give to one another, as they always had.
She leaned on the tabletop, feeling the heaviness increase in her bones again, and suddenly she knew what it really meant. It wasn’t down to carrying plates.
‘Please, no,’ she whispered vainly in the empty room. ‘...Not now.’
She closed her eyes, her face raised to the ceiling as she felt the tingling start up, golden shimmers sparking in her blood, flashing behind her eyelids.
She saw grey...Grey and red...
Her breathing came more heavily as the vision, indistinct at first, began to develop clarity. Green flickered at the edges of her mind’s eye. She turned her head. What was she seeing?...Who?
People had started spilling back into the house again, the inevitable procession towards the heart of the home. Somehow, Jayne pulled herself out of the trance. It felt like swimming out of a whirlpool, resisting a force that wanted to suck her downwards, away from the light...
‘...married us at the hotel! James had arranged everything.’ Flora’s distinctive voice carried through from the hall.
‘But I always thought you’d have a cathedral wedding!’ Mhairi replied.
‘So did I,’ Flora laughed. ‘But we’ll be sure to have a grand reception party to make up for it. We’ll have a cake and flowers, and Ma’s going to help me choose a dress to wear—’
Suddenly Flora’s voice became crystal clear, and Jayne turned to find her standing in the doorway. ‘Jayne!’ she exclaimed delightedly, rushing over. ‘I was wondering where you were!’
Jayne was startled by the comment – nobody ever wondered as to her whereabouts – as Flora threw her arms around her. ‘How have you been?’
For a moment, Jayne couldn’t find her voice. She felt wretched, but compared to what Flora had suffered these past eight months...‘Tremendous. Though life here has had none of your glamour or excitement.’
It was the wrong thing to have said, of course.
‘If there has been excitement, it’s all been the wrong sort,’ Flora said, pulling a face and reaching for her friend’s hand. Jayne knew Flora’s parents would have told her that everyone knew. There were no more secrets among the St Kildans.
Well, almost none.
Jayne’s eyes looked for David again, but he was nowhere to be seen. He was keeping his distance with the same diligence he’d once kept watch in her kitchen. He’d not left a note in her prayer book, nor met her on the path to walk home since. She cooked in her kitchen alone, silent, staring at the spot on the kitchen table where he now wasn’t but where their ghosts still played. She’d lost not only the man she loved, but her best friend.
The room had filled rapidly again, everyone pouring drinks and the children hovering around the food now that the party had officially started. James was looking overwhelmed but pleased as he was brought into the villagers’ fold and greeted as one of their own. Everyone wanted to hear about his near-death experience in Greenland.
‘Flora, you’ve returned!’
Jayne heard Norman’s voice and turned to see him walk over to greet Flora too.
‘Oh my goodness, Norman!’ Flora laughed as she took in the sight of his black eye, cuts and bruises. ‘Have you been fighting bears?’
‘Something like that,’ he grinned.
Jayne tensed at his light-hearted volley. As if it was all fun. Funny. He had no shame before her. He hadn’t apologized for what had happened, as if it hadn’t happened to her as well as him. He had come back that evening expecting his dinner on the table – of course there had been none; she had never been served at the butcher’s, after all – and he’d given her no account of how he had come by his injuries as she tended to them.
She could no longer pretend to be ignorant, to turn the other cheek, even though it had served her so well till now. He knew that she knew – and still he didn’t care. His wanton disregard for her feelings was so blatant, she felt completely frozen inside. Dead.
‘And what’s this I hear about a return to St Kilda tomorrow evening?’ Flora asked, as Effie came over with a glass of sherry for her.
‘Ah, well, now there’s a story,’ Effie said with a roll of her eyes.
‘Is it on account of good news between you and Sholto?’ Flora asked hopefully.
Effie’s smile slid off her lips. ‘...Not exactly.’
‘Oh, Eff,’ Flora said, reaching a hand to her arm. ‘I had hoped...’
‘We have to face facts, Flora. We’re from different worlds.’
‘But—’ Flora opened her mouth to protest to the contrary, Jayne knew. After all, she had married a rich man. Then she seemed to think better of it and simply nodded. ‘Pa says there’s quite a crowd going over with you now?’
‘Aye, seems so. Me, Mhairi, Angus, Fin, David and Mad Annie...Old Fin wants to go too, but Ma Peg say he’s not up to the crossing.’ Effie shrugged. ‘We’ll see.’
‘Are you going, Jayne?’ Flora asked her, bringing her into the conversation.
Jayne glanced at Norman. ‘...Eh, no. No, there’s no need,’ she murmured.
‘What’s need got to do with it?’ Flora asked. ‘Don’t you want to see the old place again?’
‘We have to work,’ Norman said sombrely. ‘Can’t afford to miss the wages.’
‘Norman’s been made deputy manager at the Forestry,’ Jayne said, just as David squeezed past their group in the crowd. He must have heard the small boast, for his gaze tangled with hers, and she recoiled at what she saw in his eyes: dismay was turning to something closer to disgust.
‘Is that so?’ Flora asked with an impressed look. ‘You’re going places in the world, Norman.’
‘Perhaps not as far – or as fast – as y’, Flora,’ Norman admitted, looking irritated by the concession that her light dimmed his. ‘Still, it’s something to pull us up by the bootstraps.’
‘And so what’s the occasion for the trip?’ Flora asked, looking back at Effie.
‘The earl has bought the archipelago from MacLeod.’
‘Has he now? Well, I’m not surprised he wants shot of it after all that’s happened with Mathieson.’ Flora rolled her eyes in disdain. It didn’t matter that the man was dead; her contempt for him lingered.
‘Aye, so they’re having a handover ceremony of sorts.’
‘And they invited you?’ Flora looked quizzical.
Effie nodded.
‘But why you specifically, Eff? If you and Sholto aren’t together...?’
Effie hesitated. It was the question everyone had been asking her and she’d been hedging her answer for weeks. ‘...Let’s just say I’m helping them with finding something.’
‘Oh, don’t tell me,’ Flora groaned. ‘He needs a precious bird’s egg for his collection and only you can find it?’
‘Not the earl. MacLeod. And no, he’s looking for something else.’
Beside her, Jayne felt Norman straighten up. ‘Like what?’
‘I can’t say,’ Effie replied enigmatically. ‘I’ve been sworn to secrecy.’
‘Och, give us a clue,’ Mhairi pleaded, pressing her hands together in prayer.
‘I wish I could, but I gave my word I wouldn’a say a thing till it’s safely recovered.’
‘But you can tell us!’ Norman insisted.
‘My word is my bond,’ Effie shrugged. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘...Ridiculous,’ Norman muttered, stalking off.
Flora grinned. ‘He’s as grumpy as ever, I see...Ah, sorry, Jayne. No offence intended.’
‘None taken. He’s the man he always was.’
Except that wasn’t true. Norman had become worse since moving over to the mainland, leaning into all his vices and darkest corners. Variety had given him opportunities, choices – and he wasn’t making wise ones.
Jayne watched her husband cross the room to get another drink. He stood almost a head taller than the other men, so he was easy to follow. He stopped at the table beside David, who glanced across as he was putting a slice of pie onto his plate. Jayne saw Norman say something to David in a rare show of sociability, but to her astonishment David put down his plate and walked away, leaving Norman hanging, mid-sentence.
Norman looked astounded for a moment, a black look darkening his handsome features. Then he glanced round to check whether anyone had seen. Quickly she turned back to the women’s conversation as she felt his gaze settle upon her.
‘– when I left, there was no indication she was going to do what she did. She was...she was calm. We didn’t part on hostile terms.’
Lorna? Jayne leaned in as Mhairi put a hand on Flora’s arm.
‘Y’ mustn’t blame yourself,’ Mhairi said. ‘You did nothing wrong going over there after her; they took your baby under false pretences. Following them was the only thing you could do. She was the one who had to live with what she’d done, and...well, perhaps the fact that she couldn’t live with it speaks to some scrap of humanity left in her after all.’
Flora nodded, seeming to find comfort in her friend’s words.
‘There’s no excusing what she did to you, but you and I both saw her kindness too. She wasn’t a complete monster. Not like Mary.’
‘Talking of whom – what’s become of her?’ Effie asked.
‘Don’t worry, she’s not coming tonight. She knows she’d not be welcome here.’
‘Wait—’ Mhairi looked stunned. ‘...You mean she’s here ? In Scotland?’
‘Aye. She’s in the guesthouse we’re staying in, down the road.’
Jayne watched Mhairi’s hands fly to her belly. She was showing clearly now, her shame there for all to see, although the St Kildans made sure she suffered no waspish comments in the village. But if Mary would only grant Donald a divorce...
‘So,’ Effie was looking pained. ‘The baby...?’
‘He’s with her too.’ For the first time since she’d come through the door, Flora’s happy demeanour slipped. ‘...We’ve come to an arrangement.’
‘An arrangement?’ Effie frowned.
Flora gave a deep sigh. ‘We’ve had to accept we can’t prove that...that Struan is actually ours. All the paperwork – his birth certificate, passport, the evacuation census – it’s in the McKinnons’ names. It’s Donald and Mary who are down as his parents. Lorna could have stood as our independent witness, but...well, that chance went away with her.’
Flora’s face had fallen. Everyone could guess at the depths of the suffering she must have endured these past eight months while trying to get her baby back.
Jayne shifted her weight apprehensively. She could feel the tingling growing more vigorously throughout her body, and she knew that soon she wouldn’t be able to move at all. The vision wouldn’t be denied; she would have to submit...get out of here. If anyone were to realize what was happening to her, they would understand immediately what it meant. A party would never disband so quickly...
‘But what’s to stop Mary disappearing again? What’s to stop her getting on another boat?’ Effie asked with concern.
‘James has struck a deal with her. A financial one. Without Lorna, Mary has no one to look after the baby and no way to earn. She has the ambergris money she took from Donald, but that won’t last for ever – so James is going to pay her a very generous wage to live beside us. Without proof or witnesses, we can’t change the paperwork saying the baby is ours; and Mary won’t let us adopt him back either. So our only option is to pay for her to stay in our lives with him. James is going to buy her a flat in the same square as us in Glasgow, and we’ll have daily access and visitation rights to Struan; but we can’t call him ours or have him actually live with us.’
Colours splashed in front of Jayne’s eyes: Grey. Red. Green...She saw a hand upturned, the fingers curled.
She took a step back.
‘And...is that going to be enough for you?’ Mhairi asked, looking appalled.
‘What other choice do we have? We can have some of him or none of him.’ Flora shrugged. ‘On the boat back here, we upgraded her to a first-class suite and gave her a taste of the kind of life we could offer her and the baby.’
‘I’ll bet she bit your arm off, did she?’ Mhairi sneered.
‘Aye. Once we made her see she had no other viable options.’
Jayne felt her panic growing as the edges of the room began to blur. ‘Won’t you excuse me?’ she murmured. ‘I just need to see to something...’
She turned away from the group quickly, pushing through the crowd. She needed to get outside – gulp down some fresh air, find somewhere she could be alone. But there were so many people, bodies everywhere. Was that why the force seemed stronger than usual – because the victim was here, close by? She had wondered why she hadn’t envisaged Lorna’s death. Jayne’s gift had always encompassed their community members, and she had only been able to conclude that the distance between them at the time had been too great.
By that same reckoning, someone here was going to be dead within days.
She staggered outside, around the back of the house. Everyone else was in the front garden, which enjoyed the sunset views, and she leaned against the wall, dropping her head back as she felt the vision unfurl now, unimpeded. It was so clear and bright—
‘There you are!’
God, no. She was pulled back into the moment.
‘What are you doing out here? What’s wrong with you?’
She opened her eyes to find Norman bearing down on her.
‘Nothing. I just needed some air,’ she mumbled. ‘...A little too much sherry.’
The face began to bloom in her mind’s eye, the eyes still black sockets.
‘And people wonder why I’m embarrassed by y’,’ he tutted, looking disgusted. ‘Get home before you make a spectacle of yourself.’
‘Aye...I will,’ she murmured. How could she get him away from here? The consequences of her last vision had been severe for her. If he realized what was happening, he would want to know whom it concerned, and that was a boundary she would never cross. ‘What...what is it you need?’
‘From you? Nothing,’ he snapped. ‘I just came to tell y’ I’ll be going to St Kilda after all.’
She frowned, confused. ‘But the wages...’
‘My salary’s good enough that I can forgo a day’s work, and I don’t know when the next opportunity will come up. I’m going to take the chance, seeing as they’re offering the trip for free.’
It made no sense. He had shown absolutely no interest in returning home when the idea of a wider village return had first been suggested by the men in the pub. But this wasn’t the time to discuss it. She just needed him to go.
‘I agree...’ she slurred. ‘You should go.’
‘I wasn’t coming to ask y’ permission, woman! I’m telling y’ as a courtesy. That’s all.’
A courtesy? As if he were a gentleman? The very idea made Jayne want to laugh, but she was beyond that point now. Besides, he had already gone.
Her body slumped as the image finally bloomed in her mind, with or without him. It offered no time, no place, no why, no how. But she had a face.
And another terrible secret to keep.