13 Kaia #3
A clean gray coat sat folded neatly on a wooden stool. Tommy had grabbed it from the Harvest Floor to help cover me after I’d partially shifted and killed Miller.
If I put it on, I could walk out.
I could walk straight to the Verdant Order.
We could go back, I thought, the old safety pulling at me like a tide. No more of this burning. No more of Genny’s angry gold eyes, or the shame of it all. We can go back to the quiet. We can be safe. I could be Steward Kaia and hand all of it back over to them. I’d be a hero.
Inside my chest, my wolf-sister touched my heart with a devastating tenderness, showing me the image of a sterile desk, a silver stylus, and a mirror that reflected a hollow shell.
Safety? Or a grave? Together we walked the dark. Not to return to the shelf.
The temptation shriveled like dry leaves in an instant. Shame filled me that I had even considered it for a moment.
I looked at Wren, her arm protectively cradling her rounded belly, her face pale but determined. I looked at Nell, whose shoulder still carried the damp patch where I had cried.
If I walked out in the Steward’s tunic, the Verdant Order might take me back. But they would go into the cages. Their babies would be born in a steel crib.
Faith in the gray coat was a lie.
It always had been.
“We have to go.” Wren headed for the tent opening. “Brann says we have to try to make the ridge.”
Genny and Nell followed on her heels.
The wolf inside my chest was steady now, her warmth matching mine beat for beat.
No. I would not allow them to be taken.
I would rather burn. I would rather let the Saint’s hex-fire turn my bones to ash than go back to that clean office. I had spent my life as a ghost. If I was going to die, I was going to die warm.
I stared at the gray Steward’s tunic again.
A sudden, electrifying idea rushed into my mind.
Or—
I could—
Yes.
I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. Could it really work?
Yes. Yes. Yes. Save them—we must atone.
I took a deep breath and turned. “Nadia, Tommy said he had a potion that hid his wolf. Did you make it? Do you have more of it?’’
Wren, Nell, and Genny stopped at the tent’s canvas entrance.
The witch turned, her brow furrowed. “The potion? I do. Why?”
I smoothed my hair, drawing the plan tight in my mind. “The Verdant Order wants back what we took. What if I gave it to them?”
I pointed to the gray coat on the stool.
Putting it back on was madness. A fire purge like this wasn’t run by a local Warden or low-level clerk.
They could only be done by one of the Inner Circle’s most powerful—High Alchemist Joss, whose name alone made the junior Stewards speak in whispers, or one of the faceless Saints.
If Joss or a Saint was out there, if my intended bluff cracked even a little, they would peel the wolf out of my skin while I was still breathing.
I stepped closer to Nadia. “You masked Tommy’s wolf signature when he went into the wellness center. Can you do it to me? Can you mask the wolf scent? The bond? All of it?”
Nadia reached for her satchel, her fingers trembling against the leather.
“The suppressant potion is strong enough, but Kaia, you’re in the middle of an active transition.
Your scent is shifting by the minute. The potion only masks—it doesn’t stabilize it.
” She grabbed my forearm, her silver rings cold and sharp against my hot skin.
“And if you don’t complete your Heat with your mate you will burn alive from the inside out. ”
I pulled my arm free. “I don’t care about the burn.
If they smell my transition, they’ll never trust me again.
But if I smell like the Steward they’ve always known—sterile, clean, loyal—and I hand over something they want?
I can walk out to them. Get them to stop the fire.
Tell them the dormants went one way when you really took them somewhere else. I can give you time.”
“Who—or what—would you hand over?” Nell said, her voice careful. Like she was really considering my words but didn’t yet know what the catch was, only that there certainly would be one.
“That’s only if we can trust you,” Genny interrupted.
I winced. She wasn’t wrong. I’d had the fleeting thought—what if?
I stood up from the cot and looked her straight in the eyes. “You can trust me. I swear it.”
Genny shook her head and didn’t look away. “I don’t believe you.”
“You don’t have a choice. We’re boxed in. You said it yourself. If I don’t do this, the fire will eat the hotshots and the Verdant Order will take over this entire camp. You’d be under their control again.”
At those words, Genny’s face paled. Nell’s expression turned angry and dark. Wren’s eyes widened.
“I’ve been in their hands my whole life.” I looked at Wren, then at Genny and Nell. “I know what I need to do. Let me do it. Let me help atone for what I’ve done.”
Genny refused to look at me, but Wren nodded. Nell sighed.
I took that as all the answer I was going to get.
I turned back to Nadia. “Put the skin back on me. All the way down. Make me smell like the Order. And help me lie to them so well it buys our men their lives.”