Chapter 11
‘Who was that?’ Tabitha looked up from the table as Hope came in from the patio, stuffing her mobile phone into her pocket as she did so.
‘A journalist from the Western Telegraph, she wants to do an interview with me, Annie and Bea about delivering the baby.’
‘And how do you feel about that?’ her mother asked, closing the laptop she’d been working on at the kitchen table.
‘A bit embarrassed, but I’ll ask Annie and Bea if they want to do it when they get back from Haverfordwest…
’ She trailed off for a moment, something nagging at her, telling her it might not be a good idea to go ahead.
Maybe it was because she should probably ask permission from her managers at the hospital and midwifery unit first, in case anything she said might have some unforeseen impact on her work, but she couldn’t imagine what that might be.
Everything had gone well and it was a real feel-good story, just as the journalist had said, but something about it was still bothering her.
‘Hey, little Miss Daydreamer, I know you girls think I’ve got nothing of any importance to say these days, but you can’t ignore my question altogether.’ Her father’s tone was jokey, and he was smiling as she turned to look at him, but she had absolutely no idea what question he’d just asked her.
‘Sorry, Dad, I was just thinking about work, and you’ve got plenty of important stuff to say, some of it’s just a bit niche in terms of how much it interests anyone else.’
‘Such as?’ Dave raised his eyebrows, but his trademark smile didn’t fade. It rarely did when he was with his family.
‘Oh, I don’t know, your keen interest in the impact of local culture on ale production, for one.
I mean, the first thing you said when I told you I was moving to Cornwall is that it would give you an excuse to go the Blue Anchor in Helston and try the Spingo ale.
Then you proceeded to tell me how the brewery started off making the ale for monks.
After that we disappeared down a rabbit hole of what we like to call “Dad Talk”. ’
He tried to look offended as she laughed, but he didn’t quite pull it off. ‘There’s nothing wrong with “Dad Talk”, every day’s a school day.’
‘That’s as may be,’ Tabby interjected. ‘But it means we all do what we used to do at school, and zone out when we’re not interested.
Which is probably why Hope wasn’t listening when you were talking, in case you were waffling on about monks and ale again.
That’s why she didn’t hear when you asked her how the baby’s family felt about the local paper covering the story. ’
‘It was their idea apparently.’ Hope shrugged, trying to work out why she felt as uneasy as she did about the prospect of appearing in the local paper, but then Tabby hit the nail on the head.
‘Imagine if the journalist managed to find out about your birth story too. She’d think she’d hit the jackpot, combining the two, and she’d probably be able to sell it to the nationals!’
‘There’s no way she’d be able to find that out though, is there?’ Hope had meant it as a statement, but it came out as more of a question, because she had a horrible feeling she might be wrong. ‘Not unless I told her, or Annie and Bea did, and none of us would.’
‘I know that, and you’re all too clever to be tricked into revealing anything you don’t want to, even by the sneakiest sort of journalist.’ Tabby reached out, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze. ‘I just meant, imagine how excited the journalist would be if they knew.’
‘Hmmm.’ Hope pulled a face; she didn’t find the prospect anything but terrifying.
She knew how stories like that could snowball and it might lead to someone trying to track Laura down, and then maybe that would lead them to Joe.
When Hope had recounted the story of how brilliant her sisters had been at Freya’s delivery, once the family were all back home, she’d also told them about the decision not to tell Joe who she was.
So the last thing she wanted was to risk him finding out some other way.
‘You don’t have to feel responsible for keeping other people’s secrets.
’ Her mother got to her feet, moving to stand in front of Hope, her words making it feel as if she could read her daughter’s mind.
‘Laura was the one who chose not to tell Joe, either when you were born, or later on. She’s the one who’s kept the secret from him all this time.
It’s fine if you really don’t want to tell him, but I want that to be your choice, not because you want to protect Laura, or even me and your dad.
We know you’re our daughter, but whatever you decide should be for you. ’
As Alison folded Hope into her arms, she let herself be held in that way only her parents could manage – making everything feel as though it might turn out all right – and right now, she really needed to believe that. It was a few seconds before she felt able to pull away again.
‘It isn’t that I’m trying to protect Laura, or even you guys, I know nothing will ever change things between us.
It’s just Joe’s situation and the fact that he and his wife are desperate for a baby.
I just feel like, if I turn up and say, “Hi there, I’m your ready-made adult daughter,” it will cause so many problems. I’m far too old to give them the chance to be parents in the way they want, and I don’t need them to fulfil that role in any way.
So I won’t be giving them anything, I’ll just be making things worse, because Esther will feel like Joe has already done something they dreamed of doing together and I’m scared it might damage their marriage. ’
‘But what if you’re his only chance of being a father?
’ Tabby’s words caught Hope by surprise, because she’d always gone out of her way to avoid giving Joe that title.
Tabby seemed just as surprised, because she immediately shook her head.
‘Oh God, I don’t know what I’m trying to say.
The last thing I want you to do is go off and find some other family because, like I always say, you’re our Hope, no one else’s, but I just can’t help thinking how sad I’d be if things were the other way around and we were your birth family, but we didn’t know you existed.
I know I’d want you to reach out and make contact, and anyone would be lucky to have you in their lives. ’
‘Tabby, don’t, we can’t put ourselves in Hope’s shoes and try to influence her.’ Their father’s expression was serious for once. ‘This needs to be her decision.’
‘Of course it does, but I think it might help her to hear other people’s perspectives.
’ Tabby sighed and looked at Hope. ‘You’re not telling Joe, because you want to protect his wife, but what about what you want?
If you didn’t know about them trying for a baby, would you be planning to approach him? ’
‘Yes, but I do know about that, so how can I still do it?’ Hope looked towards her mother. ‘Would you want to know, if Dad had a child out there somewhere he didn’t know existed?’
‘If it was you, of course I would.’
‘But that’s because you already love me. What if it was some stranger, not connected to you in any way, as far as you knew?’ She held her mother’s gaze, until Alison turned to look at her husband.
‘I think you need to tell her about what it is that wakes you up in the night.’
‘Prostates can be a nightmare for men of his age.’ Hope hadn’t been able to stop herself from making the joke. It was just the way their family was wired, and she was glad she’d said it, because it had definitely broken some of the tension, making all of them laugh.
‘See now, if there was ever any proof needed that you’re a Masterson through and through, it’s comments like that.
’ Dave shook his head, still smiling. ‘But what your mum means, is that every so often, I have this horrible dream, where we’re out when the social worker calls to ask us if we can look after you, and you end up going to live with another family.
It wakes me up every time, panicking that we missed our chance to make you our daughter and I hate that thought more than I could ever explain. ’
‘So you don’t think I should speak to Joe?’
Her father drew in a long breath, sighing deeply before he finally shook his head again.
‘No, I think I’m saying that if I was Joe, I’d want to know.
The thought that I had a chance to have you in my life, but missed it, is my worst nightmare.
If Joe got to know you, I’m certain he’d feel the same. ’
‘But you can’t really know that for sure.’ Hope could feel her defences weakening, because deep down, part of her still wanted to tell Joe the truth. And Tabby was right, if she didn’t know about his struggle to have a child with Esther, she would already have told him.
‘No one can ever know anything for sure, sweetheart.’ Her mother’s tone was gentle.
‘I just don’t think you should have a knee-jerk reaction to ruling it out altogether.
This is a huge decision and there’s no need to rush it.
Maybe give things a bit more time and see how you feel.
It’s taken you twenty-six years to even begin to think about all of this and I don’t want you to write off any of the options for anyone’s sake but your own. ’
‘Okay.’ Hope’s voice was low, but the word was a promise to her mother, and she never broke those.
That didn’t mean she’d changed her mind and that she was definitely going to tell Joe who she was.
It just meant the door wasn’t closed altogether any more and, when she got back to Cornwall, she needed to be open to all the possibilities, because the only thing she knew for certain was that her mother was right.
This wasn’t a decision that should be rushed.