Chapter Twelve #3
She didn’t answer. He supposed it wasn’t the kind of thing a woman wanted to talk about the first time she made love with a man. To be honest, he didn’t want to hear about lovers from her past. He just wanted to be joined with her.
He sat up and pulled off his shirt, then slipped out of his trousers and briefs. Before lying down beside her again, he took a moment to study her beautiful body.
“You’re lovely,” he said as he touched her full breasts, then stroked her flat tummy.
She laughed. “I’ve worked hard for this.”
“It shows.” He frowned. “I do like how you are now, but I wanted you before,” he said.
She shook her head. “Not possible.”
“I felt the attraction back in the hospital.” He shrugged. “I wanted you to know it was more than just how you looked.”
She smiled. “I know. We were friends for nearly two years before we met. It was definitely my sparkling personality.”
“Brat. I’m trying to be a nice guy here, and you’re making it difficult.”
“Oh, sorry. I didn’t recognize the action for what it was.”
Her teasing made him smile. “You’ll pay for that.” He lunged at her and pulled her close. He’d thought to start tickling her, but then his hand closed over her breast and passion took the place of playfulness. His erection flexed painfully.
“I want you,” he said before claiming her mouth.
He knew she was ready. What they’d done before had prepared her for him. So as he deepened the kiss, he slipped between her thighs and pressed the tip of his maleness against her waiting warmth.
“This isn’t going to take very long,” he said ruefully. “I promise a better performance next time.”
She wrapped her arms around him. “I don’t care how long it takes. I just want to make love.”
He was too much of a man to resist an invitation like that. He pushed his way inside, then gasped and muttered, “You’re so tight. I’m going to lose it right here.”
He withdrew to plunge in deeper. His hips thrust him forward so quickly, he barely felt the barrier as it gave way. But he felt Cathy flinch.
Reality crashed in around him. Reality and truth. She’d been a virgin. Even as the questions formed and he told himself to stop, he couldn’t. He was too far gone. Half a dozen more thrusts, and he shuddered in release, emptying himself into her.
Sanity returned slowly. He stayed where he was, inside of her, on top of her, savoring the intimacy even as he fought the panic.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked, careful to keep his voice gentle.
“It didn’t matter,” she said. Her eyes were wide, and her mouth trembled slightly. But she didn’t seem upset. Or was that wishful thinking on his part?
At least she wasn’t trying to pretend she didn’t know what he was talking about.
“It matters to me,” he said. “I would have done things a little differently.”
“Like what?”
He thought for a second. “That’s not important. The point is, I would have liked to have known.”
She bit her lower lip. “So you could have stopped.”
It wasn’t a question. “No. I wouldn’t have stopped.” Unfortunately he wasn’t that noble.
He withdrew and stretched out next to her. “I’m sorry, Cathy. Your first time shouldn’t have been like this.”
She turned toward him. “Yes, it should have,” she said fiercely. “This is exactly what I wanted. Don’t forget who started this.”
He wrapped his arms around her and pressed a kiss to her mouth. He wasn’t likely to forget anything about this afternoon. Her virginity was a surprise to him, although knowing what he did about her past, maybe it shouldn’t be.
“Don’t be angry,” she whispered. “I couldn’t bear that.”
“I’m not angry. Never that. I’m honored. Truly.”
Her gaze was trusting as she looked at him. He gave her a quick smile, then urged her to rest her head on his shoulder. She snuggled close.
“Thank you,” she murmured. “Thank you for making my first time so lovely.”
He tightened his arms around her in reply, but he couldn’t speak. What was there to say? He couldn’t undo what had just happened, and except for the fact that she’d been a virgin, he didn’t want to.
But that was a huge fact to overlook, he thought grimly. Once again he’d been a woman’s first. He knew there were men who never experienced that, and he’d done it twice. Cathy, and before her, Evelyn.
He didn’t want to think about his late wife.
Not now, not with Cathy so soft and wonderful in his arms. But the lines were starting to blur.
It wasn’t that he couldn’t tell the two women apart—it was that he was finding it difficult to remember the ground rules.
He wasn’t supposed to be enjoying himself.
He was supposed to be making up for the past, not repeating it.
What happened now? What did she expect from him?
Cathy exhaled slowly. “I swear I’m suddenly so sleepy. But it’s the middle of the day.”
“It’s all right,” he said. “I’ll be right here, holding you.”
“That’s all I’ve ever wanted,” she murmured. She snuggled a little closer. There were a few moments of silence, then she whispered, “I love you, Stone.”
He forced himself not to react physically. Cathy sounded as if she was already fading fast, and he doubted she realized she’d said the words aloud.
He believed them, though. Ula had been right. He’d tried to convince himself otherwise, but his housekeeper had seen the obvious. Cathy had fallen in love with him. She’d given her heart to a scarred, broken man who had sworn never to love anyone again.
Now what? he wondered. Did he let her go or keep her close? He didn’t have the answer. He would miss her dreadfully if she was gone. He didn’t know which act would be kinder for her. Loving her back wasn’t an option. It wasn’t allowed and even if that issue was resolved, he wasn’t capable anymore.
Not knowing what else to do, he pulled her close and silently promised he would never hurt her the way he’d hurt Evelyn.