Chapter Fifteen
C athy didn’t remember much about the rest of her appointment.
When she was next aware of herself, she was sitting in her car staring at a handful of brochures and pamphlets on prenatal care.
She also had another appointment for a check-up.
She would have to come in more regularly now that she was going to have a baby.
A baby! Dear God, she was pregnant.
She pressed her left hand against her still flat stomach. There was life growing inside of her, and she hadn’t even known. She vaguely recalled the doctor calculating her due date based on her last period.
“I’m so late,” she told herself as she stared out the windshield and tried to make sense of it all. “Why didn’t I notice?”
Maybe she hadn’t wanted to, she thought honestly.
She and Stone had been pretty hit-and-miss with the birth control, and she had to take responsibility for that.
She had been a virgin, but that was no excuse for being irresponsible.
Now there were serious consequences for their actions.
She was going to have to make some difficult decisions.
Cathy set the brochures on the seat next to her and fastened her seat belt.
Then she started the car. She supposed she should go home and discuss this with Stone.
But the truth was she wasn’t ready to talk to him yet.
Her head was spinning. She needed some time to come to terms with what was happening.
She left the parking lot without a particular destination in mind.
Ten minutes later, she saw a large bookstore up ahead on the right and quickly changed lanes.
Cathy parked and walked inside. After a couple of minutes of searching, she found the child-care section.
She collected several books on pregnancy, took them over to a chair in the corner and sat down.
Not knowing what to expect, Cathy flipped through the books.
Several had pictures of ultrasounds, line drawings and computer images of the different stages of development.
She stared at them, but didn’t feel any connection.
The doctor’s statement that she was pregnant made about as much sense as saying she was going to be abducted by aliens.
Cathy looked through the rest of the books, then picked two that seemed to have comprehensive information.
Whether she wanted to believe it or not, she was about to be responsible for another person.
She was going to have to learn what to do to stay healthy for both herself and the new life growing inside of her.
She thought about the past few weeks. Oddly enough, she hadn’t had anything to drink.
Not even at the masked ball. She’d been so nervous that she’d been afraid alcohol would upset her stomach.
That was something. She figured she could talk to Ula about a healthy diet, although she was already consuming plenty of fruits, vegetables and lean protein.
She was going to have to increase her calcium, the doctor had said.
Cathy paid for the books and returned to her car. She had to go home. She had to talk to Stone.
What was she going to say to him? What was he going to say in return? She shivered and realized it came from fear. She was terrified.
She knew that he wanted to be with her. She knew that they had passion, but what else? Anything? In her heart she was afraid that if she pressed him for more, he would simply turn away from her. He’d never once indicated that he was interested in them being more than friends.
She bit down hard on her lower lip and fought back tears.
It was all going to fall apart. She could feel it in her gut.
He hadn’t loved Evelyn, even though she’d loved him desperately and had even been his wife.
They’d grown up together. She’d known him for years.
If Evelyn hadn’t been able to make him fall in love with her, what hope did she, Cathy, have?
History was repeating itself, she thought sadly. He would let her go without a second thought.
As she pulled into the driveway and parked her car, she tried to tell herself she was jumping to conclusions. After all, Stone might surprise her.
“How?” she asked aloud. “Will he suddenly realize he can’t live without me?”
Not likely, she thought. Not likely at all.
It didn’t matter, she told herself. Either way she had to find out the truth. She owed them both that…make that she owed the three of them that.
She stuffed the brochures into the bag with the books and made her way inside.
The foyer was still overly large and very impressive.
The curved staircase led up to the second and third floors.
There were too many rooms. She’d never counted or visited them all, but she knew that to be true.
Stone lived in a different world from her.
He was wealthy and he’d been wealthy all his life.
She was a nobody he’d practically taken off the streets. What on earth had she been thinking?
She climbed to the second floor and walked down the hall to her office. Maybe if she worked for a while she could clear her head enough to make sense of it all. She walked into her office and stared at the familiar furniture.
More games of pretense, she thought as the rest of the truth sank in.
She hadn’t fooled anyone but herself. She wasn’t a businesswoman.
She was a rich man’s mistress playing at having a “real” job to justify her presence in his life.
Now she was a pregnant mistress. Nothing about her story was unique…
including the fact that Stone was going to want to get rid of her as quickly as possible.
The pain was so sharp she couldn’t catch her breath. It was all going to end, she thought. And there was nothing she could do to stop that from happening.
For a second, a voice in her head said that she could keep the pregnancy from him, at least for a little while. Maybe…
She pushed the voice away. No. She wouldn’t play that game.
If nothing else, she wanted to be honest. Their relationship had begun in lies, but it would end with the truth.
She had survived without Stone for most of her life.
She could do it again. As for the baby, they would be fine together, she and her unborn child.
She would make sure they were fine. She wasn’t the same meek, insignificant person she’d been six months ago.
She’d grown and changed. She was strong. She would do well to remember that.
She drew in a deep breath for courage, then walked to the door separating her office from Stone’s. She knocked once, then let herself in.
He was on his computer. When he saw her, he looked up and smiled. The sunlight reflected on his dark hair. The unmarked side of his face was toward her, and as always, his pure male beauty took her breath away.
“How was the doctor’s appointment? I hope he didn’t make any advances.”
She sank into the chair opposite his desk and tried to smile. She wasn’t sure if she succeeded or not. “No advances. For one thing, most doctors are professional. For another, ‘he’ is a she.”
“Ah, a woman doctor. I’m glad. Seriously, that probably made the exam easier for you. So everything is all right?”
She knew how he meant the question so that was how she answered it. “I’m perfectly healthy.”
She stared down at her hands. Usually she wore a dress or skirt and blouse when she worked.
Today, because of the doctor’s appointment, she’d dressed in tailored pants and a blouse.
She fingered the linen blend. With Stone’s generous salary, she’d been able to afford pretty clothes.
She’d paid off all her bills and the house, put some money away and had bought a new car.
Currently the car payment along with utilities on the house in North Hollywood were her only steady bills.
She wasn’t going to need much, which was good.
She didn’t think she was going to have much.
“Cathy, what’s wrong?”
How well he could read her, she thought sadly, knowing that was just one thing she would miss about him.
He’d always been able to sense what she was thinking.
Of course, that wasn’t the only thing. There was the laughter, their intense discussions about business, the passion, the holding, the fact that someone somewhere knew where she was during the day and would miss her if she was late.
“I’ve been thinking about us,” she said at last. “About our future. Where exactly do you see this relationship going? The personal one, I mean. Not the professional.”
He hit the save key on his computer, then turned his chair and faced her. Not for the first time she wished she had the ability to read his mind. His expression didn’t give anything away. It remained pleasantly neutral.
“You’re seeking my thoughts on whether or not I see this as continuing indefinitely?” he asked.
His voice was low, almost formal. As if he were addressing a group, or giving a presentation.
She nodded. “Yes, that’s it.”
“I see.” He folded his hands together on top of the desk. “I care about you, Cathy. I think you know that. We’re good friends. We work well together and we live well together. I think that’s important.”
Her body felt as if it were being pierced by thousands of tiny arrows.
In a way, there was no point in continuing the conversation.
She already knew how it was going to end.
But there was a part of her that needed to hear the words.
If he spoke them, she would be able to remember them.
She would be able to let go of her hope.
But first she had to hear them, despite what that would do to her.
“You don’t love me,” she said.
“No.”
Something inside of her twisted up and died. Coldness swept through her. The room spun once, then stilled. She couldn’t breathe, but that seemed unimportant when compared with what he’d just told her.