46. The Mist Thief
Chapter 46
There was comfort in the cold. Relief from a feverish pain. I reached for it, wanted it, but kept spinning back in a strange panic. My fingertips touched the smooth spines of books, the stained shelves he built, the crystal chandelier that reminded me of St?rnskott.
Jonas had done so much—too much.
Another wave of cold draped over my shoulders.
My chin trembled. He deserved more than all this. From the moment he took on his elven wife, the prince’s existence had been a torrent of mortification, troubles for his beloved family, now attacks in his own chambers.
In front of the window, the night was a velvet drape of black. Of nothing.
Old thoughts—cruel and dark—slipped into the forefront of my mind. What if I fell into the cold entirely? What if I wrapped myself in the mists and simply faded?
The theory was there, falling so far into the coldness I could not escape the Nothing.
Would it be such a horrid choice? From my youngest turns, wherever I stepped it seemed destruction and pain and heartache followed.
Elven clans were divided because Arion’s war—at the heart—was about claiming the mists that could swallow his enemies.
My affinity was why the elven wanted to stand against the fae again.
I was the reason Jonas never had a chance at a love of his choosing.
“Skadi.”
His voice was silk against my skin. I closed my eyes for a breath and faced him. Did he know how beautiful he was? The ink symbols of his large heart on his bare chest, his wild, tousled hair, those brilliant eyes.
I let the cold pull me back a little more.
“No.” Jonas crossed the library, hands cupping my jaw. “You stay with me, Fire. Don’t hide, not from me.”
“You should fear me.”
“I don’t.” Jonas still held my face, he pressed a kiss to my cheek, my brow. “I don’t, Skadi.”
“Foolish of you.”
“Stop it. Look at me.” With a gentle shake, Jonas urged my gaze to meet his. “Stay here, with me.”
His hands were so warm, his eyes so inviting. But what replaced the cold ached like a molten blade cutting through my heart.
I pulled away, pulse racing. “Let me go, Jonas. It is safer for everyone. Please, let me fade until it is like I was never here.”
“Like you were never part of my life?” His voice croaked. “It’s too damn late. You are my life.”
I felt every heated word, but spoke like the coldness held me prisoner. “You have the means to forget me.”
Jonas looked at me like he battled on whether he needed to kiss me or shout at me. “I don’t want to forget you.”
Damn him, what the hells was wrong with the man? He could be free of me, he wouldn’t have to sleep with one eye open now that he knew the truth.
The mask of ice shattered. “All the things she said are true. You are not safe with me. Already there is someone seeing to it you are harmed in your own walls. Alver lands are at risk, and you are vowed to the monster who destroyed the only people who loved her.”
Jonas lunged for me, caging me against the wall. He consumed me with his weight, holding me steady. “You have not destroyed the only people who love you, Fire. I love you. I love you to the point of pain.” He placed my open palm over his rapid heart. “Let me in, Skadi.”
Emotion pinched my face. Jonas never let me go, only occasionally swiping tears off my cheeks.
“I tried, Nightmare. I tried so hard not to be something dangerous and frightening. I loved . . . I loved my mother and father, and I took them without even realizing. It was more powerful than kinship bonds!”
“But didn’t you tell me they were dead beside you? Wouldn’t your mists have taken their bodies?”
At that, I paused, but soon shook my head. “I stole the breath from their lungs, likely lost to a dream. It wasn’t intentional, but my affinity is unstable, Jonas. That is what I’ve been trying to tell you all this time.”
Jonas’s jaw went taut, but he didn’t interrupt.
“For what I had done, I thought the king would take my head after he found me. But he told me it was an accident, he told me he would help me tame the darkness. He gave me a new home. I thought maybe it was a gift from the gods, a chance to be something new. When the betrothal to Arion was arranged, I wanted to please both clans so desperately.”
I stepped out of Jonas’s embrace.
“He said everything right until he had my foolish heart in his hands.” My fingernails dug into the meat of my palms. “I thought I’d found my hero, like I read in my ridiculous books.”
“Arion?” Jonas tried to take my hand again, but I began pacing without an answer.
“I spent every night with him,” I said. “He was so gentle, so kind, and I didn’t see the ruse until it was too late.”
“Skadi, I don’t understand what you’re talking about.”
My words wouldn’t stop, rambling over my tongue in a frenzy I’d never admitted to anyone before. “When I confessed I wanted to please him, he told me the dark power was still too much a piece of me and I needed to learn how to be rid of it before I could be a wife. So, he gave me to another who was willing to show me how I could bleed out the darkness.”
Jonas stopped his approach. “You cannot remove magic from the blood, Skadi.”
“I know that now.” My voice trembled. “But when each lesson was over, he told me everything I wanted to hear. My heart was so bleeding weak, I started to think I loved him more than the prince. When I confessed, he said if I kept to his lessons, he would love me back.”
With trembling fingers, I tugged at my dress, showing one of the swirling coils of ink over a scar. “So, I did. I tried, night after night, bleeding out.”
“Fire.” Jonas’s eyes were dark with hate when he looked at the tattoo. “That bastard.”
I turned away when my husband reached for me, the prickle of wretched hands reborn on my skin, the cruel words clashing in my ears.
I clenched my eyes shut. “They both started to watch, always telling me to go deeper, to try harder. Only when they thought it was enough would one of them touch me. One said it was to teach me how to please a husband, for the prince it was his way of insisting I know what brought him pleasure. I actually thought I was fortunate two different men wanted my heart. In reality, they both just enjoyed causing pain.”
Jonas drew in a sharp breath through his nose, once, twice, then pulled me close again. His thumb brushed over one of the coils of ink. “These are from your own hand.”
My knees went weak, but I nodded. “No one did it to me.”
“Gods, Skadi, yes they did. You were manipulated into thinking there was something so horrible about you that you needed to bleed it out. Don’t you see how wrong that was?”
“Yes. When I started to recognize it would never be enough, I dared ask my grandfather if such a practice would ever prove successful. He was horrified, demanded I never attempt such a thing, but didn’t know I already had. It is why I covered them in something that was beautiful to me.”
Jonas’s eyes darkened, but I didn’t think it was his mesmer. “So this was Arion?”
I held his stare. “Some of it. He was the one who sent me to learn how to be a good wife for him.”
Muscles worked on both sides of his jaw. “I’ll kill him.”
“You can’t.” I reached for his arm. “Promise me. You cannot touch him or any elven, remember? I will not have him be the reason something else was destroyed.”
It took him a moment to speak. “If he ever shows his face near you again, I do not give a damn about any condition on a piece of parchment. His head will be mounted on that wall.” The prince pointed to where fae battle tomes were stacked. “The perfect place.”
“I simply want to forget him.”
“Good. He will be forgotten when he is dead. Did you ever tell Eldirard the truth of how he was hurting you?”
I shook my head. “I was ashamed, and Arion was a prince of blood. I was a princess of selection.”
To reveal Arion’s true heart felt as though a heavy stone had been lifted off my bent spine. He took everything from me, and left me bloodied and broken in the end.
“Who else knew of this?” Jonas stepped closer. “You said they.”
“Cian.” I lifted my chin. “It was Cian’s idea to bleed the darkness out. He is Arion’s guard when the prince visits Natthaven, but also his wretched friend. He said he could teach me how to please the prince, but it was all part of their twisted ways of humiliating me.”
“You shall have matching heads on your wall.”
“Jonas, no matter what happened, it does not change the truth that my affinity killed beyond my control in the past. Perhaps it is better to keep a distance; I would never forgive myself if I hurt you.”
“You won’t.”
“You don’t know that!” A sob broke free.
“I do.” He took me in his arms; together we slid to the floor. I settled between his legs, my head cradled under his chin. Jonas rubbed a hand across my back. “You are not my kin, you’ve become a part of my soul, and no magic is more powerful than that.”
“Your sweet words are appreciated, but they are your hopes. You don’t know.”
Jonas kissed me with a new kind of tenderness. “Fine. How about this—if you try to steal my life away, I vow to fight back with my tongue here.” My wretched prince dipped his head, kissing my throat, the tip of his tongue running along my pulse point. “Or here.” His thumb grazed over the front of one nipple beneath the thin silk shift.
“Jonas.” I pressed my forehead to his, breaths rough.
“Or here, Fire.” Over my skirt, his fingertips teased my slit, then pulled away. “Until I have pulled you from the mists and you are back with me.”
I swallowed, fighting the urge to pin him to the ground and go back to my games of pretend. “Jonas, I mean what I say.”
“As do I.” He tilted my chin with his knuckle. “The only reason I fear you, is because of how swiftly you had me on my knees. If you’ve stolen anything from me, it is my heart.”
I arched a brow. “Have you been reading some of these books? That sounded rather like a line I’ve read.”
“Perhaps. Do you not like my declarations of devotion, Fire? Too scripted? Too fantastical?”
A soft laugh escaped. “I always want your truth and your honesty. I have trusted too easily before, and I never want to be made a fool again.”
“My truth? All right. I am not letting you push me away; where I belong is at your side. The pain you felt tonight, I want you to let me hold some of it—preferably all—if it should take you again. The way you have stood by me when fear overwhelms me, I want to do the same. The truth is I want all of you. Your fire, your tears, your laughter, your hopes. I want them all. You are more than enough for me, Skadi.”
Jonas kissed me again. He didn’t pull away.
I was lost to him. Somehow we ended sprawled over the rug, clothes cast aside, his slow, deep thrusts filling me, proving with each motion his every word.
There was nothing hurried. We took our time, explored every surface of each other, like this moment created something new—there were no secrets between us, no walls. Jonas held me close, my name like soft prayers whispered against my skin.
My legs locked around his waist, desperate to draw him closer until he became part of the marrow in my bones.
We didn’t leave my sanctuary the whole of the day and into the night. I fell asleep against his body, limbs tangled, and to the slow, steady beat of his heart.