Chapter 28
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Stella
I should have been dreading a day trip with the people who’d hurt me most in the world, but with Beck by my side, I was actually looking forward to it. “Have you done many coach trips before?” I squeezed his hand as we strode across the courtyard toward the bus waiting to take us to Fort William.
“Do I look eighty to you?”
I squinted, trying to get a good look at him. “Maybe on a bad day,” I replied.
He glared at me.
“Oh right, you don’t have bad days. That’s what Tom Ford does for you. The rest of us put up with Zara and plenty of days looking like we haven’t slept in a week.”
“Zara or not, I’ve never seen you looking anything other than fucking phenomenal.”
My stomach dived to my knees. There was no one to overhear us, no need to pretend, yet the things Beck said when we were in public or private . . . He was nicer to me, more complimentary than Matt had ever been.
“The Scottish weather must be getting to you,” I replied. Beck was the kind of guy who could get up at five in the morning and scrape his hands through his hair and be catwalk ready. Most of us weren’t so lucky.
Raised voices by the door to the coach caught my attention and a man with a clipboard and hair as orange as a traffic cone smiled at Karen through gritted teeth.
“I don’t know what to tell you,” the driver said. “The booking is on the system for forty-four.”
“We made it for forty-eight. There are still four more passengers than seats available.”
“We could drive,” Beck told Karen. “That way I can subject Stella to easy listening music.”
“You do not like easy listening,” I said, pulling on his arm.
“I’m not going to confess stuff like that when we first start dating, am I? I have to save the dodgy taste and bad habits until it’s too late. I guess now is as good a time as any to confess . . .” He took a deep breath. “I love the Carpenters.”
I collapsed into laughter. In some ways Beck had a gigantic ego—mainly wrapped up with his work and his lack of family money—but he threw me a curveball every now and then by not giving a shit what people thought about him.
“Let’s drive—we can sing along in peace,” I suggested.
We turned back to Karen and she rolled her eyes. “So that’s two people down. Matt and I will drive too to give us some alone time.”
A week ago, a comment like that would have hurt, brought her betrayal back with a vengeance.
But now her comments slid off me like oil to my water—she’d lost the power to hurt me.
She wasn’t working for my forgiveness. She seemed determined to only care about herself.
I’d always been envious of her independence, of the way she charged through life, fearless and determined.
But she wasn’t so much fearless as careless.
She wasn’t so much determined as detached from people’s feelings.
I’d been looking through dirty glass for years and suddenly someone had come along with some white vinegar and a cleaning cloth.
But just because I could see her clearly didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.
It also meant I was always looking around, wondering where the other dirty windows were.
Who else was I seeing the way I wanted to see them rather than the way they really were?
I didn’t trust my judgement.
“Is that okay?” Beck asked as we headed toward the car. “Are you worried the rental is too new money?”
I laughed. “How come you wanted to drive?” I asked.
“Rather than sit on a bus and play eye spy? I’d definitely rather drive.” He aimed the key fob at the car and the lights flashed before he opened the passenger door. “We can hang out, you can give me shit, and make me laugh. And I wasn’t joking about the Carpenters either.”
I climbed into the car, fiddling with my phone. Bringing up their greatest hits on Spotify, I nestled the phone into the holder on the dash, connecting it to the Bluetooth. “What do you want first?” I asked as he slid into the driver’s seat. “Close To You? Superstar?”
“I don’t mind. Start at the top.”
The first song was Superstar. The intro played, and the first line rang out. “I thought you were going to sing?” I said.
“I’m not good at multitasking,” he said as he made a sharp left turn onto the drive, heading out of the hotel grounds. “Given how anxious you get in the car, I would have thought you would want me to concentrate.”
“Just when it’s rain—”
Before I could finish my sentence, he launched into a word-perfect sing-along, complete with intonation and emphasis.
“You not joining in?” he asked at a break between verses.
“Oh, I’m appreciating it as a spectator rather than a member of the band.” I tried to swallow down a laugh, though it wasn’t at his singing. It was more that `` easy listening.
He fiddled with the steering wheel and the music faded into the background. “So, tell me a bit about Fort William. Is that where the secrets of the upper classes are buried? Am I going to commit social suicide if I don’t know that Matt’s grandfather founded the place in fourteen fifty-seven?”
Beck might think that buying the Dawnay building was going to lay to rest some ghosts, but something told me it wasn’t the building that was going to heal the hurt Beck still held.
“Well, from what Florence told me, today is just a lunch overlooking Loch Linne.”
“I can’t believe we’re not hiking here. We’re a stone’s throw away from Ben Nevis.
The area’s beautiful. I looked it up and the hiking is really just a walk through the grounds.
” He shook his head. “I suppose they have to cater to the majority. It just seems such a waste of the landscape around here.”
“I’ve never hiked in Scotland, but from what I’ve seen, it looks like it would be gorgeous.”
“You’ve been up here and never hiked? You’ve got to be kidding me. The boys and I practically lived up here doing our Duke of Edinburgh gold award.”
“I guess I’ve only ever been up with Matt and he never wanted to hike. Didn’t like the rain.”
“Well, I’m going to bring you back and we’re going to hike.”
I held my breath, waiting for him to follow up his comment.
Had he meant to suggest future plans? It was just the two of us in the car.
There was no need to put on a show, so why was he suggesting we come back here?
I’d seen Beck and I as a temporary thing—a holiday romance—but was he thinking that we might be more?
My heartbeat began to boom in my ears, like a siren blasting—warning me—but of what?
I wasn’t going to let myself think about it.
I was determined just to enjoy the moment with Beck and be grateful he was healing the wounds Matt had created.
“No camping though, right?” It was as noncommittal a reply as I could come up with.
“I’m not making any promises. Waking up in the middle of nature—it’s . . . That kinda shit’s important.”
I laughed. “That kinda shit? You’re a regular philosopher. You should write a book, offer counseling.”
“I might say it badly, but it doesn’t make it any less true.”
“Well make sure you don’t say it badly with Henry today. Are you going to talk to him about the Mayfair property?”
“I’ve got to. I can’t chance it and wait until the ceremony when there might be a chance I miss him. I’ve got to find my opportunity today. I got the papers he requested ready to send through. I just hope he looks at them fast. We don’t have a lot of time.”
“Florence emailed me the table plan—we’re at the opposite end of the room from Henry,” I said.
“So I think you should try to speak to him before everyone sits down. I’ll just be a distraction, but you can get down to business if it’s just the two of you.
I’ll find Florence and Gordy or head to the bar or something. ”
It might not be up to me to close the deal on the Dawnay building, but this was maybe even more my future than it was Beck’s.
After weeks of licking my wounds, the trip here had woken something in me, or perhaps it had closed the door on something.
Now I was impatient to get started on my future—whether or not that future included Beck.
After searching high and low for Florence, I’d spotted her and Gordy in the car park, having a heated conversation, and I’d decided it wasn’t my place to interrupt just because I didn’t want to be wandering around the restaurant trying to avoid Matt and Karen and their families.
Just a few weeks ago, I considered many people in this room my family, yet here we were avoiding each other’s eyelines and pretending each other didn’t exist.
I might not know exactly where my future lay, but I knew it wasn’t among the people here.
“A gin and tonic, please,” I asked the barman as I faced toward the bar, so as not to catch anyone’s eye.
“You okay?” the barman asked, and I realized I was staring at him.
“Yes, completely fine. How are you?” I was being an idiot.
I was a confident, capable woman in her prime, and I wasn’t the one who should be avoiding anyone.
I’d done nothing wrong. I took my drink and turned slightly to admire the view, grinning as I saw Beck talking to Henry.
He was totally going to get the Dawnay building.
I was sure of it. He could convince anyone of anything.
“Stella,” a familiar voice came from behind me and I froze.
This couldn’t be happening.
This was why I’d been hiding.
As much as I hadn’t wanted to spend time with Karen, the very last thing I wanted to do was to speak to my ex-boyfriend.
“Matt?” I turned and looked at him, trying to fix my face with some kind of neutral expression.
His eyes were wide and red and the tendons in his neck bulging as if he were ready to hit someone. “What are you doing here?” he hissed, glancing around to check that no one was watching.
“At Fort William?” I asked, not quite understanding the question. “It was part of the itinerary, I—”
“This entire week? Why did you come?” He reached to grab my wrist, but I moved my arm and stepped out of his way just in time.