Chapter 14
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Dexter
I pulled up my collar against the biting wind and out of the corner of my eye, saw the familiar blue-green of Hollie’s eyes. I turned my head to see a scarf in the window of Hermes, stretched as if it were a canvas in a museum.
As I stepped closer, I could see the colors were a swirl of feathers, each one a different shade of blue or green doing its best to block out the black image of a panther hiding beneath.
Hollie would love this. The colors were her completely—the blue and green would bring out her eyes and her black hair echoed the big cat.
The combination of soft and fierce would suit her too.
I pulled out my phone to take a picture, to show Primrose how the colors worked together and how the flat image managed to produce a sense of movement. She could take inspiration from this for the collection that we’d begin work on after the competition was over.
I took a snap on my phone and shoved it back in my pocket.
Yeah, it would really suit Hollie. I could imagine it bunched around her neck or draped over her naked body.
I checked my watch. I had ten minutes before I was to meet Beck and Stella for lunch. I headed inside the shop and it took less than half that time to purchase the scarf. The assistant folded it intricately then covered it with ribbons, tissue and a box.
With my orange gift bag, I headed south onto Piccadilly, which is when the realization of what I’d done hit me full force.
A Hermes scarf wasn’t the same as picking up the bill for dinner.
A gift like this was a big deal, wasn’t it?
And Hollie and I had made a deal—not to make promises I wouldn’t keep, say things I didn’t mean or be anything I wasn’t.
That scarf was breaking every part of that deal. I wasn’t a man who bought expensive gifts for his girlfriend, was I? And what did that expensive gift silently promise? More than I had to give.
I could just give the scarf to Primrose to use as inspiration.
Or I could return it. Or I could just sling it in my wardrobe and not think about it again.
There were several solutions that didn’t involve giving it to Hollie.
I didn’t want to mislead her or let her down.
She’d been through enough. I wasn’t going to be another thing on the list of rubbish things that happened to her.
I pulled open the heavy oak and brass doors of Fortnum and Mason, resolving not to think about it.
This was most definitely a lunch arranged by Stella.
Left to our own devices, Beck and I would have picked up a sandwich and found a bench.
Although, in this wind, I was pleased we would be indoors.
Dodging the tourists, I made my way across the lobby, with its tables, cabinets and shelves filled with jams, teas, confectionary and everything quintessentially English.
I should bring Hollie here—perhaps we could come for afternoon tea.
As I was making mental plans in my head, I realized she’d never agree to go out in public with me.
Perhaps when the competition was over and she wasn’t an intern anymore.
There I was again, thinking about Hollie when my head was supposed to be elsewhere.
It was as if she’d permeated every thought.
I took a clearing breath and climbed the few stairs on the far side of the store. I spotted Stella waving from a window seat, nodded and headed toward her and Beck. Stella pulled me into a half hug before I pulled off my scarf and put it on the back of the seat beside her.
“Hermes. Someone’s been shopping. Next time can you take Beck?” She peered in the corner of the bag. “What is it?”
“A scarf.” I should have picked it up on the way back to the office to avoid attracting Stella’s attention.
“What kind of scarf?” she asked.
“Have we got menus?” I asked, looking around for a waiter.
“What kind of scarf,” Stella repeated. “Can I see?”
“You know what a Hermes scarf looks like. I want to show Primrose the color. It’s design inspiration.
” That would throw Stella off the scent.
I didn’t want her to put two and two together and come up with eight, which is what would happen if I told her I’d bought the scarf for Hollie.
Because it was also design inspiration. I beckoned over a waiter, who gave us menus and offered us drinks.
Just as I thought Stella had forgotten about the scarf, she got a second wind.
“How’s Hollie?” Stella asked and it was all I could do not to groan. Instead I focused my energy on glaring at Beck.
“What?” he asked, not even trying to pretend he wasn’t delighted that his fiancée was giving me a load of grief. “It’s not like I could keep news like that to myself.”
“Why would you want to hide that you’ve got a new girlfriend, Dexter?” Stella asked. “I was hoping you’d bring her today. When do we get to meet her?”
This time I couldn’t contain a groan at their pestering questions. “You’ve got all the disadvantages of parents without the advantage of me being able to borrow money from you.”
Stella fumbled in her wallet and pulled out a twenty-pound note. “Here you go. Now tell Auntie Stella exactly what’s going on in your love life.”
“Love?” Beck interrupted.
“Okay,” Stella said, taking the drink the waiter just brought over. “If it’s not love, what is it? Just sex?”
“Stella, we’re not going to talk in detail about my sex life,” I said. “Beck is a very good friend of mine and I really don’t want to make him look bad.”
She laughed. “Throw a girl a bone. Beck said you like this girl. I want to know more about her. At least tell me, is the scarf for her?”
“Christ, I thought you had a successful career and happy relationship. Why do you have time to stick your nose into my life?”
She slung her arm around my shoulder. “We’re family. I make time for family.”
I chuckled. “She’s a lot,” I said to Beck.
“Right?” he said, grinning as if he were completely proud of it.
“What if the scarf is for her?” I wouldn’t mind Stella’s take on me giving Hollie the scarf. Would it be inappropriate? Too much? “It doesn’t mean anything. Does it? It’s not like I planned it. I didn’t make a special trip—I was just on my way here and saw it in the window.”
Stella’s eyes widened. “So, you were passing Hermes, saw a scarf in the window that you thought would suit Hollie, and decided to get it for her? You’re making me swoon.”
Did I want to make Hollie swoon? Yes. Should I want to? I couldn’t decide.
“Seriously, is it a big deal? I don’t want to be a dick to this girl.” I glanced at Beck because he knew my history better than Stella did. He’d met Bridget and knew how I’d felt about her. “Shall I take it back?”
“How could giving Hollie the scarf be a dick move?” Stella asked.
“He doesn’t want to give her the wrong message,” Beck explained. “Because you know . . . Bridget.”
The silence of what wasn’t being said filled the space between us. I knew Beck thought I needed to get over Bridget, but he also knew I knew that wasn’t possible. There was no point going through it again.
“But you like Hollie, or you wouldn’t have bought the scarf?” Stella asked.
“Yes of course I like her,” I replied.
Stella wriggled in her seat and threw some very unsubtle I told you so looks at Beck.
“This is not the first time I’ve liked a woman, Stella. I’m not some kind of man-whore who can only handle one-night stands. I’ve liked women before. I liked all my girlfriends.” Stella was reading too much into a very small word.
“Do something for me?” she asked.
“Stella,” Beck warned.
“It’s okay,” I said to Beck. “I can handle your fiancée. I think.”
“Have Hollie be a new book—a fresh page if you like,” she said.
“It’s almost as if you have a script to follow with a girlfriend.
You know how things are going to turn out before the first kiss.
Don’t look ahead too far and be open to whatever happens.
” She lifted her chin in Beck’s direction.
“Sometimes life can surprise you. Don’t second-guess giving her the scarf.
It’s thoughtful and caring and you felt the desire to buy it for her.
It’s generous, and that’s part of who you are. That’s not a bad thing, Dexter.”
The way Stella put it made sense. Maybe I wouldn’t be saying anything I didn’t mean if I gave Hollie the scarf. I wouldn’t be being anyone but me. But what, if anything, did a gift like this promise?
“It doesn’t have to be a big deal,” Stella said, answering the question before I could ask it. “It is what it is. You saw it, you thought of her, you bought it. It doesn’t mean anything beyond that.”
Our food arrived and that gave me a chance for Stella’s words to settle. She was right—I was second-guessing myself when I didn’t need to. I’d had the urge to buy Hollie the scarf because it reminded me of her, simple as that.
“I’m going to give her the scarf.”