Chapter 3 #2
I felt the vibration of my phone in my pocket before I heard it and my gut swirled like week-old gravy.
I knew it would be Mike. I wanted to dump him as a client but with the economy in the ditch, he was the only person making sure I wasn’t pushed out of the firm.
I pulled the phone from my pocket, holding both of Bethany’s legs with one hand.
Even with my daughter’s splayed hands across my forehead and one eye, I could make out that it was indeed Mike.
“Work?” Autumn asked.
“Yeah,” I said. “I have one particularly demanding client. Doesn’t have kids so doesn’t get wanting to be away from the office.”
“But, man, it’s the weekend.”
“Says the woman who’s hanging out with her boss and her charge.”
She laughed. “I suppose. But this is fun.” She clapped her mitten-covered hands together and turned to Bethany. “I can see the bear soldiers!”
If she was having fun, she’d stay for her full term. Bethany seemed to like Autumn, and other than her love of musicals, she wasn’t a terrible lodger. I was barely at home anyway and when I was, I spent most of the time in my workshop. For me, our arrangement was a perfect fit.
We got to the palace gates and huddled into one of the remaining slots in front of the tall black railings surrounding the palace.
“Honestly, I’ve been waiting to see this since I was nine years old,” Autumn said.
“The changing of the guard?”
“Yes. And London. And the world,” she said, tilting her head back as far as she could, as if she was trying to make out Jupiter.
“You’ve always wanted to travel?” I asked.
“Always. And when Hollie got to come to Europe first, I knew I wouldn’t be far behind. I can’t wait to see the Colosseum. The Eiffel Tower. I want to go and watch the . . .” She made pincer movements with her fingers. “You know, in Seville.”
“Flamenco?” I suggested.
“Gah,” she replied, closing her eyes and inhaling as if she was breathing in a bouquet of summer flowers.
“I can’t wait. I thought I’d have to wait for paid vacation but turns out not having my job start until next September means I can spend the whole of August travelling. Things have turned out for the best.”
“Poor gold lady. She can’t see,” Bethany said, interrupting my tumble of thoughts. She patted my head and pointed at the statue of victory on top of the Victoria memorial.
“No, darling, she’s looking in the wrong direction,” I replied.
“I think she’s making sure everyone is happy,” Autumn replied. “And I’m sure someone will show her photos.”
“Yes!” Bethany said. “The Queen.”
Sometimes I wondered what thoughts raced around Bethany’s head in between her random statements.
Did she think the statue came alive when the people had gone, and Victory joined Her Majesty for tea and a giggle about the ceremony?
Being a father was the most rewarding, confusing, challenging thing I’d ever done and despite Bethany’s mother leaving us, I’d do it all again exactly the same in a heartbeat.
Bethany was a constant reminder that someone other than myself was at the center of everything I did.
It was an important reminder—one that kept me focused and determined even in the face of nightmare clients like Mike.
“Spin,” Bethany demanded, and dutifully, I turned around three hundred and sixty degrees on the spot.
Bethany tilted back as she always did when she was on my shoulders, and I tightened my grip on her ankles.
“Again.” This time I went the other way twice.
Soon I knew I’d been crouching down and springing up and rocking my shoulders left and right like I was Bethany’s own personal fairground ride. Anything to hear that giggle.
“You two are wonderful together,” Autumn said, grinning up at us both.
Someone tapped me on the shoulder, and I turned to find an older woman, pulling one of those baskets on wheels that elderly people transport their shopping in. “Excuse me for interrupting you, but I have to tell you that you three make a very good-looking family.”
I couldn’t have been more shocked if she’d told me I’d unknowingly come out in my boxers. I was lost for words. I glanced at Autumn, who I expected to interrupt and correct the woman, but she seemed to be studiously focused on the preparations behind the railings.
The woman looked up at Bethany. “You are going to turn out just as pretty as your mama.”
She thought Autumn was my wife. That she was Bethany’s mother. Couldn’t she see I was far older than Autumn? That I was the man who signed her paychecks?
She patted me on my arm. “You have a beautiful family. Take care of them.”
If only she knew.
I’d spent five years with Penelope trying to create a beautiful family. I was now certain there was no such thing. Apparently, I hadn’t learned that lesson from my father. My ex-wife had to burn it on my soul.
I wouldn’t make the same mistake again.
Now I was determined to the best father I could be to Bethany.
That meant I lived my life with very exacting standards.
I would be a role model for her. A provider for her.
And most of all, I’d be her anchor—an unbreakable tether that would give her consistency and certainty.
I knew what it felt like as a child when the ground was constantly shifting beneath you and you didn’t know whether your parents would both be there when you woke up.
Bethany’s mother had cut herself loose, but that just made me bind myself more tightly to my daughter.
That meant no overnight trips for work, so I was always there if she woke in the night.
It meant no women in my bed, since a relationship might confuse or hurt Bethany.
And it meant I had to stop burning through nannies like stationery supplies.
Whether she knew it or not, Autumn’s place with us was a sure thing for as long as she was in London.