Chapter 27
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Autumn
I put on Bethany’s nightlight and folded back her bed covers. She hopped in without me having to ask twice.
“Sleep tight,” I said, smoothing back her hair. “Don’t let the bed bugs bite.” I kissed her on the forehead and headed out, leaving her alone with her dad. I watched from the doorway as Gabriel bent and told his daughter he loved her.
“Can you stay home tomorrow, Daddy?”
“I don’t know, darling. But I’ll try to come home early more.”
“Margaret likes to have dinner with you,” she said, referring to her dolly. “And Bear Bear.”
“I like having dinner with them as well.”
Something bad had happened. He never came home from work early but this afternoon, he’d returned, changed, and spent the rest of the afternoon with us.
Baking animal cookies and decorating them before having a doll’s carpet picnic, during which Bethany licked the icing off at least three quarters of everyone else’s cookies.
I didn’t question him being home. I asked him if he wanted me to leave him and Bethany together and he’d answered with a squeeze of my hand.
It was nice having him spend the afternoon with us unexpectedly, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that tonight, once Bethany was in bed, he was going to tell me about his wife wanting to see him.
I padded downstairs and fixed myself a soda. “You want anything?” I asked as he arrived in the kitchen. “Seems like maybe you need a beer to take the edge off.”
“Yeah. I’ll get a beer. You want one?”
I shook my head, raising the can of soda in my hand. No, I wanted to keep a clear head. I needed to be calm and rational without alcohol putting its two cents into the mix.
“Bad day?” I asked as we headed into the TV room.
“Yeah,” he replied. The dark circles under his eyes made him look older than he was. I was sure he hadn’t had those when he left this morning. When we sat, he shifted me closer to him and put my legs over his.
“Wanna talk about it?” I asked.
“Not really,” he said with a sigh. “But I need to.”
“Whatever it is, there’s always a silver lining,” I said. I believed it was true. Whatever life brought, there were always lessons to be learned, maybe even laughter to be had along the way.
“I wish that were true.”
I slipped my hand into his, wanting to reassure him that everything would work out.
“I saw Penelope today.”
Even though I knew she’d wanted to see him—had known for days that it was a possibility—it was still a shock to hear him say her name and to know that they’d been together today.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I should have told you that it was going to happen, but I thought it would just be a formality. I assumed she just wanted closure and then she’d disappear again, like she did before.”
So she wasn’t going to disappear. She was back. It had always been a possibility; I just thought I could wish it away.
“But it’s not a formality?” What was he trying to say? Were they getting back together?
“You don’t seem shocked,” he said. “I thought you might be upset with me because I’d not told you.”
I wasn’t going to lie to him. “Actually, Hollie told me by accident when I met her for lunch. She assumed I’d know.”
He closed his eyes as if disappointed. “I’m sorry. I should have told you. Why didn’t you say something?”
“I figured you’d tell me if you thought it would affect . . .” I wanted to say us, but I wasn’t sure what us meant. “If you thought I needed to know.”
“I wanted to but . . .” We were both holding back.
We were both not saying things and I wasn’t sure if that was because Gabriel was unsure of what to say or because he thought I wouldn’t want to hear it.
“Anyway, for whatever reason, I thought I’d handle it and she’d sign the papers and that would be it. ”
“But instead?”
He groaned and tipped his head back to rest on the couch. “Instead, she wants my forgiveness and she wants to see Bethany. She’s threatening a custody battle.”
A shiver of shock rushed up my body. I pulled my legs from his and sat up. “She can’t do that, can she?”
“Apparently she can.”
“But she left. And Bethany wouldn’t know her if she met her.”
“I know,” he said. “I said all this to my solicitor, but it doesn’t matter apparently.”
“You’re a great lawyer. You’ll fight it.”
He paused, a look of concentration on his face. Running through the options, I guessed.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do. Maybe I’ll let her see Bethany, she’ll get spooked again, and will disappear for another three years.”
“Spooked?” I asked. We’d never discussed why his wife left and Hollie said no one knew. Not even Gabriel. “Is that why she left before?”
He pushed a hand through his hair. “She’d never offered an explanation until today. She said something about how she was young and bored and wanted to see what life had to offer.”
“And now what?” I asked. “Now she’s decided the grass isn’t greener after all?
” I was angry for Gabriel. Angry for Bethany.
Angry that someone could be that selfish.
“Maybe she should have thought about that before getting married and having a child.” As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I regretted them.
She was Bethany’s mother. Gabriel’s wife. He’d loved her once.
Gabriel took a swig of his beer. “Right.” He sighed and shook his head as if everything was hopeless. “I don’t want to spend more time away from my daughter because I’m fighting a custody case that I’m going to end up losing.”
“Why would you lose?” That didn’t make any sense to me. Sometimes it felt like the three of us were in our own bubble of happiness. I didn’t want it to burst.
“Gillian says without some concrete reason like abuse or addiction, the court will award her something. I suppose the courts believe in redemption.”
I let his words sink in. The courts believed in giving second chances.
And really . . . wasn’t that the right thing to do?
Weren’t people allowed to make mistakes?
God knows, everyone made them. If Hollie hadn’t given my parents a thousand chances, they would probably be homeless by now.
If she hadn’t put up with me being an asshole at times, I would have never been able to finish college.
Families gave each other second chances—and third and fourth and infinity chances, didn’t they?
But walking out on your infant daughter and husband for three years was more than a mistake.
Maybe there was no way of righting that kind of wrong.
I stayed silent, aware that whatever I said might not be helpful. I liked to look at the bright side, but Gabriel had taught me that sometimes it was important to sit under the cloud for a while. And he likely wasn’t ready to hear how it might be better for Bethany to have her mother in her life.
“So what’s next?” I asked, trying to stay neutral.
“Gillian is trying to find out what Penelope’s endgame is. God forbid she wants full custody.”
“She didn’t say at the meeting?”
“No, she was too busy trying to convince me we were a family and that she wanted to try again.”
My heart burned in my chest. Penelope didn’t just want to be back in Bethany’s life. She wanted Gabriel back, too.
I placed my hand on his stomach. I needed to feel him. I wasn’t sure if I was looking for him to reassure me, but he just stayed silent and placed his hand over mine.
Right in that moment, I wanted to tell him that I’d never felt for anyone what I felt for him.
I wanted to say that I couldn’t be excited about travelling or the future in general because thoughts of tomorrow meant that whatever we had today would shift, and I’d never been so happy.
I wanted him to turn to me, clasp my face in his hands, and say he felt exactly the same.
I wanted him to reassure me that he didn’t want his wife back.
That he wanted me—only me. That he saw Bethany, me, and him existing in this bubble forever.
But silence stretched between us and I couldn’t help thinking that this was the beginning of the end. We were about to be over before we had even begun.