Chapter 32
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Autumn
I pushed the dollhouse back to where it lived by the window.
I’d pulled it out to the middle of Bethany’s bedroom for her to play with it more easily during Penelope’s visit.
Directing everyone’s focus seemed like a good idea, since it helped avoid strained silences or Bethany getting whiny.
So far, we’d dodged any awkward questions such as Why do you want to be my friend?
and Why does Jade always sit back and never play?
and Why do you always cry when you leave?
Long may it continue. I’d have to remember to tell the new nanny when she arrived. She’d be here in less than two weeks.
“Is it time for lunch yet?” Bethany asked.
“Yes, let’s just tidy up from you and Penelope playing and then I can fix you something.”
The second visit had gone without a hitch.
And Penelope had made Bethany laugh as she made up voices for the dolls that occupied the very grand house Bethany had stuffed full of furniture.
Everyone was happy. Especially me. I swear the Savoy had put something in the water that made my soul float.
Or maybe it was just being with Gabriel.
Whatever it was, I’d been walking on cotton candy since the weekend.
Even being forced to wear a turtleneck on a hot day to cover the marks Gabriel had left on my neck didn’t worry me.
It was worth it to be reminded of Gabriel’s mouth on my skin.
The doorbell rang from downstairs.
“I’ll get it!” Bethany cried.
“I don’t think so,” I said. It would only be a courier delivering something, but Bethany wasn’t about to start answering the door at four years old, even if she could reach the locks standing on her step stool.
“It might be those new pens I ordered yesterday,” I said.
“If you want, we can draw your daddy a new picture for his office. They have glitter in them, and you know he’s sure to like that.
” I held out my hand and we went downstairs to get the door.
“Glitter? He loves glitter.”
“Right?”
“Shall I draw his favorite dinner?” she asked, making me laugh.
“That’s a good idea.”
“He really likes peas.”
Where did this kid come up with this stuff?
I opened the door and my heart dropped to my stomach when I came face-to-face with Penelope.
What was she doing back here? And where was Jade? I flicked through the possibilities in my mind. Was she going to force her way in and snatch Bethany? I’d persuaded Gabriel to ditch the security guard. Maybe that had been a mistake. I took a breath. Perhaps she’d just forgotten something?
“Sorry to disturb you,” she said, looking at Bethany. “Hi, Bethany.”
“Hi,” she replied and cocked her head. “Have you come to play again?”
Before Bethany could invite Penelope in, I interrupted. “Bethany, can you go and get your paper out for the pictures? I’ll be there in a second.” I put on my calmest voice and a fake smile. She’d know, but hopefully she wouldn’t cause a fuss. She shrugged and headed back down the hallway.
I turned back to Penelope. What could she possibly want?
“I just wanted to say how much I appreciate you making our play dates so relaxed,” she said.
“Okay,” I replied, bracing myself for the real reason she was here. She could have said that in front of Jade.
“Bethany is obviously well looked after by you. And it’s nice that she’s got someone to care for her until .
. .” Something behind her eyes stopped her from finishing her sentence.
“I’ve missed so much of her growing up,” she said.
She clasped her hands together, her fingers jittering like she was either nervous or in rehab.
“I’ve only realized how much I’ve missed since I started seeing her.
I have so many questions. There’s so much I want to know about her. ”
It was hard not to feel sorry for her. Bethany was a lovely child and three years was a lot to miss of anyone’s life, let alone someone as young as her daughter. “I understand,” I said.
“I’d like to make up for it,” she said. “I just want a fair shot at a second chance.”
I pulled in a breath. From what I could see, Gabriel wasn’t giving out second chances to anyone.
“You must understand this. As another woman.” She looked up at me, desperate for me to do something that would help.
I nodded. “I don’t make any of the decisions around Bethany. That’s all up to Gabriel. I’m just the nanny.”
“The thing is, I’d be happy to look after her while Gabriel’s at work.”
I wasn’t sure how she wanted me to respond. She couldn’t think I was going to hand Bethany over and go to the spa for the day, did she?
“If you think about it, Bethany doesn’t really need a nanny now I’m back.”
Oh God, was she trying to push me out of the job? She didn’t know I was leaving anyway in a couple of weeks but even so, there was no way Gabriel would just let Penelope take over. “I don’t know what to say. You need to talk to Gabriel.”
She thrust her hands into her coat pockets. “You’re fucking my husband.” She said it so matter-of-factly. Like it was as obvious as the sun rising in the morning.
“I think you need to leave.” I went to close the door and her arm snapped out to stop me.
“I don’t want to cause trouble,” she said.
“But from what I can see, it’s you standing in the way of me and my daughter.
Me and my family. Do you see that?” she asked.
“We’re still married, and that means something.
He never asked for a divorce. Not in all these years. I know he would take me back if . . .”
She didn’t need to finish the sentence. I could fill in the gaps. She meant that if I wasn’t around, she would be able to fit back into her old life with Gabriel.
Gabriel would deny it. But maybe it was true.
Had he really not asked for a divorce for all these years? He’d been adamant about not giving Penelope a second chance, but if that was really true, why hadn’t he cut legal ties sooner? Why was the man I was sleeping with still married to a woman who left him three years ago?
It didn’t make sense.
I stayed silent, the unanswered questions chipping away at my defenses.
“Gabriel’s a good man,” she continued. “I’m not sure if it’s serious between you or just convenient.”
Convenient? I might live under his roof, but I was his best friend’s future sister-in-law. And his employee. There was nothing convenient about me as far as Gabriel was concerned.
“But he’s my husband.” She emphasized the word as if I couldn’t possibly understand what she was trying to say. “I’m Bethany’s mother. And you seem like a nice girl. Do you want to live the rest of your life knowing you broke up a family?”
“You need to leave,” I said, as calmly as I could manage. There was no point in having this conversation. I needed to shut the door, get away from this woman, and organize my thoughts.
“If you weren’t on the scene, we’d all have a chance at being together,” she said. “You’re ruining Bethany’s chance of having her mother and father together. Of spending time with her mother, rather than the hired help.”
“I’m going to shut the door,” I said, my jaw clenched and my shoulder poised to ram closed the black door. I wasn’t the one who walked out on my family three years ago. She was trying to push the blame of what she’d done onto me. And I knew it wasn’t my fault.
“Do you really want to live your life as a homewrecker?” she asked.
Her manner wasn’t menacing or threatening, but the implication was.
She was telling me I was the problem. She was telling me I was ruining her life, Gabriel’s life, and Bethany’s life.
Part of me knew it was manipulative, but was it possible for her words to be manipulative and true?
“I’m sorry,” she said, stepping back. “Like I said, I don’t want to cause any trouble.
I know I’ve made mistakes and bad decisions.
I just want my family back. I don’t want to miss any more of Bethany’s life.
” Her voice faltered at the end of the sentence.
She looked desperate. Like she was really remorseful.
It was hard not to feel sorry for her. Yes, she’d walked out three years ago and not been back before now. Yes, it was her choice. But now she was here, and she was trying to right her wrongs. She was trying not to compound her mistake. She was fighting for what was hers. How could I blame her?
“Penelope, this is a conversation you should be having with Gabriel.”
Her gaze dropped to her feet like she knew that wasn’t the answer. “That’s the theory,” she mumbled. “Like I said, he’s a good man, but he doesn’t forgive so easily.”
“He’s trying to protect Bethany.” And himself.
“Sometimes people don’t make the right decisions,” she said. “I didn’t when I walked away. But if Gabriel doesn’t let me make it right, won’t that be a bad decision too?”
Would he be more forgiving of Penelope in different circumstances? If he hadn’t watched his mother forgive his father over and over and over, only to be let down and betrayed every time, wouldn’t he think Penelope deserved forgiveness?
And if I wasn’t living here. If I wasn’t sleeping with him. What if?
“I think you should talk to him. Like you said, he’s a good man.”
“Are you a good woman?” she asked. She put her hand up to stop me answering.
“I’m going, don’t worry. But ask yourself whether or not you can sleep at night, knowing you ruined Bethany’s chance of having a mother and Gabriel’s chance of having his wife back.
” She turned and walked up the street. I watched her, fingering the neck of my sweater.
Had I taken her place? And if I walked away, would it leave a vacancy she would fill? Would my absence force Gabriel to finally, at long last, give someone a second chance?