Chapter 39
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
Joshua
I glanced out the tiny windows in Hartford’s tiny flat to see if we were being watched.
Of course we were—it was practically inevitable with buildings here so close together.
I eased Hartford off my lap and crossed the room to close the thin curtains.
“The neighbors shouldn’t see what I’m about to do to you. ”
“I’m nervous,” she said, transferring her weight from one leg to the other.
“Hey, we’re in Borehamwood. Of course you’re nervous.”
She smiled and shook her head as I snaked an arm around her waist.
“I’m serious,” she said. “Before it was . . . What happens if this time isn’t . . . you know?”
“You’re nervous that sex with me is going to be disappointing now we’ve discussed our feelings?” I said, dipping to place a kiss at the bottom of her neck.
She laughed. “Yeah. And I’m nervous that you’ll be disappointed with me too.”
I pulled back to make sure I heard her right. “Hartford, you could never disappoint me.”
She exhaled another nervous laugh, but the worry in her eyes was far from funny.
“I’m serious.” I cupped her face in my hands and pressed my lips to hers.
She sighed and inched closer to me. Thank God.
“Maybe it was so good because of the feelings that came with it?” she spluttered as I got to work undoing the buttons on her blouse.
“Did we even have feelings at that point? I mean, my forcefield was seriously faulty. I don’t know about you but perhaps that’s what made it different. Or maybe it was—”
“Hartford.”
She stopped and looked up at me.
“Shall we focus on actually having sex? And then if we’re both desperately disappointed afterward, we can discuss it, do a full compare and contrast. Run a Monte Carlo simulation.
Maybe even video it next time to see what we’re doing wrong.
But let’s not doom it to over-analysis until there’s a problem. Agreed?”
“You can run a Monte Carlo simulation on sexual performance?” Her forehead furrowed like she was working through what that would look like.
“I’m sure it’s possible.”
She sighed. “Maybe I need a drink. Like a tequila or something. I mean—”
“Hartford. Stop. Seriously. This is you and me. There’s nothing to be nervous about.
It’s just you and me. I’ve never felt this way about anyone.
When I came here today, I couldn’t let myself think that you would reject me because I don’t know what my life looks like without you in it anymore.
And I don’t want to know. I want to spend all my days with you.
I love to talk with you. I love to eat cake with you.
And making love with you is as good as life gets. ”
She tilted her head to one side. “I feel the same.”
“I’m glad.”
She hooked her finger into the front of my shirt and opened a button. “And it’s just Joshua and Hartford, right?”
“Yes, just us.”
She took a deep breath in and pressed her lips against my chest. “You smell good. But then, you always do.”
I couldn’t help but smile at her comment. I never knew she liked the way I smelled. I couldn’t wait to find out more of what I didn’t know. “Are you a beach person or a city break person?”
“Are you thinking we should go away?”
Now that was a good idea. “Absolutely. Where do you fancy?” I pressed my mouth to her forehead.
“Somewhere we don’t have to wear many clothes.” She began to pull off my shirt.
“Beach then.” As she undressed me, I pictured white sands, over-the-water villas, never-ending sun. And Hartford.
I guided her over to one of the dining room chairs and took a seat, coaxing her to sit facing me, her scrubs still covering too much of her.
I unpinned her hair, watching as it tumbled down around her shoulders.
Sweeping it away, I pressed my mouth to her neck.
I peeled off her top, revealing the smooth, pale curve of her shoulders and her perfect breasts.
I took a breath.
She was lovely.
I pressed my lips onto her skin, wanting to make this moment—the moment before what came next—last as long as possible.
She hummed in appreciation, the sound confirming for some deep-rooted part of me that I was with the woman I was made for.
She trailed her fingers over my shoulder blades and up into my hair, pulling me close.
“I love you,” she whispered.
Her words were like sunshine; the faded scar of my past dissolved into her warmth. I closed my eyes to take in this moment. I never wanted to forget it. God, how had I thought I might be able to give this woman up?
“I love you.” I pulled her closer until we were chest against chest. I never wanted to let her go.
“I’m not going anywhere. Not ever,” she said, reading my mind.
“I know.” I was sure of it. Sure of her.
I pressed my lips up her neck as she traced her fingers over my collarbone. On a sigh she pulled away and shifted off my lap. She stood and pushed her scrub trousers off before sitting back on my knees.
“I like your penis,” she said, devoted to the truth as ever, as she unzipped my trousers and pulled them down and off.
“I’m glad. I like it too.”
“I’ve seen a lot of them in my time.” She leaned toward me and circled her hand around my shaft, squeezing before pulling her fist upward. “Most of them on dead bodies. You know, in med school and—”
“Hartford, can we put a pin in the dead penis discussion for the moment? It’s disrupting the mood a little.”
She laughed, released my dick and kissed me straight on the lips. “I’m sorry.”
I cupped her face and pulled her toward me for a proper kiss. At the moment, I could count the number of times I’d kissed her. I didn’t want to be able to do that much longer. We knew each other far too well for us not to have kissed an infinite number of times.
She shifted and sat on my lap, opposite me. I closed my eyes at the feel of her slick warmth against my skin. I groaned and grabbed her perfect arse. “You feel so good.”
I grabbed a condom and rolled it on. Our eyes locked and she lifted her weight off me, glancing down as I held my shaft firmly, ready for her.
My jaw was tight just at the thought of her lowering herself onto me, and when her wetness enveloped the tip of my dick, I wanted to roar out at the fucking perfect glory of her.
She lowered herself slowly onto me as if she were getting used to me.
“It’s a lot, this way,” she said, her breath huffy and her voice a little wild.
I nodded. “Keep going.”
It felt like it took hours for her to sink down onto me, her hot, tight wetness yielding to me finally. I let my head tip back, trying to keep my focus so I didn’t come right there and then.
“You okay?” she asked.
I smoothed my hands up her thighs. “Like you said, it’s a lot.”
She tilted her head and smiled at me. It was a gift she’d given me—the ability to illicit that smile. That I could possibly be part of what made her happy was the best thing I could imagine.
“You’re so sexy,” I said, cupping her arse. I started to encourage her to shift her hips slightly. Each movement fired off intense jolts of pleasure, and I needed to catch my breath.
“You feel so good,” she replied. She was gaining confidence now, her movements growing bolder as she chased more and more sensation.
Her breasts pressed against my chest and flickers of memories of picking her up from the airport crossed my mind.
Had I known then that this was where we’d end up?
That fizz of shock when I’d seen her, the way her smile had warmed something in me that I hadn’t known was cold.
Maybe part of me always knew it could be this good between us.
Her fingernails pushed into the skin of my shoulders and her cheeks flushed red.
Christ, every time I thought she couldn’t get more beautiful, some new vision of her sent me reeling.
Feeling her wrapped around my cock, her breasts against my skin, her fingertips tugging at my hair.
Hearing her little moans as I began to take over the rhythm.
I wanted to be relentless, wanted to fuck her until we were both spent and exhausted.
“More,” she said, putting her hands over mine.
I grinned. She wanted that too.
I moved her off me and stood. “Hands on the table.” I needed to able to move. To fuck. To plow into her with all the power she sent coursing through my veins.
I pressed a kiss to her spine and she pushed back, willing me to get on with it. I stood tall and anchored my hands on her hips, pushing in as she let out a groan. The tension built in my thighs as I tried my best to go slow—to hold back from fucking her so hard the table collapsed.
“Christ, you feel good. So warm. So soft.”
She leaned back onto me, urging me on, deeper.
I picked up my pace, my chest tight and my muscles tense, entirely focused on filling her with pleasure and chasing my desire.
Her growing tightness, the distant shudder of my orgasm— “Fuck,” I groaned into the air. It was so good and I didn’t want it to be over so soon. I’d never be able to fuck her again for the first time after she told me she loved me, and I wanted to capture these moments, make them last forever.
She reached back and grabbed my hand. “Joshua. I’m so close.”
I wanted to watch her come.
I pulled her down onto the floor and crawled over her, desperate to be inside her again. My instinct and need had taken over. She slid her thighs either side of my hips as I rocked in and out of her, over and over, bringing us both up together, higher and higher.
She opened her eyes and arched her back, her body tense, her orgasm bathed across her face as sensation channeled up my body and burst in my chest.
I collapsed on top of her as she skated her fingers over my back, humming into my ear.
“You’re beautiful,” I said.
“I’m yours,” she replied. She couldn’t have said anything that could make me feel any better, any more hopeful, any more grateful.
I managed to prop myself up so I could look straight into those beautiful blue eyes. “And I’m yours.”