Chapter 5 #3
“Mr. Wickham is the last person in my thoughts, I assure you!” Elizabeth answered angrily.
“I have had no opportunity to share it with you, but during my stay in Kent I heard some information that revealed his true character—and it is nothing like we were led to believe. He is not worthy of even speaking of.”
“How astonishing! You have not mentioned anything of him until now!” Mrs. Gardiner replied.
“Because it was not worth wasting our time. We had much more important matters to worry about,” Elizabeth replied harshly.
“As for my childish dreams, it is time to put them aside. Fate has pushed us down this tortuous path and we cannot see the end of our journey. We must walk on with whatever support we may find.”
“Lizzy dear, you are upset...grieved...I can see you suffer...Let us calm down and reflect on the situation thoroughly. There is no rush. Brother Bennet might recover anytime...and I will put my business in order soon.”
“Uncle, these are groundless hopes, we all know that! I have no doubt that you will settle your business eventually, but it will take time. As for Papa—we can do little but follow the doctors’ recommendations, and pray.
If tragedy strikes, Mr. Collins will surely claim his property immediately.
You cannot afford to support all six of us, in addition to your own family! ”
“We will find a way, Lizzy!” Mrs. Gardiner declared.
“Perhaps, Aunt. But at great cost to you and great inconvenience to your children! And it would still be very difficult for all of us. Why would I demand such a sacrifice from others, instead of assuming the responsibility myself?”
“Lizzy, we will find a way,” Mr. Gardiner insisted.
“What way? I would gladly take employment, but it would not afford us a reasonable life. And you know too well that if Jane was in my place, she would have accepted the proposal immediately for the safety of the family!”
“Lizzy, let us calm down,” Mrs. Gardiner pleaded.
“I am very calm, Aunt. And the more we speak, the more I see there can only be one decision. Why must everyone suffer when I can give up some childish, romantic dreams and accept an arrangement to the benefit of everyone, like many other women do every day? Why would I think myself better than Charlotte or any other ladies who have entered into an arranged marriage? Mr. Collins was right—it is very likely that I will not receive another marriage offer ever again. By marrying Lord Barrington, I will at least open my sisters’ path to a happy future. ”
“Can you not ask Lord Barrington to allow you some time to think?” Mr. Gardiner enquired.
“He asked me to consider everything carefully and provide him with an answer by today. He said there will be a settlement, approved by you, and that the whole arrangement will be put in writing.”
“That seems fair enough.”
“I believe so. I cannot delay longer, nor answer Lord Barrington: ‘Sir, I do not like you enough to marry you if I have a choice. So wait until I see how my father’s health progresses and in case he is worse, I will marry you, if he improves, I shall say goodbye.’ Or can I?”
“Oh, my dear...” Mrs. Gardiner whispered. “My heart is so heavy...”
“Why, Aunt? So many other women among the best and oldest families in England enter into arranged marriages. This is the rule, not the exception, would you not agree? As I said, I cannot pretend to be better than them and surely their situation in life is generally better than ours.”
“Lizzy, I just wish you to be certain of your decision. Yes, you will have a comfortable life and you and your family will want for nothing. But will you be happy? Is it worth the sacrifice?”
“The sacrifice of an imagined happiness for a real secure future for our family? It certainly is! At least Mama will be beside herself with joy! We should write to her after I seal my arrangement with Lord Barrington. The Lucases were exceedingly happy when Charlotte married Mr. Collins. Charlotte made a happy home for herself and she is more than content with her life. Is Lord Barrington any worse than Mr. Collins? At least I shall be addressed as ‘your ladyship’. Just like Lady Catherine de Bourgh—is that not enough compensation?”
Elizabeth attempted to laugh at her own mockery, but the Gardiners stared at her in silence, with their countenances dark and grim. She was not being herself, and no amount of joking could conceal her turmoil. However, as much as the Gardiners insisted, they failed to change her mind.
Later on, Elizabeth had another painful conversation with Jane—who was still abed. As much as her sister’s worries, tears, and begging grieved her, Elizabeth remained steady to her resolution.
Therefore, on the same day around noon, when Lord Barrington called again, he was invited to the library, where Elizabeth and Mr. Gardiner waited.
The earl’s joy and relief were obvious and he expressed his delight with great eloquence.
Several minutes later, Elizabeth excused herself and allowed the gentlemen to discuss and settle business, while she returned to her chamber.
There, she threw herself on the bed, sobbing, hoping the tears she released would ease the burden on her heart.