Chapter 19 #3
He could not argue with her any longer, nor could he tell her that he would wait for her again.
Such a horrifying statement would only pain her more deeply.
Therefore, he smiled. This time, it was a smile of acceptance, understanding, comfort, and profound love.
He wiped her tears with his thumbs and gently touched her lips again. Then he rolled atop her.
“We still have this night. This is more than I imagined only hours ago.”
“Much more than I could have imagined,” she repeated.
He lowered himself onto her until his weight took her breath away.
“There is nothing I want more than to take you as mine. Utterly and completely.”
“Everything you wish is my desire too.”
He shook his head in refusal. “I shall not do that. I cannot expose you to more distress that might follow this night.”
“But I want you. With all my heart.”
“I know, my love. And your confession is both bliss and torture to me. But I must think of you more than I am thinking of myself. I must guard your virtue, not only tonight but for the future too. You made a sacrifice to help and comfort others. What if you would become with our child? How would you bear the censure? How would you face your husband with the proof of you loving another man?”
His words struck her, shamed her, pained her. She had thought of nothing except her desires, and he was concerned for her welfare and that of others. He was protecting her and her family, although it was not his duty.
“You are right… We should go now,” she said, averting her eyes and attempting to rise. She was suddenly aware of her outrageous, wanton behaviour.
He frowned. “Go? We will if that is what you choose.”
“What else can we do now that I have made a complete fool of myself? I have been reckless and inconsiderate and shameless—”
“No, my love,” he interrupted her. “You have been passionate and loving. You have been just as I have dreamt countless times, and more. Please do not take away the rest of the night from us if this is all we have.”
“I do not want to leave. I have lost my heart and my mind to you.” She nodded her acceptance and wished to speak more, but he covered her lips in a kiss where the passion left little room for tenderness.
“You said we should stop,” she whispered with regret when she could breathe again.
“Not at all. What I meant is that I will show you all the love, all the passion, all the pleasure a man can share with a woman he loves more than himself.”
“Show me. I trust you.” She managed a few more words until all her thoughts were gone.
His caresses and kisses covered her with a thirst, a hunger that seemed to have no end.
He conquered her most hidden places, and she surrendered to him without restraint.
Again and again he returned to kiss her lips, and their eyes met at times, but his mouth was greedy and starved for every spot on her body.
He built and soothed the desire inside her until she felt she could bear it no longer, but then he proved her wrong.
She tried to mirror his moves, to return some of the pleasure he gave her, to show him her own passion, but she was not strong enough to do anything but submit herself to him, while the moon and the stars watched over them.
They had long lost track of time when they eventually rested in each other’s arms, exhausted and fulfilled.
He was holding her tight, her back against his torso, his arms and legs around her while her hand was entwined with his.
They both admired the sea, reluctant for the sun to rise. Their one night was almost over.
“You said you could not take me as yours tonight, but I feel I am. No one could belong to another more than we belong to each other.”
“I feel the same, my beloved. If someday Fate allows, one day you may become my wife…”
She turned in haste and covered his lips with trembling fingers. “At this moment I feel so happy that I could fly, and so sad that I wish to weep until I have no more tears to shed. I beg you, do not speak of anything beyond this night.”
He kissed her fingers briefly. “Very well. Forgive me. I promised you so many times, and I failed.”
For a while there was nothing but the whisper of the waves, and then, “What if someone is looking for you? It is almost dawn,” he whispered to her, inhaling the scent of her.
“Yes. We should return,” she agreed, but neither of them moved.
Eventually, he was the one who rose and helped Elizabeth to stand.
Slowly, they started to put their wet, cold clothes on, without glancing at each other—not out of shame but because of the realisation that every move was a step closer to their separation.
They mounted Thunder again, but this time Elizabeth did not ride astride, she sat with her head resting on Darcy’s chest so she could listen to his heart until the Kendal property appeared.
They stopped where they had met earlier that evening, her abandoned shoes marking the spot, and he lowered her from the saddle.
As they stood still, face to face, the sun broke the darkness over the sea.
Their gazes deep, locked, blurred by a love that seemed destined to end as the sun rose, were filled with sorrow.
Desperately, he kissed her hands and embraced her one last time. There was so much more to be said, but nothing mattered, nothing could change their hopeless circumstances.
Their night had ended.